Forced to strip naked, then transported unceremoniously into the vast Napa Valley Wilderness, our three heroes begin their adventure. The three players for the San Francisco Pride SHL Team, were 'volunteered' for the celebrity season of 'Naked and Afraid'. Goku Muerto, Jeff Brogen @Flowseidon , and Vince Reaper @ViN are helicoptered to the summit of an isolated mountaintop far from any civilization. The three young men are hockey players who are used to showering communally, so they have no modesty issues. They are in good shape and will appeal to the audience! Brogen actually knows how to fish and hunt so he is in charge of that. Muerto and Reaper are in charge of finding water and setting up camp. As time goes on, the three have been having a good time, they have constructed a lean-to at the bank of a stream of water. On the 10th day they are exploring and discover a vast vineyard. As they explore they discover a modest vintner. They break into an unattended villa and discover a huge cache of wine. The rest of their time is spent pleasantly drunk and finally the show ends when the owner is alerted and the producers of the show are arrested for trespassing on private property.
My one survival item is a flamethrower. I figure it's very versatile, and I'll make sure to use it sporadically so that I don't waste it. It'll provide light, warmth, and will be great for fending off predators. I was dropped in here with Conklin Owen (@phobospwns) and Nicolas Fleming (@Nereus).
I figure if it comes down to it, we can sacrifice Owen because he's an old man. Only have to run faster than the slowest guy, right? And I've spent enough time with Fleming to understand how he works and thinks, and he's got a good work ethic so he'll help out in the jungle.
Day 1 was just a weird day getting used to seeing hang danglers and trying to not look, but realizing we're going to be together like this for three weeks.
Day 9 was wonderful because Fleming was trying to smoke some weird plant he found and ended up rolling around in a fire ant hive because he was so spaced out.
Day 16 was also fun because we found where the camera crew was sleeping and relaxing, and we took their clothes too. Now everyone is naked.
Season 24 - *4 Star Cup Champions - Vancouver Whalers*
Season 36 - *Challenge Cup Champions - Texas Renegades*
Season 36 - *Anton Razov Trophy Winner - Playoff MVP - Texas Renegades*
Season 41 - *IIHF Gold Medalist - Team United Kingdom*
Season 41 - *Triple Gold Member*
**Vancouver Whalers Hall of Fame**
**Texas Renegades Hall of Fame**
**Hall of Fame Member**
karlssens Registered
S28, S45, S49 Challenge Cup Champion
Posts:3,913 Threads: 182 Joined: May 2015 Reputation:73
Discord: karl#3942
Pronouns: He/Him
Player: Oskar Scholz
When I was asked to go onto the Naked and Afraid Hockey Player edition show I had my concerns. I am an outdoorsy guy, but living in the woods for 21 days with only 1 item to my name is pretty far from what I was used to. I ended up accepting the request when my agent assured me that the exposure would increase my popularity and may help my next contract value. The item I chose to take with my was a machete. I debated between that and something to make fire, but I have managed to make fire once before using just wood, so I had hoped I would be able to do it again. On the first day I was very much ready to go, it took me a while to find the others, who turned out to be a couple people I knew. The first participant I ran into was Sophia Bennett, my old teammate from my time in the SMJHL with the Vancouver Whalers and current teammate on Team Canada. Sophia was pretty happy to see me, she had brought a pot with her for boiling water and cooking any food she can find. We built ourselves a shelter and tried to scrounge up some food, but it wasn't until the 3rd day that our 3rd participant showed up. Aleister Cain came stumbling into our little camp on day 3 and he looked like crap. It seems he hadn't been able to find food for the first 2 days aside from a few berries that gave him the shits. Sophia and I ended up taking care of Aleister until he felt well enough to help. The item he brought with him wasn't all that useful for the rest of us, it was a bath robe, I guess he felt like covering up.
"Naked Sundays" are back with this season's simulated studs week. Each episode is focused around athletes of the SHL. This week on Naked and Afraid: Julio Tokolosh Jimmy Slothface (@slothfacekilla ) and Eko Van Otter (@"bwrabbitt") are stripped and dipped into the woods in an animals only episode of Naked and Afraid.
The search is on for resources when the league's favorite cow, sloth, and otter are airdropped onto a steamy deserted island. The sexual tension was unusually high because of the mystery of Julio's gender. Tune in to see which of his six nipples get censored. [spoilers below]
Around 6 minutes into the episode, the producers start to realize that the "James Slothface" on the helicopter is not the correct guy, and just a jacked and tan look-a-like. He opted to bring no tools, save for a shredded sleeve from his Halifax jersey. Jimmy whispered to the pilot that he's "not really worried about food, my pepperoni nipples could feed a village" before getting off of the helicopter.
