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I Am a Coupon · 09-25-2018, 10:16 PM

Winters is Coming

With the rising star, Alex Winters (@39alaska39 ) racking up points this season on the formidable Raptors , 35 points in 32 games , it is clear the only way to slow him down and Colorado down is through nefarious ways. The Halifax LR has tasked me with taking him down. Being a fellow Czech brother, it is clear that either my brother or I were the best candidates, and I drew the short straw.. Sorry Alex.

First. Before our game against COL at home, Oli and I will take him out to dinner, as any good Czech would do for another when visiting your city.

Second. We pump him full of drinks and provide him with false sense of security by complimenting his play style and his advanced puck work.

Third. We take him out to the strip joint and bribe the girls to pay extra attention to him, making him more willing to get on stage to do something crazy.

Fourth. We get him on stage, while he gets his ass spanked by a stripper with his own belt , and starts letting nasty, ancient, leathery, women take 5’ers off his mouth with their sloptarts.

Lastly. I show him the video of the whole event and blackmail him to slow down on the point race or else we are going to release this to his mom back home.

these next 18 games will tell if it's worked..

word count: 226

JayWhy · 09-26-2018, 12:30 AM

With the recent trade to the St. Louis Scarecrows, there is a drastic change to the team who is in my way anymore. In St. Louis, we are staring down a dangerous Vancouver Whalers team. I, myself, am a fan of true sabotage and I know exactly what I can do to give an SMJHL GM an aneurysm and destroy line chemistry. If tasked to do so, it would be my pleasure to simply destroy the Whalers line-up with just a single post.

The Manhattan Rage call up D - Tokek Takshak and F - David Kastrba.

Breaking into their line-up by taking up two capped players immediately, and doing so right at the trade deadline where they wouldn't be able to be replaced nor sent back, is a damning trouble for an SMJHL GM to work past. I am certain I would have some angry messages from a certain @adamantium as I completely destroy the Vancouver Whalers hopes and dreams and give my Scarecrows a clear path to success. (Insert evil laughter here)

Of course, this is all in jest .... right. Wink

An old man's dream ended. A young man's vision of the future opened wide. Young men have visions, old men have dreams. But the place for old men to dream is beside the fire.

Thanks to Jackson, Copenhagen, and Harry Hans!

GOING DOWN IN STYLE. TOAST4LYFE

Troy_McClure03 · 09-26-2018, 05:01 AM

The best way to destroy a team? Interesting...

I'm going to wait until playoffs. Then I am going to do what any good teammate does. I'm going to seduce and sleep with every single significant other on the other team. If they don't have anyone, I'll gun for loved ones, assuming they are of age. I will do so by Demonstrating my value. I'll go to the pharmacy for an old person, or help a blind person cross the street. Whatever. Once they have all been properly wooed, that's when I will Engage physically. That part will be weird. But it only gets worse,as then i will Nurture the dependence on me. I'll slash car tires, break windows with bricks, leave notes and voicemails saying sick twisted things. They will want me to nurture them and make them feel safe, but i'm already into the next step. I Neglect them emotionally. Ignore calls, break the relationship. Until we hit the twist, when I Inspire hope. I show up confessing my love, say how they changed me and I can't live without them. That's sure to score, like Gary Grease himself. Finally, I Separate entirely, crushing the loved one yet again.

It didn't work in the jrs, but please tell @GeckoeyGecko mom to stop calling thanks.

**RomanesEuntDomus** · 09-26-2018, 09:36 AM

Right now, one team reigns supreme in the entire league and that team is the Vancouver Whalers. An already stacked team that came close to winning the cup last season, they benefitted a lot from their young players growth to compliment the vets on the squad and to top it all off, they recently brought in one of the best young Centers in the league in Andrew Martin. Little do they know however that Martin is a double-agent, sent by the Colorado Raptors and coordinated and controlled by a task force in our locker room, to destroy the "smelly Whalers" (quote Martin) from within. In a multi-stage process, he will first use his incessant meme-ing to drive people in the locker room crazy. Then in phase two, everyone who has been unaffected by his antics so far will be subjected to some very effective North Korean negotiation techniques that good old Kimmy had learned before coming to this country. Sure, people like to joke about his antics and North Korean heritage, but the things he has seen and the methods he has been trained in are very real and very effective. And if even that fails, he will still have his one-ice play to sabotage the Whalers. Because he is a scrub.

goilers · 09-26-2018, 10:27 AM

Once again those Calgary Dragons are ahead of us (Los Angeles Panthers) in our chances of getting into the playoffs. The standings are close but they always seem to have the slight edge on us. So what I did in hopes that they hit a slump this season is I paid every single restaurant and fast food place that sells chicken parms in Calgary enough money to get them to get rid them permanently. I know the dragons are big fans of this food and know they eat quite a bit of it. In doing this, I hope to slow down Esa Anrikkanen and perhaps keep his “fuel” to a minimum and potentially out of the lineup. My hopes would be that without the veteran’s leadership on the ice this would allow the Los Angeles Panthers to slip into that playoff spot. A couple easy phone calls can turn this season right around for the best.

