Simulation Hockey League

Conner Hutton actually has quite a sweet tooth, and that was very well known by his old buddies back in Saskatoon. He'd make a trip to different candy stores, or convenience stores. Maybe a Bulk Barn along the way. However, he would always get something new every time, which is why when this brand new company came to him for some celebrity endorsement, he couldn't turn them down. Their offer was this; a brand new box he was able to customize, as well as receiving his own box once a month, and a bit of a financial boost just for the hell of it. 

So Hutton's box ended up like this; whoever was subscribed to receive this box would get four different types of candy, two from around the world, Hutton's favourite sour Skittles, and then whichever individual candy was the highest sold from the website last month. Specters season ticket holders were able to get four free boxes when buying a year subscription, or a free box for a six month subscription. The box was (boringly) named "Hutton's Sweets Stash", and will be promoted at select Specters games, as well as the main website.

As the son of titan Agamemnon, Vorian Atreides had a life extending treatment when he was just a kid. This has helped him stay young and healthy for over 10000 years. But in a world of subscription services, how much money could he make if he actually made a service for life longening treatments. He would have a monopoly on this as no one else is able to provide this treatment as no one else posseses the knowledge that the old titans had.

By not making it a onetime treatment, but making it a monthly thing, he could make tons of money, and the best part is. Since his subscribers don't get old, they will have to keep purchasing the service for centuries to come. This temporary longener could make someone live for an eternity, but not without having it cost them a fortune first.

The real question though is, will Vorian actually decide to bring this on the market, as it mostly would be for rich people, and they usually aren't the nicest people to keep around. So it's a matter of money versus morality here.

Yngve Simonssoon has always been a fairly private person, preferring to take interviews to the place of "get pucks deep and win the game". When he was approached with a branding opportunity he was hesitant. Until he knew it would represent his Swedish heritage. Growing up in Sweden, Yngve would spend the summers in a small Swedish fishing town by the name of Orkindolkinegdinbjork. He loved fishing with his dad for Herring in the lake, and when approached knew this was his calling. The product will be marketed as Yngve Simonsson Swedish Fish and will be a line of flash frozen candied Herring that you can keep in your freezer and have as a snack. Yngve was incredibly excited to unveil the Swedish Fish branding with the marketing team at Schmorgesborg Gmbh (they are a German based organization). The branding was beautiful with Simonsson's face plastered all over the product boxes which were sold in the fish aisles at local Costco's.

Yngve was all ready to unveil his brand to the world, but just before going on stage he was receiving a call from Maynards and Malaco... Maybe they have another opportunity.

My subscription service would be a Kandinsky Vodka Club service. A subscription to try out a new bottle of Vodka once a month, personally chosen by Mika Kandinsky. The Vodka would be sourced from all around the world, from major brands to the smallest of small artisanal small batches. Mika loves Vodka, so it is no surprise that his subscription would be based around sharing that love with other people around the world. Vodka fans everywhere would get to expand their horizons and experience the various nuances that different vodkas bring to the table. The subscription would also send out a monthly cocktail recipe to go along with their bottle for people to try out. Then at the end of each year, everyone with a subscription would get a bottle of Mika's own vodka brand that he has been working on with some local distilleries around the Toronto area. The subscription service would cost $25 per month.

My player is already the face of many mediocre brands than normal people have never heard of. This is because he is always poor and strapped for cash due to the significant costs of his expensive training methods. He’s done used car lot commercials, local deli commercials, and any other small time ad you can think of. In terms of a subscription service, Nick is an absolute degenerate gambler and the only way to make up for some of his losses would be to sell his terrible picks to what few fans he has. He will have a daily card of all the bets he has going whether it be for hockey, baseball, basketball, or football. I’m not sure how much these picks would be worth but maybe like $100 a week per subscription would be good. Nick will take anything he can get at this point and what fan wouldn’t want to buy a pro’s seemingly thought out picks? Little do they know that he just puts two treats on the ground for his cat and whichever one the cat eats first is the team he picks.

the subscription based service would be called Vertigos Pine softener. for those back up goalies riding the pine for every road trip. it is a spray that makes the wood much more soft. its almost like a cushion. it would be a subscripton fee of 10 bucks a month and you get sprays with different smells of pine every month. the spray can be used as cologne or to soften the pine as you just to trash to get any minutes in the net. essentially it is only supposed to be a temporary subscription as you should be owning the net by next season but if you are a hot pile of trash like me then you will have no problem with this spray and the usefullness of Vertigos Pine softener. only 10 dollars a month. get yours now! because we all know you all will be riding the pine for the rest of your life



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There's a new sock company in town, and they've partnered with Quebec's favourite two-way forward, Kev Kevens. This company is making the world's softest socks and wants to make a commercial featuring Kevens displaying his elite shot-blocking abilities while wearing these socks with no skates or guards to prove just how soft they are. After making sure he isn't actually going to block shots without protection (it's all just movie magic), Kevens signs a deal to be the face of the new product: Kev Kevens' Super Soft Socks! After wearing the socks for the commercial, Kevens realizes just how great the product he's endorsing is, and decides to hold a giveaway at QCC's next home game. After throwing some fresh new pairs of super soft socks to the fans, the popularity of the product grows, and Kev Kevens becomes a household name, not for his hockey playing, but for his status as the face for the world's #1 sock brand.

