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S29 Written PT #2 - Charity
#31

Edmonton, Alberta – Members of the Edmonton Blizzard were present last night at a ceremony for the blind, formless chaos that lies behind the stars. It was the first event of its kind to be held openly in centuries, with worshippers of all ages turning out to praise our Lord, Azathoth. The primal chaos was not the only beneficiary however, as activities ranging from bouncing castles to bake sales took place in order to raise money for the mentally insane.

The ceremony took place beneath a crescent moon, in the field of the Five-Pointed Star. Nyarlathotep himself led proceedings, and as the night wore on those proceedings became darker and more macabre—enough so that this reporter has been forbidden from reporting in full on the event. Suffice it to say that the event was considered a resounding success, and even saw the return of the High Priest of R'lyeh, our Lord and Saviour Cthulhu.

The Dreamer in the Deep has been absent for aeons, but on a starlit night in Edmonton he returned, and drove mad those who laid eyes upon him. In their madness, hundreds of attendees donated their entire life savings to the cause, and the night quickly descended into pure, unadulterated chaos.

Fans of the Blizzard shouldn't fear, however; Brett Broadway's "bake" sale left all of the Edmonton players present well and truly toasted, and as the rest of the attendees descended into quivering shells of former humans, the high priest himself sat down with Broadway, Ivan Koroviev, Jaxson Reynolds, and Jackon Rogers-Tanaka, and smoked the night away. A video posted on youtube this morning even shows a red-eyed Cthulhu belting out a horrific rendition of Bob Marley's Buffalo Soldier.

Come morning, this video was all that remained to indicate that representatives of the Dark Tapestry had been here at all, save for the multitude of people suffering from fresh insanity. Luckily for them, the event raised over $500,000, and word on the street is that we could see a repeat sooner rather than later. Prepare yourselves, humanity. The crawling chaos is at our door!
#32

Not normally the charitable type, Barney Stinson was invited to a charity event with former teammate Jackson Rogers-Tanaka. It required a bit of arm twisting on JRT’s part. The charity was for the local Edmonton Children’s hospital and Barney hates kids. Luckily JRT assured him there would be no actual kids at this event. The event was to be held at a local skating rink and involved two teams playing in a game of broom hockey without goalies. The main draw of the event was that after each goal, one player from the team must remove an article of clothing. Play would continue until one team was completely naked. This obviously had some interesting implications as it can be quite cold on the ice and a man’s Johnson doesn’t feel nice when it is lying on the ice. Stinson was convinced he alone would keep his team in the game and so he decided to play on.

The game was graced by a few other SHL stars such as Bojo Biscuit and Toki Wartooth. The game played out Just as you’d expect with goals happening fast as furious. The crowd of mostly women and gay men really seemed to enjoy the meat show and the players themselves all seemed to have a good time. In the end Stinson’s team did in fact win the game, but he unfortunately was unable to remain fully clothed. He delighted the crowd with an epic meat spin the resulted him being tripped by JRT causing him to fall right on his rear.

The even turned out to be a huge success, as well over $250,000 was raised for the Edmonton Children’s Hospital. Barney was not quite ready to full embrace a charitable side of him, but this would certainly be an event he would happily return to if offered the chance.

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#33

Scott Robertson and his friend Luke Fleming, both players for the Winnipeg Jets, decided to attend a local blood drive. It was nothing too big, not very grandiose, clean and simple and good for the community. It was held at a local high school, St. Paul's, funded by the biggest blood donation center in Manitoba. As they walked in to donate, most people didn't notice at first, as the two were just there on business and obviously not wearing hockey gear at the time. Fans of any sport would recognize superstars in street clothes, but two more underground players probably go unnoticed most of the time while out on the town.

As people generally tend to do at a blood drive, the dynamic duo both gave blood. Some of the students went over to get autographs while they were sitting in the comfy chair things, and were happily obliged. This process went on for about half an hour, twitter was blowing up with the news that two local heroes were doing something so mundane. Winnipeg Jets general manager R.Q. Einstein was secretly pleased that good publicity was being generated for two of his star youngsters, but didn't tell them. He never does. All anybody wants is for their father figure to say that he's proud of them, and the man myth legend RQE does not indulge his children.

