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**.bojo** · 07-02-2014, 06:16 PM

History of Bojo Biscuit

Mr. Biscuit had always been... odd.

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Action Pose!

10 Years Young: Bojo had already hit his growth spurt. He was already towering over his friends. His parents blamed the government like they always do, but he didn't care. He enjoyed standing out. Even literally. Mostly kept to himself though, as he always seemed to get in the way of everything. As he stood in the middle of the doorway blocking the path of everybody, he felt as if getting in the way of things was his destiny.

14 Years Young: Just entering high school, Bojo picked up a hockey stick and hit the ice. As in, fell on his face stepping into the rink. Face slightly disfigured and a little bloody, he proceeded to impress everyone on the ice. Not for his skating ability or puck handling. No, he was horrible at that. Bojo was unbeatable. He was the only defender on his team besides the goalie. Not that they needed one, because he was a defensive machine. The red line seemed like a suggestion to turn around, and the back blue line seemed to be further and further away for those daring to go that way. The only penalty he received was when he blocked a ref from talking to the goalie. After the game Mr. Coach pulled him aside and told him to join the team. Bojo cleaned off the ice made of snow and opponents' tears from his stick and responded, "okie dokie."

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Bojo doesn't start off on the right foot.

16 Years Young: Captain of the varsity team. Although he led more by example and being tall, everybody looked up to him. Immediately made an impact on defense. Fewest amount of goals ever scored against that season. Which was zero, so no one can really beat that I guess. It went so well that our goalie would complain about how boring his job was, and that watching Bojo and company stop everything wasn't real worth suiting up for. He stopped maybe two or three shots per game, and that's usually just when the other team clears the puck on the penalty kill. At practice, the forwards had to pull many pranks to keep Bojo away from playing, such as the common "skate hidden in the girls locker room" and "who put these spiders in my gloves" pranks. Well, common to Bojo at least.

18 Years Young: Semi-final state championship game on Bojo's senior year. Which is surprising to hear for a high school based in South Carolina. The tournament was a first for Bojo. Their opponent was from Charleston, and all the players looked like steroid using Brian Boitanos out there. Some of the biggest bodies ever on the ice, and moving with such grace. Bojo matched them height wise, but was a toothpick among a forest. Little did he know that he was about to place the worst match of his life. Thrown around silly, tossed around like rush hour at McDonald's, Bojo's team lost 13-0. Humiliated, bruised, and maybe a little pee from fear, Bojo vowed to never get pushed around again. He'll bulk up any way he could, and one day be able to beat a team like that single handedly.

18 Years Young and many trips to McDonald's: Bojo gained a lot of weight. "Close enough," he thought.

19 Years Young: Bojo was offered many scholarship chances, but decided to go to USC. The one in South Carolina, not that lame other one! They didn't have a hockey team, so he had to improvise. For 2 years he trained himself physically. He would run to all his classes. He would body check people who got in the way. He would practice defense by being that annoying guy who blocks both lanes on the road. Using his stick he would shoot rocks at the window of the girl who rejected him the other night. For skating he took a part time job at sonic as one of those roller blading servers even though it looks really stupid. He was also really great at beer pong, but it didn't really help him hockey-wise.

21 Years Young: Pick up roller hockey group? Close enough! Bojo found his old pair of disco skates and jumped to the court. A tennis court, actually. It didn't have any goalies and they just used those small practice soccer nets for goals. It didn't matter, hockey was hockey. He started off strong as normal, but realized all these people are just playing for fun. So he tried to intentionally play bad. A goal went in. It felt gross. Flashbacks of Charleston flashed before his eyes. Nightmares would haunt him for days. He left the group.

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Flashing back to horrible sounds of goal horns. No sleep for poor Bojo

22 Years Young: Graduated, Bojo moved closer to an ice rink with a beer league team. He thought he would start anew. At least, that's what the therapy told him to do. Joined the C league first. Next season the B league. Next season was cancelled because of some drama between the captains. Next season was the top A league. Former minor league players and old people trying to relive their glory days had no answer for Bojo's play style. He continued to play season after season, championship after championship.

24 Years Old: Bojo discovers reddit. He had been playing the EA SHL game for a while and was just looking for updates. A guy named Ace posted a link to tryouts. Bojo ran out the door screaming as if a burglar had just broken in, and drove to the registration.

The registration was easy, but he had to submit a update file that let himself judge how good he was. He thought long and hard about it, and was upset that he couldn't just put 99 in everything. Bojo also laughed at the option to list his weakness. Then he thought back to all those games, and remembered he didn't score a single goal. In fact he slightly twitched a little whenever his team scored. So yeah, scoring.

Thankfully, a random guy in a trenchcoat and probably no clothes handed him $500k out of the blue. Bojo awkwardly smiled and decided to go train. Unfortunately thanks to inflation a simple workout costs at least $100k, but he went with it anyway.

Now Bojo waits for his name to get picked in the draft. Regina Force seemed cool, but he'd have refrain from calling it Gina. Montreal Impact seemed like a good choice, but he knew a guy in Montreal back in college that was such a jerk that he'd have to find a way to avoid him.