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Toivo · 08-17-2018, 05:24 AM

Super Toivo's powers would include spitting fire (cause his raps are super hot, sadly only available in Finnish), passing the buck in epic proportions (high passing and ability to shift blame). There are many other powers which you've probably never heard or even Super Toivo has realized. They will come out over the remainder of his career in grand fashion. The interesting thing about super heroes are that they're basically social justice warriors, but they have a huge following, whereas other SJWs are hated in huge numbers. Super Toivo is the bridge here, bringing social justice and super hero powers to the masses in an easily digestible fashion. Going to bring the fire spitting to all of the other 13 SHL cities, and amaze the crowds there. Slowly, through my impressive super hero strengths, they will become New England fans. Eventually with the amazing endorsements available due the sheer number of New England fans, every player will be dying to play in New England. New England will go onto win 100 cups consecutively.

Paq · 08-17-2018, 07:07 AM

If my player were a super hero, I don't think I would be very super at all. While I wouldn't be plain evil, I would just have a different use in mind than many might think is closer to what a villain would do than a hero. I'll get to that in due time, but first, my super power. Invisibility. No, it's no super strength or super speed or the ability to fly, but here's why invisibility kicks ass. It's practical. One, I wouldn't want anyone knowing I had super powers. The government would almost certainly lock me up and poke me with some kind of stick. Invisibility provides a literal veil of anonymity to anything I want. Two, I would want to use my power for some kind of personal, most likely financial, gain. Helping people is great, but it's also volunteer work. Any super power needs to immediately eliminate my need to hold a job. Which brings me to what I would do. I would rob banks. It would be the easiest job in the world. Walk in during the day, unseen, follow an employee down to the vault, steal a bunch of money, bail. Easy. If you happen to trigger some alarm, it doesn't matter. Nobody can see you. Now, you can't just suddenly gain a ton of wealth or the IRS will be all up on your ass, so I'd also need a money launderer. This would bring the super power version of my player to the seedy underworld of organized crime. It would start innocently enough. Give some bad people a cut so I can take my money and walk. But then I'm basically funding a criminal organization. I can have them do my bidding. This would lead me down the inevitable path of super villainry. Oh well.

***Ace*** · 08-17-2018, 10:05 AM

What do you mean IF Tigole Bitties was a super hero? He is a super hero! With amazing abilities such as 99 scoring, puck handling and defense, he is other worldly! Instead of using his super human abilities to fight crime or protect the innocent, he’s decided to provide the Edmonton Blizzard a chance at Challenge Cup contention as their #1 center. In a town like Edmonton, championship starved and craving a hockey championship, he’s doing his job as a super hero to try to bring them to the Challenge Cup promised land.

Oh, and he learned when he was 5 that he has mammary vision. It’s like having x-ray vision, but he can only see through the shirts of men and women to see their mammary tissue. If you have any concerns of breast cancer, Bitties is hosting a mammary scan in Concourse 3B before every home game this season.

[Image: 9WtmpKw.jpg]

timeconsumer · 08-17-2018, 12:23 PM

If Buck Maverick had a superpower it would be the ability to make women's clothes fall off. Just kidding he already has that superpower! Cause Buck is a fucking stud, baby. Y'all wish you had a body chiseled from marble like Buck does. So in all seriousness Buck's superpower would be that he can shoot lasers out of his eyeballs. Because that would be fucking sweet. Buck would go around shooting lasers at everything just to get a rise out of people. Oh, nice looking sandwich you got there, how about I TOAST THAT BITCH FOR YA? Boom, laser eyes. And then what are they gonna do? Nothing. Who the hell would come at a dude who just turned their pastrami sandwich into dust? Well, actually I would because you don't mess with another man's pastrami, that's just asking to get your ass beat. Even if he got laser eyes. I just realized what "mess with another man's pastrami" sounds like, and I'm going to keep it. Don't mess with another man's pastrami, unless he's into other men messing with his pastrami, which is cool, Buck don't judge. But also don't mess with a man who got laser eyes, cause he'll fuck your day up. Anyways I'm done, time to go make some ladies' lose their clothes.

hockeyfan · 08-17-2018, 02:59 PM

Living in Montreal and soon to be Texas, Harvey Danger has and will be forced to deal with giant bugs like mosquitos and wasps. In order to survive the long, hot summers and cold, bug-filled winters, Harvey will need to develop a superhero tendency. But what could help him out?

