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Buffalo Locker Room Altercation
#1

October 13th, Buffalo

"and with that goal, Jon Ross sends West Kendall into the end of the 1st period with a solid 3 goal lead, surely for Buffalo at this point it's looking like they've got just 40 minutes of hockey left in S43, barring some miraculous comeback"

"with just 5 minutes remaining in the 2nd period, Atmey gives Buffalo a lifeline with an excellent finish"

"just a mere 14 seconds later, Atmey makes it two! But will his attempt be enough to resuscitate this dying Buffalo outfit?. 3-2 it stands to WKP"

"After Langabeers reply just over a minute later, Karsten Kadinger puts the final nail in the coffin with just two minutes to go in game 5. The Platoon will move onto the SHL finals where the Winnipeg Jets await them"


Buffalo's season is run, an improvement on S42's first round exit is a positive. But does that appease the Stampede fanbase? By no means, by no means. But the Buffalo team atleast wen out with a fight (falling 4-1 to WKP), a far cry from the franchise's historical season to season demises.

But was this an ordinary defeat by Buffalo standards or was there something else at play? Sources close to the Buffalo camp have revealed that just days prior to the deciding game 5 of the conference finals against the West Kendall Platoon, an unknown assailant made his way into the Stampede locker room. Known by "Jakers" was picked up in the early hours of Friday morning by CCTV cameras located on the east side of the Buffalo Stampede training campus.

At approximately 16:34, "Jakers" who was spotted wearing a #70 West Kendall Platoon hockey jersey with "Jakers" on the top maneuvered his way around Buffalo security into the home changing room. The Buffalo team had just recently arrived and wear preparing for their final scrimmage before the biggest game of many of their careers up until this point, a game 5 with the Platoon that lead their season hopes hanging in the balance.

"I'm a TC assigned to AcadieBathurst" shouted Jakers as he opened the home dressing room door, to the dismay of the Stampede locker room. Everybody stood speechless, directing their gazes over to the apparent madman who had just entered the locker room. Charles Walker mustered up a meek "Hi" which lead to a number of his teammates to ponder if the gentleman was a friend of Walker....he wasn't. "How's it going" Jakers responded confidently. Just as Walker was about to reply, Lavelle interjected in his distinctive stuttering vocal pattern with "what" and "who is this". Before Jakers could reply Walker once again took center stage asking the intruder if he "was like a prospect or something".

Before Jakers could reply to refute the claims Lavelle again stuttered in with "What's a TC and who is acadie bathurst". Walker laughed before admitting "I have no idea, lettuce, mayonnaise and onions". The locker room was in complete turmoil as there was a steady feeling of unease in the air, Lavelle attempted to make light of the situations and asked upfront if "this was one of the fellas....." but aspiring prospect Flacko Lagerfield made his way out of the Stampede showers, only covering himself with a towel. He had one gaze at the man and asked "whos jakers". Lavelle then finished the rest of his sentence , "from the bangladesh college". At this moment in time it's unclear if Lavelle was infact making a racially charged comment.

Left Winger Flacko Lagerfield asked the intruder "how'd u get in here, what"? New pickup Pingy Pingu who happened to be just on his way out the door overheard the conversation before responding "u in balgabesh, bangavesh, Bangladesh, W ot". Nobody could understand Pingy or what he meant, a prime example of an inability to speak a common language. "Jakers" finally broke his nearly five minute silence declaring that "Is this LG chat?" Lavelle quickly replied "the what" before Lagerfield looked visibly upset , "huh" he mustered looking over to the intruder. "why do you use abbreviations , whats LG" Lavelle barked with halfway across the locker room.

"lunga gumba" Pingy Pingu replied, nobody could understand Pingy, not now, not ever. "Leaguegaming?" Jakers replied with an inquisitive look as he made eye contact with everybody around the locker room. Lagerfield made an executive decision and called for the General Manager Wannabefinn but he was nowhere to be found. "bruh" Lavelle began to speak again before Lagerfield again rudely interrupted him with "finn is never here when we need him, shaking my hamster". Lavelle gave a stern look directed at Lagerfield before finishing his sentence, "where did you find this league from" Presumably Lavelle was speaking about the Simulation Hockey League.

"How did you get in here" Walker responded before beginning to cry from laughter, he couldn't keep it in. "dont leave though" Lavelle expressed his desire for the intruder to stay, possible out of Stockholm syndrome? Pingy Pingu then also began to cry from laughter, it was infectious or there was an eye irritation in the air, it is that time of the season after all. "lifting under lights" Pingu said, nobody could understand what he was on about. Lavelle began to thank god stating that this was "clearly an act of god" and this no doubt had some reason to it, like destiny. Walker confidently stated that he had no idea what league gaming is.

"Jakers" began to whisper, "low key tho, U guys have no clue what Leaguegaming IS" The last part he yelled really loudly "IS". It was at this point the Stampede LR figured that this was either a mentally deranged fan or a relation of former Buffalo defensemen and current Texas player Brynjar Tusk. Pingy Pingu finally saw reason and logic, showing an understanding of the situation, "no" he replied. Lavelle miraculously shared a common ground with the intruder apparently, "oh", "the hockey league" "LGHL" he replied. This isn't one sentence but rather three because he speaks like Stevie Kenarban from Malcolm in the Middle. "Yes" Jakers replied. "Oh what the fruit you're from a different sim league" Walker responded. Again it's unclear what the term "sim league" is code for. "League gaming h nine ckey leagriw" Pingu responded. Again as usual it was unclear exactly what he meant, it was asif he was a robot spitting out random letters from an algorithm.

