05-18-2019, 01:19 AM(This post was last modified: 05-18-2019, 01:20 AM by Mack.)
Naked and Excited is more like it. Any chance to being nude is great and when I had the opportunity to go on this show with @DrunkenTeddy Robert Phelps and @nour Nour Harrak I knew I had to take it. We were sent for 21 days into the jungle in South America. The first night was great as Robert Phelps really took charge and built a shelter for all of us while Nour Harrak decorated around our base camp. Being a great spear-fisherman myself I made a few spears with shit on the ground and set out to the water to catch food. I caught 3 fish and headed back. Luckily Nour was very familiar with the local foliage and knew which leaves would be best to wrap the fish in for great flavor. We spent the first week basically bonding and really getting to the core of who we are as men. On day 8 we set out on an adventure into the jungle and came across a shaman out on a fasted vision quest away from his village. He was training to become the next Shaman in his village and spoke a few words of English, well enough to communicate the basics. He ended up offering us a mixture of mushrooms and bananas.
We didn't know the mushrooms were the good type although we should have clued in. We tripped for 24 hours straight as the shaman played different music around us and sang to invoke different spirits of nature and keep harm away. The three of us were seeing into a different dimension and now I am almost certain we are living in a simulation...I know some of you might think I am crazy but I believe that the true me is something or someone bigger than Willy Mack of the SHL and he lives outside of this simulation. I am determined to find my way out.
First SHL goal on first SHL shot in first SHL game.
39alaska39 IIHF Federation Head
Not a Commissioner. Shh!
Alex Winters is not a fan of the fact that he was selected for the SHL version of Naked and Afraid. As someone who is a pretty private and quiet guy (his wedding was the most public thing he’s done in ages), he spent a rough first day in the jungle. He fashioned himself some clothes out of large leaves (his survival item was a knife given to him by his father) until the producers of the show informed him that that was against the rules on the contract he signed to do the show. Eventually, Alex did his best to get comfortable with being naked in the show, but cooking with a fire is always a risky proposition, even more so when you’re completely naked while doing it. He knew that he producers encouraged him to find his other SHL players competitors, but he accidentally avoided it. Upon getting picked up by the helicopter at the end of the show, he found his fellow competitors were Tokek Takshak @GeckoeyGecko (who was bleeding from several places) and Jax Aittokallio @JayWhy (who had some blood on a stick, what may have been from whacking Tokek). All in all, it was a good experience for the SHL players, even if Tokek got beaten by one of his competitors.
Word Count: 214
Alex Winters (retired)
Matej Winters (retired)
Dominik Winters S45 Jesster Trophy Winner Challenge Cup Winning Goal Club: S52
While this may not be exciting, it was to me. I spent a lot of my time in the jungle sleeping. It was nice to get away from all the work, the training, and having to play hockey every week. It was somewhat of a spirit journey. I also found some mushrooms that I probably shouldn't have eaten. In fact, they probably are a big reason I slept so much as my body fought off whatever foreign substance I put in my body. When I wasn't sleeping or tripping out on poisonous mushrooms, me and the boys conducted a few hunting parties where we unsuccessfully tried to kill some wildlife to feed ourselves. We resorted to just surviving off of berries since it turns out none of us have any survival skills whatsoever. Overall, it wasn't too excited. It was a lot of sleep, a lot of tripping, and eating berries with the boys but we all survived somehow.
"How the hell did I get into a jungle? I live in Vancouver for fucks sake." It was at this moment, Dale realized exactly what was going on
"I knew not to trust those people that came into the locker room for an 'interview'."
Day 1-5: Walking around the jungle with my survival machete, looking for food, I found what looked like the remainder of a shelter made of sticks. I made a mark on my map of where this shelter was.
Day 7: I decided to make a trip back to the shelter to see if anyone had returned to it. As it turns out, Theo Morgan (a.k.a. @Otrebor13) had returned at some point and used his large ego to write his name, in blood, on the side of his shelter. I moved about 200 feet to the south and set up my own base so I could spy on him and see what other weird activities he could be up to.
Day 8: I realize that me spending all this time watching for Theo, I forgot to also look for the other person on the island.
Day 9-10: In the middle of the night, I take a trip to see what Theo was up to. As it turns out, my other teammate, and Theo's brother, Kaspars Claude (a.k.a. @Bruins10) was in the shelter. I take a few steps closer to the shelter when I hear some noises, I stop in my tracks. Here comes Theo walking up to the shelter with a bowl made from tree bark, filled with water. I was about to approach the shelter so the three of us could cooperate and get off the island, but then the two "brothers" share a hug and a slap on the ass. I run away frightened.
