10-14-2018, 04:17 PM(This post was last modified: 10-16-2018, 11:40 PM by Grapehead.)
Task 2 - Scandal
The SHL would like to apologize, on behalf of the Winnipeg Jets, for the actions of their star player Jason Visser, who was arrested last night ahead of this week’s Championship Series.
Around 4am Police were called about a “disgruntled man” at a local hotel, who wouldn’t stop “licking his lips, and thrusting.” They arrived on the scene to find that Visser had since disrobed, and was now laying in the water fountain in the hotel lobby. When they attempted to take him into custody, he grabbed his robe and took off running up the main staircase. When he got to the top he turned and released 20 or 30 marbles, then laughed and ducked into a small conference room. He hid there for several minutes, before he was found past out in a puddle of drool, with a cigarette in one hand and a fork in the other.
The SHL expects its players to conduct themselves more appropriately, and to get their freak on in private.
Task 5 - Newspaper
- What young player has a chance to make a name for themself in this series?
For West Kendall that player is Dayymo Ralchankinov, and for Winnipeg I’m going with Max Poulin. Both of these players were huge for their respective teams in the SMJHL on long playoff runs, and are capable of being gamebreakers. So far they haven’t done a lot on the scoresheet, but the Challenge Cup Finals are known to bring out the best in these players.
- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
The Winnipeg Jets will come in as the favourite to win this series, but the West Kendall Platoon will be bigger underdogs than they deserve to be; the Platoon have been a force to be reckoned with in these playoffs. The Jets just have such incredible offensive depth, and they are riding a lot of momentum after their comeback series win against LAP. From top to bottom though, both of these teams have the type of rosters that you need to win championships, and it will be a close series.
- Who has been their team’s surprise player in the post season?
Maurizio Arrivabene has been a big surprise for Winnipeg, but in a bad way. In the regular season he posted 47 points in 50 games played, and with numbers like that expectations were high heading into the playoffs. So far Arrivabene is ranked 11th on the Jets, with 7 points in 13 games played. The Jets would love if he could return to that regular season form for the finals.
Task 9 - The Plan
My master plan for the intermission show is to spend $11 on cheap illegal fireworks, and then set them off as the zamboni cleans the ice. I figure for $11, at the right roadside stand, you can get enough fireworks to blow the top off the arena. Any crowd would be amazed at an indoor fireworks display during the intermission of a hockey game. Then, we’ll get a free trial of Apple Music so we can play some gnarly rock and roll music along with the fireworks. Finally, we’ll have our volunteers round up all the leftover tshirts we can find, and we’ll fire those off from the tshirt gun. It’s going to look really foolish that the league couldn’t spare any extra money for the Challenge Cup Finals, but what can you do? Shoot off fireworks I suppose. Maybe next time they won’t leave me in charge of this.
10-14-2018, 04:40 PM(This post was last modified: 10-17-2018, 05:06 PM by trella.)
Bonus: Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross
Task 1: In an effort to excite the millennials and urban street youth, the SHL wants a hip/hop promotion for this years challenge cup! Using the youtube beat above, create a 150 word or more Rap/R&B jam about the championship series! The song must have at least 1 verse and 1 chorus and include players from either or both teams.
Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is
When Wilson gets the puck, it goes in
LKS blocking shots, thats nothing
Buscuit with a shut out, thats stuntin
Reppin West Kendall and you know they gonna win the cup
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Get in your face Sven Brokstad wanna know what's up
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Big John Ross and Alex Light
If the team loses its not without a fight
The Challenge Cup, bring em that, Bojo stacking the pads
Stay below the salary cap
We banging out that WK Gang
When they skate on the ice fans scream their names
The Jets can't take off
And I got shootas like Ralchankinov
You can't go Wong
Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is
When Wilson gets the puck, it goes in
LKS blocking shots, thats nothing
Buscuit with a shut out, thats stuntin
Reppin West Kendall and you know they gonna win the cup
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Get in your face Sven Brokstad wanna know what's up
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Red and Navy
Task 2: Oh no! scandal has hit championship week here on day 2! as a beat reporter from TMZ obtained the police reports of a highly embarrasing arrest made from one of the players in the challenge cup series!.. In 150 words or more, create an official SHL press report to release to the media with a picture related to the incident, the details of this incident, what player or players were involved and the official reponse of the league.
BREAKING NEWS! The West Kendall Platoon's top player has just been arrested, Ludwig Koch Schroder! The defenseman has been reported to have driven into the broad side of a Tim Horton's in Winnipeg after a victory on a road. It seems as if Koch Schroder was driving under the influence, however the results of the tests have not yet been released by the Winnipeg Police Department. This could become a serious problem for the Platoon, as they cannot afford to lose the talent of Koch Schroder on the back end. ZThe Simulation Hockey League has not yet issued a statement, but the Platoon can do nothing but hope that Koch Schroder does not garner himself a suspension, or else their blue line will take a massive hit. Hopefully for the West Kendall Platoon, Koch Schroder only receives a fine because if not, the team will be in a lot of trouble against a Winnipeg Jets team with a star studded offense with players such as Jason Visser, Crossfit Jesus, and Pietra Volkova, as well as many other stars.
Task 3: The SHL Network is in need of an interview to broadcast during the challenge cup finals and you have been assigned the task! Contact a player in the upcoming series and have them answer 3 questions (player or series related) Let them know that each answer must be a minimum of 20 words for you to get credit. The player you interview must also be tagged.
I asked Sven Brokstad some questions.
1. Being a younger player, how are you handling the pressure of a finals series?
Well I wouldn’t really call myself young. I mean I’m still improving and learning every day and I feel as fresh as I ever did, but the end is getting closer and closer. I feel like I’ve had a lot of playoff experience and have really faced all kinds of situations. Nail biters, sweeps both ways, shorter series. I’m just gonna use my experience and go out to play one game at a time.
2. How do you plan on shutting down Winnipeg's high powered offense?
Shutting down offenses is my forte. I’m not big on scoring or putting up a highlight reel. My game is all about positioning, toughness, and proper stick placement. I’m gonna do that ever possession, win the puck and fire it back to our playmakers.
3. Are you feeling any fatigue from your grueling playoff run?
No fatigue at all. This is the playoffs. I can sleep when it’s over. I mean sure I feel sore, but when the lineups are called every night I get amped and turn it back to maximum effort. Winning cures all ailments. I plan on being healthy by the end of it.
Good for you?
Task 5: Newspapers and bloggers are covering the event all across the globe and they are looking for information to post to their readers! Pick 3 of the topics below to write about! Each topic is worth 1 TPE. Each answer must be 50 words or more.
Which player on either team is most deserving of winning a championship?
I think Ludwig Koch Schroder definitely is the most deserving of a cup out of anyone in this finals series. He has been one of the league's most talented players ever, but has surprisingly won very few individual awards. I am not really sure how this happens but who really does. I would love to see Ludwig Koch Schroder to win this cup and many more so that he can eventually go down in the Hall Of Fame because he really has trained very hard and put in a lot of work to become one of the league's best defensemen.
Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
I'd say that the Jets are definitely favorites in this series. They just have so much outstanding talent on their team. Forwards Jason Visser, Zach Evans, Pietra Volkova, Kyle Kyalrad, Crossfit Jesus, and Corey Bearss make up an absolutely dominant group of top 6 forwards. They also have Max Weber, Karl Hefeweizen, Gary Grease, and Viecheslav Orlov on their blue line, which is very solid. The Platoon are the underdogs in this series. Not that they have a bad team, I'm just not sure that they can match the strong and experienced core of the Jets.
