Simulation Hockey League

Full Version: S56 PT #3 - Subscription Service
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Ahh, Vladmir has already been approached a few times for a subscription service sponsorship, and while he attempted to keep it hidden, I guess it is time to inform the world of what Vladmir has been doing in his off days away from the team. Vladmir’s Violet Victory Venison. Yeah, you heard it right, Violet Victory Venison, a delicious meal from the local grocery store. They even used some food coloring to make it as close to the color violet as possible. Vladmir has been working diligently to get this marking campaign down and is ready for it to be shared with the world. Come on down now to the Local Grocery Store and get you some of Vladmir’s Violet Victory Venison. Only sold for a limited time, since you know, people aren’t really sure if they want to eat purple meat. It’s a give and take right now, and hopefully this quadruple V product takes off.

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Parmborg's weekly chicken parms as mentioned in the OP is a fantastic idea. Esa Parmborg is well known for carrying on the parm legacy of Esa Anrikkanen and there's been no shortage of sponsorship offers coming in since he joined the league. He was recently approached to represent a subscription service that sends food to people's homes, of course he was on board. The product is Parmborg's Pallet of Parms, where you get an entire pallet of parms delivered to you monthly. These can be comprised of chicken parm, meatball parm or eggplant parm, they are delivered frozen in dry ice and customers can stock their freezers. You can choose from sandwiches or meals on each item. They are top quality ingredients and gauranteed to add to your waistline. There's roughly 50 parms in pallet. Price is 300 bucks per pallet and includes an Esa Parmborg bobble parm. 50% of the proceeds go toward efforts to restore the chicken population.
Grape "Groot" Fruit will create a subscription service for Groot Sauce. Now, you may ask yourself, what exactly is Groot Sauce? That's the trick, no one knows what Groot Sauce is except for Groot himself. The ingredient label will simply read "I am Groot", as will the nutrition facts with the exception of 100% of your daily Groot intake. This sauce has a wide variety of applications ranging from ice cream to steak to cereal to actual grapefruit. The possibilities are endless. To taste Groot Sauce is to taste "The nectar of liquid memory foam if such a thing existed", according to the one satisfied customer. Each subscription member will receive one 16oz bottle of Groot Sauce each month and after one year, they will receive a note card with 12 different ingredients that may or may not actually be in Groot Sauce, to keep the mystery intriguing. This will connect excellently with a select few, strange individuals and probably no one else. However, the notoriety of this sauce should attract this untapped market to the Kraken as new fans.
PBJ Souppan has always been a philanthropist - always the first to give back to the community, even in his financial life. That is where the idea for PBJ Lunches for All program started. PBJ Lunches for All program is aimed at eradicating child hunger, but has stretched to include soup kitchens and homeless shelters. A non-profit subscription based company, Lunches for All uses a membership subscription to raise funds for affordable lunches. Starting at as little as 1 dollar a day (5 dollars a week), participants can pay to have a lunch delivered. Participants can increase their membership pledge to help pay for lunches for the less fortunate. 


Typical lunches range from jelly sandwiches with veggie sticks, to burritos and chips. Those with particular appetites need not worry. Particular allergies and dietary restrictions can be noted for members, and general deliveries will always come with multiple options. The program also receives government funding from both the Canadian Government, and the United Nations, helping employ hundreds Canadians.
James Kimanje has been sponsored for ages back in his home country of Uganda. One of the largest shoe companies in the country has had him as their athletic footwear sponsor for nearly 5 years now, but James has finally gotten an offer to be the sponsor of a new up and coming roller blade company called Rick N' Roll. Rick N' Roll sells custom sport roller skates for competitive roller derby players as well as the casual skater. James was able to land the sponsorship because of his sponsorship in Uganda, and in fact was able to get that Ugandan company bought out by Rick N' Roll, who will be building a factory in Uganda to help bring their products to Africa. James' sponsorship also includes a pair of roller blades that he custom designs each week, and the company has agreed to build ice skates to his specifications as well. The skates will be customized as the roller blades, and will be available for any other player to use as well.
Fileworker PT pass
oh hell yeah great PT hotdog absolutely love it. guy zheng would absolutely partner up with his bud Gabriel "Gonewild" @Gwdjohnson Johnson on becoming the faces of a not safe for work online television series, hosted on various tube sites around the world, detailing the absolutely incredible situations they get themselves into when they're bored and they're just boys being boys out on the road (only when they play against each other and they meet up, though, because obviously they can't travel together if they're on different teams, unless the Simulation Hockey League is currently playing with a bubble system where a bunch of teams are all together). There's romance and bromance, betrayal, casual sex, and everything in between. stay tuned to find out what your favourite hockey players are going to do next, they might even list their top 10 favourite soups, hint, number five may surprise you! tune in next week to catch the latest episode of your favourite show, gonewild guys!
I have no idea why anyone would want to subscribe to any service this bum Jasper Maximov is sponsoring but hey! money! who cares?