Scott and Luke ended up stepping in as chief coordinators of the bake sale, which was going on as a complement to the actual blood drive. The two of them used their rugged good looks and suave moves to sell cookies and the like, to great success. In summation, a good time was had by all, and our two intrepid heroes helped a local charity that helps people literally not die.
#34

Before the start of season 29, the Kelowna Knights organization hosted a fundraiser and adoption day celebration at the Kelowna Humane Society. Every year, hundreds of domestic animals come through the Humane Society’s doors and many animals go unadopted, so this year, a couple members of the Kelowna Knights came back to the city before preseason, hoping to increase attendance and adoption outcomes.

Knights’ captain Mikko Linna was of course in attendance--forever the role model for Knights everywhere. The young captain expressed his desire to adopt one of the shelter puppies, but like many hockey players, knows that it’s hard to have pets, and dogs especially, when you are playing on the road so much.

In attendance was also the Knights’ first defense line, consisting of stand-out player Mia Landvik and new-comer Ty Justice, along with rookie second-liner Cara Hohenberg. Fans flocked to Justice and Hohenberg to congratulate them on joining the team while many hesitated to take pictures with Landvik until she covered herself in shelter kittens galore and simultaneously proved to naive fans that she is a big softie at heart despite her PIM from last season. And of course, wherever Mia Landvik is, Dieter Dominique--her billet brother and a Knights’ star in his own right--is somewhere nearby. Dominique, however, spent most of his time near the reptiles and amphibians, talking with young hockey fans about the differences between frogs and toads, spiking the Humane Society’s amphibian adoption by a large margin in one night. Dominique himself even adopted a bearded dragon by the end of the night and proudly told his teammates his new friend’s name--Pen.

“Short for Pendragon, you know? Like King Arthur and Knights of the--” Dominique said, getting his mouth quickly covered by Landvik so he could not continue the thoughtful yet cheesy explanation.

Besides amphibian and reptile adoptions, the shelter expressed their gratitude when roommates and teammates Mikael Talo and Mikke Laukkanen spent almost the entire event debating about adopting a staffordshire terrier, a breed of several commonly known as the pit bull, which are the hardest dogs to get adopted. Just with their debating alone, fans looking to adopt puppies were convinced by the Knights’ star forward and starting goalie to adopt pit bulls aging 5 and up instead.

Overall, the Knights increased the Kelowna Humane Society’s adoption rate by a large percentage, took pictures and bonded with fans, and proved themselves to be beloved athletes in the Kelowna community by both furry, slimy, and human friends alike.

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#35

Montreal Spends a Day with the Center Ice Foundation
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It is always important to give back to those who have helped you further your life and dreams. And today, Matt Lewis-Flood and some of his Montreal Militia teammates did so.

When he was just a boy, Lewis Flood came from an underprivileged area, where it was often troublesome to purchase the necessary equipment for him to pursue his hockey dream. In stepped the Center Ice Foundation, a group dedicated to putting the poor youth on ice. They worked in his community, built a state of the art facility and gave nice new equipment to leagues in the area.

Matt Lewis Flood, Nolan Angello and Jaylor Toast all had the ability to give back today. The three worked with the Center Ice Foundation, heading south of the border into New York City! Hockey is big in New York, but some of the lower income areas of the city cannot afford to host leagues and give kids a chance to succeed in their hockey dream. Matt, Nolan and Jaylor each donated a portion of their contract to build a new rink in the middle of the projects.

Then, the three spent most of the rest of the day handing out sticks and pucks to eager young boys and girls who knew they would soon have a chance to play the game they loved the way it was supposed to be played.

The three were happy, and a slight bit surprised, to see just a few Montreal Militia jerseys among the crowd that mostly sported Manhattan Rage or Buffalo Stampede SHL gear!

The event made possible by the Center Ice Foundation helped so many young hockey fans, but it mostly affected MLF and his teammates, who felt absolutely honored they had a chance to do for someone what someone once did for them!

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#36

When management came into the Winnipeg Jets locker room and said that they would really appreciate it if the team would get more involved with the community and suggested the team could do some charity work. Rembrandt Q. Einstein had only one thing to say “Fuck you, I hate Management!” but after the conferring with the rest of the defensemen on the Jets roster. He be grungy decide that he would join the likes of Cahill, Malkin, Manius, Roberson and Stropko in some local charity work. Although Stropko the inactive that he is, sat there, said nothing and provide no input as to what charity work they should do. The most painful part the D-men from Winnipeg charity work was picking the charity.