Day 15: I have set up a base next to the water and made a fishing pole out of a branch and some vines that I found so that I could provide myself food.
Day 20: I decide that with such little time left, I should approach the 2 brothers. I make my way to their shelter and say hello to the 2 of them. They tell me they are extremely hungry and haven't been able to eat much. While they were talking, I look into their shelter and notice they had made dozens upon dozens of plates, bowls, forks, spoons, etc. out of wood. In my head I'm thinking "So they can spend the time to make all of these plates and shit but can't go get their own food?" I decide to take them to my shelter so I can catch them some fish so we can get off of this island.
I'm running out of money since I took that stupid team friendly contract, so I decided to do this Naked and Afraid thing to try and rustle up some dough. They drop me in the jungle and I don't really know what to do so Immediately I look for water. I wander through the jungle but don't really find anything so I decide to take a nap. Once I'm done with my nap I keep looking for water when I hear something in the distance. I head towards it and find a road. I follow it to a McDonalds and head inside trying to get some food. They call the police on me and I really I don't have any money anyway. I spend some time in a foreign jail but luckily they give me some clothes and a meal. I am released and decide to go back home when I am told that there are still two contestants in the jungle. Ha, sucks to be them.
For this episode of Naked and Afraid, they took Monkey D. Luffy (@TnlAstatine ), Jøln DuBølk (me), and Karlstraße Scholz (@karlssens ), stripped them of their clothes, and dropped them in the middle of the Amazon Rain Forrest. Once they found each other (and nearly killed each other because they thought they were local hunters), they began work on a shelter. After countless failures and cursing out each other, they made a semi-okay shelter. Then the rain came.
Oh jumpin' Jesus the rain...
Because their shelter was made of sticks and no one thought to bring a cover, they were stuck sleeping while simultaneously taking a shower.
The next few mornings, they all woke up to the sounds of frogs... Poison Dart Frogs, to be exact. Fortunately, it gave them a reason to keep in shape for the playoffs.
At the end of their journey, they all agreed that it was best to never do it again.
Being in the wilderness is nothing new to Maui. He grew up being one with nature and has always felt a connection to the outdoors. So when he was dropped into the jungle, with 2 other SHLers he quickly separated himself from the pack. He is under the belief that fending for yourself in the wild is easier to do by yourself. So on this adventure Maui separated himself and proceeded to use his survival item, his hook, to dig a nice hole to act as his shelter. He then caught himself a nice deer which he used for food and as fashioned himself a nice robe from the pelt. He then spent the next 20 days tormenting the other SHLers who were struggling with the challenge more than he was. His favourite moment was when he lifted Carbine's shelter into the trees while he was sleeping leaving him perplexed as to why the world had sunken in his sleep.
The SHL finds itself a new type of hazing in the form of Naked and Afraid: Rookie Edition. All three teams in the west that did not make the playoffs had to send forth one rookie into the wild, hopefully finding them strengthened and ready to carry their team to the playoffs next season.
The Winnipeg Jets elect to send rookie D Slip McScruff who proved capable of playing tough with 143 hits on the season.
The Los Angeles Panthers had no choice but to send Goalie Eddy Ask Jr. @Ask. Let's hope those 2 PIMs are a sign that he can hold his own.
Lastly, the Minnesota Chiefs elect to send Dean Colt III @Mac with the hopes that his strong hands can help him cling on to survival.
The SHL aired the show in a remarkable way, having a camera crew following each rookie and broadcasting their adventure exclusively to the region where the rookie came from. Watching in Winnipeg, you would follow Slip McScruff as he foolishly chose a television as his survival item. According to Slip, his plan was to tune into the other streams and try to locate the other survivors by watching their adventure. The look on his face said it all when he couldn't find an outlet to plug it in.
Somehow, the Winnipeg defender managed to start a fire without burning his beard off and holed up until the competent rookies could find him. According to the other streams, they noticed the distinct smell of burning electronics and followed the smoke.
05-18-2019, 04:55 PM(This post was last modified: 05-18-2019, 04:56 PM by hewasajazzman.)
