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Lavelle , Kokins & Triscuit
#1

<div align="center">It's been a rather stagnant start to the season regarding the media output around the site but what we've got here ladies and gentleman, will blow the top off.

Earlier today it St Louis Scarecrows star center Dermot Lavelle took to twitter to announce his marriage to disgraced former SHL star Matiss Kokins.


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This came a shock to the SHL universe, especially considering Kokins previous past with the homosexual community and SHL as a whole. Earlier this year Kokins was banned from the SHL following discriminatory comments he made in a press conference regarding his view on gay people. Kokins has been banned for some time and experts suggest that he will not ever make a return to the SHL.

Kokins has not commented on the matter and many assume he's currently on his honeymoon with his newly wedded husband Lavelle.


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(ABOVE: Left to Right : Lavelle, Kokins)

The gay community as a whole has been very critical following the announcement with many claiming that Kokins intentionally ranted and raved about the gay community so that he could hide his lifetime secret.

A total of just under 1000 wedding guests showed up to the lavish ceremony which was organised just outside of the Gutmanis cave in Latvia. The wedding guest list contained many high profile names including rookie teammate Brady McIntyre and recently signed Logan Jensen who was in high spirits throughout the night.

Anuj Radia, Lavelle's current teammate had the honour of being best man on his side. This was a role which he took in his stride. On Kokins side , he opted for a much more controversial choice. None other than former SMJHL star Patrick Triscuit lined up to do the honors.

For those who don't follow the SHL scene, Triscuit recently was deemed to be guilty of selling knock off SHL and SMJHL merchandise and as a result was fined and suspended for 30 games.

Triscuit played a large part in this wedding than you'd think, he was after all performing the newly wedded pairs first song, a song he recently released to the media following his departure from the SHL into the pop music scene.

Triscuit performed his classic song titled affectionately "fuck me in the ass". For any of you that don't know the lyrics or are interested in purchasing his single please click here.

We managed to catch up with Triscuit after the ceremony for a few words and he obliged.
Our report Melvin Mushing quizzed Triscuit with a tough question stating " How are you adapting to life after the SHL, Patrick? " Triscuit in response screamed in Mushing's face and at the top of his lungs and asked "Did you just DISRESPECT my NAME???? " It was clear that Triscuit was under the influence at the time. Our reporter at the time was clearly stressed and as a result moved on to another potential interview with the one and only Logan Jensen.

Logan stated that "I'm very glad to be here today to see a close friend and even better teammate Lavelle get married" Jensen then began to slur his words and all that could be heard were mutters of swear words, mentions of the San Francisco Pride franchise and front office.

The rest of the night went ahead without any problems or any stories to report on. Thanks for tuning in and see you all next week.

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#2

:lol:

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RIP Dangel. See you on the other side, brother
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#3

what the fuck

why the fuck
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#4

this is great

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Thanks to @karey and @JSS for the sigs!


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#5

Lmfaoo

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Thank you Brandon, Fish, GeckoeyGecko, Karey, Kit, takethehorizon, and Ragnar for the sigs!
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#6

Heh. You basically made fun of a random guy. Bukss named his player after an ex-SHL user from Latvia. He's probably laughing while reading this tbh.

hewoe
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#7

Quote:Originally posted by Chewbacca@Dec 9 2017, 05:47 PM
Heh. You basically made fun of a random guy. Bukss named his player after an ex-SHL user from Latvia. He's probably laughing while reading this tbh.

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#8

this is a masterpiece
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#9

I wish you the best of luck in your marriage Dermott

Such a cute couple

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#10

If this shows up on Google you've doxxed an innocent person because bukss actually used the name of a Latvian high school student

Since you know the situation in Latvia with a conservative approach towards LGBT, if someone looks Kokins up and this pops up youve ruined an already miserable person's life who is struggling with depression

But why not for the sake of being a witty smart ass

(some people who looked me up, an article on my first gen player came up and I was asked what the fuck is shl)

Japanese goaltender - Keisuke Suzuki

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Latvia syndicate Militia

Also a SHL, SMJHL and IIHF Champion with Intars Ogle

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#11

Quote:Originally posted by rieksts@Dec 9 2017, 06:21 PM

But why not for the sake of being a witty smart ass

Thank you.
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#12

lol if someone found this through google and thought it was real I would die laughing tbh





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#13

Quote:Originally posted by Grapehead@Dec 9 2017, 10:01 PM
lol if someone found this through google and thought it was real I would die laughing tbh
P

Matīss wouldn't find it funny if bullies found another reason to attack him though

Japanese goaltender - Keisuke Suzuki

Japan Timber

Former winger for Chicago Syndicate - Romualds Loks

Latvia syndicate Militia

Also a SHL, SMJHL and IIHF Champion with Intars Ogle

Latvia  Steelhawks

[Image: b6RVUUV.png]
By teztify
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#14

Greatest shitposter since nour tbh

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ty to @High Stick King @EvilAllBran and @Ragnar for the sigs
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#15

Quote:Originally posted by rieksts@Dec 10 2017, 04:51 AM
If this shows up on Google you've doxxed an innocent person because bukss actually used the name of a Latvian high school student

Since you know the situation in Latvia with a conservative approach towards LGBT,&nbsp; if someone looks Kokins up and this pops up youve ruined an already miserable person's life who is struggling with depression

But why not for the sake of being a witty smart ass

(some people who looked me up, an article&nbsp; on my first gen player came up and I was asked what the fuck is shl)
Lets just substitute bukss's real name in then

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