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Steelhead77 · 04-06-2017, 02:34 PM

Doube Media - 1,300 words

Best Names in the S34 SMJHL Entry Draft!

There's always been great names in hockey, thatâ€™s something we can always count on in the world. Hockey players having names that emote some kind of excitement or coolness. Hakan Loob, Per Djoos, Darren Puppa, Tony Twist, Rob Klinkhammer,, etc, etc and of course the greatest of all time name in international hockey, Girts Ankipans. I remember the first time I heard the name Girts Ankipans while watching Latvia in the Olympics I nearly fell off my chair. I think his linemate was named Martins Syphulis or something and I had to turn the game off, I couldnâ€™t take it.

Something about a name can really make a player. It can also make seem better than they are or it can get them drafted higher because it just has a nice ring to it. Sometimes a cool name meets a great player and everything comes together. It's possible we have some of those in the SMJHL Entry draft this year, or they could be mediocre and just get drafted higher because of their name. Let's take a look at my picks for best names.

We review a name and speculate as to the kind of player they may be, then look up what kind of player they actually are and see how close we were.

In no particular order,

Sterling Slaughter â€“ His name is slaughter. That should be enough, but Sterling, he shines like silver while slaughtering you. This guy is gonna be a bad ass no question. Heâ€™s gotta be a big physical defensive defenseman, 100%. Upon further review: Welp heâ€™s a winger, but heâ€™s a power forward with checking and strength as 2 of his strengthâ€™s, so the name fits. This guy is going to be a beast. Defnite name value here.

Yuri Bakos-Markov â€“ Wow this is like a combination of Yuri Boyka, Bacon and Andre Markov. Now thatâ€™s a hockey name! Itâ€™s a little bit of a tongue twister and I keep wanting to say Barkos Markov, but itâ€™s a great name. I get the feeling heâ€™s a dangler, high skilled dangler with no physical game, but he makes up for it with skillz. Upon further review: Nailed it. Heâ€™s a sniping winger with scoring and puck handling as 2 of his strengths and no checking. The build fits the name. Nice work here.

Ziv Alekzandrov - What an awesome name. Ziv, thatâ€™s like a Russian shiv and heâ€™s even got a z in Alekzandrov making it even cooler. This guys strikes me as someone who would be a pure sniper and dangler. Fitting the Russian mold and probably not playing any defense or backchecking. Upon further review: Heâ€™s an American from California! Wtf lol. Wow did I butcher that one. Also heâ€™s a playmaker. Hey sometimes you nail it sometimes you swing and miss. Still a great name regardless.

TomÃ¡Å¡ Toothsome - I mean common, this is hockey and he has the word â€œtoothâ€ in his name, now thatâ€™s a hockey name. Plus he has some cool shit like ascentos or whatever the hell those are in his first name and itâ€™s a European Tomas, which is cooler than plain Thomas or Tom in hockey. We all know that. Why be Thomas when you can be Tomas, obviously Tomas will be a more dangerous player than Thomas. Anyway, with a name like Toothsome heâ€™s gotta be a physical defenseman. Thereâ€™s no other option here. Upon further review: Heâ€™s a defenseman, but offensive with checking as a weakness. We didnâ€™t see that one coming, but a german born Dman with scoring, Defense and strength as strengthâ€™s is pretty cool. This could be the best hockey name in the draft.

Daedric Heikennin â€“ I originally thought this was Heineken like the beer, but wow Heikennin, thatâ€™s awesome, like a finnish Heineken and first name Daedric, well thatâ€™s just killer. This guy has gotta be a finnish sniper, no question about it. Upon further review: Heâ€™s a finnish playmaker, hey thatâ€™s close. Guy is gonna be a good one. Lots of skill, great name.

Spitfire â€“ He only needs 1 name. 2 names is a waste of time for spitfire. Itâ€™s fire, he spits it, enough said. Donâ€™t get in this guys way. Heâ€™s going to play with an edge, I feel like heâ€™ll be a scoring power winger. Upon Further review: Spitfire is a scoring winger, but with no checking, I was close.