This is Channel 8 News WMAN coming at you live at 5 from Central Park… NYPD officers arrived to a peculiar scene early this morning here in the park after receiving multiple reports of public nudity. Three men were taken into custody but not before leading the police on a wild goose chase through the park. David Kastrba, James Dekens @monkey10pts , and Jakub Novak @Esso2264 were all found, fully nude, in different areas of the city’s beloved park. As to what they were doing and why…? The story is a bit fuzzy but, from what we were able to gather, the whole thing started as a “team-building” exercise. The three men turned out to be line-mates on a hockey team based right here in Manhattan, The Rage. It is believed that the three were together late into the night last night when one of them had the idea to take unnamed psychedelics together as a way to build their lines chemistry for the upcoming SHL Playoffs. At some point during the night things took a turn for the worse when the group ended up getting lost within Central Park. Confused and quite nervous they believed for some reason they were on a popular television show, Discovery’s Naked and Afraid. The first slew of calls came in when Kastrba was seen “body checking” every tree he came across. One witness said she even confronted the man to try to calm him but he ran off screaming. Others were alerted to the situation when they heard the shrieks of other bystanders, they were being pelted with pine cones from the stick of James Dekens as they walked by. James commented on the matter: “I thought they were targets.” The last man, Novak, was rounded up when he was found stuck waist-deep in one of the park’s ponds. When he was pulled out he was wearing nothing but his skates.
05-18-2019, 05:20 PM(This post was last modified: 05-18-2019, 05:22 PM by Boomcheck.)
This is a disaster.
Cameron Carter II, naked, is trapped on this island with Kolja Seppanen and Blaine McElroy. Both are considered to be mediocre players in the SHL but can generally find work in the bottom 6's. CC2 makes nearly twice the amount of these two player's combined salaries so it should be interesting. It had been a tiresome journey for all those involved, moving through the terrain while trying to set up anything of use. The Finnish guy turned out to be pretty good at rubbing two sticks together and by some miracle managed to make a fire. McElroy? Pretty useless as he was curled up in some ball under a makeshift hut, refusing to make eye contact with me. The two of them were giving each other strange hand signals, but I left them be and went off to hunt.
Came across a random boar and smacked it with a stick. It must have been old and already near its' death since it put up literally no fight. CC2 drags the boar back and noticed that there is some giant totem pole sticking out of the ground. There ie also, for some reason, a helicopter nearby. McElroy murmurs some things to Cameron before Seppanen knocks him out with a rock.
CC2 wakes up, tied to the totem pole, facing the Tampa Bay Barracuda GM. Why?
"We need to discuss an extension. Trade deadline is coming." - GM "Uhhhh, that's fine but why am I tied up? We can just talk this out."- CC2 "You are making too much money and I have some young stars that I want to pay in the draft."- GM "Tampa won't be any good though. I'm like ... Literally your best all around player. I am on pace for a Dar nomination and everything."- CC2 "I still need to pay for the picks this next draft. The draft pick could be anything, even another Cameron Carter II!"- GM "I mean, you already have me? Why go pay another young player that might have the potential to be--"- CC2 "We need more players! I need to surround Kholin and other young guys with lesser talent so they can feel good about themselves."- GM "Look. I don't have to sign 10mX10Yrs. We can go and stick to 7m a season."- CC2 "I got a better idea. Two season deal. S48: 3.5M + S49: 10M with a Team Option!."- GM "A team option? So you would just terminate the contract before I can get paid the 10m?" - CC2 "... Maybe."- GM "By league rules the minimum I can make is 4M. Are you even trying to negotiate or just low balling me?"- CC2 "Too ... Much ... Logic ... Accept this deal or I am shipping you off to the last place team in the league. Hamilton"- GM "You wouldn't dare. Not only are they in last place, they probably won't give me enough chances to get nominated for the Dar."- CC2 "You either sign this illegal low balling contract or you can kiss your Dar dreams goodbye as I trade you to the one spot you probably will have the most difficult time doing anything positive.. It's your choice."- GM "Look. We can take this slowly. It's not exactly the trade deadline today. Look at all the optio--"- CC2 "Nope, too late. You're gone. Enjoy Canada. I will now use your contract money to attract the best free agents, we have a good chance of landing a few. Mwuahahahahahah!"- GM "Nooooooooooooooooooo!"-CC2
Cameron Carter has been stuffed into some helicopter before being dropped into the middle of Hamilton, completely naked and afraid.
Later in the Tampa Bay GM Office ...