Who are the 3 most dangerous players on the ice in this series and why?
I would say that the three most dangerous players on the ice in this series, the Season Fourty Three Challenge Cup Finals would be three forwards: Jason Visser, Center for the Winnipeg Jets, Dani Forsberg, Winger for the West Kendall Platoon, and Zach Evans, Winger for the Winnipeg Jets. These three players are all extremely effective at playing offense for their respective hockey clubs and can really put up some numbers.
Task 9: We are just an hour away from the start of the challenge cup finals and you have been informed that Katy Perry has the gout and can not perform during the 1st intermission... YIKES!!!!!! ... to make matters worse Eggy and HO are not around to approve more money for a differant act! You have been chosen to take on the unenviable task of putting together something which the whole world is about to watch ...with nothing but the 11 dollars in your pocket.
In 150 words or more, explain what you came up with and how will it be implamented. The Plan must include a diagram or picture.
Oh SHIT! What am I going to do? Katy Perry you fake artificial human, how could you screw me like this? Agh, I need to get this whole operation back on track... thinking, thinking, thinking. All I have is 11 fucking dollars, what am I supposed to do with this? Hmmmmmmm. Wait! I've got it! Since I have barely any money, I definitely can not afford to hire a human band to play in the first intermission... so that must mean I must hire some animals! You might think this is too crazy to actually work, but you gotta hear me out. I know some people- well not people, animals I should say- who can fill in for Katy Perry and do at least a passable job (I hope). Meet Rage Against the ZOO!
Rage Against the Zoo is the first all animal band and while they are pretty undiscovered, I am about to make them superstars!
MIAMI, FL -- An altercation broke out in the early hours of the morning of Game 3 of the Challenge Cup Finals. Winnipeg Jets center Jason Visser, seeking redemption from a fight he lost earlier in the playoffs, texted West Kendall Platoon left winger Alex Light challenging him to a street fight. Light accepted the invitation, although due to the ambiguous terms as Visser only texted "fite me," Visser was stunned when Light brought male family members with him.
The altercation involved the four cousins Light brought along pinning down each of Visser's limbs, rendering him immobile. Light then proceeded to pull out a feather duster, order his cousins to roll Visser's shirt up slightly and mercilessly tickle Visser. Though he thrashed about in an attempt to spring free, the Lights kept Visser down for a solid 10 minutes of torment before they agreed they had gone far enough. Visser was released and cursed the Lights, swearing vengeance upon Alex at the game that night with no further response from Light.
The SHL is deeply disturbed at both parties involved. For instigating the altercation, Visser will be fined $100,000 and must perform a day of community service for Mrs. Ophelia Grishov, whose home was the site of the transgressions. For his use of cruel means of physical torment, Light will be fined $500,000 and must both issue a public apology and spend four hours in the stocks, live on national television at a date and time to be determined.
(249)
Task 5
- Which player on either team is most deserving of winning a championship?
As one of the top performers over the last several seasons and, until two seasons ago, without a Cup to his name, Ludwig Koch Schroder has put up with seasons of disappointments until he helped a perpetual disappointment of a franchise in West Kendall shed their 34-season drought. After committing to this club and putting in to become one of the best defenders in the league right now, he's got his one already, though he's more than deserving of finally reaping the rewards of a potential dynasty. (87)
- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
Winnipeg enters this series as a clear-cut favorite. With incredible consistency over the course of the season, ending with 70 points in a stacked Western Conference where 6 teams finished with a better record than West Kendall did. The Platoon rang in with 49 points, narrowly making it in past the Toronto North Stars at 47. By definition, WKP do not enter playoffs as a quality team. Winnipeg held serve out West as well, knocking down the Dragons and Panthers, the only two teams who represented the West in the past 6 CC Finals. (94)
- Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?
In terms of the legacy, Winnipeg needs it more. They took the President's Trophy and knocked out the two teams who monopolized the West for the seasons between their last Challenge Cup victory. They've remained competitive, sure, though with all that talent they have, it would certainly sting for this group to be denied now and have an uncertain chance in the next few seasons to come with Calgary and Los Angeles sure to still be in contention while their cores are intact. (83)
Cook all meats as necessary until done. Ground beef may be varying degrees of cooked, though other meats should be prepared until done. Place bottom half of bun down. Arrange meats, cheese and vegetables, fried and otherwise, in a manner that starts with a meat, then allows for a slice of cheese, then vegetables as diagrammed. Apply condiments during construction. Place top bun atop sandwich upon completion.
Batter and fry filet of cod. Fry potato in butter. Add salt and pepper once done. Stack lingonberries atop the bottom bun, then cod, potato, onions and pickles, then finish with the top bun. Tartar sauce optional, though frowned upon.
Task 9
While we cannot provide Katy Perry herself to perform her music on-stage...I have just the $11 solution you're looking for.
We assemble a crack squad of 12 fans in the stadium most familiar with the works of Katy Perry. We arrange them in such a manner that they arc around the sound equipment we at least still have in-house (thank God that doesn't cost us in this) and we arbitrarily assign parts down the line between different voice parts and instrument parts. The last guy in the lineup will do beatboxing in lieu of a percussion part on kazoo because it's pointless and we're short one kazoo. They cost $1 each, man, lay off! I then step out and issue the following:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we were expecting Katy Perry to perform during this first intermission of Game 1 of the Challenge Cup Finals. Ms. Perry has come down with gout and cannot be bothered to be anywhere near ice while afflicted. That doesn't mean we can't give you some of her greatest hits! Please welcome to the stage, the Katy Perry Kazoo Crew!"
I then get the hell out of dodge before anyone gets a chance to throw things at me with any chance of hitting me.
10-14-2018, 04:55 PM(This post was last modified: 10-20-2018, 03:50 PM by raymond3000.)
Task 5: Newspapers and bloggers are covering the event all across the globe and they are looking for information to post to their readers! Pick 3 of the topics below to write about! Each topic is worth 1 TPE. Each answer must be 50 words or more.
- What young player has a chance to make a name for themself in this series?
Gary Grease of the Winnipeg Jets has a chance to make himself a household name. He’s one of the best up and coming dmen in the SHL, and early in his career, he has been stuck down the lineup due to Winnipeg’s depth. However, he is now a legit top four dman and has a chance to really prove himself.
- Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?
The Winnipeg Jets needs this Challenge Cup more than the Platoon. West Kendall won a cup just a few seasons ago with largely the same roster. The Jets, on the other hand, have been by far the league’s best regular season for around five seasons now. And yet, their last cup came in S37. Their core players, like Visser and Evans, were around for that win, but have yet to prove that they can be the leaders of c Challenge Cup-winning team.
- Who are the 3 most dangerous players on the ice in this series and why?
Jason Visser is the best offensive talent in the SHL. Winnipeg’s leader on and off the ice, Visser is someone the Platoon will have to be aware of every time he’s on the ice. West Kendall’s best player is Dani Forsberg, who is a two-way monster playing on their top line. Lastly, Max Weber of the Jets is the best blueliner in this Finals, and can punish the opposing team both physically and on the scoresheet.
10-14-2018, 05:35 PM(This post was last modified: 10-23-2018, 08:35 PM by MyLittleHexx.)
