Simulation Hockey League

Buffalo has one of the best home ice advantages in the league. Everyone who comes into the city eats too many buffalo wings to be able to do anything else.

Carolina and St. Louis have the best home ice advantage in the J, and it comes down to one thing that both unites and divides the two teams and cities, barbecue.

There's nothing like home cooking, and when your home cooking is S-tier you can't be stopped.

Kelowna has the most obvious home ice advantage. Why you may ask? Well thats due to the fact that away teams have no idea where Kelowna is.

Home Records
To see which SHL team has the most significant home ice advantage, I decided to take a look at the home records of the teams from the past 2 seasons. At a first glance, it appears that Hamilton has been the most dominant at home with a record of 43-4-3. The Steelhawks have 5 more wins than the next 2 teams that both have 38 wins. The next 2 dominant teams at home are the Buffalo Stampede and the Los Angeles Panthers. The Panthers have a slightly better record at 38-10-2, while the Stampede have one extra regulation loss for a record of 38-11-1. 

Looking at the bottom teams in terms of records at home. The worst home record in these past 2 seasons goes to the Tampa Bay Barracuda. The Barracuda have a record of 4-44-2, and this was certainly not helped by their 0-25-0 record that they had this past season. The next worst record would go to the Toronto North Stars with a record of 10-37-3 at home. Then, with 7 more wins than the North Stars is the Baltimore Platoon. They boast a record of 17-30-3.


Home, Away, and Total Points Comparison
While looking at the home records gives a basic look at how a team does on home ice, I think a better look would be a comparison between the points scored at home versus away. With this, we notice that the teams with the best home records aren't necessarily more dominant at home than away. For example, Buffalo who had the second best home record is actually scoring less points home than away. Similarly, Toronto who had the second worst home record scores more at home than away. 

Looking at the difference between points at home and points away, it appears that the Texas Renegades have had the biggest impact from home games. They got 33 more points at home than they got away. This is 7 more points at home than away compared to the next 2 best teams. The next 2 teams that scored more points at home than away are the Calgary Dragons and the Minnesota Chiefs. Both teams scored 26 more points at home than away these past 2 seasons. They are closely followed by Winnipeg who scored 25 more points at home than away.

As for the worst teams, the Baltimore Platoons score less at home than away with 7 more points scored away. Then, the only other 2 teams that scored more away than at home are the Buffalo Stampede and the Tampa Bay Barracuda. The Barracuda scored 2 more points away while Buffalo scored 1 more point away in these past 2 seasons. Every other team got more points at home than away which is also an interesting thing to look at.


Toronto the Best Team at Home?
Regardless of all of these stats, I know that Toronto has the best fans at home giving us a significant advantage in all of our games. From the fans cheering on Harry Carpet for seasons, to fans going crazy after a huge hit by Meszaros, The Air Canada Centre is always going crazy giving the North Stars a huge boost. Win or lose, we know that the North Stars fans will always be supporting the team as Toronto is a hockey city. Always has been since the team joined in the very beginning of the league. We can’t wait for the fans to celebrate more as the seasons go on and the team becomes more dominant. Here’s to the fans in Toronto!

Kelowna Knights games were always a difficulty with knowing when the team needed to show up before the game.  Whenever we'd look at what time they told us the puck was dropping, we'd get a message from Cam Noresh (@Mac) saying that it would be at Noon AST.  WHEN IS NOON AST?!?!

There's nothing quite like expansion. When a team expands the fans go crazy for it and in Quebec City we will certainly have that. We have a raucous fan base and we will have the best home ice advantage in the league.

ph

I think Anchorage has the best home ice advantage because they are so far removed from the rest of the country that the jet lag will affect the opposing team more than the Armada.

Edmonton probably has the best home ice advantage in the league, due to it's freezing temperatures that keep the visiting players frozen in ice until game time. Takes too long to defrost, so you don't really get a good warm-up going.

