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Gray · 03-26-2019, 11:36 PM

After running into @GeckoeyGecko in the Whalers offices he pulled me aside quickly and whispered to me "Ok child, do you want some money?"

I responded, "Uhh... sure?"

Geck then told me that I was going to interview him. I thought "Sure, what could go wrong?", but little did I know that Geck was on drugs, or just insane, or maybe both.

Geck pulled me into his office, sat me down and said "Ok go, ask a question."

And so I did...

"Alright, uh... who even are you, Geck?" I asked.

"The real question is, who are you? Why are you here?" was his response.

"What do you mean? You just pulled me in here... you know why I-"

Geck cut me off "Yours isn't bad, though." he said. I didn't know how to respond, I just kind of stared at him for a few seconds extremely confused before he continued.

"I'm not actually sure who I am. Over the past 2 years, I've been undergoing a spiritual reawakening. It's really helped me find my true self, which happens to be named Tokek Takshak as well. He plays some hockey, and scores a lot of points." At this point, I was getting kind of worried, but it seemed like we were getting back on track so I continued.

"Wow, that must have been a crazy adventure. What exactly did you do during this 'spiritual reawakening'?"

"What do you mean my childish fantasies of being a good player doesn't count as a 'spiritual reawakening'?"

"Wait, what? I didn't say that I was just ask-"

"Imma shank the shit out of you as soon as I get out from behind this desk." For some reason, Geck thought he was strapped to his chair. He was looking around the room quickly, looking under the desk seemingly trying to find a way out.

"@JayWhy demanded that I install it in my party room, awfully inconsiderate, wouldn't you say?"

"Install what? What are you looking at?" Geck completely ignored me and continued studying the underside of the desk.

"Is it bolted to the floor?" Geck asked, now looking towards the floor.

"I can't even flip this anymore!" He yelled.

"I don't think it's bolted to the floor Geck..." The desk was made out of light oak, probably about six feet across and most definitely not bolted to the floor.

Geck still not paying attention to me or anything I was saying, still looking at the bottom of the desk quickly snapped his gaze up to me. "Do you have a screwdriver on you?"

"What? No, I don't just carry screwdrivers around, and I definitely wouldn't trust you with one." Geck was now crouched on the floor, studying the feet of the desk, completely forgetting that he was supposed to be stuck to his chair.

"I think it's a phillips head. Could you go grab one?" He asked.

"No! Look, can we just get back to the interview, I thought you said you were going to help me earn some money here." Geck didn't respond and kept fiddling with the desk, I decided to just ask another question and hope for the best.

"When did you know you were a Gecko?"

"Ok, for this story we have to go waaaaaaaaaaaay back." He thankfully sat back down, seemingly forgetting about the screwdriver and everything that just happened.

"It was way back yesterday, I found a cricket in that corner right there." Geck pointed to the corner behind me.

"Anyhow, it tasted decent, I guess. So I've started a farm in that corner-" I went to take a closer look at the farm. "NO DONT STEP ON IT THAT RUINS THE TEXTURE" he started yelling at me.

Looking down at my feet I realized I had stepped on a couple of crickets "Oh, oops... sorry!"

"STEP AWAY FROM THE CRICKET BITCH"

"Sorry, sorry!" I tried to get out of the corner without ruining any more of Geck's precious crickets, but as I took my first step you could hear the loud CRUNCH underneath my shoes.

"I STILL HAVE THIS TOOTHBRUSH, IT IS SHARP" Geck said while walking towards me and pulling out a sharpened toothbrush from his pocket.

I was dead, this was it. I was going to be shanked to death by a gecko in his office. Eh, could be worse I thought to myself. Also I don't think this is Geck's office. We were in the Whalers offices, so I'm not sure why I thought it was his.

I realized if I didn't do something quickly it was really going to end like that. So I did what worked last time Geck got off track. "Ok new topic... fuck" I had to think of a new topic quickly as he was only a few steps away now. "Who's your favourite player?" I blurted out as quickly as possible.