At first Manius and Roberson were convinced that helping “Catholic Schools Girls in Trouble” would qualify as charity work. It took hours but finally the accepted the fact that you cannot believe everything in “Kentucky Fried Movie”.

Cahill and Einstein had lots of ideas. They could open kissing booth donate the proceeds to fight colon cancer. They could open kissing booth donate the proceeds to fight lung cancer. They could open kissing booth donate the proceeds to fight breast cancer. They could open kissing booth donate the proceeds to prostate cancer and this went on and on. You name the cancer they wanted a kissing booth for it.

Then Malkin had stroke of genius if we were doing charity work with the West Kendall Platoon. He did eventually acknowledged that frozen drink stand at the beach, with proceeds going to the, suffers of sunburn, in Winnipeg during hockey season, might not bring out that many people.

After hours of debate it was decided that they should address a large problem that does not get much coverage. So they all climb in the car and drove around the city. They drove by parks, museums, throughout the business districts and residential neighborhoods in Winnipeg and the surrounding communities. The one thing the noticed almost everywhere they went, picking through trash, lying in the streets, lingering in alleys. Homeless rodents. They were shocked at what prevalent of problem this was around the city and no one was talking or doing anything about it.

So the D-men from Winnipeg decided that they would throw and huge BBQ and Curling tournament with a curling that a man could ask for. The boys added few Destiny IPAs into the mix and made a party out of it. The event turned out to be a huge success, as well over $500,000 was raised but could not find and organization to distribute the fund so the city said they would take the money and invest in the city’s animal services agency.

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#37

Lukas Berger had a very special place in his heart for the Relay for Life charity. This is a charity that raises funds to improve cancer survival, decrease the incidence of cancer and improve the quality of life for cancer patients and their caretakers. Lukas enjoys this charity because his girlfriend is a strong supporter of it. She used to do it all the time even before he met him. I roughly added up all the money she raised during her time she has done this and over 10 years she's raised about 50,000 or 5,000 per year she has done relay.

The Relay is a 12 hour event where you do laps around a track. It kicks off with all the survivors doing the 1st lap by themselves known as the 'survivors lap'. It's a pretty fun for the whole family. There are some stuff for the young kids to do as in game and fun bouncy castles to food trucks set up with those proceeds going to the relay as well. Overall, it is one of my favourite charities.

I invited a few of my teammates from the Winnipeg Jets to do a couple of hours at the Winnipeg track. Marc-Andre Malkin, Scott Robertson, Luke Fleming, Big Manious, Elyk and Rembrandt Q. Einstein were all happy enough to walk around and just chill out. We did some laps together, laps with the girlfriends/mothers/sisters and just some laps by myself. I walk for my grandmother who is a breast cancer survivor. My girlfriend walks for her grandmother who passed away from breast cancer in 2001. This year the Winnipeg Relay for Life raised $191,275 dollars. I'm grateful for my teammates who were able to come walk with me and show support in my favourite charity.
#38

Given their...interesting reputation around the league, many might have suspected that the Wolfpack would choose something fluffy soft for their annual charity event. And many are correct! After all, what's softer than adorable, adoptable puppies and kittens?

That's right: the New England Wolfpack partnered with the MSCPA to get hockey fans to adopt animals from their local shelters, and also to raise money for these same local shelters. A number of events were held to support this initiative:

-All members of the Wolfpack posed with animals from the shelter for photographs that were used to make a calendar. Of course, the pages of this calendar are seasonally themed--and Wolfpack games are marked on it with the paw print of the Pack's secondary logo. All proceeds from the calendar go to the MSPCA.

-The Wolfpack players who have pets themselves have been encouraged to ramp up their social media game in an initiative code-named petstagram. After all, if you see Nathan Russell cuddling with a puppy, surely you'll want one too, right?

-The Wolfpack's home game next Friday will be "Pucks and Paws" themed: fans are encouraged to bring their pets to the game, and there will be a number of animal-themed giveaways and promotions, like free treats with the purchase of human snacks, and discounts on pet merchandise from the team store. A percentage of Friday's ticket sales will go to the MSPCA.