In honour of his talent level, Maximov is a proud ambassador of the Scrubz Cleaning Services. It is, as it's name indicates, a cleaning service. They employ high schoolers who get paid below minimum wage and who, just like the face of their company, do fuck all once they get to your home. Maybe they should have picked someone who actually does something to represent them, like Stan Q. Next perhaps?

The Scrubz Cleaning Service is as loyal to you as Maximov is to his teams, so once you subscribe, you're stuck with them forever. Because the Québec government has been waiting for a hockey team for a while, they'll let the Citadelles players get away with just about anything. Don't try suing. I'm serious, don't do it.

If you feel bad about all this, tell yourself you're helping a high schooler buy a PS5 so they can spend even less time on their studies! Yay!
Friedland hasn't been offered too many sponsorships. However, a shady Chinese company approaches him about a Selective Androgen Receptor Modulators (or SARMS) subscription service.

The Chinese company, that goes by the name of "Legitimate Inc" claims that these SARMS and other experimental drugs, will help you grow to 6'11 - Friedland's monstrous height. They offer one plan. For a monthly fee of $200 USD, you will receive RAD140, MK-2866, GTX-007, and the experimental SEX-0002. All of these drugs are not FDA approved, but they combine to create hydrated muscles, skyrocket testosterone levels, increase height and weight and promote facial and body hair growth.

Of course, there are a lot of short and insecure men. Though Friedland had some concerns with their branding, he decided that the money is totally worth the risk. He first tested the SARMS. He hopes they will not drug test him in Carolina.
Ursin Zimmermann loves eating Fondue, Raclette and cheese in genereal. Well and that's why a small swiss cheesemaker decided to work togheter with Ursin. Ursin knows this cheesemaker for a long time because the son who will one day be the successor of this cheese dairy went to school with Ursin and is one of his best friends. The cheese dairy is known to rely on local farmers and pay fair prices for their milk. Ursin, who him self grew up on a farm, realy likes this approach because he knows how bad the milk prices are for local farmers.
So he's trying to make this swiss cheese brand a worldly known cheese brand and therefor makes a lot of promotion videos on his instagramn or writes how delicious this cheese is in his weekly twitter posts!
Ursin doesnt want to get paid for doing this but just wants to know when there is a new type of cheese which he can taste.
First-Name Last-Name is looking to launch a men's grooming box. As hockey players, we are always on the move and in and out of locker rooms; we must make sure we are always fresh. My box would be a monthly men’s subscription that sends samples of feel-good grooming and self-care items picked with dudes in mind. Items would be personalized based on your personal style, hair, and skin type. Subscribers also have the option to upgrade to Grooming Box Plus, which includes a hand-picked accessory or lifestyle item in addition to the 5 monthly samples: think Bombas socks, S’well bottles, beanies, bags, and even headphones. Each box is promised to be valued at over $200, and is filled with selections spanning from toiletries and grooming supplies to accessories such as socks and sunglasses, and beyond. It’s a great way to learn about new lifestyle and personal products.
If I remember correctly, it was last Sunday when William Salming got an email from interesting company. He got a message where a company called Salming offered a deal. Salming manufactures for example floorball sticks and they wanted to have William as their new advertisement model. They had planned to film a video series where a famous sports player shows what kind of attributes each floorball stick has. They knew that William had played floorball as a younger kid and knew also that even though he was a hockey player, he still had enough floorball skills to be a model in those photo sessions. William thought only a couple of hours before he decided to accept the proposal. The value of contract is pretty significant and in the media they have said the value is even higher than value of William's this season contract. Well, that is not maybe true but it is close if I have read correct between the lines.

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After seeing Jst Maro performing on fishing contest during offseason, big fishing gear manufacturer approached him with sponsorship offer for fishing rods. Company wanted Jst Maro to advertise new, really robust model of fishing rod. This rod can not be easily broken and have new, improved fishing line wheel which prevents fishing line to get tangled. With this fishing rod even big fishing talents like Jst Maro will be able to enjoy fishing. Jst Maro was invited to shoot TV advertise for this new, robust fishing rod and he managed to film 1 minute long advertise in only 4 hours plus additional 2 hours for boat trip. During shoot he did managed to break 3 rods, hurt one cameraman with fishing hook and another with fishing rod, he also managed to tangle five fishing strings. But end, 1 minute long end product (named 'all sticks are the same - if you can use one you can use all') shows how easy fishing with this new rod really is. Maro can be seen enjoying in fishing on boat, easily throwing fishing hook really far and pulling out 5 feet long fish (what you don't see is how diver had put this fish on hook).
P.S.: Do not believe everything you see on TV.
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