Across the island, a gaunt and pasty Julio stumbled from his helicopter. Body tired from carrying the Raptors, Julio's first goal was to rest. "I brought a fire starter kit. I hold this pointy end here, and pull the string back and forth and makes enough friction to start a fire! It will keep me warm. I don't like to drink my own milk, but I've done it before, I actually taught Bear Gryll's that trick, but I think something got lost in translation. And I'll be fine eating whatever plants I can find, I have enough MSG and test tube proteins in me to last a nuclear winter. Oh shit, i forgot to TiVo Thrones." With a positive outlook and a semi-logical plan, Julio set out to find the others. He hit a snag early on with Piranha infested water. "These things can skeletonize a cow in 20 minutes! I don't know why that's the unit of measurement, or why I would be in the water for 20 minutes. I guess humans come up with those rules or idioms, but wouldn't be more applicable to say that a school of piranha can skeletonize a human in 10 minutes? I feel like that would reach the kids more effectively. Or whoever needs to hear that."
At the top of the mountain, the third helicopter touched down, and a confident Eko Van Otter steps off. Surveying the long grass and scenic vista, Eko pauses for dramatic effect as the camera drone swoops behind him. "My plan is simple. Build a den, or a hutch, or a couch (all different types of otter homes, like a "Victorian" or a "Tudor", they all mean different things to us); use my swimming ability to catch whatever fish that I need; my spots going to have a water catcher, so I'm set there; then wait this thing out. If I see the other competitors, cool, but I'm self-sufficient. Maybe if its a chick I can invite her back to my den and catch a peak of her mammaries!"
If you've read this far, please comment with who has the best bulge in the promotional poster.
Quote:Written task: You are 1 of the 3 participants in this 21 day stint in the jungle!.. they have dropped you off, given you a map, asked for your clothes and left you there with nothing but your 1 survival item as you try and find the other 2 SHL players and hopefully survive the situation!
Tell the site about the highlights of your time on Naked and Afraid!.. those major moments that helped define your stint in the wilderness... be as elaborate as you like with the minimum being 150 words or more. PT@Twitter will highlight some of the journeys along the way! (**Tag all involed**)
First highlight of my 21 day adventure in the jungle with naked and afraid, was that I was allowed to just run around naked. The feeling of the warm humid jungle air braising upon my naked body, caressing my naked buttocks. One of the most enjoyable moments of my life for sure. I enjoyed the quiet moments I had with just myself and my naked body.
At one point however I had to think about surival and with that also finding my hopefully also survivivng fellow SHL players who joined the show. Wicked, wicked, jungle is massive and that is a huge area to go over and try and find someone else. What if you start moving and one of the others goes to a place you used to be at and you miss each other. Therefor I had the absolute best strategy. Start a save fire and just chill. If the others are smart they will either find each other and then hopefully me or they see my smoke and come over.
There is enough food around here which is pretty chill. So there is no rush.
Thank you Fever, sköldpaddor and OD for the amazing sigs!
On this edition of Naked and Afraid, Buffalo Stampede defenseman Cassius Darrow was dropped on the island of Vanuatu in the South Pacific. With a tarp rolled up and thrown over his shoulder, he wanders deeper into the island, hoping to find the other two survivors.
On day three, Darrow found the second survivor, his former teammate Jean-Pierre Gay (@"JumpierPancakes" ) near some mangroves. He was lounging on the beach, his survival machete suggestively placed beside his groin. He heard a noise and laconically looked up, then jumped seeing Darrow. He straightened up and stopped being a weirdo. They worked together to build a sleeping structure further up in the woods, combining the power of the machete to cut some wood and the sturdiness of the tarp.
Things were uneventful for a few days. Darrow left their camp to go fishing on day five, leaving Gay by himself. Gay’s stomach gurgled from hunger, so rather than waiting he wandered around and decided to eat some berries he saw on a bush. Within 30 minutes he was puking his brains out. When Darrow returned, sweaty and gross from attempting spear fishing (he was not very good, but he tried!), Gay was dry heaving into a tree’s roots not far from their camp.
“Idiot,” was all Darrow had to say, and he dropped his day’s bounty of three fish and went over to check on the sick Gay.
Things continued on uneventfully for the next few days. Darrow taught Gay how to start a fire and they took turns carrying water from a river to camp and then boiling it for safety. It wasn’t until Day 13 that they found the third Naked and Afraid castaway. While foraging and scouting north, they found Sulak O’Hritea (@MyLittleHexx) in a cave, covered in dirt and blood with a wild look in his eyes. The time on the island had turned him almost feral, and they backed away slowly.