Maurizio Arrivabene - LB does it again, with Mauricio Riverbean. Yet he chose to spell it in a way that gives you a seizure. Maybe heâ€™s been staring at boob gifs of kate upton for too long and hey we canâ€™t blame him. All kidding aside, this is a pretty cool name. Itâ€™s got a Z, a V, 3 Râ€™s and 3 Iâ€™s. Can I buy a vowel? Yes. I feel like heâ€™s gonna be a fancy dangler with high speed and good moves out there. Upon further review: Nailed it. Maurizioâ€™s play style fits his name, heâ€™s a speedy puck handling sniper from Brescia, Italy. Brescia? Hey thatâ€™s close to Breasts. This guy is from Breasts, Italy, you canâ€™t make this shit up. Wow LB, I know you too well, lol. Upton >>>

Finn KrÃ¼ger â€“ Is he related to Freddy Kruger? What a great name, heâ€™s like a scandanavian slasher. I could see him having some great moves on the ice and a big fan club. I bet heâ€™s a physical player with explosive moves, a rare talent to be feared. Upon further review: Kruger is a two way defenseman with checking as a weakness, heâ€™s got some offense and speed though so I was kind of close here. Well, not really. Great hockey name though, guys got potential.

Scotty Steele â€“ I am a fan of any name with Steele in it for obvious reasons. Heâ€™s strikes m as a hard hitting defenseman. Also this could be a great porn name. Scotty Steele, the long lost brother of Lexington Steele. Good job kid, the ladies are going to be buying your jersey for sure. Upon further review: Steele is not a porn star or a defenseman, heâ€™s actually a two-way Canadian winger from Lethbridge. I guess I was a little off on that one, still a great hockey name though and at least he goes both ways.

Artom Zhumbayev â€“ Artom a what? Wow what an awesome name we have here. This guy is going to have a 100mph slap shot, easily. Is he a Russian or maybe heâ€™s African, I donâ€™t know, either way heâ€™s going to strike fear into his opponents with a name like that. Well done. Upon further review: Zhumbayev is actually a goalie from Kazakhstan, greatest country for exporter of trouser pants. So I guess heâ€™s not going to have a 100mph slap shot, but Great Save Zhumbayev still sounds pretty cool.

Intars Vladimirovich Barsou â€“ Holy shit I would not want to be the coach that has to write this name into a line up every day. Another classic from Mazais who brought us Teemu Smulander and Chico Four-Byrde. A first and last name wasnâ€™t enough so he had to go with 3 names here. Intars Barsou would have been cool enough but hey why not throw a middle name in there that has 13 letters and 5 syllables. Vladimir would have been enough, but no he had to get an â€œovichâ€ in there at the end. All in all this name is 27 letters. In fact it might be more because we lost count half-way through. What a great name though. I donâ€™t know where tf he comes up with these, god bless his poor kid if he ever has one. His name would be epic. Something like Martins Girtsanovich Runkintin Flurgensons or something along those lines. Upon further review: Heâ€™s a Latvian goalie, we knew this.

Had some fun with this, good luck to everyone in the draft and in your careers!

Cheers

Doubles Week - 1,300 Words

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Esa Anrikkanen Award - SMJHL ROY - Est. S34
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Insayne · 04-06-2017, 02:37 PM

fever95 · 04-06-2017, 02:43 PM

good read...my goalie's name is pronounced as follows haha:

Zhum (sounds like plum) Bay (bye) ev (just as it looks).

Raven · 04-06-2017, 03:05 PM

Quote:Originally posted by fever95@Apr 6 2017, 08:43 PM
good read...my goalie's name is pronounced as follows haha:

Zhum (sounds like plum) Bay (bye) ev (just as it looks).

Plumbyejustasitlooks truely is a funny name