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LB3737 · 04-03-2022, 07:01 PM

Unfortunately for all the poor people involved in the Toronto North Stars franchise, there is absolutely no way that Shane Duffy Jr. is taking a pay cut for the greater good of this, or any other franchise in any league ever. No, you see the issue is that Duffy Jr. is as big a gambling addict as they come and he relies on the money that comes in every single week for his North Stars contract to service those fat gambling losses he so often sees, as his bank account is so often in the red, and his bookie takes a toe every time he misses two weeks payment, and Duffy can’t really afford to lose any more, or else he wouldn’t even be to able to play at all. Duffys addictions story truly is the sad tale of a modern athlete in today’s world. P.s. this is satire Toronto Duffy is not a greedy money grubbing gambling addict

Steelhead77 · 04-03-2022, 07:03 PM

Written prompt 1:

To cut costs and save money, Esa Parmborg will be providing his own meals to himself before and after games. With an appetite like his this will literally save the team millions. Esa has played a long time and has been paid well, he's making a sacrifice for the team and paying for his own meals. He has also volunteered to hold a chicken parm eating contest between periods where he takes on 5 fans a night. This will be an absolute spectacle and all fans will want to see this, therefore the Dragons are raising ticket prices 5% across the board. with over 20k fans per game It's estimated that this will generate enough revenue to cover team travel costs for the remainder of the season. Esa's selfness sacrifices will undoubtedly save the Calgary Dragons organization millions of dollars and keep the team afloat. It hasn't been determined how the chicken population in and around Calgary will rebound after parm eating contests a few nights a week but I guess we will find out.

---> ParmBorg Highlights <---

#1 All-Time SHL Goal & Point Scorer
- First 2,000 TPE Player in SHL History -
- First 400 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- Only 500 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- First GM to Win 5 & 6 Challenge Cups -
Esa Anrikkanen Award - SMJHL ROY - Est. S34
Vidrik Onoprienko Award Winner - S45

Dragonite

***notorioustig*** · 04-03-2022, 07:34 PM

Given the team's poor financial state, it may be too much to ask to come out with a profit. So instead, we will pivot to revolutionary tactics referred to as the Coyote Ugly System. Firstly, we will be major benefits of the league revenue sharing agreement, which will essentially hand us free money straight out of the pockets of other teams who didn't waste money on Finn NFTs. Then, given how the team's arena deal is so heavily tied financially to the city itself, the municipality of Seattle will be responsible for yet another share of the losses. Finally, if someone critiques our financial situation, we will have commissioner WannaBeFinn release a statement strongly supporting us that implies strongly he would kill to keep us afloat. Finally, we would carry the financial losses forward to future corporate tax returns, recouping some of the NFT costs at tax time. It's not an ideal situation but sometimes the best thing you can do is very little.

*Buster* · 04-03-2022, 07:55 PM

Oh god, the Seattle Argonauts are out of money. We always knew Tig would find a way to bankrupt. For that, Tig is fired? Wait I can't fire Tig? Well the first thing I would do is send him home and still pay him. With Tig out of the way, its time we get fun. First thing I would do is to let every single business know that the Seattle Argonauts are open to all promotions. We will promote everything and anything. Now we have promotion nights where we give out 6 items at a time when you go in. But now we're making enough money to pay JURT his overblown salary. We aren't in the black yet though so its time we go drastic and sell one of our mascot's Boaty McBoatface's kidneys. With that, we are now back to being the richest franchise in the SHL and we are once again too powerful.

Code:
155 words

5ympathies · 04-03-2022, 08:24 PM

Since we play in Atlanta, Georgia, United States of America, we cannot increase ticket prices, for risk of the team relocating. So we must come up with an alternative proposition. Some easy things are breaking sticks are now illegal. If your stick breaks during the game, you must repair it between periods, and are not allowed to step out onto the ice until it is taped back together. Instead of chartering plans to games, we now will only take a bus. This one is rough, as we must leave days in advance to reach our destinations. A back to back on the other side of the country? Better drive fast as we do not want to lose by not even being at the game. Another way to save money is to close the team kitchen. Players must now bring their own food for lunch, either making it at home, or ordering out. By laying off the kitchen staff we will surely save enough money.

Thanks to JSS for the signature

Durden · 04-03-2022, 08:27 PM

In all reality, I already take team minimum. I've never been one to try and get paid. While it would absolutely make my life easier (and you can look at my bank account to realize I don't have money), I'd rather we be able to sign as many glorious players as possible.

So when the GM approaches me and asks me to take less money, it's a no-brainer. I've never really seen the appeal of being pain insane money unless you have your core and you're looking to reward someone for being there for a while or something. I think I've taken a big contract once with Jack Durden and we made it into a large media piece to garner more attention for the team.