I always wonder what is going on when I have a couple missed calls from my agent and a voicemails. To my surprise is was something I would have never expected. The little convenience shop “Lam’s convenience” that is in my neighborhood wanted me to me be the face of their new home delivery of goods. I wasn’t crazy about the idea but it was a good opportunity to get my name out there and be the face of something. If you subscribed to them you would get groceries delivered to your door and never have to go to the market again.

I thought it was a great way to connect with the local community that has made me feel like this place is home. It would also be sweet to be the face of something in the community and help promote the Timber in another way off the ice! Bonus of being the face of this was the fact I would get the service free for a year!

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When Lemo was still in Estonia, he was buddies with a couple of engineering guys that founded a startup company by the name of Click’n’Grow. Their idea was to manufacture and sell these little smart plant pots that would essentially take care of the plant all by itself. The pots come complete with self-contained watering system and uv-light and sesnors and stuff so that all you have to do is specify which plant you are growing and then fill up the water container once in a while and you can have yourself a neat little herbal garden on your windowsill or bedroom or basically whereever you want. As they had already started to sell some of those gadgets around the world, they started thinking that they could add a subscription service to their business, sending their users new seeds to try out every once in a while etc. Now that Lemo is starting to make a name for himself in Anchorage, he has struck a deal with his old pals to promote their smart plant pots and the new subscription service in the Alaska and western Canada area.

Phineas Gold was approached this past year by a company looking to improve the image of their dog food brand. Having seen his past cooking shows where Phineas incorporated his siberian husky into the very image of the show. Even though his cooking with Phineas and Ice podcast was eventually discontinued due to not being the right time to focus on cooking (or dogs), it was brought to the attention of "Doggy Done Right". DDR reached out to Phineas if they could take a photo shoot of him and his dog doing things that normal dog owners would do. Phineas is willing to anything for his pup, so when they threw in a life time supply of their premo dog food, Phineas could not resist. While admittedly it is Ice that has become the face of the brand, Phineas gets to show up in the commercials from time to time. Since joining the marketing, it must be working as the dog food brand has shown a remarkable uptick in their sales prices in the middle aged male and teenage female demographics.

Chimkin Tendy is proud to be the face of Tyson’s Hourly Chicken Tender Delivery Service. For just $4.99 a day, Tyson will deliver 8 chicken tenders to your front door every hour, on the hour.
“Obviously I grew up eating chicken tenders because my parents were broke. Tyson’s inexpensive chicken tenders were a staple in my house. I’d cook them up every hour for my six brothers and five sisters, and when my mom got back from her three jobs and my dad got back from his six jobs, they’d love to chow down on chicken tenders. I’m a subpar goalie in a simulation hockey league, and with Tyson’s Hourly Chicken Tender Delivery Service, you can be too!”
You can order a monthly subscription for only $140 a month, which will save you $5 a month on chicken tenders!
Chimkin Tendy is most excited about it because he no longer needs to go dumpster diving behind the TGI Friday’s in Anchorage.

Sven has recently partnered with the American Bourbon Association to develop a monthly subscription service called “Sven’s Private Stock”. Sven’s Private Stock will be a monthly delivery service of bottles of bourbon curated by Sven personally. Given Sven’s love for drinking good whiskey, it was a natural fit for him to be the face of this new offering and for Sven to personally select each bottle. Sven would never choose a bottle he hasn’t had a lot of experience with, so recently he has been drinking a ton of whiskey to make his monthly pick. This has lined up well with San Francisco’s down, rebuilding season as there is no pressure for Sven to perform well. Sven shows up each night hungover, having woken up only hours before, and opponents have started chirping him for smelling like booze when he starts sweating on the ice. That seems irrelevant, however, as Sven’s Private Stock is quickly becoming a more profitable endeavor than playing in the SHL.

The "Axel Bose" subscription package special is an online music service which offers the best of the best for streaming anywhere. The biggest draw to this $1.00 a month package is the inclusion of various performances from famed Carolina Kraken, and Edmonton Blizzard star, Axel Foley. In this partnership with bose and spotify, he is featured on affiliated podcasts such as Spittin Chiclets, in episodes exclusive to this package deal, as well as audiobooks for classics like The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar, and original music made by Foley himself. He has such bangers as "Fuck New Orleans", "I'm Not Named After Crazy Frog Songs" and "Blocky Hockey".

To make this subscription worth it for customers, you will also get a free cameo for each month it is renewed, where you can get Foley to say very reasonable, inoffensive things, directly to you! This includes live, zoom performances of his songs, and even cool lessons on how to be really good at doing hockey!

I kind of like Jon Forty One being a guest on a TV cooking show and he just berates literally every meal like he is Gordon Ramsey. It does not matter if he enjoys the meal or not, he just wants to be a dick to the contestants to kill all cooking motivation for them if he can. But I guess I would pick TV content in the form of a talk show.

I do not know if you have ever heard of the Eric Andre show but I can picture a Jon Forty One talk show going exactly like that with guests but in a more violent setting if anything considering how salty Jon can be. Would probably have a mix of comedy, SHL players and weird celebs that we could get on the cheap and see who Jon can basically be a dick too for as long as possible for the sake of comedy. I think that sadly would get cancelled though real quick.

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