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***hotdog*** · 02-22-2019, 10:19 AM

Well, folks, here we are. It's the end of my first week in the universe and wow, what a time to be alive. There's nothing good on Chaturbate tonight so here I am on the ol' forum. I've seen a decent amount of shit-talking in the threads since draft day and that's cool and all but it's not really my style. In the words of the great Trill Withers, I'm not here to argue.

No, I'm here to make friends. Real life friends? Gosh, no. I'm not leaving this couch, believe that shit. Internet friends. Internet friends are real friends so we're gucci. And in the spirit of making friends, what better way than to dole out a bunch of compliments to my fellow SMJHLers. I mean, of course I could just play the long game and gradually and naturally make friends over the course of several months as they get to know my personality and we bond over common interests. Or I could pour my horny little heart out in a long sappy post in a supremely transparent effort to get on everybody's good side. [edit: I wound up fucking it up] And hey what do you know it's still double media week so look at that timing.

[Note to graders: This is a clear departure from the typical media style of prose. I'm capable of that, as evidenced by my previous two posts. I want to try something new. I very much hope to still get my media credit from this. It's like in the newspaper (remember those?) they have articles from reporters and then columns from columnists (mostly blowhards tbh). I'm a blowhard and this is my column. And if this doesn't count as media, I suppose I understand; at least it was fun. And like I said, there's nothing good on Chaturbate tonight. I'm not counting this paragraph in my word count, seems fair.]

What a great draft class this SMJHL class is already proving to be. My how the time flies with this great group of guys. In the past week, I've been fortunate enough to have had DIRECT interaction with like AT LEAST 4-5 people, so I'm fully qualified to note some positive characteristics. I'll start with a shoutout to my wonderful GM @Acsolap who drafted me in the third round. Really an honor to be on such a well-run organization and I'm proud to be an Armadaman. I'm not religious, personally, but I recognize faith as an important characteristic of a fellow human. Assclap had faith in me and without that faith, I'd have... been on a different team I guess? But I'm at home in Anchorage and Acsolap's prime scouting is to thank. What a great guy! The other Anchorage GM is @artermis and to be honest, I haven't interacted with this guy yet. I imagine he's the bad cop to Acsolap's good cop. Or the good cop to his bad cop? Who are we kidding, they're both good cops. Wait, who am I kidding, neither of them are cops!!!!!! Tremendous pair of GMs and I've no doubt they'll be leading Anchorage to plentiful success in this season's standings.

Next on the compliments list is my teammates. I'll get to some other individuals in a bit but I'm a team-first guy. Shoutout to my fellow Armada S46 draftees @Fordyford and @birdwatcher69; there's nobody else I'd rather be hazed with. Huge bonus points for having a "69" in your username (the link is SFW it's just Gronk thinking about his favorite number) and my friend Joey is super into birdwatching so I can relate to both passions. I went birdwatching once when I was like ~14 and I remember the coolest one I saw was a scarlet tanager. I don't know if that's an especially cool one but it was the coolest that I saw (@birdwatcher69 let me know if that's a good one). @Fordyford is only 17 years old which means he legally can't watch porn in the USA. He lives in the UK and I don't know their laws nor can I be bothered to look them up but I hope he's allowed to watch porn. SOME have raised suspicions that Tony Ford was a reach at #6 overall but I have faith in my man and he's going to prove to be a standout rookie. TF was espousing some pretty cool leftist and atheist views in the Discord earlier which made me like him even more. Probably my best friend in the league right now :)

I'm not sure exactly who's on the active roster but the Anchorage Armada seems to be chock full of Great People like @Jenny and @Lynxfire and @Tomasnz and obviously, last and longest, @LonnyBohonos16. (The last but longest joke may not translate in this post; he's Johnny Sins though). They've made me feel right at home on the squad and I want them to know I've got their simulated backs no matter what, on or off the ice.

I suppose it's only fair to pay respects to those not on the fleet. All the pre-draft buzz was about Esa Parmborg being a lock to go first. I didn't get it. But everyone said it's a lock so I put him first on my mock draft. Post-draft, I finally looked up @Steelhead77 and realized his first guy was like one of the best guys in the history of the league!?!? Maybe THE best guy? (I don't know the history and I'm not here to argue; I tread cautiously). What an honor to share the draft night with such a legend. After him was @SDCore - taking a total newcomer 2nd overall is a bold move and I'm confident it'll pay off for the Outlaws :outlaws: since he's such a great person! Another great rookie from another team is @Randominoe, he gave me a shoutout in the rookie Discord chat and I've liked him ever since. He also pointed out the double media bonus on my first post and told me to save my first post double bonus. What a helpful guy!! Truly a moment I'll cherish forever. Certainly the loudest rookie was @Wibbly McButternutz - too loud, some might say. I was one of those sayers at the start. I think it's the Chris Farley picture makes him seem louder and more obnoxious. But I'm happy to announce here in this post that I'm a fan! He's another Great Guy and we're all excited to see him stop pucks with his dick in this and future seasons. Hey @Wibbly McButternutz you kind of remind me of my friend dave - are you dave from North Andover, MA perchance? Message me if so.