Boner: Max Weber and Max Poulin
Task 2:
SHL Announces Suspension of Gabriel Wong: Harassing Locals of Buffalo with Large Dildo
Early Tuesday night, police were called outside the hotel where the West Kendall Platoon were staying game two of the SHL finals. Police desirable seeing a drunken Gabriel Wong harassing locals while wielding a giant dildo. Wong was described as having a blood alcohol content level of 1.1%. Wong continued to be belligerent, and additional officers were requested on scene to subdue the forward.
The SHL does not condone the actions of Gabriel Wong. The league advocates responsible alcohol consumption, and will be working closely with associations next season to help discuss responsible alcohol consumption. In addition, Wong will be required to complete 50 hours of community service, as well as complete a sexual harassment workshop. Wong will also be fined $50,000, withe $40,000 being donated to the fine officers of Buffalo. Wong has declined to comment on the matter.
Task 3:
During the media scrums, we were able to get Laraque Obama @shmeeg to answer a few questions for us about the finals.
1.)What does it feel like be to competing for a Cup?
It's great, the intensity is amazing. Every game has been physical, and has been a grind. The intensity tells how important winning the cup is. It's going to be a good series.
2.)Speaking of the intensity, how do you like it?
Love it. Getting grindy and gritty, hard and banging. It's tough on the body, but that's the best type of hockey. When everyone is giving their all, and leaving it all on the ice. it's my favorite type of hockey to watch.
3.)How was your journey to this moment?
It was a journey. In all honesty, it's been a whirlwind. You are playing, enjoying life. Time flies, and you lose track of what is going on. Feels like just yesterday I was in the J, now I'm playing in the finals of the SHL. It's been a fun ride.
Task 5:
- Which player on either team is most deserving of winning a championship?
No player deserves to win a championship. No one deserves to win a championship. You earn a championship. You fight for a championship. Saying someone deserves a championship is an insult to every single player who has worked hard to get to the finals and hoist the cup above their head. Trevor Wilson, in my eyes, has earned the ability to win a championship. Dude is a legend.
- What young player has a chance to make a name for themself in this series?
Danny Mete is a young player who has a chance to make a name for themselves this finals. A quick two-way defenseman who has shown to have a booming shot, this 5'9 man from Madagascar can make his presence known through the SHL. Somewhat quiet in the regular season, Mete can easily have a huge series, coming out of his shell and taking charge and helping lead the Platoon to another cup.
- Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?
Winnipeg needs this cup more. They've had a strong team for the past 5+ seasons, and they have nothing to show for it. Their window of opportunity is closing, with all their stars starting to fade and retire. If management can't win a cup, they'll be seen as people who had a team that could win it all, but could never win it all. Realistically, they won't be remembered at all, because you don't celebrate the losers of history.
Task 7:
Task 9: We are just an hour away from the start of the challenge cup finals and you have been informed that Katy Perry has the gout and can not perform during the 1st intermission... YIKES!!!!!! ... to make matters worse Eggy and HO are not around to approve more money for a differant act! You have been chosen to take on the unenviable task of putting together something which the whole world is about to watch ...with nothing but the 11 dollars in your pocket.
With Katy Perry out and no other options, the SHL was forced to call upon some outside help. After promising free tickets to the next game, they were able to get a few people to perform a live act. No one was really sure what live act it would be until they were out at center ice on the stage that was prepared for Katy Perry's concert. Quiet a combinations of colours for the stage, especially when you compare to eight schmucks that were plucked off the streets in downtown Winnipeg. Anyways, everyone in the arena was confused as to what was going on, until a pyro bundle went off and literally scared the pants off one of the people on stage. The others followed suit, taking their clothes off too. Soon, we had our 1st intermission live act entertainment. That's right, in front of a sold out crowd in Winnipeg, we had a good old fashioned orgy. It was just a blob of skin, and it lasted a little over five minutes. One they were done, they put on their clothes and left. The ice crew had to spend more time then they usually do to prepare the ice, as they now had to remove cum from the ice.
10-14-2018, 05:43 PM(This post was last modified: 10-16-2018, 08:46 PM by Pingy Pingu.)
Task 2: Oh no! scandal has hit championship week here on day 2! as a beat reporter from TMZ obtained the police reports of a highly embarrasing arrest made from one of the players in the challenge cup series!.. In 150 words or more, create an official SHL press report to release to the media with a picture related to the incident, the details of this incident, what player or players were involved and the official reponse of the league.
A TMZ reporter obtained the police report about Winnipeg Jets’ Max Weber who was caught inside a nightclub fighting with West Kendall Platoon’s Jon Ross. However, this was no ordinary fight, as they were both very drunk with costumes throwing pumpkins at each other! From what the police report had said, Max Weber saw Jon Ross at the club having a good time, and since they are championship rivals, it seems like Max got really angry upon seeing Ross. Apparently, Max then confronted him and there was a verbal scuffle before a full out pumpkin throwing fight, seen in the picture. They both seem to be wearing pretty funny Halloween costumes, with Max dressed as a pumpkin and Jon Ross as a strawberry. Police later arrived and broke up the fight, and both players were placed in squad cars. The police could not stop laughing as they were bringing them to the station. Naturally, the league was not very impressed, although they did express some humour in their official statement:
“This little incident between Pumpkin Boy and Strawberry Man is quite embarrassing for the league, and is very disrespectful for our reputation on and off the ice. We shall be giving an adequate punishment to both players, as well as giving them new nicknames.”
It will be interesting to see what fans think of this as they step onto the ice for their next game. (235 words)
Task 3: The SHL Network is in need of an interview to broadcast during the challenge cup finals and you have been assigned the task! Contact a player in the upcoming series and have them answer 3 questions (player or series related) Let them know that each answer must be a minimum of 20 words for you to get credit. The player you interview must also be tagged.
1. You have improved pretty well since the previous season, how well do you think you will do in the playoffs?
I think playing with great teammates I have and the ability to do anything, I can also do very well in the playoffs. These guys will do anything to win and same for me. To be a good player, you play with good players. (44 words)
2. What do you think is the biggest obstacle to the Platoon that will make it hard for you guys to win?
The Jets are a really deep team. Their offense is deadly with Volkova, Bearss, Jesus, and especially Visser who really destroyed the league again. I am not afraid though and I have been against the Jets since forever so it will be an exciting series but challenging.(47 words)
3. What are you looking forward to the most in the coming playoffs?
Winning series and winning the championship. That is all I am looking forward to. I have played in the playoffs before a bunch of times and this playoffs is more special because this is the best season of my career and I am a huge impact which is nice. (49 words)
Task 5: Newspapers and bloggers are covering the event all across the globe and they are looking for information to post to their readers! Pick 3 of the topics below to write about! Each topic is worth 1 TPE. Each answer must be 50 words or more.
- Which player on either team is most deserving of winning a championship?
I think that Leafer Rielly of West Kendall Platoon is one of the most deserving of a championship because he has made a significant impact this season for his team and it's not well known. He has improved quite a lot from last season, with 21 goals overall vs 15 in s42. He has also had the most game winning goals of his whole team this year (5), which makes him one of the players who really helped bring his team to the championships. For the Winnipeg Jets, Corey Bearrs is one of the most deserving because He has shown a wild change in his points, going from 35 last season to 53 this season and going from just 1 game winner to 4 game winners and 4 game tying goals. This makes him a really valuable player for the Jets and I think his hard work this season is definitely something that needs to be recognized.(157 words)
- Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?