-Finally, the Wolfpack will host an adopt-a-thon in front of the Garden from 9AM-7PM next Sunday. Wolfpack players will be there in shifts to sign autographs and help fans take home their new pets (and anyone who adopts a pet at the adopt-a-thon gets to take it home in a pet-sized Wolfpack jersey).

With these initiatives, the Wolfpack hope to raise as many funds as possible for the MSPCA, as well as adopt out pets to loving homes all over Boston. Euthanasia's just too #hard for the Pack to handle, so this was a natural fit for a charity event.
#39

The west kendall platoon have decided to show up to the charity for people who have never had a beer. This charity gives money to those who have never had a beer. All the money is to hekp humans and aliens alike to get a fresh cold one for the first time. There is a draw at the end of the chairty to see who gets a free sloshing mc get hammered session with the team adterwards. Slappy mcdpodle entered his name 567 times. The odds were in bis favor to win. Unfortunatly they found out and escorted him to his home and locked hij in bis bedroom so he could not escape and go on a slappy mcdoodle rampage and fire pucks at humans at all cylanders for the remainder of the charity. Bojo biscuit was the server that evening. Unfortunatly for him they decided to kidnap him and lock him in the arena and hijack his keys to the bacl of the bar and take all the alcohol possible. You see this charity was meant for the beer virgins but all of the people decided no it is for everyone let's have a party and now the west kendall platoon management are furious. Maria maximova the head counsel of the charity event did not even attend. She planned this so that the team could learn a lesson and give her more ice time and the C on her jersey. She was caught red handed with the plans in her locker in the west kendall platoon locker room. She was hauled off tp the extra metal cage where klaus wagner would teach her manners and how to figure out 4 + 6 and then calculate the mass of the sun. The charity event ended 9 days after it was suppose to and they ended up raising more than 5 million dollars. The governement decided to seize the money as olver pettyfer and matt lewis flood tried to rob the 5 million dollars and failed because they got stuck in the west kendall platoon elevator and begged for help and they recoeved hekp by our friendly neighbor cops the WKPD. In conclusion they decided to have a city ban on west kendall platoon chairtys. Let this be a lesson to Bojo and thr gang as they pay fines for destorying the city with their beer virgins chairty signing off for now your reporter who hid the whole time to make money off of the footage which will be sent to new statioms globally my name is Big Z and we will see you next time on WKP gone wild bye bye.



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#40

This past Sunday we joined the New England Wolfpack at Boston Common for their first annual Wolfpack Walk event. Raising money to support local wolf sanctuaries and habitat conservation efforts, the Wolfpack Walk was an event for the whole family.

Groups of walkers were able to sign up depending on how far and how quickly they wanted to walk, with the organizers having mapped out several different routes, each showing off the lovely Boston Common grounds. Each group was joined and led by a member of the New England Wolfpack, who knew the appropriate route through the park and could set the pace for the group’s walk.

Not every player was a walking group leader, however, as they were also manning booths set up around the park, offering face painting and games to keep children entertained, as well as information about where the funds raised would be going.

We had a chance to stop and talk with New England defender, Jasper Clayton, who was manning a face-painting station. Clayton was painting a child’s face to look like a wolf as we approached - though rather than looking intimidating, as one might expect a wolf-faced child to look, it was just adorable. We asked Clayton about where he developed his art style.

“Well, I’ve spent a lot of time doodling ponies in the corner of note pages. A lot of the time you’ll see the other guys jotting plays down in the margins, but if you manage to catch me you’ll see I’ve probably drawn Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie. So I guess my art style has kind of taken on the soft, adorable qualities of My Little Pony’s artwork. It doesn’t make for very threatening wolves, but the kids seem to like it, and this way we’re not sending them home scared of their own faces.”

We waved at players like Nathan Russell and Blake Sherill as they led their groups past, in a leisurely walk or a nice jog, depending which group they had. We also managed to catch some of New England’s youngest players - rookies Bennett Jones, Riley Macdonald, and Raven Silverwing, who were in charge of supervising a bouncy castle.

“It’s sad because we don’t get to go in the castle, unless we actually need to because a kid is hurt. But it’s good to see the kids enjoying themselves and that so many people have come out to support the cause,” said rookie forward Raven Silverwing.

