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S61 PT#2: Based and Brownpilled
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WearingabearRegistered Posting Freak
Igor Victory meets this random salesman on the corner behind Patty's Pub, and sees all of the options available. After the first few options are explained to Igor, he stops listening, and then has to make a quick rash decision. Lots of his favorite rappers sing about the purple, so he goes for the purple pill, thinking it will help some of his pain and aches that he gets after a hard day on the ice. The flavor, is a familiar one, but one that he can't quite put a finger on. Is it raisin? Cherry? Oh, grape! This must be the good one. After about an hour or so, Igor starts to think that he's feeling way more relaxed than ever, he sits on the couch in the team locker room while some ping pong games are going on. He feels oh so locked into the couch by the time practice is about to start. He all of a sudden gets ravenously hangry, so he goes into practice semi lethargic, extremely hungry, and finding everything to just be hilarious. Coach is getting pissed, but Igor doesn't understand why and just laughs it off. After all this, he goes back in and Coach says mandatory drug testing. Igor immediately freaks out thinking he just took a purple nurple edible and is stoned off his gourd. Turns out it was just a jellybean that was expired and instead of affecting his bowels, it went straight to his head.
![[Image: unknown.png]](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/324331891547176961/851889728176521246/unknown.png) ![[Image: wearingabear.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/wearingabear.gif) render cred: @rum_ham, @Rangerjase @Ragnar @supertardis101 @Jogurtaa @Drokeep @evilallbran @Carpy48 @enigmatic Player Page | Update Page   
CaptainCamelRegistered Posting Freak
After much consideration, I believe Paul Binder would have to go with the green pill. He's already pretty hockey-smart with a really nice Corsi rating usually (that means something.....right?) and plus he already has the body of a small child. Losing a couple of feet of height won't mean much to him, but that extra hockey IQ could go a long way. The orange pill is VERY tempting though. Ragweed and other pollens that he's not used to, being down south in Atlanta now, have absolutely been torturing his sinuses. He's grown very tired of the constant, "no guys, trust me, it's just allergies I'm already vaccinated" responses. Purple comes in as a close 3rd because I mean, who doesn't like grapes? Plus with Puddles O'Duck being his new team mate, he could certainly use it as a bargaining chip to get on the player's good side.
WC: 158 ![[Image: lPQWyve.png?ex=662bf46d&is=66197f6d&hm=a...dd3527ca4&]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/848017673455009802/1228413720418455642/lPQWyve.png?ex=662bf46d&is=66197f6d&hm=a276e983d30013cdfefeed8329ba7396323096e372520bdbba21bf2dd3527ca4&)
slothfacekillaGraphic Graders Killing you slowly
If I learned anything from watching the fantastic documentary film "Dumb and Dumber" it is that 'pills are good' so I would definitely be interested in taking one of the pills that this mysterious salesman is trying to push on me from under his trenchcoat (thank god he was wearing clothes underneath that when he opened it up to show me his wares). I honestly am going to have to choose the orange pill for the allergy medicine because man my allergies are just terrible right now. I would hope that this orange pill would have special allergy fighting powers versus normal allergy medicine so this way Jimmy Slothface would be able to breathe freely while he played on the ice for the Los Angeles Panthers. The Los Angeles allergies are no joke so this orange pill would definitely give Jimmy Slothface the edge when it came to his lung capacity on the ice. It would also allow Jimmy to further enjoy his life away from the rink because he would be able to go into nature and do things he enjoys without having to worry about his allergies affecting him. A truly great gift.
195 words ![[Image: 66818_s.gif]](https://signavatar.com/66818_s.gif)
monochromaRegistered Member
Honestly, most of these pills kind of suck. I mean, the blue pill makes it effectively impossible to play the game, the green pill... I'm a defensive defenseman, so that's a no go, I've got no allergies so no need for the orange pill, being famous sucks, the brown pill sounds like it'd be great for a prank, I have no interest in being the PT director, even though I wouldn't mind erasing him from existence. I almost picked purple, because I like grape flavored stuff, but, thinking about it, the red would probably be best. Shitting my pants on the ice sounds like the most alpha move possible, plus it gives me a projectile weapon to use if a fight breaks out. Also, I guess the speed is kind of nice. I mean, as I said, I'm a defensive defenseman, so to me, more speed basically equals harder hits - plus it would also allow me to more effectively block shots or intercept passes. Would also be quite nice off the ice in case I'm ever late to a game, I'm sure I can get used to wearing adult diapers.