I think in terms of legacy, Winnipeg needs this championship more. This is because with the amount of skill on their team and how well they have performed this season and previous seasons, it would be a shame to not have a cup to show for it. So far this has been one of the best seasons for the Jets, and they have been without a chance for the cup for a while now, so winning this one would put a big mark in the books for their legacy. (89 words)
- Who are the 3 most dangerous players on the ice in this series and why?
The first Player is Crossfit Jesus. This guy has had a pretty darn good season with a total of 54 points, and 26 goals. He is of course one of the star players on the Jets and will show off some impressive skills in the playoffs. The second player is Jason Visser. He has had an amazing season with 74 points and 29 goals, and together with Crossfit the pair is going to make it really tough for the Platoon to win. The third player is Dani Forseberg. He may not have as much points as the stars of the Jets, but he is also a very aggressive player which will help in the games. I think Dani will make a pretty even match when he's on the ice. (129 words)
Task 7: Tomorrow the SHL marketing department will release the official championship series alternate logos to be sold to the public! Design an Alternate logo for one of the teams involved in the challenge cup finals. that alternate must include the team name and season number within the logo
Task 9: We are just an hour away from the start of the challenge cup finals and you have been informed that Katy Perry has the gout and can not perform during the 1st intermission... YIKES!!!!!! ... to make matters worse Eggy and HO are not around to approve more money for a differant act! You have been chosen to take on the unenviable task of putting together something which the whole world is about to watch ...with nothing but the 11 dollars in your pocket.
Alright so to replace Katy Perry we are going to need something else to excite the crowd. First we will get a few players from each team to sign some spare jerseys, and then the announcer will go out and throw them onto the crowd. Next, the ice crew will set up some snow ramps. Pingu has offered to volunteer his epic diving skills and perform a show on the ice. Some of the ice crew will run down to dollarama and buy $7.50 worth of candy, and the announcer will ask for some kids to come down to the ice. There will then be a shooting contest for 1st 2nd and 3rd place candy prizes. For the final act, rapper 50 Cent has agreed to do a performance for the price of our last $3.50. This will be enough to get him to perform 3 songs: In Da Club, Get Up and P.I.M.P. Then the show will close and we can start the game, having averted a crisis. (169 words)
"Bring back Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba esq. And I mean bring him all the way back. I want every thread on this forum that involves even a modicum of salt to get razed to the ground by our most notorious shitposting penguin. I want every thunderdome to drown in ABAGABA spam and a signature that doesn't end. I want the userbase of this fine league to cower in terror, slinking about the forums and making as little noise as possible for fear of attracting the Shitpost Slenderman. When some poor immigrant from the NFL sim blunders into the forum and makes an angry post about how his player slipped to the early second round despite having done ALL the rookie tasks(!), let the veteran survivalists stare in horror and pity while the newbie rages. They will know it is only a matter of time before @Pingy Pingu descends upon his post like a ravening wolf and obliterates his tread, reducing it to a radioactive waste-dump of unintelligible spam. They will not interfere, for Pingy is our immune system. Because he can take it. Our Dark Knight of Shitposting"
Sig credit to @WannabeFinn @JSS @Mordaciious @Mayuu @TommySalami
Falcons banner credit to @karey
10-14-2018, 05:44 PM(This post was last modified: 10-23-2018, 08:14 PM by Nobody.)
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[u]Task 2[/u]: Oh no! scandal has hit championship week here on day 2! as a beat reporter from TMZ obtained the police reports of a highly embarrasing arrest made from one of the players in the challenge cup series!.. In 150 words or more, create an official SHL press report to release to the media with a picture related to the incident, the details of this incident, what player or players were involved and the official reponse of the league.
The SHL is shocked to hear of the arrest of West Kendall Platoon goaltender Beaujeaux Biscuit, While details are sparse currently we have received a number of crumbs of information. We believe the incident in question was a fight regarding Mr. Biscuits heritage. The other party involved in the altercation accused Biscuit of being British and insisting that he be called Beaujeaux Cookie from now on. While the SHL can not comment on these claims we can announce that we are looking into them. It has been claimed that while being led away in handcuffs Mr. Biscuit was overheard saying “So this is how the cookie crumbles”, it is not known if this is in any way related to Mr. Biscuits claimed heritage or due to his know history, of puns.
If these allegations are true Mr. Biscuit could find himself in hot water, with a few bones and some veg. A gravy if you will...
@.bojo
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[u]Task 5[/u]: Newspapers and bloggers are covering the event all across the globe and they are looking for information to post to their readers! Pick 3 of the topics below to write about! Each topic is worth [u]1[/u] TPE. Each answer must be [u]50[/u] words or more.
- What young player has a chance to make a name for themself in this series?
Season 39 is still young right? Please.. I don’t want to feel old. Anyway this series is Gary Grease’s time to shine. He’s been on a team with many other big name players and this series could be his chance to show that he could be among the group of elite players. Grease has definitely put in the hard work on and off the ice to be considered.
- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
Going into this series I would have to favour the Jets by a fair amount. The Jets had a very strong regular season where West Kendall were looking like they could drop out of a playoff spot at any point. However the playoffs are a whole other animal, and West Kendall and playoffs have not mixed well until recently.
- Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?
West Kendall has had a long and rough relationship with the playoffs, only recently managing to conquer their biggest road block. If West Kendall can win a second cup in three seasons they can truly prove that they have finally overcome their playoff curse. And show that the real problem was Bojo being GM. or that fact he was unmarried. Either one of the two.
Code:
[u]Task 7[/u]: Tomorrow the SHL marketing department will release the official championship series alternate logos to be sold to the public! Design an Alternate logo for one of the teams involved in the challenge cup finals. that alternate must include the team name and season number within the logo.
10-14-2018, 06:15 PM(This post was last modified: 10-19-2018, 10:04 AM by Justice.)
Bonus: Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross
Code:
[u]Task 1[/u]: In an effort to excite the millennials and urban street youth, the SHL wants a hip/hop promotion for this years challenge cup! Using the youtube beat above, create a 150 word or more Rap/R&B jam about the championship series! The song must have at least 1 verse and 1 chorus and include players from either or both teams.
I'm Schroder, bitch (bitch)
I'm Schroder, bitch (bitch)
They thought I wasn't Schroder bitch
I'm Schroder bitch (bitch)
Schroder, bitch (bitch)
Schroder, bitch (bitch)
They thought I wasn't Schroder bitch
I'm Schroder bitch (bitch)
Ay the only thing longer than my hockey stick (what?)
Is my big fuckin dick when she suckin' it (damn)
And the only thing rawer than Winnipeg (what?)
Is her pink pussy after I'm done fuckin' it (woah)
Slap that ass bitch (slap it!)
Slap that ass bitch (slap it)
Bend that booty over
I wanna see that clap bitch (word)
Slap that ass bitch (slap it!)