The event was a huge success, surpassing the Wolfpack’s fundraising goal. New England management and their charity liaison tell us they’re thrilled with the turnout, and can’t wait to run the event again next year.
#41

A horrendous travesity happened a month ago in the quaint town of Prince George. They were quickly and suddenly struck by a massive Flood that came out of nowhere during their SMJHL finals run. All the players were deeply affected, and couldn't muster up the strength to overcome the Flood. It was such a one-sided affair that the opposition seemed to actually ride off the power of the Flood's intensity and easily watered down the fire birds.

West Kendall, going through a rare blizzard themselves in Miami, felt horrible for the Firebirds and started the "Much Love for Prince George Firebirds" also known as MLF-PGF. Everybody loved the name, and the charity began.

Many of the toonas shows up such as fan favorite Bojo Biscuit, who even shaved his beard for charity. He had so much beard, however, that the electrical shaver shattered and left Bojo with a normal looking beard. So hawt.

Ray Pejonis and Oliver Pettyfer had dueling kissing booths to see who could raise enough money within an hour. Though by the time Ray had gotten his first smooch from Alex Reay, Oliver Pettyfer had met the goal.

Klaus Wagner entertained guests by doing magic tricks, though everybody thought he was being an actual clown. It wasn't until Slappy McDoodle, drunk off a nice fresh mango-rita, tripped and tossed his beer on Wagner's face revealing that it wasn't make up, but just him.

Jed Lloren provided the music for the event, though we had to constantly tell him that the bass did not need to be dropped every 20 seconds.

Maria Maximova spent the whole day at the bar taking shots... but kept missing.

Lastly, Matt-Lewis showed up, laughed so hard he may have pee'd himself a little bit, and flew back to Montreal.

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#42

The Texas Renegades knew that they wanted to give back to their Texas community, especially after all of the fan support they had given the team over the years. So the Renegades figured, what better way to give back in Texas than a good ol' barbeque?

And so they did. On a beautiful Saturday afternoon without a cloud in the sky, the Renegades players and management threw a community barbeque with all proceeds going to charity.

The charity they decided on was Doctor's Without Borders. They choose this charity because of how fortunate they are in America, while there are far less fortunate people around the world that need their help.

Grilling and barbequing was none other than Renegades captain Liam Kinsler. Rumor had it that he made mean baby back ribs, and it showed.

Vladimir Lidstrom provided the alcohol, much of which he produced in his basement brewery. A combination of beer, whiskey, and scotch filled the open lawn area where thousands were gathered.

Rick James provided the entertainment. With his DJ booth setup and karaoke machine ready to go, it was bound to be a wild night in the name of charity.

Geoffrey Allen was working the kissing booth, no surprise here. For $5, any woman, or man, could get a forgettable kiss from Allen himself.

Valterri Bottas and Simon Palat were in charge of games. Bottas was collecting money for the dunk tank, where Maxim Horvat was getting dunked in the water for just $5 a person. Palat worked the shoot the puck, where both kids and adults could try and score from a far distance in order to win prizes.

Other Renegades players helped out as well. Many were just honored to be there, walking around, taking pictures and signing autographs for kids.

This event was incredibly successful, as the team raised a total of $500,000 for Doctor's Without Borders.
#43

Suit and tie, why did it have to be suit and tie? Feels like i'm going to choke...

Screw it, i'm unbuttoning this shirt and loosening the tie.

The team has been invited to a charity event that Natalie Dormer has arranged, so naturally we had to go, to avoid Pedro kicking our butts, The goal is to raise money for a new project of hers. She is taking a serious shot at the zoo's and the humans responsible for the captivity of animals all around the world. We had to stop her halfway through her planning because she was including pets in her initial idea, which we all knew would never fly. This was planned for next week, but with the incident with the Gorilla and the kid that fell into its enclosure fresh in mind, she decided to do it earlier. Fine by me, the sooner the better. I mean i'm all for tearing down this shitty way of treating animals. Lions, tigers, monkeys, etc belong in the wild. I would like to punch whoever came up with the idea to captivate animals just for money.

"Are you having a good time?" My date asks me
"Sure, it is a little hot in here but i'll manage" i reply quickly and with a forced smile on my face. This is some random girl i met at the convenient store who has since been stalking the hell out of me. Ariana was out of the country on her tour and i really needed a date, soooo...

