Quote:1. Written, 3 TPE (150 words min)
VIP Status again babyyyyyyyy - your player has been invited to attend one of the first homestands of the CC finals as a VIP guest - all expenses paid, front row seats, any hotel you want - and it's all on the Commissioner's dime! Eggy has complained to me the past two seasons about having to pay for this so I'm graciously volunteering SDCore to front the costs for this season's splurge! Are you going to Games 1 and 2 in Edmonton or Games 3 and 4 in Hamilton? Why are you picking there? And what are you going to do in that city to run up SD's tab?? (This is the same prompt as in the past but we've got different cities! be creative! Don't re-use what was written last season.)

Everyone knows that this past season has been a complete shit show and nobody even cares about the league anymore. Yeah, we only get to pick one of the homestands for free, but ya boi Big Wanger has connections and he also doesn’t give a flying fuck about the Commissioner cause he and his team have been keeping CC2 from winning literally everything. That’s why this season we’re bringing along all of the boys to every game and being as obnoxious as we can in the crowd. This includes heckling, screaming and throwing stuff on the ice to make the game as unwatchable as possible because let’s be honest, who can even bother to watch a team that has actively cheated versus a team that is named after a snow storm. Like let’s be real here folks, there’s nothing scary or intimidating about a hawk or a blizzard ya losers. We’re going to get blasted on some of the best goods from SHLKush.com, use promo code WANG20 to save 20% on your first order, and then bring some random shit to throw onto the ice whenever a player we don’t like is on the ice or when the ref makes a shitty call. I contacted one of the most famous taxidermists I know in Chuck Testa and he supplied some hawks for us to throw onto the ice to mess with the game. Next, I’m real close with the ice crew and Zamboni drivers at both rinks so we’re going to have a gigantic bucket of snow for us to make snowballs and simulate a blizzard. Even the crowd can get into it too because they obviously don’t give a shit about the series either. We’re going to run up the tab on the league’s dime by creating so much chaos on the ice that the fines will keep racking up and I’m forcing them to pay because every player that I’ve spoken to has said that they don’t care about the league anymore and are willing to boycott each game so that they can’t profit off our greatness.

(349 Words)

Quote:2. Written, 3 TPE (150 words min)
Alternate Reality: Physicists and other smarties believe that this reality is just one of infinite realities existing alongside this one in parallel. Take us over to one of those realities in which everything is the same but these S51 playoffs have unfolded differently. What happened in that reality's playoffs and who's in the Challenge Cup over there?

In an alternate reality, you already know that the team with the GREATEST PLAYER OF ALL TIME, Cameron Carter II, would always be in the finals. It just so happens that we live in this messed up reality where the league is able to tamper and ruin the potential legacy that CC2 is capable of. That’s why you already know that for S51, since CC2 is on Chicago, that they would not only be in the finals, but also winning the Challenge Cup with no uncertainty. Of course, this would be against the Buffalo Stampede even though they’re in the same conference because the league realized that Buffalo is easily the second-best team to whatever team CC2 is on, so they have them in there each year as a formality. Sure, it’d suck for this reality to occur as a Buffalo prospect, but sometimes you need to appreciate greatness and make the sacrifices necessary and bow down to Cameron Carter II aka JODAN aka the GOAT.

(166 Words)

Quote:3. Written, 3 TPE (150 words min)
The two finals teams have decided to team up for a fundraising opportunity to benefit both cities. What noble cause will the teams decide to benefit? What sort of fundraiser will the teams hold together? How will the two teams mesh before the finals start?

Well, we already know who both teams are going to fundraise for and that is obviously going to be for the Edmonton Blizzard team because they’re going to need all of the money to pay for their medical bills after they’re left battered and bruised after a nice slamming from the Steelhawks players that have been injected with that new performance enhancing drug, “40 Passing”. The reason why they’re even working together is because they’ve realized that the league has been tampering the results for forever and now that they’ve been exposed, the players are working together to try and make the fall easier for the “losing” team. We have and still are seeing this happen with their treatment of Cameron Carter II, the undisputed GOAT of the SHL. The funds will go towards medical treatment, therapists and more access to this “40 Passing” drug that all of the players have been subjected to for the entirety of the S51 season. Personally, I will be supporting this cause because nobody wants to see a fellow SHL team fail because drugs have taken over the league and the head office refuses to do anything about it.

(195 Words)

Quote:5. Written, 3 TPE (150 words min)
The Most Generic Prompt of All Time - what is your player looking forward to in the offseason? What are they planning on doing? Training? Relaxing? Testing free agency? Whatever it is, let us know!

In this coming offseason, the Buffalo Stampede are beginning to realize that they will be faced with the dilemma of having to re-sign the Baby GOAT to the GOAT himself, Cameron Carter II. That’s why yours truly, Big Wanger, is looking forward to in this upcoming offseason because I have listened to advice from the greatest SHL player ever, CC2, and he has told me that being receiving the title of Baby GOAT automatically qualifies me for a 10 year, 10 million dollar contract from any SHL team of my choosing. Who needs to train and be any good in such a drug-ridden league when you can sit back and clap bombs and fuck moms while raking in 10 million dollars a year. On top of that 10 million dollar deal, the boys at SHL Kush will be having a limited time offer of 10% off all orders above $100 during the offseason with code WANG10X10, so get your orders in quick and show me that money baby. Drinks are going to be on me and we’re goin’ on a fuckin’ bender instead of giving a shit about hockey ‘cause we’re all FERDA.

(193 Words)

Quote:7. Written, 3 TPE (150 words min)
The SHL, trying to re-extend popularity among a fan base whose numbers have diminished this quarter, is hosting a town hall think tank right before the finals. It is a well-attended event, and many come forward with ideas to reinvigorate the league. What are some ways the SHL can re-ignite that flame with fans and soar to new heights of popularity? (don't you dare write about sim engines here, pretend this is a real life hockey league and answer it that way lol)

There is only one way that we can save the league and it’ll take a collective effort to destroy the propaganda that the league’s administration has put in place and that is to embrace the greatness of Cameron Carter II, aka JODAN aka the GREATEST PLAYER OF ALL TIME. CC2 is the key to reinvigorating the league and bringing it to heights that we have never seen before. Cameron Carter II is the most marketable player in the league and the SHL Commissioner refuses to accept his power and influence in favor of “balancing” the league to give everyone equal opportunity to win. Instead, we need to create more media about CC2 and open the road for him to carve out the legacy that he deserves in the SHL. By blocking CC2 from not only signing a 10x10 contract, but by also forcing him to play with garbage-tier players, the league has been handicapping its own potential in suppressing the GOAT himself, JODAN. All of you sheep need to wake up because the league is dying due to the increase in performance enhancing drugs around the league, aka “Sim Juice” or "40 Passing", and CC2 is the only one that can solve all of our problems.

Embrace greatness rather than continuing to deny it.

STAY WOKE.

(213 Words)

Quote:9. Written, 1 TPE
Write a haiku about an SHL-related topic. Be sure to follow the 3 line, 5-7-5 syllable structure or Godzilla will stomp on your house/apartment while you sleep.

CC2's the GOAT

SHL Can’t Handle GOD

So better STAY WOKE

@Boomcheck