07-13-2019, 07:01 AM
Igor is on camera again, trying to redo the broadcast that had to be -RETRACTED- the first time.
Off screen I: "Okay, you're not gonna screw this up like last time, are ya?"
Igor: "No, no, no... I just have to not talk about that thing."
Off screen II: "Good."
Igor: "Uh..."
Off screen I: "Just start over."
Igor: "You're not going to retract this are you?"
Off screen II: "Don't mention that thing, and you're good."
Igor: "I forgot what we were talking about."
Off screen II: "You know, the past? The future? Just... not that thing."
Igor: "Right. Not that thing. Mustn't mention my-"
Off screen I: "SHUT UP OR THIS WILL BE CENSORED."
(broadcast interrupts)
(broadcast resumes)
Off screen I: "Got it?"
Igor: "Yes."
Off screen II: "We're back on air. Igor, mention what you've been doing the past month."
Igor: "Again?"
Off screen I: "Yes, again."
Igor: (a bit tired of this) "So, many of you might remember the incident where I was injured due to my glue experiment gone wrong. It was determined that I was in fact scammed. I got the chemical from another supplier, and I was unable to make the glue to hold my boot laces together."
Off screen I: (whispering loudly almost directly at the camera) "Guys, Igor can't tie his shoelaces, so what's why he made the glue."
Igor: "SHUT UP, RICK!" "My name's not Rick!" "Anyways, I got a low yield, I tried again, and I was unsuccessful. I'm going to rely on my hiking buddies to tie my boot laces from now on."
Off screen II: "Told you so."
Off screen I: "Igor, tell them about your... whatever the hell this is in your notebook."
(camera pans)
Igor: "Oh, those are my plans for building a model of the planets in real life."
Off screen I: "I told you you need better handwriting!"
Igor: "I don't!"
Off screen II: "You really do. Come on, one-fifty gee three-two whatever the hell that was?"
Igor: "It was the chemical name!"
Off screen I: "Now tell them about your hockey plans."
Igor: "Well, (sighs as he has to re-explain everything) I started off as a noob. I struggled. Got help with some guys WHOM I'M NOT GOING TO PING AGAIN to get me stronger. Maxed out. I'm a beast in the SMJHL. I'm not to be messed with. Moving to the SHL. And then-"
Off screen I: "That's all you need to tell us."
Igor: "The thing, right?"
Off screen I: "Yes, the thing."
Igor: "And if I say it, you'll take this off of the air. So I will not say it."
Off screen II: "Exactly."
Igor: "So the thing I will not-"
(broadcast interrupts)
(broadcast resumes)
Igor: "Why'd you do that?"
Off screen I: "No. One. Must. Know."
Igor: "When can I say it?"
Off screen I: "I'll tell you later. If I told this to you on air, then it'll start the situation we wanted to avoid."
Igor: "There's a real life in the league?"
Off screen I: "Duh. You didn't know? Oh right, you're kind of stupid."
Igor: "I AM NOT STUPID! Listen, I made the adhesive using 100 grams of-"
Off screen II: "That failed..."
Igor: "And on my last hiking trip, I started a fire-"
Off screen II: "That burned my bag..."
Igor: "And when I tested the trigonometric functions that form a Fourier series of-"
Off screen II: "We get it. You're a stupid guy trying to be smart."
Igor: "I will announce the secret that you are forcing me to hide."
Off screen I: "Do it and we will we ban you from the air."
Igor: "I want-"
Off screen II: "Do it and I will tell your entire locker room not to tie your skates ever again."
Igor: "Fine! I won't! I admit it! I'm the strong beast with my skates untied... I don't know how to tie my hockey skates! I admit this publicly on air! I do!"
Off screen III: "Is that the secret you guys wanted to- oh wait, you're still broadcasting."
Off screen II: "The secret is-"
(broadcast interrupts)
(broadcast resumes)
Off screen II: "And what's why we cannot tell it. It will cause drama. Igor doesn't seem to understand this."
Igor: "Okay, enough for one day. I'm sick of redoing this. (looks down) Rick, you're tying these shoes here."