"howd you find this discord" asked Lagerfield who by this point was out of his towel , dryed down and was fully clothed, no schlong in hand this time. "This is an SHL discord" replied Walker. Walker curiously used "an" instead of "a", when in reality you should only use "an" before a vowel sound and "a" before a consonant sound except when saying "a house" or "an hour". Regardless we move forward in this thrilling saga. "LGHL is the console one isnt it" Lavelle spat out those seven words in record time without any use of pacing so it just came out garbled". Jakers finally clapped back with "A link sent me to this chat" "yes it is" The LGHL? Again more code speak among the professional hockey athletes, presumably to avoid being discovered doing shady business. "lettuce, mayonaise, frankfurt and onions, this is mental" the Irishman replied.

Again more code talk. "who sent that link JAKERS" Lagerfield screamed , inching closer to the troublemaker. "can you send us where you found that link from" It seemed the whole locker room was upset by this stage, Lavelle and Lagerfield had clearly been doing something they didn't want the public or the media to get a hold of an "Jakers" seemed to be in on it. Walker who hadn't said anything in some time then understood the gravity of the situation, he began to question "Jakers" too. "Who sent you the link, lettuce, mayonaise, friends and onions" More code talk to cover up the dirty laundry , no doubt.

"littering under little zoos" Pingu stated. "Jakers" calmly responded "he LG commissioner". Lagerfield asked if "finn do a cross sim league trade" all but surely confirming the disgraced Buffalo GM's involvement in this criminal organised activity. "is this a prank" Pingu finally stated, his first coherent sentence in the last 10 minutes. Lagerfield began to question further "whos the LG commish", "wait", "MAFS you fucj" "you said you were in LG". Lagerfield mistakenly admits defenseman Quick Mafs is in on the action, which of course denies his innocence in this investigation. "oh yeah" Lavelle remembered that Quick Mafs was at some point in the past involved with LG/LeagueGaming. More than likely a cover name so as to slip under the noses of law abiding citizens, perhaps it was a performance enhancing drug ring? Jakers was perhaps the dealer? Here to deliver the weeks supply to the team? Who knows by this stage but the majority of the Stampede side are clearly in cohoots with "Jakers".

"I am in LG" Mafs finally stepped out from behind his locker to say, he wasn't denying it. He's involved in whatever the hell is going on in Buffalo. "Oh the commissioner literally JUST sent a new link and apologized. Sorry boys" (NOTE: Jakers screamed the JUST part for emphasis various eye witnesses testified") Jakers then made a beeline for the exit and sprinted out of the Buffalo Stampede locker room. Some rabbling continued between the teammates, the "VHL" was mentioned, presumably another ring the disgusting athletes are involved in. Just as it seemed the situation was over, Jakers appeared at the door once more for a brief second only to scream at the top of his lungs "LG MACDONALD", presumably again a codename or a nickname for a person before he escaped out of the Buffalo locker room.

Now I get what many of you might be saying, maybe this is all a coincidence, an odd situation occurred and this man known as "Jakers" was a disgruntled fan? Or perhaps just a lost pedestrian... you'd be wrong for thinking that. There's too many questions at hand here, like why was he wearing a West Kendall Platoon jersey? Why #70? Why the name Jakers? What exactly is LG? Who is LG MACDONALD? What just is Lavelle, Lagerfield, Pingu and Walker involved in that they don't want the media to find out. Is Mafs the ringleader of this all? Was this an organised deal/trade by the Stampede locker room to improve their chances of beating the Platoon? Was there a handoff? Drugs exchanged? Was the WKP jersey Jakers was wearing just for show or was he actually sent here by the Platoon to carry out something more sinister. Was it just a coincidence that Buffalo found themselves down 3-0 heading into the 2nd period... or were they scared for their lives, their families and friends because of "Jakers" visit.

But ask yourself, will we ever see "Jakers" again? Buffalo Stampede campus security has improved since this incident and their front office and GM no doubt want to prevent a similar situation occurring in the future, could we see the players or front office possibly pressing charges? Was either of their General Managers responsible for this, be it Wannabefinn or newly appointed assistant general manager, Tomen. The Buffalo players marched out onto the ice and seemed to be lost for words with their performance, they couldn't string a couple of passes together. They all really seemed on edge because of what happened just two days prior to the "big game". There was no doubt this entire scenario rattled the franchise to its very core... but was it all staged? Possibly this reporter thinks.

It will be a question to all watching the S44 SHL season to see if Buffalo can bounce back from the 4-1 defeat to the Platoon and come back stronger next season but one really has to wonder, should they qualify for the playoffs, make their way to the conference finals and find themselves again on the poor side of results, will the man formerly known as "Jakers" make another return to the Stampede locker room?
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#2

New pickup Pingy Pingu who happened to be just on his way out the door overheard the conversation before responding "u in balgabesh, bangavesh, Bangladesh, W ot". Nobody could understand Pingy or what he meant, a prime example of an inability to speak a common language.


"lunga gumba" Pingy Pingu replied, nobody could understand Pingy, not now, not ever.

[Image: sIjpJeQ.png]





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#3

somebody do your job and grade this
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