Slap that ass bitch (slap it)
Bend that booty over
I wanna see that clap bitch (word)
I'm Schroder, bitch (bitch)
I'm Schroder, bitch (bitch)
They thought I wasn't Schroder bitch
I'm Schroder bitch (bitch)
Schroder, bitch (bitch)
Schroder, bitch (bitch)
They thought I wasn't Schroder bitch
I'm Schroder bitch (bitch)
Yeah you already know it's fucking Schroder bitch
160 words
Code:
[u]Task 2[/u]: Oh no! scandal has hit championship week here on day 2! as a beat reporter from TMZ obtained the police reports of a highly embarrasing arrest made from one of the players in the challenge cup series!.. In 150 words or more, create an official SHL press report to release to the media with a picture related to the incident, the details of this incident, what player or players were involved and the official reponse of the league.
In a remarkably disgusting turn of events, it has recently came to light that Jon Ross, West Kendall Platoon defenseman, is a sex offender. After numerous claims coming from people he grew up with, there has been an overwhelming amount of scrutiny coming Jon Ross' way especially in today's #MeToo movement.
"Every word of what those victims said... I believe, it's hard not to." is what basically every teammate he has on the Platoon has said about the situation. While we have yet to receive a comment from Jon Ross himself, it is becoming imperative that he believes silence is the best course of action during turbulent times such as this, and certainly doesn't ring any bells that he may be innocent of this filthy crime.
The only thing that West Kendall police chief Nando has said about the current situation, is to keep your children safe or inside. There's a crazed sex offender on the loose, and until he's tracked down it'd be best to play it conservative.
10-14-2018, 06:17 PM(This post was last modified: 10-20-2018, 05:35 AM by dankoa.)
Code:
[u]Task 1[/u]: In an effort to excite the millennials and urban street youth, the SHL wants a hip/hop promotion for this years challenge cup! Using the youtube beat above, create a 150 word or more Rap/R&B jam about the championship series! The song must have at least 1 verse and 1 chorus and include players from either or both teams.
Trap
Trap Michael Izzy
Challenge Cup about to get fizzy
Beaujeux do you love me
Are you riding
Say you'll never ever leave from the goal line
Cos I want you and I need you (to save the puck)
So you're not down a goal always
Look the new Jets is really just the old Jets
Stevan Evans playing even Stevens with his goal gets
Doing all the things that he always used to do, bet
When Stevans score a goal Visser cellies like he earned it
When Forsberg popped off on his ex team (Buffalo Stampede) they deserved it
Trap Michael Izzy
Making sure this PT keeps you busy
Karsten (Kadinger), do you love me
Are you riding
Say you'll never ever leave from beside your defensive partner
Cos I want you and I need you (to make big defensive plays)
Your team is down because of you always
150 words
Code:
[u]Task 2[/u]: Oh no! scandal has hit championship week here on day 2! as a beat reporter from TMZ obtained the police reports of a highly embarrasing arrest made from one of the players in the challenge cup series!.. In 150 words or more, create an official SHL press report to release to the media with a picture related to the incident, the details of this incident, what player or players were involved and the official reponse of the league.
It transpires that Winnipeg Jets forward Zach Evans was arrested today in downtown West Kendall after being caught publicly masturbating in a lewd act that many believe indicates a sever downturn in his wellbeing. Evans, a former league MVP, seemed not quite his usual self; some believe this can be attributed to his prescription use of ambien, but isn't known for definite. When reached for comment, SHL commissioner Jasper Clayton was pragmatic, saying that punishment of such a visible and well known role model for young fans of the sport would come after the conclusion of any legal proceedings, but would be severe and conclusive. It's hoped that Evans will be able to post bail in time to leave and play in Game 1 tomorrow night, although nothing is known as a fact just yet. What is known is this is a sudden and severe change from the happy go lucky Evans we have known for many years, and it may be impossible for his public image to recover.
Code:
[u]Task 5[/u]: Newspapers and bloggers are covering the event all across the globe and they are looking for information to post to their readers! Pick 3 of the topics below to write about! Each topic is worth [u]1[/u] TPE. Each answer must be [u]50[/u] words or more.
- Which player on either team is most deserving of winning a championship?
- What young player has a chance to make a name for themself in this series?
- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
Which player on either team is most deserving of winning a championship?
I think Ludwig Koch Schroder is deserving of winning another championship in the SHL. After winning his 1st in the last few seasons, LKS has shown the kind of grit and determination required of one of the hardest working defensemen in the league, and is fully deserving of collecting a ring for his endeavours. A tough competitor, it'll be great to see if he can get the job done this time around and leave successful.
What young player has a chance to make a name for themself in this series?
The obvious answer would have to be Troy McClure III of the Winnipeg Jets. A player still young in the tooth after being drafted in S42, McClure can use this series to establish himself as a legitimate young defenseman in the SHL, and someone who can go on to have a great deal of success in the future. Playing a big role on his team, it will be interesting to see what this young player is able to do.
Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
I might be alone in this viewpoint but I see the Jets as the underdog of the series. Obviously still a great team, but the aging of star players like Volkova and Evans means they might be a step behind the dominant force they have been in seasons past. Obviously Jason Visser is still a freak of nature, but taking into consideration Winnipeg's playoff Miss and the fact WKP won a cup only two seasons ago and I have them down as the team to beat.
Code:
[u]Task 8[/u]: Tons of fans are about to arrive into town hungry and the SHL needs your help with the creation of 2 new original food items which the league can patent and serve at the stadiums! The graphic specifications are below...
- Food item should be named after 1 player from each team in this series.
- Must include a picture of the food item.
- It should be an original recipe.$€
- Recipe must include at least 5 ingrediants each.
The SHL has introduced two enormous new meals to keep the hungrier fans happy.
The Zach Evans "Even Stevans" Special
72 oz steak, triple cooked fries, white truffle mac 'n' cheese, beer battered onion rings, served with a bottle of NoDa Brewing Co. CAVU, a local Carolina beer in honour of Evans' heritage.
The Paddy O'Sullivan Irish Breakfast
8 sausages, 8 bacon rashers, steak, eggs, toast, fries, tomatoes and Texas toast. A real big eat.[/align
Code:
[u]Task 9[/u]: We are just an hour away from the start of the challenge cup finals and you have been informed that Katy Perry has the gout and can not perform during the 1st intermission... YIKES!!!!!! ... to make matters worse Eggy and HO are not around to approve more money for a differant act! You have been chosen to take on the unenviable task of putting together something which the whole world is about to watch ...with nothing but the 11 dollars in your pocket.
[align=center]
I would book the West Kendall Platoon playing staff to perform a Magic Mike type stripping routine in front of the crowd, upon which a look of confusion and fear has spread across. Given the contentious history of one of the Platoon's founders, it'd be a requirement that only fans over a certain age would be able to watch the performance, but that means for those who can watch, no bets are off the table. The team is going to go ahead and put on one hell of a performance, leaving nothing to the imagination. It turns out that Dani Forsberg has had quite a successful career in the male stripping world and has come to be a bit of name in the business, but would kindly agree to drop his usual fee and do a cheap performance in order to make sure the fans don't go home feeling disappointed, or leave them unexcited for the start of the game. All in all this would be the best solution to the problem and the one that ensures the most value for money available.
10-14-2018, 06:44 PM(This post was last modified: 10-14-2018, 09:03 PM by Leafs4ever.)
Task 1:
Challenge Cup finals, it's finally here,
As we sit and watch the Jets and Platoon play hockey.
The players all skate and hit on the boards,
while Artem Zhumbayev saves the game.
Jason Visser is a leader, he makes all the plays,
while Trevor Wilson leads the Platoon in every way.
The players are ready, it's finally time,
to play for the 'ship and that big ring.
