NSFL Welfare for 1 task

Task 2



MIAMI, FL -- An altercation broke out in the early hours of the morning of Game 3 of the Challenge Cup Finals. Winnipeg Jets center Jason Visser, seeking redemption from a fight he lost earlier in the playoffs, texted West Kendall Platoon left winger Alex Light challenging him to a street fight. Light accepted the invitation, although due to the ambiguous terms as Visser only texted "fite me," Visser was stunned when Light brought male family members with him.

The altercation involved the four cousins Light brought along pinning down each of Visser's limbs, rendering him immobile. Light then proceeded to pull out a feather duster, order his cousins to roll Visser's shirt up slightly and mercilessly tickle Visser. Though he thrashed about in an attempt to spring free, the Lights kept Visser down for a solid 10 minutes of torment before they agreed they had gone far enough. Visser was released and cursed the Lights, swearing vengeance upon Alex at the game that night with no further response from Light.

The SHL is deeply disturbed at both parties involved. For instigating the altercation, Visser will be fined $100,000 and must perform a day of community service for Mrs. Ophelia Grishov, whose home was the site of the transgressions. For his use of cruel means of physical torment, Light will be fined $500,000 and must both issue a public apology and spend four hours in the stocks, live on national television at a date and time to be determined.

(249)

Task 5

- Which player on either team is most deserving of winning a championship?

As one of the top performers over the last several seasons and, until two seasons ago, without a Cup to his name, Ludwig Koch Schroder has put up with seasons of disappointments until he helped a perpetual disappointment of a franchise in West Kendall shed their 34-season drought. After committing to this club and putting in to become one of the best defenders in the league right now, he's got his one already, though he's more than deserving of finally reaping the rewards of a potential dynasty. (87)

- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?

Winnipeg enters this series as a clear-cut favorite. With incredible consistency over the course of the season, ending with 70 points in a stacked Western Conference where 6 teams finished with a better record than West Kendall did. The Platoon rang in with 49 points, narrowly making it in past the Toronto North Stars at 47. By definition, WKP do not enter playoffs as a quality team. Winnipeg held serve out West as well, knocking down the Dragons and Panthers, the only two teams who represented the West in the past 6 CC Finals. (94)

- Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?

In terms of the legacy, Winnipeg needs it more. They took the President's Trophy and knocked out the two teams who monopolized the West for the seasons between their last Challenge Cup victory. They've remained competitive, sure, though with all that talent they have, it would certainly sting for this group to be denied now and have an uncertain chance in the next few seasons to come with Calgary and Los Angeles sure to still be in contention while their cores are intact. (83)

Task 8




Crossfit Jesus' Cheat Day

-1 pair hamburger buns
-1 1/2 lb ground beef
-1/2 lb mushroom patty
-1/4 lb sliced ham
-1/2 lb crispy chicken breast
-1 handful of lettuce
-6 tomato slices
-10 pickles
-6 slices of Swiss cheese
-jalapeno
-jalapeno straws
-onion rings
-mozzarella sticks

Cook all meats as necessary until done. Ground beef may be varying degrees of cooked, though other meats should be prepared until done. Place bottom half of bun down. Arrange meats, cheese and vegetables, fried and otherwise, in a manner that starts with a meat, then allows for a slice of cheese, then vegetables as diagrammed. Apply condiments during construction. Place top bun atop sandwich upon completion.



The Forsberger



-1 filet cod
-1 pair hamburger buns
-salt and pepper
-sliced pickles
-sliced onions
-aged potato
-lingonberries
-1/2 stick butter, unsalted

Batter and fry filet of cod. Fry potato in butter. Add salt and pepper once done. Stack lingonberries atop the bottom bun, then cod, potato, onions and pickles, then finish with the top bun. Tartar sauce optional, though frowned upon.

Task 9

While we cannot provide Katy Perry herself to perform her music on-stage...I have just the $11 solution you're looking for.



We assemble a crack squad of 12 fans in the stadium most familiar with the works of Katy Perry. We arrange them in such a manner that they arc around the sound equipment we at least still have in-house (thank God that doesn't cost us in this) and we arbitrarily assign parts down the line between different voice parts and instrument parts. The last guy in the lineup will do beatboxing in lieu of a percussion part on kazoo because it's pointless and we're short one kazoo. They cost $1 each, man, lay off! I then step out and issue the following:

"Ladies and gentlemen, we were expecting Katy Perry to perform during this first intermission of Game 1 of the Challenge Cup Finals. Ms. Perry has come down with gout and cannot be bothered to be anywhere near ice while afflicted. That doesn't mean we can't give you some of her greatest hits! Please welcome to the stage, the Katy Perry Kazoo Crew!"

I then get the hell out of dodge before anyone gets a chance to throw things at me with any chance of hitting me.

(210)

Bonus Question: Weber and Poulin