To my surprise, Geck stopped, looked upwards inquisitively and responded "Probably Pascal Siakam. He's so clutch, he's so spicy it's honestly quite - wait, you want hockey quotes, don't you. I have to say Thomas Chabot, or 'Hotsam Batcho' as I like to call him."

"I mean in the SHL."

"Wait, SHL? That Swedish league?"

"No... the league we're both apart of Geck? Ring any bells?"

"Oh oh oh oh that SHL! That makes more sense I guess. Now, don't tell anyone, but the answer is the friends we made along the way." A surprisingly wholesome quote, even if it didn't make complete sense.

Geck suddenly had a look on his face like he had forgotten something important. "I'm contractually obligated to say Jax eye toe california." he quickly added.

"He wrote it into the contract! Who does that?!" Geck seemed a bit angry.

"Alright, on to the next question, If you were an avenger what would your super powers be?"

"Uhhh... Now, you know, I'm not allowed to talk about any of these things, I signed an NDA under the avengers act two years ago." Geck then fell asleep, out of nowhere, from wide-awake to completely asleep in a second.

"Uh? Geck? You there?" Now is my time to get out I thought to myself. Just as I was about to stand up Geck woke up.

"IM BACK BITCH!" Geck yelled, scaring me back into my seat.

"Anyhow, I definitely can't tell you that last fever dream I had telekinetic powers."

"It was a really cool dream! I telekinetically put the puck into the net!" he continued.

"I told @"luketd" about it later and he broke down in tears."

"Sounds amazing too bad you can't put the puck in the net outside of your dreams, huh" I said. I don't know why I said this, but I guess I had reason to be angry at Geck considering he had almost killed me a few times already.

"You know, JY said that that was why Luke started crying." Geck said, surprisingly not getting mad at all.

"I think he was crying with jealousy because he'll never be a real avenger like me." Geck started going on a tangent about Luke.

"Now, you see, Luke is usually a jealous guy."

"I think it all started back in 'nam, when I wasn't born yet."

"Then last week, I didn't share my collectors edition ramen with him."

"I mean, that stuff ain't cheap, man!"

"I think I paid at least a quarter mil for that packet."

"I still have the wrapper, see?" Gecko holds up a perfectly normal, slightly dirty, packet of chicken curry ramen with 'collectors edition' scrawled on it in sharpie.

"Wait, $250,000 for that one packet?" I asked.

Geck scratched his chin, "Wait, there might've been another zero on the end of that. I've forgotten."

"Does it even taste any different from the regular stuff?"

"Of course it tasted different you dummy I forgot to use seasoning powder!"

"Ok, so why don't you just mix it and we'll see if it's any different?"

"No no, you have to eat this stuff pure. You cant taint it."

"Wait, what? What do you mean? Eat the powder by itself?" I don't know how or why anyone would do that... seemed disgusting to me.

"Now you see, you have to eat the ingredients for something like this separately. It's like an open face sandwich."

"A what?" I asked, not really sure what an 'open face sandwich' was.

Geck continued on ignoring my question, "First, you crunch through the noodles, then you snort the powder off of the wrapper. Some people eat the skin, too. Personally, I use it to make butter."

"Wait, where does the skin come from? Ramen skin?" I was extremely confused at this point.

"What, the skin! You know, the blood comes wrapped in a wee lil container of skin." At this point I realized that I was still here, talking to a crazy person who's probably on bath salts or something.

"Alright, I think it's time for me to go now, uh... thanks for the chat" I started to get up out of my chair.

"You think you can leave that easy?" Geck said to me in an evil tone. "Just you wait, I've locked that door and there's no way to get out other than that door!" He said as I was walking up to the door that I don't think Geck realized locked from the inside.

"Wait wait don't unlock it stop it stop it" Geck pleaded as I unlocked the door, opened it and walked out.

Right before the door closed behind me I heard a quiet "At least bring a screwdriver?"

And that was the first time I had ever met Gecko in person. What he was doing in the Whalers offices that day or why he pulled me aside remains a mystery.

1629 words total. 500 words to be paid to @GeckoeyGecko.
Also, this is my first article so 2x bonus please.