09-16-2022, 09:39 AMValorX77 Wrote:

09-16-2022, 08:53 AMAce Wrote: Have you considered a therapist? I don’t think anyone here is qualified to help you here, Valor, and a message like this clearly communicates that you could use someone that actually knows what they’re doing.

I have actually been through therapy for the past 3 months, to mixed results.

I'm on about 4 years of seeing a therapist... don't think I will ever stop going. Granted it took almost a year and a half before I found one that fit me and a medication combo that really started to work because of my anxiety levels. It does take time... as with everything. At first my goal was to minimize my darkness... which took awhile because I couldn't detach myself from losing my father which put me in a pretty deep hole professionally. Finding a way to be productive was difficult when I no longer thought highly of anything I was doing. It led to some serious dark thoughts and actions, which resulted in a longer hospital stay... and multiple family members reaching out, including my 9 year old at the time simply crying that he wanted to be with his Dad again.

I don't say this because that's what it took to get out of my suicidal thoughts, actions and tendencies. I say that because I know it isn't easy. Loved ones... friends... people here... No one will be enough to be that reason to find the light out of that tunnel. It has to be about yourself... It has to be about finding the light for you. I'm not a therapist, hell sometimes I barely have my own shit together on a regular basis. I have two kids from two different moms... and now a fiancée that reminds me every day how much I matter to her and her two kids. Some people here know more about my past than nearly everyone in my day to day life. I am always constantly figuring everything out and I'm 37... Yet I constantly am searching for things to get down about myself, instead of celebrating my successes.

After all that negative though... I continue to search for a purpose. For the most part, I've been able to accept past decisions and not dwell on what people think of me... my mistakes... my failures. I've found enjoyment in being myself more and more. Whether here or in daily life. One of the biggest assets though was finding a therapist that can listen and point out the positives as I open up. Mostly though, I found someone I was comfortable enough to open up to because as long as there are things in a closet tucked away, it is hard to look forward. As I've always told you specifically, I'm always here to chat... but I continue to cheer you on to find the resources needed to help you find the positive in you. You are awesome... through ups or downs... or even a part or not a part of Toronto.