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bilbo · 12-24-2018, 12:57 PM

Quote:Ready for grading! Double media payout article because related to draft, ty yes. I count 1,612 words if u count the image.

A Spider’s Observations of S45 SMJHL Draftee Olivier Cloutier
Biased News with Bilbo Junior

Here at Biased News with Bilbo Junior (BNB Jr.), we try to bring you the greatest and latest developments in most things important to bilbo in the SMJHL. BNB Jr is a for-profit news organization dedicated to getting that sweet, sweet TPE.

For the Season 45 SMJHL Entry Draft, Biased News with Bilbo Junior wanted to try something new. Usually bilbo, our top reporter, is the one to cover the draft, but bilbo was too busy being bread to attend. BNB Jr. sent their next greatest reporter to the draft: Mr. Spi Der.

Mr. Spi Der obviously does not speak any human language, but he does know how to spin a mighty fine web in English, so our web analysts at BNB Jr. spent the last few days reading and typing up his notes that looked something like this:

It took Mr. Spi Der approximately thirty minutes to web Olivier’s name the first time. He does his best, and spelling mistakes really slow him down.

Typed up from his web notes, Mr. Spi Der certainly has a unique way of reporting hockey news:

The Season 45 SMJHL Entry Draft came right on the heels of the Season 45 Expansion Draft where general managers wept as their teams were torn apart in a matter of minutes. On any normal day, that would be the talk of the simulated hockey world, but it was the Season 45 SMJHL Entry Draft, the largest draft the SHL has seen for quite some time, if not ever, that was about to change everything.

I found myself crawling along the walls of the undisclosed arena while my camera crew members Dennis and Mallory carried our camera and microphone below, trying their best to follow me with their eyes, but if I am being honest, sometimes I wanted to be alone.

I needed a story to call to me, and Dennis and Mallory were getting in the way with their judgement.

Then I saw him.

Out of 118 hockey players who would get drafted that day, my eight eyes landed on one player in particular: Olivier Cloutier.

I tapped my legs on the wall as hard as I could for Dennis and Mallory to follow me, but they later told me that they heard a rumor that the Halifax Raiders were going to pick Jimmy Slothface, so they went off to find him without me. I knew then that I wouldn’t be able to actually talk to Olivier Cloutier, since I cannot speak, but I would work on a web and stare at him intently, searching his eyes with my eight eyes for the answers to my questions.

Cloutier sat a few sections from the main stage and by the time I found a good corner near him to start my web, an elderly woman with salt and pepper hair had sat down in the seat next to him and had most likely just come back from the bathroom. I would later discover that this woman was his grandmother who had raised him by herself, but even then, just sitting next to Cloutier without saying a word, I could tell this woman had played a very large role in the young hockey player’s life. She was his reason for playing. She was his home, if there ever was one.

Cloutier had on a black suit and dark blue tie, doing his best to blend into the seats of the arena. Even though the broadcast had not gone live yet, I could tell he was already sweating, since I am a spider and can probably see things like that. By his anxious exterior, you would think Cloutier was not used to the pressure, but the Season 45 SMJHL Prospect Showcase had told us otherwise.

Finding himself on left wing of the Bighorns’ second line, Cloutier had managed to tie for first on the team in points with Tobias Elliot with 41 points (22 goals, 19 assists). He was also tied at eight for the league’s pro leaders and came in at second for most shots on the Bighorns (129) in 36 games. His hockey IQ is higher than most forwards his age.

As the broadcast of the draft was about to begin, Nikolai Evans, projected first overall pick, turned around to wave at Cloutier who smiled back. As soon as Nikolai turned back around, Cloutier was back to looking like a fish out of water, or maybe like a spider reporter at an SMJHL entry draft.

Before the management team of the Montreal Militia could reach the stage, much to everyone's surprise, the general manager of the Anchorage Armada hopped up on stage, looking very excited to be at the draft.

“With the third overall pick in the 45th SMJHL Draft, Anchorage is proud to select… Olivier Cloutier!”*

I did not have to turn my body, because I was already looking back at Cloutier. His name was called, yet he did not leave his seat right away. Suddenly, his grandmother was touching his arm and his hand clutched the armrest. Non-spiders might not have been able to hear the words mumbled by the young player, but since I am indeed a spider, I heard him say, “Quoi?” in disbelief.

The SMJHL Commissioner quickly rushed up on stage, telling everyone to pretend that they didn't just hear that come out of the general manager of Armada's mouth. But since the Commissioner is Nobody, no one but me in the arena could hear or see him, and another high up person in the hockey world had to state what Nobody had just said on the mic. After that person spoke, I thought I heard a half-hearted “yay” come from the stage, but nobody actually said that.

It took a few moments for everyone to calm down, especially the confused Cloutier who still seemed unsure if he should go down to the main floor or stay seated. Thankfully, the show was able to continue, though I knew Dennis and Mallory were probably having a field day with this new breaking story. It would take me a good hour to crawl to them in the arena, and I already knew me going to Cloutier would be something they made fun of me for over lunch the next day in the breakroom, since I didn't need to go be by him to report the story. Jokes on them though, the bread they love to use for their sandwiches is stale.

Finally, the general manager of the Montreal Militia greeted the audience in the arena and those at home, and quickly selected Nikolai Evans as the first overall pick as a way to get the show on the road. Everyone clapped and Militia fans in the arena cheered. The force of the clapping in my section only disturbed my carefully spun web a little bit. I was still okay. It did not seem like Cloutier was though.

I did my best to look toward the projection on the screen when the Kelowna Knights management team took the stage, but I maybe did not pick the best spot for my web. I had to strain my neck that I do not have to see the screen. Instead, I just got a whiff of waffles. That part might have been my imagination. Many analysts had projected that Cloutier might go second overall in the draft, but with the second overall selection, the Kelowna Knights took the very skilled Karlstraße Scholz. Once again, people clapped and cheered.

I did take the opportunity while Schloz was making his way to the stage to look at Cloutier. We both knew what was coming.

It was the Anchorage Armada’s turn. Much to everyone’s surprise the day before, the Halifax Raiders had traded their third overall pick to the Armada for the fourth overall pick, and then later exchanged that for the eighth overall pick who would end up being Jimmy Slothface who Dennis and Mallory were raving about. (Note: BNB Jr. is heavily invested in the Halifax Raiders, so by contract, I need to mention at least one thing about the Raiders every article.)

As soon as Armada’s general manager took the mic, no one needed to have spidey senses to know what would happen next. The Anchorage Armada chose Cloutier as the third overall pick in the draft.

Cloutier then stood from his seat and began walking down the aisle. As he unknowingly passed by my web, a little gust of wind made my web wobble and I swung back and forth for a couple moments. It was okay though, I made a strong web, just like how Cloutier will soon make a strong web of friends and teammates on the Anchorage Armada, even despite the mishap at the beginning of the draft.

Since Dennis and Mallory were busy being unhelpful, I was left to wonder these questions myself: What was Olivier Cloutier feeling in the moment that the general manager of Armada took the stage and called his name? Did it ruin his moment? Did it ruin Evans’ moment? Was Cloutier relieved? Did he even notice me?

We at BNB Jr. wish him well, and luckily for Cloutier, the draft is over and he has found great teammates in Armada to hopefully help ease him into the grueling flight schedule of the SMJHL that is also causing the world’s carbon emissions to rise. At least I will not be around long enough to see the world die, for I am a spider and only have a couple years to live if I am lucky.

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*Just recapping a true incident that Jenny was nice enough to remind me of. Ty, Acsolap/SHL website for messing up, for giving Mr. Spi Der something to web about.