It's the Challenge Cup Finals, oh yes it is!
The Jets and Platoon skate like the wind.
The fans are all ready, to hoot and holla,
so let's put on a show and score some goals!
Beauxjeaux Biscuit is the man, he'll be the first to say it,
Stopping pucks all day like it's a bad habit.
Crossfit Jesus, no he's no messiah,
but he'll pull some magic on the ice you'd think it was a miracle.
And then we got Bearss, and Evans, you know,
the Jets go the way those two go.
It's the Challenge Cup Finals, oh yes it is!
The Jets and Platoon skate like the wind.
The fans are all ready, to hoot and holla,
so let's put on a show and score some goals!
(197 words)
Task 2:
Earlier this evening, the SHL was made aware of an incident involving two West Kendall Platoon players. This incident comes just a couple of nights before the start of the Challenge Cup Finals.
At about 9:00pm EST, Platoon players Beauxjeaux Biscuit and Jon Ross were spotted causing a scene at a local McDonalds. According to eye witness reports, both Biscuit and Ross placed an order for 40 chicken mcnuggets and, "a boatload of sweet and sour sauce", which was a direct quote from one of the witnesses. Upon receiving their order, Biscuit and Ross looked into the bag and noticed a small supply of sauce, much to their dismay. What transpired next is the source of the police report. Biscuit got unnecessarily upset and starting slamming the counter to get the worker's attention. Ross then started shouting at the worker, calling him names and berating him for the low amount of dipping sauce in the bag. Biscuit started to threaten the worker if more sauce wans't provided. The worker started to worry and gestured to a witness in the restaurant to call the cops. That was when Ross went to jump the counter, but luckily Biscuit held him back. The cops arrived soon after and questioned the two Platoon players.
The investigation closed without further incident, as the cops made the players apologize to the worker and the customers in the restaurant. Apparently both players were sleep deprived and put in a spot where they couldn't control their emotions. The worker did not pursue any more legal action.
As a league in the national spotlight, we do not condone the actions from Beauxjeaux Biscuit and Jon Ross. However, we trust that law enforcement did the proper due diligence and we consider the matter closed. Whether or not Biscuit and Ross will enter league appointed anger management is still up for debate.
(312 words)
Task 3:
An interview with Winnipeg Jets defenceman Gary Grease:
1. After a tough couple of seasons, you see yourself back to the finals. What was the biggest change that led to this point?
GG:I think the biggest change that led to this point, is that we are playing with a lot more grit and sandpaper. Our entire top six was instructed to play more physically all season, which I believe has led to a lot of extra open ice for our team.
2. How have you felt you performed this season? Did you meet your own expectations?
GG:Personally, I've had a great season. Last season I only put up 13 points, and felt I underperformed for my TPE along with many teammates. However this year I have gone from a career high of 13 points to 39 points, tripling my production. My expectation was to have 20+ points and play sound defensively, so they were definitely exceeded.
3. You face the Platoon in the finals. What's the area you need to focus on the most in order to beat them?
GG:I think in order to beat the Platoon, we need to relax and focus on playing our game and setting the tempo. I don't want to fall into the trap of adjusting to their lineup, if things go as we plan they'll be scrambling to adjust to ours.
Who is the favourite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
The Winnipeg Jets are the favourites in this series. The Jets were the President's Trophy winners in the regular season, finishing 21 points ahead of the Platoon. The Jets were the favourites at the start of the playoffs because of how dominate they have looked, while the Platoon were the worst playoff team. Now, West Kendall has hit a hot streak, but it won't be enough to stop the Jets train. I believe the Jets have the better players at almost every position on the ice, starting with Jason Visser and ending with Artem Zhumbayev. They are the more talented team and I think the Jets run the Platoon out of the building in these finals.
(116 words)
Who has been their teams' surprise player in the post season?
For this, I'm going to the Jets. Their surprise player this playoffs has been Viatcheslav Orlov. In the regular season, Orlov only produced 13 points in 50 games. In these playoffs, however, he has put up 9 points in just 13 games. He has stepped up his game at the best time for Winnipeg. He has also stepped up in the defensive zone, posting 20 shot blocks, good for second on the team. Orlov struggled to make an impact in the regular season, but to the surprise of everyone, he has stepped up and been a huge factor in Winnipeg's drive to the Challenge Cup Finals.
(106 words)
Who are the 3 most dangerous players on the ice in this series and why?
The three most dangerous players on the ice in this series are Beauxjeaux Biscuit, Jason Visser, and Pietra Volkova. First, Biscuit has been lights out for the Platoon. He's put up a staggering 0.928 save percentage and has only let in 28 goals. He has been the driving force behind West Kendall's surprising run to the finals. If he keeps this play up, he'll steal the cup away from the heavily favoured Jets. The next player is the regular season scoring champion, Jason Visser. He's the most dangerous player in the whole league and these playoffs have been no different. No player has the ability to take over games quite like Visser can. He has put up 15 points and is a threat every time he touches the ice. The Platoon have to game plan for this man or else he'll feast all series long. The last player that has become one of the most dangerous on the ice is Pietra Volkova. Volkova currently leads the playoffs in scoring with 18 points and has been that added threat for Winnipeg beside Visser. The other part of the game that Volkova dominates in is hits. Volkova also leads the playoffs with 48 hits, making her a nightmare to play against.
(209 words)
Task 9:
So I've just been informed that Katy Perry is out of the first intermission show. We can't get a hold of anyone from the league office and need this resolved ASAP with the game starting in an hour. Apparently this has been dropped on my lap to solve so I head out into the streets of Winnipeg looking for an answer.
As I'm walking down the street, I notice one of those people that use buckets to drum up crazy beats. I head over to the drummer and tell him my predicament. I inform him that I only have 11 dollars on me, but gracious that he is, offers to do the gig. I call some arena workers to come and help the man pack up his drums and we head to the rink.
The first period ends and we send the drummer out there in front of the crazed Jets crowd. He sets up his buckets on the carpet and the lights go dark. A single spotlight shines on top of him and he starts. It begins with a slow rhythm, but then it picks up. He's goes into a crazy drum beat and it's working! The crowd is pumped up and clapping with the beat. It's a hit!
He finishes his set, comes of the ice to a standing ovation and I gave him a huge hug. I thank him for saving the performance and bring him up to the owners box to enjoy the rest of the game, complete with unlimited drinks and food. It's the least I could do for the man. Once he heads back into the Winnipeg night, I'm sure the patrons walking the street will take a second look at him in streets and support him because of this outstanding performance.
(298 words)
Bonus Question:
Which group will end up with more total Blocks in Game 4 of the series? Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross
Guy Incognito - D - #24
Texas Renegades Season 76
15-6-0
Regular Season - [G 2] [A 3] [Pts 5] [+/- +6] [PIM 10] [Hits 12] [SB 38]
10-14-2018, 07:36 PM(This post was last modified: 10-14-2018, 07:39 PM by CptSquall.)
Task 2: Oh no! scandal has hit championship week here on day 2! as a beat reporter from TMZ obtained the police reports of a highly embarrasing arrest made from one of the players in the challenge cup series!.. In 150 words or more, create an official SHL press report to release to the media with a picture related to the incident, the details of this incident, what player or players were involved and the official reponse of the league.