Code:
156 Words

enigmatic · 09-26-2018, 11:05 AM

PBE PT

***DrunkenTeddy*** · 09-26-2018, 11:38 AM

The Hamilton Steelhawks are upstanding citizens who would never prank another team to get the upper hand. Oh except maybe Buffalo... Or Toronto.... Or Minny... West Kendall.... Okay ya we would prank anyone, not even for the upper hand, we'd do it for shits and giggles. One of our more diabolical players, Ben Dover, found a link that he can send to players on the Buffalo Stampede that makes them post a picture of a butt on their twitter feed if they are signed in. So, dressed as an old lady janitor, Dover found his way into the offices at the Buffalo arena and found a logged in computer. He sent the players a "Mandatory Survey" link from their coach. A few minutes later the picture of an ass was all over the Stampede players twitter feeds and was being screenshotted and retweeted all over the place. Now hopefully it affects them on the ice!

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GeckoeyGecko · 09-26-2018, 11:47 AM

09-26-2018, 12:30 AMJayWhy Wrote: With the recent trade to the St. Louis Scarecrows, there is a drastic change to the team who is in my way anymore. In St. Louis, we are staring down a dangerous Vancouver Whalers team. I, myself, am a fan of true sabotage and I know exactly what I can do to give an SMJHL GM an aneurysm and destroy line chemistry. If tasked to do so, it would be my pleasure to simply destroy the Whalers line-up with just a single post.

The Manhattan Rage call up D - Tokek Takshak and F - David Kastrba.

Breaking into their line-up by taking up two capped players immediately, and doing so right at the trade deadline where they wouldn't be able to be replaced nor sent back, is a damning trouble for an SMJHL GM to work past. I am certain I would have some angry messages from a certain @adamantium as I completely destroy the Vancouver Whalers hopes and dreams and give my Scarecrows a clear path to success. (Insert evil laughter here)

Of course, this is all in jest .... right.

traded

...wait a second

Slowpoke · 09-26-2018, 01:10 PM

This is an easy one. The easiest way to ensure we make it into the playoffs is to make sure that Seattle doesn’t. To do this, I would target none other than the team captain, Liam O’Callaghan. A notable hothead with a habit of drinking a few to many, I would attempt to cripple the Riot by removing him from the ice and the locker room. The easiest way to do this is to use his own habits against him. First, find his favorite watering hole. Second, hire some escorts to get him to let lose. Third, spike his drinks. Then, and this is the most important part, make sure I have ICE on speed dial. As soon as Liam is unconscious call ICE and report him as an illegal immigrant. Even if he isn’t, which I doubt he is, the legal actions and everything related would keep him off the ice for, oh, I don’t know, a month. This would give us the fighting chance we need to make sure we aren’t playing golf come the off season.

JRed94 · 09-26-2018, 02:49 PM

205 words:

So it's all come down to this. Jack Kennedy has drawn the short straw (get it?). The outcome of this mission, and perhaps the Whalers' success as a team, now weigh heavy and exclusively on the sophomore forward's shoulders. The plan is simple, but dangerous-- its execution is key, and the target unsuspecting. Jack Kennedy is to impersonate an actual scarecrow, so it's a good thing he is not allergic to hay. His teammates stuff his clothes with itchy dry grass, and paint his face to display the exaggerated expressions that keep the birds at bay. Once Kennedy becomes the scarecrow, he is to simply stroll in to the crows' locker room like he belongs. Under the facade of a meet and greet, Kennedy will introduce himself as the new mascot, explaining how he's here to take selfies with the players for their social media page. It's just a coincidence that these photos will be taken in front of all the Crows' strategy boards. All said sensitive intelligence will be live streamed back to the Whalers' locker room--via hidden cameras--to be studied immediately before those Crows realize they've been duped by a Trojan Horse masquerading as a mascot.