The SHL team with the most home town ice advantage has to be Hamilton because they find all the ways the cheat the sim in order to win and now im a cheathawk too

The Anchorage Armada has the most significant home ice advantage, hands down. When you are playing in Anchorage, you aren't thinking about the game, you are praying to God that you don't miss the bus and get stranded in that forsaken wasteland.

The Calgary dragons were in desperate need of a new stadium. The Pengrowth Saddledome had grown old over the years. Old and tired like the great Esa Anrikkanen himself. The player's locker room toilet was legally declared a disaster zone by the local government some years back. It smelled like 20 years of parms and questionable decisions. No one was quite sure whether the stains on the walls were blood or tomato sauce or some ungodly mixture of both. Needless to say, a change was desperately needed.

Fortunately, the people of Calgary love their Dragons. Decades of unrivaled success and myriad Challenge Cups will do that for a franchise. When the good people of Calgary realized the seriousness of the situation they rallied to effect change. A bond issue was passed with unanimous approval from the voters. Ultimately the franchise was given open rein to build an arena to end all arenas, the model for all that would come after.........The Big Parm.


stadium under construction


Never before and likely never again has such a magnificent structure been built by mortal man. The Big Parm has everything the Dragons and their fans ever dreamed of in an arena and much they never imagined in their wildest fantasies.

The first thing a visitor to the arena will notice is the giant replica of a chicken parm that dominates the roof. This lifelike, yet mammoth replica even smells like a parm due to a space age polymer invented by NASA scientists. The parm appears to sit upon a green plate. Closer inspection brings with it the realization that the green area surrounding the parm statue is actual grass. Is that clucking one hears? Yes, the roof of the Big Parm contains an actual free range chicken farm. These prize cluckers are raised with the most gentle love and care exclusively on a volunteer basis by retired Dragons legends such as Nicholas Pedersen and Michael “Big Game” Boychuk, to name a few. The retired players love tending to their flock so much there are always plenty of hands on deck. The whole program has been so successful the team has started to add a few pigs and goats into the mix as an experiment. In fact, the only real friction surrounding it is when beloved birds need to be sacrificed to the parm needs of the voracious Dragons.


rooftop sod being installed


The Big Parm has become a home away from home to the many Dragons fan clubs that have sprung up over the years. There is of course the infamous Erogenous Parm. These dedicated fans make sweet love to and with toasty, tasty and tantalizing parms o’ plenty, just outside the opponents’ penalty box. Many an opposing player has woken with nightmares in the early hours of the morning after a game at the Parm, covered in sweat and smelling of cheese.


a member of Erogenous Parm hard at work


The Erogenous Parm is only one of the long standing fan groups ensconced within the Calgary arena. The Dragons organization went out of their way to create spaces for these groups to grow and flourish within the Big Parm. There is, of course, Mack’s Molls, which is perhaps less of a fan group and more of a large group of women desperate to spend an evening in the boudoir of the great man himself. In order to handle the demand a luxury box was created for them complete with a double king sized bed, hot and cold running lubricant, a mirrored ceiling and vitamin D dispensers throughout.

One of the strangest groups is Creller’s Crullers, who like to have Casey Creller teabag the cream filling of their eponymous donut treats before every game for luck. Fortunately the arena has a world class bakery where along with fresh bread for parms, a huge array of other baked goods are available

Defenseman Otis B. Driftwood is a man that loves nothing more than a fine martini and a good cigar. His major contribution to the new Arena is known as the Duck Soup Lounge. This is a beautiful cigar bar resplendent with old world charm that bespeaks of the golden age. Fans of Otis have formed a society known as the Marx Brothers. This society gathers at the Duck Soup Lounge to drink martinis and smoke Driftwood’s favored brand of El Cheapo stogies before games.....and sometimes during games.....and even sometimes after games until they eventually get thrown out by security, sometimes along with Driftwood hilmself, who likes to join them after wins.