Off screen I: "MY NAME IS NOT RIIIII-"
(broadcast ends)
Off screen I: "Okay, you're not gonna screw this up like last time, are ya?"
Igor: "No, no, no... I just have to not talk about that thing."
Off screen II: "Good."
Igor: "Uh..."
Off screen I: "Just start over."
Igor: "You're not going to retract this are you?"
Off screen II: "Don't mention that thing, and you're good."
Igor: "I forgot what we were talking about."
Off screen II: "You know, the past? The future? Just... not that thing."
Igor: "Right. Not that thing. Mustn't mention my-"
Off screen I: "SHUT UP OR THIS WILL BE CENSORED."
(broadcast interrupts)
(broadcast resumes)
Off screen I: "Got it?"
Igor: "Yes."
Off screen II: "We're back on air. Igor, mention what you've been doing the past month."
Igor: "Again?"
Off screen I: "Yes, again."
Igor: (a bit tired of this) "So, many of you might remember the incident where I was injured due to my glue experiment gone wrong. It was determined that I was in fact scammed. I got the chemical from another supplier, and I was unable to make the glue to hold my boot laces together."
Off screen I: (whispering loudly almost directly at the camera) "Guys, Igor can't tie his shoelaces, so what's why he made the glue."
Igor: "SHUT UP, RICK!" "My name's not Rick!" "Anyways, I got a low yield, I tried again, and I was unsuccessful. I'm going to rely on my hiking buddies to tie my boot laces from now on."
Off screen II: "Told you so."
Off screen I: "Igor, tell them about your... whatever the hell this is in your notebook."
(camera pans)
Igor: "Oh, those are my plans for building a model of the planets in real life."
Off screen I: "I told you you need better handwriting!"
Igor: "I don't!"
Off screen II: "You really do. Come on, one-fifty gee three-two whatever the hell that was?"
Igor: "It was the chemical name!"
Off screen I: "Now tell them about your hockey plans."
Igor: "Well, (sighs as he has to re-explain everything) I started off as a noob. I struggled. Got help with some guys WHOM I'M NOT GOING TO PING AGAIN to get me stronger. Maxed out. I'm a beast in the SMJHL. I'm not to be messed with. Moving to the SHL. And then-"
Off screen I: "That's all you need to tell us."
Igor: "The thing, right?"
Off screen I: "Yes, the thing."
Igor: "And if I say it, you'll take this off of the air. So I will not say it."
Off screen II: "Exactly."
Igor: "So the thing I will not-"
(broadcast interrupts)
(broadcast resumes)
Igor: "Why'd you do that?"
Off screen I: "No. One. Must. Know."
Igor: "When can I say it?"
Off screen I: "I'll tell you later. If I told this to you on air, then it'll start the situation we wanted to avoid."
Igor: "There's a real life in the league?"
Off screen I: "Duh. You didn't know? Oh right, you're kind of stupid."
Igor: "I AM NOT STUPID! Listen, I made the adhesive using 100 grams of-"
Off screen II: "That failed..."
Igor: "And on my last hiking trip, I started a fire-"
Off screen II: "That burned my bag..."
Igor: "And when I tested the trigonometric functions that form a Fourier series of-"
Off screen II: "We get it. You're a stupid guy trying to be smart."
Igor: "I will announce the secret that you are forcing me to hide."
Off screen I: "Do it and we will we ban you from the air."
Igor: "I want-"
Off screen II: "Do it and I will tell your entire locker room not to tie your skates ever again."
Igor: "Fine! I won't! I admit it! I'm the strong beast with my skates untied... I don't know how to tie my hockey skates! I admit this publicly on air! I do!"
Off screen III: "Is that the secret you guys wanted to- oh wait, you're still broadcasting."
Off screen II: "The secret is-"
(broadcast interrupts)
(broadcast resumes)
Off screen II: "And what's why we cannot tell it. It will cause drama. Igor doesn't seem to understand this."
Igor: "Okay, enough for one day. I'm sick of redoing this. (looks down) Rick, you're tying these shoes here."
Off screen I: "MY NAME IS NOT RIIIII-"
(broadcast ends)