Gay and Darrow survived this adventure, and never again spoke of what they saw in the cave. No one knows if O’Hritea ever came home.
Thank you karey, OrbitingDeath Ragnar, and sköldpaddor for sigs!
Written task: You are 1 of the 3 participants in this 21 day stint in the jungle!.. they have dropped you off, given you a map, asked for your clothes and left you there with nothing but your 1 survival item as you try and find the other 2 SHL players and hopefully survive the situation!
When contacted about the opportunity to go on the SHL edition of the Discovery Channel show "Naked and Afraid", Guy was indifferent but decided to go for it anyway since he would not be participating in the postseason with New England. Being a hobby fisherman, Guy asked for a fishing rod for his survival item, and hoped that he would be able to find some rivers in the jungle. On the first day of the challenge, he trekked through the overgrown trails and dove deep into the heart of the jungle in order to find some clues as to where the other two participants were dropped off, as well as to find any remnants of a river. Eventually, Guy did manage to find a large, lazy river, and managed to set up camp next to it. Then, instead of continuing to try to find the other two participants, Guy ended up staying at his camp and fishing for sustenance for the rest of the 21 days.
Signatures by Vulfzilla, Jepox, Jess, rum_ham, Ragnar, and myself
Naked and afraid: Urban edition Tibuk Soonika, Slap McShotty (@bbjygm), and Corey Kennedy (@SDCore) have been selected for what is officially being called “Urban Survival” but what is unofficially called “Hobo Survival”. Day 1: McShotty has been able to successfully establish shelter using 3 Refrigerator boxes, a dead cat, and wax crayons. Day 3: We are starting to suffer from a lack of food, Kennedy is working on setting up a hipster trap to try and obtain something high in protein. Day 7: We are surviving off muffin stubs and ketchup packets. McShotty has expanded our shelter to include battlements, the neighbouring bums are giving us the stink eye. Day 10: Success! Kennedy has trapped a hipster. Unfortunately he only has a craft beer and Kettle Chips so we ended up stealing his leather satchel instead. We were able to snag another hipster later in the day on their way to yoga class and obtained a half consumed protein shake. Morale is high now. Day 13: Neighbouring bums declared Hobo war on us. We were unaware what a Hobo war was but when the first feces came flying over our battlements we knew it was on. Day 14: Kennedy got hit with a rat in the face in yesterday’s Hobo war and ate a small piece, he pulled out of this “Shit Show” and demanded compensation for enduring this garbage. Production crew laughed and said “This is a Discovery Channel show we don’t actually make money”. Kennedy punched the producer and got a taxi home. Day 20: Extraction day is coming so we decided to try and secure some sort of transportation because our feet have been killing us on the hot pavement all day. We jumped some teens and got a BMX and a hoverboard. Day 21: Final extraction requires us to cross city to the local dump. Hoverboard’s batteries died half way there and we had to double up on the BMX. We abandoned the bike after a block because 2 sausages are too many for 1 BMX. We were finally within viewing distance of the dump and were sure we would make it. Unfortunately the cops picked us up and are now charging us with Public indecency, mischief, theft and assault. Fuck Discovery Channel!
Maxime was very surprised when he was selected to go onto the game show, but not wanting to be reluctant and show "weakness" in front of his fellow teammates, he agreed to participate.
The first odd thing that happened was @Slappydoodle demanded that they find high ground so that he could properly "air his masculinity" with mountainous breeze. Upon finding somewhere appropriate, he seemed soothed, and everyone else felt uncomfortable. Maxime thought this was all fun and games though, and tried to expunge the image from his mind immediately. There was just so much hair.
The second thing that was of note, was when @c00kies suddenly produced his namesake from seemingly nowhere. Everyone stopped and stared as he devoured it. The thought of it just happening to be chocolate chip was not lost on the crowd, and many a strange glare was given after the fact.
There were certainly many more occasions that were noteworthy, but Maxime just hoped that none of them came to light, and definitely was looking back to getting on the ice sometime soon.
majesiu![[Image: draft-aa.png?ex=6623d02e&is=66115b2e&hm=...6f7f7fe7e&]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/748193758763548763/1226175777284952185/draft-aa.png?ex=6623d02e&is=66115b2e&hm=ee818b541f551f18b56215d0ecacc06ecd418956774715b00ddb8a36f7f7fe7e&)
S76 SMJHL DRAFT 3RD OVERALL PICK 
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Montreal Impact/Militia 
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