"Sir, the league has fined us a 3rd round draft pick for not getting our roster in order after trading Carter II."- Co GM "At least we got a great second round pick. What should we do with the 7M? A lot of lovely free agents this class. "-GM "Oh! I know! We should spend the 7M from Carter II's contract on low skill, low upside players to try and attract these free agents."- Co GM "That's .... GENIUS!"- GM
05-17-2019, 09:54 AMJSS Wrote: Matthew Guzman - 500k (S48)
Joseph Gagnier - 500k (S48)
Moritz Kruger - 500k (S48)
Kolja Seppanen - 2M (S48)
Van Morrison - 500k (S48)
Lillie Jacobs - 1M (S48)
Blaine McElroy - 2M (S48)
05-18-2019, 05:20 PMBoomcheck Wrote: This is a disaster.
Cameron Carter II, naked, is trapped on this island with Kolja Seppanen and Blaine McElroy. Both are considered to be mediocre players in the SHL but can generally find work in the bottom 6's. CC2 makes nearly twice the amount of these two player's combined salaries so it should be interesting. It had been a tiresome journey for all those involved, moving through the terrain while trying to set up anything of use. The Finnish guy turned out to be pretty good at rubbing two sticks together and by some miracle managed to make a fire. McElroy? Pretty useless as he was curled up in some ball under a makeshift hut, refusing to make eye contact with me. The two of them were giving each other strange hand signals, but I left them be and went off to hunt.
Came across a random boar and smacked it with a stick. It must have been old and already near its' death since it put up literally no fight. CC2 drags the boar back and noticed that there is some giant totem pole sticking out of the ground. There ie also, for some reason, a helicopter nearby. McElroy murmurs some things to Cameron before Seppanen knocks him out with a rock.
CC2 wakes up, tied to the totem pole, facing the Tampa Bay Barracuda GM. Why?
"We need to discuss an extension. Trade deadline is coming." - GM "Uhhhh, that's fine but why am I tied up? We can just talk this out."- CC2 "You are making too much money and I have some young stars that I want to pay in the draft."- GM "Tampa won't be any good though. I'm like ... Literally your best all around player. I am on pace for a Dar nomination and everything."- CC2 "I still need to pay for the picks this next draft. The draft pick could be anything, even another Cameron Carter II!"- GM "I mean, you already have me? Why go pay another young player that might have the potential to be--"- CC2 "We need more players! I need to surround Kholin and other young guys with lesser talent so they can feel good about themselves."- GM "Look. I don't have to sign 10mX10Yrs. We can go and stick to 7m a season."- CC2 "I got a better idea. Two season deal. S48: 3.5M + S49: 10M with a Team Option!."- GM "A team option? So you would just terminate the contract before I can get paid the 10m?" - CC2 "... Maybe."- GM "By league rules the minimum I can make is 4M. Are you even trying to negotiate or just low balling me?"- CC2 "Too ... Much ... Logic ... Accept this deal or I am shipping you off to the last place team in the league. Hamilton"- GM "You wouldn't dare. Not only are they in last place, they probably won't give me enough chances to get nominated for the Dar."- CC2 "You either sign this illegal low balling contract or you can kiss your Dar dreams goodbye as I trade you to the one spot you probably will have the most difficult time doing anything positive.. It's your choice."- GM "Look. We can take this slowly. It's not exactly the trade deadline today. Look at all the optio--"- CC2 "Nope, too late. You're gone. Enjoy Canada. I will now use your contract money to attract the best free agents, we have a good chance of landing a few. Mwuahahahahahah!"- GM "Nooooooooooooooooooo!"-CC2
Cameron Carter has been stuffed into some helicopter before being dropped into the middle of Hamilton, completely naked and afraid.
Later in the Tampa Bay GM Office ...
"Sir, the league has fined us a 3rd round draft pick for not getting our roster in order after trading Carter II."- Co GM "At least we got a great second round pick. What should we do with the 7M? A lot of lovely free agents this class. "-GM "Oh! I know! We should spend the 7M from Carter II's contract on low skill, low upside players to try and attract these free agents."- Co GM "That's .... GENIUS!"- GM
05-17-2019, 09:54 AMJSS Wrote: Matthew Guzman - 500k (S48)
Joseph Gagnier - 500k (S48)
Moritz Kruger - 500k (S48)
Kolja Seppanen - 2M (S48)
Van Morrison - 500k (S48)
Lillie Jacobs - 1M (S48)
Blaine McElroy - 2M (S48)
JKortesi81![[Image: dVy6XWn.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/dVy6XWn.jpg)
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