![[Image: kILVP74.png]](https://i.imgur.com/kILVP74.png) ![[Image: qtbn8zh.png]](https://i.imgur.com/qtbn8zh.png) ![[Image: DKMMlC3.png]](http://i.imgur.com/DKMMlC3.png) ![[Image: Monochroma_Sig_2_1.gif]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/876208959776768051/876946945472606258/Monochroma_Sig_2_1.gif)   
BfineRegistered I'm a mess in distress
The only correct choice here is the blue pill. First of all, why do two pills revolve around shitting? The orange pill is useless since Slavakov doesn’t have allergies, the jelly bean is a jelly bean, and the pink pill has it’s benefits but kpop stans are crazy. So that leaves the black, green, and blue pill. The green pill just turns people into Dmills so that’s not worth it. The black pill is very intriguing because of reasons, but ultimately Slavakov went with blue. Yes you end up blind, but the super strength is worth it for one reason. In 2003 Ben Affleck starred in the movie Daredevil, the story of a blind superhero who used sonar to “see” everything around him, while having the element of surprise due to being blind. Being able to use sonar to see the ice, while being stronger than everyone else on it, would obviously be a massive benefit.
156 Words
KaleSaladSHL GM Beat Nash to 2k
So this one comes at a cost! But would be worth every penny. I would take both the Blue and Green Pills. There is nothing like being a 3 foot tall child crushing anything that gets in his path. Not only would I be able to see everything on the ice to be able to make any play I wanted to no one would be able to stand in my way. The side effects of having the Blue pill and being blind would be offset with the Green pill allowing me to know and make any play I wanted. The downside of being 3 feet tall would be offset by my now super strength. I would be a force to be reckoned with on the ice. Off the ice would be another story though. Being blind would make life more difficult. All the more reason to take the Pink pill and be so popular that everyone would be more than happy to help me out with my day to day life.
WC:171
ZergPlayer Progression Director Local Hive Mind
The obvious choice here is the pink pill. "You get the fame of a Korean pop star but not the talent of one." This says nothing at all about losing his existing hockey talents, it just makes him a professional hockey player who's also LeBron James famous. So, Nystrom takes the pink pill, becomes the most famous hockey player in the history of the game, and still remains a reasonably talented power forward. The only real differences in his life are that he sells an outrageous amount of jerseys and merchandise with his number on it, his autographs go for millions on ebay, and everything he ever posts on TokTik gets millions of views. If he's even reasonably clever, he can leverage this level of fame into an extensive post-hockey career in movies, music, specialty automotive repair, chicken farming, whatever he damn well pleases. This probably helps the Raptors and the Blizzard considerably as well. In Nystrom's opinion, Blizzard management should seriously consider recommending the pink pill to, at minimum, the other players they drafted in Nystrom's class to create a superstar team in a few years and become the biggest brand in sports.
[199 words] ![[Image: zN6tB52.png]](https://i.imgur.com/zN6tB52.png)
By-TorSHL GM Jack of All Trades
Easy choice: I take the red pill. With the speed increase, I can become an unstoppable player of the ice. Even more to my advantage, I'd rig up a funnel through my pants to my asshole to spray fecal matter all over my opponents when they get too close. This double whammy will help me assert my dominance allover the ice. Sure, it would stink, but have you smelled a hockey locker room? Stink is ingrained in the sport.
As a result of my utter dominance, the hockey leagues around the world instituted the "asshole" rule where one cannot do what I do. Something about disease and unprofessionalism - Idk. As a result, I was forced into retiremnt and I no longer use my super speed and, likewise, my super bowels. In my forced retirement, I decided to make more money than when I was playing by selling "Super Bowel" t-shirts to unsuspecting ISFL fans. (154 WC) ![[Image: DqlVneu.png]](https://i.imgur.com/DqlVneu.png) ![[Image: FVlMRDN.png]](https://i.imgur.com/FVlMRDN.png) ![[Image: q30YniK.png]](https://i.imgur.com/q30YniK.png) Credit to enigmatic, Merica, and tweedledunn for sigs
DrunkenTeddyOwner Forum Guru
Black pill, but also I quit. Really though I'd probably just take the jelly bean, I'm already on my way to being great at hockey, and I have full confidence in my talents and potential, so no sketchy salesman would really get any money out of me. Even if I did trust the pills I think the distraction of shitting while playing hockey wouldn't be worth it, not to mention the other even worse options. I can't think of anyone taking you seriously as a 3 foot tall hockey player, so getting on the ice in the first place would be hard. Then as a blind man there's no way you would have the trust of anyone to think you could actually play the game. The fame pill seems kinda pointless being professional hockey players already and all, and I don't really think most kpop stars have any talent anyways. So really it just makes you a kpop star.