In the wee hours of the morning of October 14th, 2018. Veteran forward Zach Evans of the Winnipeg Jets and Richard Physt of the Toronto North Stars got into an incident at the Roadkill Bar just outside of Winnipeg. As you can see above each man was found guilty of assault with a deadly weapon (Zach Evans for the Chair, and Physt for well, his fist) and fined a total equal to half of the damages to said bar AND one night in the small, boarder town jailhouse. Unfortunately due to the nature of this incident and how public it has become, the SHL has decided each man will be fined $1,000,000 per season for the next 5, plus supplemental pushishments that may or may not come from each of their teams. Neither man was available for comment on the matter.
Task 3: The SHL Network is in need of an interview to broadcast during the challenge cup finals and you have been assigned the task! Contact a player in the upcoming series and have them answer 3 questions (player or series related) Let them know that each answer must be a minimum of 20 words for you to get credit. The player you interview must also be tagged. @ztevens
"It’s honestly hard to say. If we’re splitting hairs, we probably have a little more offensive firepower, so I guess that’s the answer. But they have had red-hot goaltending in this playoff, we match up really well. I think it’ll be a close series."
"Without a doubt the biggest stud in the lineup is Jason Visser. All the MVP awards, he’s probably adding another this season. He is the man. Hell, I’m not even sure he is a man. He might be a machine."
"Honestly? That Zach Evans guy is a scrub. And he has really lost a step and his physical edge in old age. If West Kendall picks on him, it isn’t going to be a good series."
Task 6:
In wake of the success of 'Gritty' the philadelphia Flyers mascot.. the SHL has asked its graphics department to come up with an official S43 challenge cup mascot! Design a Mascot with the characteristics of both the West Kendall Platoon and Winnipeg Jets franchises! The Mascot should have a name, the colors of both teams involved in the series and at least 1 special feature which the fans associate it with.
I give you, Horice the Fighter Pilot.
Task 8: Tons of fans are about to arrive into town hungry and the SHL needs your help with the creation of 2 new original food items which the league can patent and serve at the stadiums! The graphic specifications are below...
- Food item should be named after 1 player from each team in this series.
- Must include a picture of the food item.
- It should be an original recipe.
- Recipe must include at least 5 ingredients each.
Poulin's Perfect Perogies @galatix
Flour and egg
Plus potatoes (with salt)
Mash potatoes
Stuff pierogi
Boil and then sauté with bacon and caramelized onions
Ross' Red Hot Wings @JR95
Chicken Wings
Flour
Bread Crumbs
7 Special Spices
Franks RedHot Sauce
Task 9: We are just an hour away from the start of the challenge cup finals and you have been informed that Katy Perry has the gout and can not perform during the 1st intermission... YIKES!!!!!! ... to make matters worse Eggy and HO are not around to approve more money for a differant act! You have been chosen to take on the unenviable task of putting together something which the whole world is about to watch ...with nothing but the 11 dollars in your pocket.
In 150 words or more, explain what you came up with and how will it be implamented. The Plan must include a diagram or picture.
Well, it needs to be a big act to top Katy Perry but we absolutely cannot let anyone know she wont be performing so lets get down to brass tacks. Enlisting the help of @ClintEastwood Richard Physt will first take to the ice dressed as cowboys, armed each with T-Shirt Cannons filled with those rubber Halloween gag hands and fire them into the crowd. Now each of these hands, 101 in total, are numbered. 5 lucky winners get the chance to go out drinking with the two powerhouse Defenders of the SHL, of course if a couple ladies or 5 are the winner, all the better.
Which group will end up with more total Blocks in Game 4 of the series?
Ludwig Koch Schroder and Jon Ross
10-14-2018, 07:48 PM(This post was last modified: 10-23-2018, 10:38 AM by gerarob.)
Task 1:
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
We da best!
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Skrrt skrrt
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Ay West Kendall up in this shit,
Ye Winnipeg finna get hit,
Step too close you finna get bit,
Ay someone call Kendal man shit.
Jets bit off more than they can chew,
T Willy skatin' down the wing,
Jets can't figure out what to do.
West Kendall finna get that ring.
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
We da best!
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Skrrt skrrt
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Reilly, Light, Langabeer, Glass, Ross,
Navy blue mans ain't seen a loss.
Reilly, Light, Langabeer, Glass, Ross,
Got Jets in they muh fuckin jaws.
The Jets look like they got the blues,
Throw on they jerseys look for juice,
What's on they face is it a bruise?
Nah that's the face of a team that knows they gon' lose.
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
We da best!
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Skrrt skrrt
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup, Challenge Cup
Task 2: Prior to the first game of the series, Leafer Rielly was arrested for throwing hot dogs at children outside of the Winnipeg Jets arena. We managed to sneak a question in with Leafer to ask him why he would do such a thing. He replied with "I just wanted them to get their fucking nutrition for the day. The TOONZA are hungry for the Cup, and these Jets fans looked like it too. So I figured I'd feed them before we feast at the game." Unfortunately, the police escorted him away before we could ask him if he regretted it. He managed to hit a total of thirty five people, sending two people to the hospital due to injury. "This is the single most catastrophic hot dog assault in all of Canadian history. This act will not go unpunished," declared Winnipeg's chief of police. The West Kendall Platoon will have to re-shuffle lines if Rielly is in prison for the incident.
Task 3: (not tagging the mans cuz he's had a bunch of people tag him in this already and I'm saving him from another notif, but zoone16)
1. Coming into this season, did you think the Platoon were capable of winning another Cup so soon after the last?
2. How do you think you performed, as a player, throughout the season?
3. Do you see many more Cups in Alex Light's future?
--------------------------------------------------------------
1. I believed that we were able to win another cup yes. We struggled a lot with lines and strategy issues during the regular season but once the playoffs came around we felt like we were in for a magical run.
2. This season was more of a confirmation that my S42 performance was not a fluke as some of my critics would like to believe. I believe I performed as I expected to.
3. That's hard for me to say. Never say never though and rest assured that when the Platoon makes the playoffs we're in it to win it.
Task 5:
- Which player on either team is most deserving of winning a championship?
I would say Trevor Wilson is the most deserving. He probably could have had such a great career, had he not played for a sucky Seattle Riot for most of it. It's nice to see him flourish in West Kendall, and I know I was real pleased to see him win a Cup with them last time around. It'll be nice to see that happen again.
- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
It's hard to imagine a series where the Winnipeg Jets are considered an underdog. Seeing as I played against them many times, and have found many game 7 defeats or other series losses to them, I'd consider them the favourites. The Platoon haven't had the greatest history against them. Last time they played them, I think I was co-GM and we lost in the 7th game of the finals.
- Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?
Both teams are season 1 organizations, so their respective histories are both pretty solid. I think this is a question that can go either way. On the one hand, Winnipeg, I don't think has won many times in recent seasons even though they've probably put together one of the most insane teams in history. So let's go with that.
Task 9: This is easy peasy. They need someone to perform? I'll do an entire half time show on my own. All I need is someone to click play, and make sure that thing is on repeat. I'll stand right in the middle of centre ice and dance the macarena for however long Katy Perry was supposed to sing for. Five minutes, ten minutes, twenty? Whatever, man. I'll get my cardio in, and everyone will get the high value entertainment that they paid admission for. Think it's absurd? Come on down and get a ticket to see me do the macarena. It won't be crazy once you see it. I mean, it'll be crazy how great it is, but the plan itself won't sound so foolish, is what I meant to say. I love the macarena and after you buy a ticket, you will too. That's the Seattle Riot guarantee. Come witness it in person.