Harvey's superhero power would be to turn into AN EVEN BIGGER BUG. He'd befriend a local bug colony and infiltrate it from the inside, becoming their God and hero. Soon, through education and the good word of Jesus Christ, Harvey teaches the bug people that it is bad to attack the humans, biting them and sucking their blood, annoying them in their own home and while they are in the wilderness. Once that's done, Harvey will travel overseas to other bug colonies and teach them to leave humans alone.

You're welcome humans.

Unfortunately that means Harvey's hockey career is over.

CFJ · 08-17-2018, 09:05 PM

Crossfit Jesus's powers would to be similar of Flash from the DC Comics series. Speed at the time of light going through different dimensions of times and different areas of the world in a matter of a minute saving the world from bad hockey personalities from ever stepping in front of the camera. Like the entire SN Panel, with the Speed of Light Crossfit would be able to stop them from ever saying a dumb and biased remark about any NHL team and flip flopping from opinions one way from the other. Also would stop Jeremy Roenick from being speaking non-sense on NBCSN South of the Canadian Border same with Mike Millbury, what a pain he was on TSN. TSN would be the only panel that Crossfit won't touch as they the best analysts that the game of hockey has when it comes to the NHL and the SHL.

Thanks to prettyburn, TML, Carpy, JNH, Jepox, Engi, Karey, Flappy, Skolpadder, Mook, DollarAndADream, Smirnov and Toe for the sigs.

Code:
Crossfit's First Career SHL Goal, 4. Manhattan Rage , Crossfit Jesus 1 (Pedro Sarantez, Nucky Toohoots) at 5:51

Code:
Devitt's First Career SHL Goal, 5. Calgary Dragons , Prince Devitt 1 (Barry Batsbak 21, Mike Izzy 14) at 10:43

***Leafs4ever*** · 08-17-2018, 10:08 PM

If my player had super powers, I would want to have super strength and super speed.

I would want super strength for a variety of reasons. It would really help out my workout game. By being able to hit the weights more, I could improve my body muscles and make me stronger on the ice. Imagine trying to push me off the puck in the corners or trying to check me in the open ice? You wouldn't be able to push me at all and any collision we have would just make you go flying, not me.

As for super speed, I've never been the fastest guy so this would really help out. I wouldn't need to rely on a car to get me around and I could run my errands so much faster than normal. I know I'm using these super powers for very mundane reasons, but I don't really want to be a super hero per se. I would love to use my powers to help anyone in need, of course, but outside of that, I would just want my powers to improve my quality of life. I'm a simple man in the end.

(196 words)

Guy Incognito - D - #24
Texas Renegades
Season 76
15-6-0
Regular Season - [G 2] [A 3] [Pts 5] [+/- +6] [PIM 10] [Hits 12] [SB 38]
[Image: ERs3IrD.png]

CDub2 · 08-17-2018, 11:01 PM

It's always been a good question on road trips on long trips for away games in Junior hockey. Carter has thought about it, but growing up reading DC comics, Carter has always a fascination with the Flash. Wouldn't it be something to be able to move so fast that no one else could see you. Wouldn't it be something to perceive time so slow that you think thousands times faster than a normal human being. The first thing of being a super hero is maintaining a secret identity. Well, that would be pretty easy for Carter Manning with super speed. The key would be to not over use his super powers. Only in necessary circumstances. Then, it may be possible to live a somewhat normal life as a hockey player and be able to save the world a couple nights a week as well. As seen with every super hero story, trouble comes when loved ones get involved. The less people know, the better.

167 Words

***JKortesi81*** · 08-18-2018, 01:57 AM

If Joe K was a superhero, what power would he have? I wish I could say this was easy. To be honest, I think I’m already a superhero. I don’t know how to tell you guys this, but there’s really good chance I’m a mutant. I’m pretty sure I’ve been blessed with mutant healing powers, similar to what Wolverine from the X Men has. No, his claws aren’t his mutant power, for the record. Anyway, I’ve been playing hockey professionally now for 12 years. I’ve put my body on the line in multiple ways: blocking 100 MPH slap shots with my face, delivering skull crushing hip checks, and also receiving them as well. I’ve gotten in a few fights where I’ve had my face punched in. I’ve been hooked, slashed, and speared during games. Yet every night, I go to bed, and when I wake up? I feel 100%, like I’ve never been in any scenario that could’ve hurt me. I’ve never missed a single game in my SMJHL/SHL career because of injury. So while I’d maybe like to control time and space, or fly, or go invisible, I think I’m already a superhero, and I think I have the mutant healing factor. Crazy, I know. (206)