![[Image: DrunkenTeddy.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/DrunkenTeddy.gif) ![[Image: CsnVET2.png]](https://i.imgur.com/CsnVET2.png) | ![[Image: sXDU6JX.png]](https://i.imgur.com/sXDU6JX.png)
KyampracRegistered Senior Member
Nhlbeastmode_7777Registered Member
I'd say about a blue pill. Because that is the all around best choice to make to make me a better player. I want to be as good a player as I can be so that I can be the best in the league that I'm in everything. I think strength and getting in front of the net and stay there and battle to the end. I feel that the blue pill can help me a lot in my overall game and to try and pick up on my game this year. I think that eventually I'll be a pro but who knows I like the group we have and hope that we make the playoffs and make it deep and the blue pill will definitely help that. I want the blue pill as well to help my team and hopefully have an awesome career afterwards. I think that it will be a hard choice not really I mean I would say everybody should choose it.
169 words
hewasajazzmanRegistered Posting Freak
theres like a 90% chance i forgot to take my allergy meds on whatever day this random event happens so ill go with the yellow pill. now im assuming that i dont know the effects of any of the other pills but im sure i will find out when i hit the ice or watch any of the other games going on during that particular night. i believe the yellow pill will actually give me a leg up on the players who decided to take pretty much any of the other pills, aside from any players without any allergies who decided to go with the purple or black pills. while all of the other players are figuring out how to deal with the ill effects of their pill i will be quietly doing my job like a normal human being hockey player. sure there will probably be a whole shit load of chaos going on around me but at least i will be able to focus on whats going on with nothing else to worry about. thank you weird trenchcoated man. good lookin out for us forgetful allergy ridden people.
KeenanRegistered S15, S16 and S28 Challenge Cup Champion
Clearly the answer is the purple pill. First off, grape is a good flavor for jelly beans, none of this black licorice bullshit. Second, I'm not the gambling type. So many of these pills come with amazing benefits, but with some major drawbacks. You know what's better than getting a great benefit but having to deal with a major setback in return? Getting a marginal benefit with no repercussion. So in the face of all the superhuman skills being shoved into my face, I will choose to avoid the temptation and instead rely on my natural skill to become the best player I can be, even if most of the rest of the league has decided to be superpowered. Besides, now me, with my normal skillset may have to deal with super intelligent players, but they're like 3 feet tall so at least I can add some hits to my resume! And I'd be real worried about the speedsters shitting themselves moreso than their speed.
 ![[Image: Q4Adkgo.png]](https://images-ext-2.discordapp.net/external/83ZlIMZ3mLSWhH9XphtXhNn05ELHNL5XuzIKSJcJhDY/https/i.imgur.com/Q4Adkgo.png)
AcckaRegistered bank4lyfe
Ahh, a new day in the office that I call my home, which is actually just a futon that I dragged from the garbage behind the Tito's pizzeria into our spare lockerroom.
Home sweet home, as I like to say. What's on today's agenda? Well, I take my happy orange pill. That infact is actually just my allergy pill. I have to take these bad boys because of my living situation. The futon STINKS and there's these little white bugs on it sometimes, I don't get where they're coming from, but they keep biting me when I'm sleeping, which gives me rashes unless I take my pill every morning. The air conditioning isn't turned on for the spare room either, even though I've asked multiple times already for it to be switched on. Like what is this team that I'm on? Am I not worth the extra electricity bill, frick it, I'll even pay for it myself if it's about the money.. wc:162 ps. thanks for the neat pt ![[Image: 64377_v.gif]](https://signavatar.com/64377_v.gif)    /  Big thanks to Pythonic(first sig evah), Sloth(first LAP sig<3) and Ragnar for their sigs<3
Two time playoffs MVP and two time nominee
Triple gold club
Discord: asska
artermisIIHF Commissioner Patron Saint of the SMJHL
Petr scoffs at the choice, as it makes itself. Petr was grown in a lab for three years under strict supervision and in the most modern facilities. A government-funded team of some of Europe's best and brightest, some unwillingly, most fervently committed to the mission of creating the perfect hockey player. As such, Petr already can run the 100 metres in under 8 seconds, Petr already can disable an Abrams tank using nothing but his bare hands, and Petr has an IQ that can't be measured as his brain is continuously improving, especially when confronted with challenges. Petr has only existed for 4 years and he has already been drafted by an SHL team, and performed quite well in the SMJHL. The bottom line is: why would Petr even bother with any downsides, when he is already a perfect specimen. So take that, shady pill dealer, and take your wares elsewh- ... did you say grape?
MWHazard Wrote:i'll playwith anyone Justice,Sep 18 2016, 02:09 PM Wrote:4-0 and 0-4 aren't that different tbh McJesus - Today at 10:38 PM Wrote:FIRE EGGY ![[Image: xuHy0EF.png]](https://i.imgur.com/xuHy0EF.png) ![[Image: Artermis.gif]](http://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/Artermis.gif)
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