Task 1: In an effort to excite the millennials and urban street youth, the SHL wants a hip/hop promotion for this years challenge cup! Using the youtube beat above, create a 150 word or more Rap/R&B jam about the championship series! The song must have at least 1 verse and 1 chorus and include players from either or both teams.
Yeah
Uh huh
Yeah
Yeah yeah
You know what time it is
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Yeah
Uh huh
You know what time it is
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
In the Challenge Cup Finals
Yeah
Uh huh
You know what time it is
Trevor Wilson and Jason Visser, yeah, we do it big
Yeah
Uh-huh
Lightin' the lamp to the left and to the right
Breezin' right by you like my name is Alex Light
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
From southern Florida to the frozen wastelands of Canada, yeah
Hockey is the sport we're playing
Yeah
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
Winnipeg and West Kendall, Winnipeg and West Kendall
[repeat 300x, see you atop the charts]
Task 2: Oh no! scandal has hit championship week here on day 2! as a beat reporter from TMZ obtained the police reports of a highly embarrasing arrest made from one of the players in the challenge cup series!.. In 150 words or more, create an official SHL press report to release to the media with a picture related to the incident, the details of this incident, what player or players were involved and the official reponse of the league.
Greetings.
It has come to our attention that the members of the Winnipeg Jets and West Kendall Platoon have gone far beyond the confines of good taste and typical playoff trash talk recently and we the SHL must address this issue because those players are players in the SHL and we are the SHL which is the league that those players play in so you can see our interest in clearing the air here and so to clear the air we say the following which should be considered our official response to the incident and that response is that we do not endorse or condone the efforts made by Jensen Trygg to kidnap Pushkin, strap him to a drone, and post a video of the ensuing hilarity under the guise of Pushkin officially endorsing Winnipeg in this series and likewise we also do not condone the ensuing actions by Sven Brokstad which include but are not limited to releasing several gallons of bed bugs in the Winnipeg Jets' practice facility, spiking their water bottles with laxatives, and mailing them seven dozen cookies with Zach Evans' face imprinted on the tops because we here at the SHL do not allow any fun of any kind so thank you for reading this press release and also please see the following surveillance photo taken during the Pushkin kidnapping:
Task 8: Tons of fans are about to arrive into town hungry and the SHL needs your help with the creation of 2 new original food items which the league can patent and serve at the stadiums! The graphic specifications are below...
- Food item should be named after 1 player from each team in this series.
- Must include a picture of the food item.
- It should be an original recipe.
- Recipe must include at least 5 ingrediants each.
Task 5: Newspapers and bloggers are covering the event all across the globe and they are looking for information to post to their readers! Pick 3 of the topics below to write about! Each topic is worth 1 TPE. Each answer must be 50 words or more.
- Which player on either team is most deserving of winning a championship?
Bojo is definitely most deserving because even though he already has one the vast majority of players in this series already have a championship so bojo should get another one because that would be pretty cool because he was in my draft class and also if he wins we have a better chance at catching a glimpse of more WKP gifs which are pretty cool too.
- Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
It's hard to say in this series because it's very evenly matched and Winnipeg has been to like 8 straight western conference finals and several finals so it's hard to see them as an underdog but also West Kendall just won a championship so it's hard to say that they're the underdog but overall I think that I'll call West Kendall the underdog since they finished the season with 49 points to a whopping 70 for Winnipeg.
- Who has been there teams surprise player in the post season?
For West Kendall I'd say it was Dionyz Vyskoc because despite being really bad at trivia murder party and having an okay but nothing special regular season he's been tearing it up in the postseason with 8 goals in 11 games including 4 in the drubbing of Buffalo and for Winnipeg it's a tougher call because their best players are their best players you know so I guess Volkova maybe going from a 49 points in 50 games to 18 in 13 player qualifies I guess idk.
Task 9: We are just an hour away from the start of the challenge cup finals and you have been informed that Katy Perry has the gout and can not perform during the 1st intermission... YIKES!!!!!! ... to make matters worse Eggy and HO are not around to approve more money for a differant act! You have been chosen to take on the unenviable task of putting together something which the whole world is about to watch ...with nothing but the 11 dollars in your pocket.
In 150 words or more, explain what you came up with and how will it be implamented. The Plan must include a diagram or picture.
With only an hour to plan the intermission entertainment some sacrifices must be made in the area of quality for the sake of expediency and also cheapness because like hell I'm footing the bill for the monkeys in HO so first of all I call the nearest animal shelter and offer them free publicity if they can get to the rink within an hour and of course they agree and load up all of their puppers and doggos and they arrive just before puck drop so when they do then I have a bunch of foot snoods ready for their little paws so they don't get cold on the ice so when the first period ends before the zamboni can take the ice we throw the doors open and then toss a bunch of tennis balls and squeaky toys out onto the ice and watch the doggos and puppers prance around the ice playing and having fun while Sarah McLaughlin plays over the PA and the animal shelter's information is displayed on the jumbotron so hopefully we can find some of these good boyes loving homes and when they arrived just to make sure we were all on the same page I showed them this very sophisticated diagram of the plan:
Which group will end up with more total Blocks in Game 4 of the series?
The SHL would like to apologize, on behalf of the Winnipeg Jets, for the actions of their gritty two-way defenseman Gary Grease, who was arrested last night for public indecency ahead of this week’s Championship Series.
Just after 2am last night, local law enforcement received multiple calls about a very nude Grease parading around the hotel lobby and surrounding area, screaming out the words “Where’s my Partridge”, at the top of his lungs while occasionally taking swigs from a bottle with an unknown substance contained within. It’s uncertain if he was referring to former teammate and current San Francisco Pride net minder, Chris Partridge, but due to the previous history between the two this is the most likely scenario.
Regardless of intent behind the act, the SHL will be fining the defender a whopping $250 dollars ahead of the start to the championship final, in hopes that Grease will refrain from displaying his prominent nudity in a public space in the earlier, as he unintentionally emasculated all of the local men and created substantial relationship problems for all couples within a 300 yard area.
Code:
183 words
Task 5 - Newspaper
What young player has a chance to make a name for them self in this series?
Despite previous runs not ending in an eventual champion, I truly hope that this is the year that Gary Grease claims the challenge cup that many in the media have long believed him worthy of. The mammoth of a man who has exponentially grown into a young star within the league, has been the heart and soul of his teams at every level of the game, and I believe he has what it takes to stymie the Platoon offence if he plays to his believed potential.
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Who is the favorite and who is the underdog of this series and why?
From my perspective the Winnipeg Jets enter the series as the slight favorite almost entirely due to a combination of near-unparalleled offensive depth that combines strong forwards and a defensive core capable of creating offensive chances on the breakout that may be insurmountable for the Platoon to match. Riding the wave of momentum from a strong comeback performance against the Panthers, it may be an uphill battle for the Platoon to engage in a scorers affair with such an offensive juggernaut.
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81 words
Which organization needs this championship more in terms of legacy?
When it comes purely to legacy and to an extent to recency bias, I believe that Winnipeg is more in need of a championship to support the consistent hype of them being a potential perennial championship contender, with results that simply have not warranted those levels of hype. With the ability to beat any team in a scoring race, it’s about time that this juggernaut of a team finally matches the results with their clear and astounding potential.
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