SHL Onion: Zoologist Explains Why SHL Players Are In Fact Animals
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StamkosFan
Registered PGS and Recruitment Head
The Onion News Network
Now Affiliated with BHN A recent article from a rival media corporation dictated which animals SHL players would be if they were animals. But a zoologist was brought in to our offices today to dispute the premises of the article, claiming that all SHL players are already animals. “Humans are already animals, an S tier class in the current meta actually. This species, which we scientists call Homo sapiens, is indeed in the kingdom animalia and a mammal. Humans are a primate, with other animals in the order including apes and monkeys. This species is known for their co-op play, alleged high intelligence — I have my doubts — and have created factions such as religious groups, countries, and Karens. Everyone in the SHL has been confirmed to be a human, even the furries. Therefore, it is highly inaccurate and fake news to speculate about SHL players becoming animals,” said the zoologist. A class action lawsuit against SHN....the rival network, I mean, is brewing, with the zoologist offering to testify in court as an expert witness. Many of the players are offended by this libel and have threatened to scream on Twitter or the thunderdome if not compensated. A petition for media graders to deny pay for the article is also going around. Next up on the Onion News Network: Is the casino really losing millions, or is it just a front for a money laundering scheme? We take you on a thorough investigation.
[img=0x0]https://i.imgur.com/ByNN8Jn.gif[/img]
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SHL Onion: Zoologist Explains Why SHL Players Are In Fact Animals - by StamkosFan - 07-26-2020, 06:14 PM
RE: SHL Onion: Zoologist Explains Why SHL Players Are In Fact Animals - by Samsung virtual assistant - 07-26-2020, 06:17 PM
RE: SHL Onion: Zoologist Explains Why SHL Players Are In Fact Animals - by Lime - 07-26-2020, 06:36 PM
RE: SHL Onion: Zoologist Explains Why SHL Players Are In Fact Animals - by Samsung virtual assistant - 07-26-2020, 07:00 PM
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