Pedro came up to us with Natalie Dormer at his arm, she had finally been released from all the cajoling and holding speeches, so now we were free to do pretty much what we wanted, so we went out to take some air, as it was REALLY hot in there, the AC was supposed to be fixed next weekend for the event, but with it being moved to tonight, nobody thought about fixing it. It felt like being in a cage... Kind of fitting to be honest when it comes to the topic of the fundraiser. I am sure these fat cats will donate a shitload when she enters the stage again to make that exact point.

"Cigarette?" my date asks with her packet of smokes opened.
"No thanks, i don't smoke these days" i replied, as i really didn't. I gave up smoking back in high school, i always used to have a smoke whenever i went to a party, but that shit ain't good for ya, so i guess that's strike number one for my side-bae.

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#44

The annual Kelowna Knights youth hockey clinic was held today. This yearly event has become increasingly popular in Kelowna since it began in S24. Like every year, the money generated by this event will be donated to the Kelowna Women’s Shelter. The Knights have a very strong connection to their community, and are always looking for opportunities to give back to the city that supports them. This is just one of the ways they do that.

78 young hockey players were in attendance this year. They received personal instruction from Knights players and coaches. This was a rare opportunity for these players to gain some insight and a deeper understanding of the game. Getting to see current Knights in person could very well be the inspiration they need to become the next great players.

Current and former Knights were in attendance to help lead drills and give hands on instruction to the attendees. Former players like Christoffer Bjornsson, Jonathan Lundberg, and Tony Flow were there. Among the current players attending were Dieter Dominique, Fedor Shirobokov, Mikael Talo, and captain Mikko Linna. First overall pick, Ty Justice, and fellow rookie Beau Bent also made an appearance.

On the ice, the young players got to work with Shirobokov and Justice on positioning in the defensive zone. They worked on identifying passing lanes, and staying in position to block potential shots. They also ran situational drills, including one on one, two on one, two on two, and three on two, showing the correct way to deal with each situation.

Mikko Linna and Mikael Talo, two of the top forwards in the SMJHL this season, ran offensive drills for the aspiring forwards. Linna demonstrated and lead puck handling exercises, while Talo worked with the players on their shooting. They also worked on offensive zone cycling, and overload drills to increase time spent in the offensive zone.

The scheduled ice time and organized activities ended with some free time for the attendees. Some stayed out on the ice a bit longer, others took this time to meet with and talk to the Knights that were there. It’s not often you get a chance to ask for advice from talented players like these. In the end, the event was a success, and a lot of fun for everyone there. No doubt the clinic will be back next season, and the next, and probably indefinitely, with the way it has been received by the fans over the past 6 seasons.

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#45

Boston, New England

Each year the New England Wolfpack holds a charity event for a local charity and this year was no exception.

Raising money for the local super fluffy soft wooley sheep petting zoo the players for NEW gave all kinds of workshops at their stadium the Boston Gardens.

Upon entering the stadium you were giving a My Little Pony plush which Eggy had crocheted himself. Who was also giving a workshop on how to crochet these plushes. This workshop pulled massive attention and caused a massive que full of young girls and neckbeards which went on for miles outside the building.

Rookies Raven Silverwing, Bennett Jones, Riley McDonald and Dickie Pecker gave workshops hockey and talking about their experience in the SHL. Raven Silverwing was kind enough to tell us about the workshop.

'The workshop is open to all fans, old and young alike. We give them a pair of skates and the appriote equipment and then head out onto the ice and do little exercises and trainings with them. The people can choose what position they would like to experience. Everyone seems to be having a great time and it's tons of fun to learn everyone a thing or two.'

The highlight of the event was an auction in which the Ego's of Texas Renegades players would be sold. The follow volunteers ego's were up for sale, Jack Durden, Geoffrey Allen and Maxim Horvat.

First up for sale was Jack Durden's. Ego's like these are hard to come by these days so the crowd went wild with their bids and all of it will go to the sheep.
Second up was Geoffrey Allen's. He walks up on stage throws a chrip here and there and gives us a flex. Wowzers alot of money is being dropped on this one.
Last, but definatly not least was Maxim Horvat. The huger the ego the more money you get for it, this is definatly the highlight of the evening and the soft cuddle wooley sheep are so happy with it.

Once the auction ended the event was over. This year was a great success thanks to the ego auction.

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