Jiggly_333 · 09-26-2018, 04:15 PM

NSFL PT

Player Page||Update Page

Jamie T Wrote:But I wish I'd been a little more exceptional
And I wish I'd been a little unconventional
But I was not enough, no, I'm not enough

***HoltzFan10*** · 09-26-2018, 07:49 PM

During the afternoon before Game 221, I made a huge mistake...

I went to the Jet’s locker rooms and filled all their skates with chocolate pudding and, obviously, put a very thin and transparent take on the blades of the skates. I then changed their Gatorade to a very spicy hot sauce and ranch dressing mix...

Then I went on to they jerseys, I took ketchup and sprayed it all over the inside of all their jerseys. Then, I went to their sticks, broke 1 stick from each player and glued it back together, so that it would break as they take it.

I didn’t want to mess up their stuff too badly, so after that I let them be.

As I wanted, they had trouble scoring, but not for the right reason. My masterful plan failed as I actually messed with their practice equipment, not their game equipment.

But how come they still had trouble scoring you ask? Well that’s because I’m that good Cool

(181 words)

ztevans · 09-26-2018, 07:51 PM

The Edmonton Blizzard have put together a strong season, currently sitting behind Winnipeg in the Western Conference. For a couple of Edmonton players, familiarity most certainly breeds contempt, and veteran forward Zach Evans is more than willing to play into that.

Cory Knouse and Michael McFadden formerly played for the Seattle Riot. In both the Season 37 Western Conference Finals and the Season 38 Western Conference Semifinals, the Riot fell in seven games to Evans’ Winnipeg Jets. Following Season 38, both Knouse and McFadden moved to Edmonton in separate trades as the Riot prepared for a rebuild and the Blizzard pushed for playoff contention. Indeed, the Blizzard are now a perennial playoff contender – but in those first two seasons, the Blizzard fell in the first round to the Jets.

Thus, those two players lost in four straight seasons to the Jets in the playoffs. While Evans has not interacted much off the ice with McFadden, Knouse and Evans have always been friendly rivals dating to their time in the SMJHL. Thus, Evans has already put together a nice YouTube montage of highlights from those four playoff series to send to Knouse whenever it seems appropriate, looking to get into the head of one of Edmonton’s star players. It may not be the classic flashy or embarrassing prank, but it is savvy mental warfare which suits Evans' personality.

Vikian · 09-26-2018, 08:32 PM

When I walked into the locker room I knew I shouldn't have looked at the huddle of my teammates that were whispering something. But as I looked over and met the eyes of my fellow teammates I knew I was in trouble. They had this glee and glow around them as they motioned for me to come closer. As they wrapped their hands around my shoulders they leaned in and told me to go to other teams locker room and steal the other goalies helmet and replace it with an old style cage mask. As I was coaxed into it I could hear my teammates telling me, “don't worry about...No one will catch you”. The target was Johnny Yuma from the Seattle Riot. They were our biggest threat and we wanted to sabotage them. When I got into the locker room it was surprisingly easy to go in unnoticed and I quickly switched the masks. What I did not know was that the mask my teammates gave me had a picture of poop on it. I looked at it in horror as I questioned if I should do this, that's when I heard people coming so I switched it and ran off. When warmups came we were in glee, ready to see Yuma come out with his new helmet. Unfortunately we are all idiots and forgot that goalies carry two masks...but we could see Yuma was a little uncomfortable with the way the mask sat on him so I guess that was a win.

DeletedAtUserRequest · 09-26-2018, 08:45 PM

09-26-2018, 12:30 AMJayWhy Wrote: With the recent trade to the St. Louis Scarecrows, there is a drastic change to the team who is in my way anymore. In St. Louis, we are staring down a dangerous Vancouver Whalers team. I, myself, am a fan of true sabotage and I know exactly what I can do to give an SMJHL GM an aneurysm and destroy line chemistry. If tasked to do so, it would be my pleasure to simply destroy the Whalers line-up with just a single post.

The Manhattan Rage call up D - Tokek Takshak and F - David Kastrba.

Breaking into their line-up by taking up two capped players immediately, and doing so right at the trade deadline where they wouldn't be able to be replaced nor sent back, is a damning trouble for an SMJHL GM to work past. I am certain I would have some angry messages from a certain @adamantium as I completely destroy the Vancouver Whalers hopes and dreams and give my Scarecrows a clear path to success. (Insert evil laughter here)

Of course, this is all in jest .... right.

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