In this paragraph, I'd like to give special acknowledgment to those who have commented on my previous media posts. It's always nice to see some response instead of thinking a post is just off in the void unread, so joining the Great Guy list is @SecondSucks22, @Kalakar, and @Carpy48 and @Lunatyck - what a bunch of Great Guys! @Good_Ole_Kimmy responded to my initial player creation post, which is good! But then he didn't respond to my PM on Discord, which is less good. But in the spirit of the post, I've decided to withhold any negative feelings and deem Good Ole Kimmy yet another Great Guy! Best of luck to the Raptors this season.

It's also important to thank those whomst have helped me with the site along the way. @TheDangaZone was super helpful in the rookie chat and that's a quality this world could use a lot more of; what a great guy! I didn't wind up on the teams of either @notorioustig or @"luketd" but they did message me and honestly, it's just an honor to be contacted - a player in the game is a player all the same, and I'm honored to be sharing a league with a bunch of Great Guys!

[The melatonin I took a while ago is kicking in so I'm gonna finish this up tomorrow.

Welp, now it's the morning and I've come to learn that apparently every time you save a post as a draft it sends out notifications anyway??????? So people I've tagged in this post for the whole purpose of sucking up and making friends have now gotten 7 notifications for a post that doesn't even exist yet holllllllyyyyyyyy shit that's not great this plan has essentially immediately backfired and everyone I've shouted out in this post will undoubtedly hate me......... I promise I didn't plan this; just a classic case of the worst possible backfire wtf how is that how the notification system works......... I am extremely sorry to all those tagged please please please don't hate me for saving my goofy column as a draft a bunch of times I didn't realize it would notify all of you fuck me. I hope this ridiculous media post and the compliments you'll now actually receive makes up for it]

(draft week double media bonus, word count 1349 excluding parts in brackets)

***luke*** · 02-22-2019, 10:24 AM

I wanted you, but they stole you from me

Tomasnz · 02-22-2019, 10:35 AM

Lol. Nice post dude. Welcome to the Armada. And the SHL

We can be internet friends.

***Acsolap*** · 02-22-2019, 10:37 AM

02-22-2019, 10:24 AMluketd Wrote: I wanted you, but they stole you from me

I started sweating around pick 18....

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***luke*** · 02-22-2019, 10:38 AM

02-22-2019, 10:37 AMAcsolap Wrote:
02-22-2019, 10:24 AMluketd Wrote: I wanted you, but they stole you from me

I started sweating around pick 18....

Same, I’m still mad at Tig

Wibbly McButternutz · 02-22-2019, 10:40 AM

I am Dave, but I'm also you. I'm that little piece of everyone that most repress. I am the thoughts you wish you could say out loud.

Cheers for the mention tho.

(PS - I'm not Dave)

Fordyford · 02-22-2019, 10:42 AM

Who even checks what age people are on the internet though?

SDCore · 02-22-2019, 10:53 AM

I'm like 400 I think.

***notorioustig*** · 02-22-2019, 11:16 AM

02-22-2019, 10:38 AMluketd Wrote:
02-22-2019, 10:37 AMAcsolap Wrote: I started sweating around pick 18....

Same, I’m still mad at Tig

Hey that's me

LonnyBohonos16 · 02-22-2019, 11:20 AM

Welcome to the Armada

SecondSucks22 · 02-22-2019, 12:06 PM

Aww <3

*Carpy48* · 02-22-2019, 12:29 PM

It was a little different, but thank you anyway.

*Jenny* · 02-22-2019, 01:00 PM

don't worry, 7 notifications just makes me feel loved

Armada

Steelhead77 · 02-25-2019, 12:46 AM

Thanks for the kind words. Best of luck with Anchorage!

Cheers

---> ParmBorg Highlights <---

#1 All-Time SHL Goal & Point Scorer
- First 2,000 TPE Player in SHL History -
- First 400 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- Only 500 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- First GM to Win 5 & 6 Challenge Cups -
Esa Anrikkanen Award - SMJHL ROY - Est. S34
Vidrik Onoprienko Award Winner - S45

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