Anyone who demands a ton of money is either lazy or thinks they're more deserving of a payday than the team is of a championship. No money? No problems. Winning is key.

mcpumpkin · 04-03-2022, 08:41 PM

prompt 1 i think the one about saving money

well yknow one of the big things about hockey is getting pucks deep and to do that ya gotta have hockey sticks, but we cant buy em anymore, so we gotta use what we can find. thankfully there are some amazing places to find sticks, like the dump, or value village. secondly, you're gonna need to wrap that thing, one of the most important tips a person can receive. now tape is kind of a rip off, it only works for like one shot then you gotta spend the rest of the game making dumb faces squinting at it on the bench to see if its still workin or if its starting to peel like ur skin after a beach day. anyways we're just gonna re-use a bunch of tape cause that stuff is stupid expensive for no reason. also our diets are purely 99 cent loaves of bread and off brand peanut butter in bulk from that really weird grocery store near the bingo hall

***trashae*** · 04-03-2022, 08:50 PM

In an attempt to bridge the gap after the recent lapse in funding Teddy Murphy first went to the single greatest penny pincher he knows. His penny pinching grandmother from the Greatest Generation. Initially she came up with the idea of switching to cheaper ingredients with potentially more filler in concessions at games, but that idea was immediately shot down by the Committee for the Preservation of Fake Hockey. They weren't in favor of the longer term aspect of slowly recouping costs as games are played. So Murphy went back to the drawing board and sought out the advice of Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes. Her ability to get rich people to throw money at literally nothing is well documented and just the skill the league needs to stay in business. Holmes' suggestion was to just give her some seed money and she will set up meetings with venture capitalist firms from prison and find someone willing to invest in the future of fake hockey. The committee loved the idea and sent over the league's remaining money for Holmes to get the meetings happening. We look forward to the influx of cash over the next few days.

Mr. Finland · 04-03-2022, 08:50 PM

pt1
Management is down on some investments due to everything going on in the world. In order to make up some money I have convinced the management team in Atlanta to open up the arena and team facilities for animal boarding. There is plenty of room down on the ice rink and other training facilities to be able to keep plenty of dogs occupied. There is plenty of places for food and drink to be kept cold for the animals too. All of my favorite Simulation Hockey League animals can attend. Arena workers will be repurposed and will be able to spend time with all of their favorite animals too. During Home games for Atlanta we can still play, but during the rest of the away games and the summer break it will keep everyone occupied and keep the team earning some extra money on the side too. We can even have the players leave their dogs for overnights during away games and let them watch too.
167 words

Wongy · 04-03-2022, 08:54 PM

Player Prompt

Ezra Wong easily takes the paycut. All of the Wong decents, from Ben to Gabriel all took paycuts for their respective teams. The Wong family has always been team players, and they all do whatever it takes to win. While the extra money is nice of course for all of them, they all do have the same mindset. The Wong’s had it tough before Ben made it big. But once he did, they just needed a million, and they got that from just his junior contract. Everything else was just extra for the family, and from then on, each Wong member took paycuts whenever asked. They were never up front of it, but for the love of the game, and the desire to win a cup for each one, money wasn’t even secondary on their priority list. It was way down the line. The Wong’s were smart with their money, and they were able to make whatever they get from hockey, and invest it into more.

ckroyal92 · 04-03-2022, 08:55 PM

PBE CW

Briedaqueduc · 04-03-2022, 09:13 PM

Written Task: So, do you do it? Is your player willing to take less to help out the team? Does your player care about money? If so, do they have big obligations off the ice that they need the money for? A huge mortgage? A charitable foundation? Gambling debts? Why do you want the money? If they're just in it for the love of the game and couldn't care less about their contract, then why? Are you already set for life on your earnings? Do you live a humble life that doesn't require much? Tell me what would your player do in this situation and why. (150+ words).

Paul Koivu does not really need the money. He started working really young at Tim Hortons, so he went in the the Simulation Major Junior Hockey League with a reasonable sum of money to survive. He then always took minimum wage with all the teams he's been on so they could give it to other players that wanted it more or needed more. So it would not really change anything for Paul Koivu, taking a couple less millions for the team is really no problem. He might need to go back to working at Tim Hortons for a little bit, but he probably would really like doing it to connect with the fans of the local area of Anchorage (yes there is a Tim Hortons in Anchorage look it up I am not lying) , it could be actually very fun for him. Paul doesn't need a lot of money to live anyways, he has one cat, lives in an apartment, has no driver's license so no car, so he lives well but not in luxury.

175 words

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Huck24 · 04-03-2022, 09:24 PM

For the past few seasons, Lyle Odelein III has been playing on a hometown discount. His years of playing for his New Orleans Specters have given him more than enough money for the foreseeable future. He isn't playing for the money, he never has. His one and only goal is to help the Specters get back to the Challenge Cup finals and help his teammates raise the cup. Even if there wasn't a need for Lyle to take a team friendly contract, he would happily do it if it helped the team or one of his teammates out. Lyle had his chances to go after the money, but each and ever time he decided to keep playing with the team that drafted him, his desire to repay their choice in any way possible doesn't go unnoticed and his hope to retire a Specter is getting closer and closer. He will sign what ever contract is put in front of him as long as it means he can keep skating with the only team he has ever known.

***Rankle*** · 04-03-2022, 09:24 PM

PBE PT

Chomp Chomp Water Dog Barracuda

Scarecrow Noises Scarecrows

***JKortesi81*** · 04-03-2022, 09:29 PM

PBE CW

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