Cash savage · 08-18-2018, 10:34 AM

the super power for cash savage would have to be invisibility, hed be the kind of guy to go up on stage at a classical concert and hit a random key while the pianist is playing. he also would do things like change the channel on unsuspecting people, move things ever so slightly....just enough so you kind of think it was moved but arent sure. one thing he totally wouldnt do would be sneak into the womans locker room and have a peak....he totally would not do that, hes not that kind of guy at all....way to much respect. but he for sure would go and fuck with troy while hes showering. ya know, turn the water to scalding hot, keep adding shampoo while he isnt paying attention, piss on him, flick his bird, take the towel, cut his hair....all the normal stuff. hes a great guy that cash savage.

iOBESE · 08-18-2018, 01:23 PM

If I would be a superhero then most likely I would not play ice hockey but who knows. But if we look at me playing ice hockey and what superpowers I would have then most likely I would be something like a hawk-eye, like ultimate precision and aim. At the moment I am passing first player but with such superpower I would probably be a sniper or really be some kind of crazy passer that would be able to give passes over the whole field by figuring out where will the opposite teams player be in the time and moment when the puck will be at the same location and therefore do some crazy passes through legs, right on the stick blade for my teammate. If I would be a sniper I would probably to the same type of crazy shots through the smallest gaps that the goalkeepers will have and just make shit tons of insane highlight goals. Not every superhero has to fight crime and be a badass against villains. You can also use the superpowers in normal day activities to make your life easier and what you do better.

karlssens · 08-18-2018, 03:04 PM

Written task: If your player was a superhero, what powers would they have / want to have, and why? What would they do with these powers? Talk about what the superhero version of your player would be like. Must be at least 150 words.

While Nik Scholz isn't the biggest comic book fan, he has taken a liking to the wave of super hero movies that have come out over the last decade or so. Two of his favorite are actually quite similar, as both Iron Man and Batman don't have actual super powers to speak of, but rather an abundance of money and an amazing wealth of knowledge and creativity to make some of the most bad ass suits and gadgets imaginable. Scholz' super powers would be much like theirs, he'd have an endless supply of money, a high tech lab/lair to build cool toys and a bunch of naysayers saying he should leave fighting crime and saving the world to the "real" superheroes. When not actively saving humanity Scholz would use his bottomless pockets to host fundraisers for a variety of charities as well as throw the best team parties imaginable. Gotta be a Blizzard to get in though, naturally.

NUCK · 08-19-2018, 12:38 AM

If Nuck was to have a super power, it would defiantly be the ability to have super healing powers. As a defensman he takes a lot of punishment all game and season long. In order to survive the on slot of blocked shots, net battles and board humping. He would have to recover within hours sometimes in order to play the following game and withstand a 50 game season. And Pre-season. And Playoffs....

The life of an active defensman in the SHL is a painful and demanding career. There are no days off as there is always a game or a practice to attend. With Nuck's super human healing ability, he is able to compete night in and night out at a top level of competition. Having a reliable, dam near bullet proof defender on your team would be the envy of the league. Having a player that never misses a game is a one in a trillion talent.

Grapehead · 08-19-2018, 08:09 AM

Charlie Schieck has always been a fan of superheros, but he’s rarely considered the idea of actually being one himself like many kids do. When pressed for a decision, Charlie said he would like to have the power to teleport like Nightcrawler. After a few moments he went on to say that he’d probably just wish to be Nightcrawler, who was always his favourite character as a child. He also said that if he did have super powers like Nightcrawler, he would probably use them to play pranks on all his teammates and friends. I’m not sure if he would still be playing hockey if that were the case though, but who knows. It certainly would be interesting to see a sports league that allowed mutant powers. For now though, we’ll just have to settle for hearing about what all these players would do if they had powers all of a sudden.

**Rich** · 08-19-2018, 10:08 AM

There are so many potential super powers to choose from that I had a hard time deciding. I think for Lundberg, he would want something practical, that wouldn’t significantly affect his lifestyle. Something that he could use to make his life easier, and to help improve his hockey game. With that in mind, I will give him the ability to understand any form of communication. This could be written or spoken, but mostly he will use this to understand other languages. Hockey is such a multinational sport, many players on each team will have a different native language. If he were able to understand all of them, regardless of how they were trying to communicate, I think it could be beneficial. Improved teamwork, while not having a negative impact on his life. I’m sure there are other cases where it would come in handy too. Sure, other powers might be more fun or flashy, but Lundberg prefers function over flash.

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