Otis B. Driftwood and some of the “Marx Brothers” enjoying themselves


The arena is home to activity all year round, not just during the season. The facility has a world class kitchen with state of the art equipment. All world goaltender and gastronome extrordanaire Kata Vilde hosts and teaches a very popular cooking class two nights a week within this culinary wonderland. He shows area residents how to prepare a huge array of delicious dinners capped off with the recipe and preparation of the exclusive Dragon chicken parm recipe itself (not before swearing the lucky recipients to the Parm Code of Silence known as Parmerta, of course). He also caters all team get-togethers and parties, which has led to one small issue. Vilde, son of the famous wrestling icon Randy “The Macho Man” Savage, feels every large occasion must include Slim Jims. Combining Slim Jims and Esa’s delicate innards tends to lead to some, shall we say, explosive conclusions.

No one associated with the team is more popular than team captain Mike “The Augment” Izzy. In fact, he is so popular in and around Calgary that the exclusive Brand Izzy shop at the front of the arena is jam packed with fans year round trying to get their hand on such famous products as the latest from the Alex Light Collection, Izzy Brand Briefs and the perennial best seller - Love Roses from Jason Visser. “Izzy Dogs” hot dog carts can be found throughout not only the arena grounds, but scattered throughout the greater Metro Calgary area.


the famous Izzy Dogs cart


Mike Izzy runs a large number of philanthropic organizations as well such as “Throat Izzy - for kids with shitty tracheas” and the “Read Izzy book club - for kids with shitty vocabularies”. His love for the area children is one of the many things which has caused the population to hold him tight to their collective breast.

There is one small issue with Izzy though. There was a particularly underfed and pathetic pigeon that used to hang around the player’s parking lot at the old arena. Mike Izzy took to feeding the bird breadcrumbs from the edges of his after practice parms. The bird soon came to enthusiastically greet his newfound benefactor whenever he appeared., which delighted Izzy all the more. Soon, Mike was feeding large hunks of bread, cheese and sauce to the bird, which was growing ever fatter due to these ministrations. The final line was crossed when he started giving the bird actual hunks of chicken, which it delightedly gobbled up. This cannabalistic behavior, which deeply creeped out most of the team, delighted the captain and confirmed in his kind that this was destiny at work.

Soon an actual jersey and helmet appeared and the “Parm Pigeon” was born.


the Parm Pigeon in all its glory


This bird, now larger than any pigeon before it and, in fact, larger than most of the chickens on the roof, was invited into the arena itself. When the new arena was built a special environment was set up to house the pigeon with everything the bird might want inside. This, however, did not satisfy Izzy who insisted on the bird being given free reign within the clubhouse itself. Basically the beautiful and state of the art Dragon clubhouse, complete with a special parm toaster over oven at each locker and all the other amenities possible, has become a shit smeared bird refuge for a giant, fat, clothed pigeon. Kata Vilde regularly threatens to fricassee the bird, leading to retaliatory pooping incidents from both the pigeon and even disturbingly, Izzy himself.


the Parm Pigeon at home in the locker room


Parm Pigeon aside though, the building is a wonderland for both the players and fans alike. There is a built in podcasting studio and shows such “Rich and Adam Do a Podcast”, “The Podcast I Regret Making”, “The Buzzkill” and of course the seminal and award winning “The Big Slappy Hour” are regularly broadcast throughout the arena and its surrounding environs.

The Big Parm has been a smashing success to say the least. It has been embraced by everyone within the community and has been credited with revitalizing the entire city. While it is possible to quantify some of the economic impact it has made through employment, tourism dollars and the like, no mere number could ever encapsulate all the good it has done in this city or Alberta at large. The Big Parm has rapidly become a historical landmark and city institution. It is a physical manifestation of the championship mentality of the team, the city and its wonderful people.

The Newfoundland Berserkers unquestionably have the best home-ice advantage in either league. The travel to "the Rock" that is Newfoundland is lengthy and tiresome - something the Berserkers are used to, and that their bodies have acclimated to. The same can't be said for their opponents who only travel that distance on the occasions they actually play away games in St. John's. The raucous Newfoundland crowd helps, but it's the travel and jet lag that really makes the difference.

The Edmonton   has the most significant home ice advantage due to our snow outs when we hit the playoffs, seeing the entire arena filled with blue and white definitely intimidates whoever the opponent is.