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The Kids Aren't Alright: A look into Detroit's Draft
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SecondSucks22Registered Unlucky!
The Kids Aren’t Alright: A look into Detroit's Draft
By: Whetty Bite Detroit, the beacon of prosperity and peace of the united states, home of free love and low conviction rates, except that's all a lie. I'm going to guess, dear reader, that you knew all of that was bullshit. Detroit is one of the only cities where, when you look it up, has a whole wikipedia section detailing its decline. Detroit, where one in three people lives in poverty, where their sports teams live in mediocrity. Kid Rock is from Detroit, need I say anymore? Thankfully for detroit, their rookies should fit in fine with the city. Let's look at their newest members and discuss Wibbly McButternutz: Wibbly McButternutz, best known for creating a need for a new penalty in the Prospect showcase (High Dicking, a 2 minute minor unless it draws blood) and his ability to sleep with, and then get STDs from the cheerleaders of other teams. McButternutz has been no stranger to controversy and crime rates as it has been reported by anonymous sources that players who he has “high dicked” may be filing a sexual harassment lawsuit against the Falcons third line defenseman. Espen Knutsen Jr. Quiet and reserved on the ice, Knutsen plays a far different roll in the dressing room and on the town. Members of his former Vipers team have reported that Knutsen has a hard core Cocaine addiction costing him hundreds of thousands of his rookie signing bonus. Some have even reported Knutsen doing rails off of, and you may need to sit down for this, Mcbutternutz’s ass AFTER games, often needing to re go over the same area due to coke being trapped by sweat. This may all be speculation however, and I pray as a reporter in the field it is, I don't want to have to report on health complications due to sweat laced cocaine. Last we have Lex Peters: Now let's be honest, who knew Peters had ended up on Detroit? It took a full 24 hours to realize. I have nothing to report on Peters, other than his overwhelming disappointment of not being drafted by his hometown Vancouver Whalers. It's been reported that Peters went full Junior B bench coach and kicked a garbage can clear across the room as he was glossed over by Vancouver late into the third round. One can only imagine the tension going on in the Detroit locker room as returning players learn to cope with “the future.” All I know is Im happy Espen still has his favourite butt to allegedly do blow off of. Word Count: 550 2x SMJHL Media Week ![[Image: xVW1vec.png]](https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/7IFE0nbNgaYaI5-6Z_-kUmYtEeNU-_b77H36rRzNxjo/https/i.imgur.com/xVW1vec.png) ![[Image: OgNASDg.png]](https://i.imgur.com/OgNASDg.png) | | ![[Image: JvdaXOj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/JvdaXOj.png) ![[Image: lUeg4KM.png]](https://i.imgur.com/lUeg4KM.png)
notorioustigIIHF Federation Head Toast's Idiot of the Year 2021
SecondSucks22Registered Unlucky!
notorioustigIIHF Federation Head Toast's Idiot of the Year 2021
SecondSucks22Registered Unlucky!
notorioustigIIHF Federation Head Toast's Idiot of the Year 2021 02-22-2019, 04:19 AMSecondSucks22 Wrote:02-22-2019, 04:17 AMnotorioustig Wrote: Oh you fixed the text, good work Clearly don't understand shitposting if you think the source material is what makes it and not the actual quality of the shitposter ![[Image: crtigger.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/crtigger.gif) ![[Image: murphy.png]](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/832982603623432192/880210179436716052/murphy.png)
SecondSucks22Registered Unlucky! 02-22-2019, 04:25 AMnotorioustig Wrote:02-22-2019, 04:19 AMSecondSucks22 Wrote: Well its based around your team, give me better shitposting material and maybe the content wont suck Dont make me write a shit post in general chat about edmonton to spite you, you know Ill do it, and you know its easy | |
notorioustigIIHF Federation Head Toast's Idiot of the Year 2021 02-22-2019, 04:39 AMSecondSucks22 Wrote:02-22-2019, 04:25 AMnotorioustig Wrote: Clearly don't understand shitposting if you think the source material is what makes it and not the actual quality of the shitposter Nothing you can say about the Oilers is worse than what I say about them on a daily basis
lukeSHL GM Admiral of the Data Seas
DacoRegistered Scott Stevens
What kinda GM even opens a team in Detroit
 The bad decision making and ineptitude runs from the top down!! ![[Image: S3zuZxo.png]](https://i.imgur.com/S3zuZxo.png) ![[Image: 10cjae8.png]](http://i54.tinypic.com/10cjae8.png)
sharksisbackRegistered Senior Member
notorioustigIIHF Federation Head Toast's Idiot of the Year 2021 |
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