Simulation Hockey League

Till I Collapse - Eminem (feat. Nate Dogg):
This one is in the Zerks playlist to remind us all to be grinders, every single day, day in and day out. A lot of our identity is built on the amount of effort and energy we put into play while we're on the ice, and this song reminds us that we need to play till we collapse - every single game.

The Buzz - Hermitude (feat. Mataya & Young Tapz):
This song has been an incredibly hit since the rookie Tommy Tightpants introduced the team to it before their first game. The hard hitting bass, along with a moving rhythm and a heavy beat, make it for the perfect exiting the tunnel energy.

Power - Kanye West:
Come on.

Enter Sandman - Metallica:
Agressive, moody, brash, and loud. This one is perfect for activating that rage that sits just below your civilised facade, and turning you from man into animal.

Nonstop - Drake:
For when you just need to put on the headphones and disconnect from around you, all the while making sure you're in the mood for violence. This song can be encapsulated by one phrase:
"Mean Mugg"

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Well is you see the mini PT here you will see the Outlaws band is a huge hit and clearly one of those songs need to make the pre-game playlist. Of there hits the clear favourite, “Cops on Ice.” The song is close to the heart with regarding to skating and fleeing from the law. 

Second song to make the list is an all time classic and is “Eye of the Tiger.” No real need to explain this one, and pregame playlist without this isn’t worth any salt. 

For the 3rd songs it’s a bit of “All the small things” by Blink-182. This starts to focus the players on the little details that could make the difference between victory and loss. 

Forth we have a calmer song and “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed. This song just brings the team down a notch. The song brings the player focus on the task ahead of them. A little bit calm before entering the rink but still ready and focused. 

Finally, as the player leave the rink “Lose Yourself” plays the team true hype song. Each and every game this song is played, sometimes it has an effect, other less so.

Here's the thing about Maine -- the general manager and his star player, myself, are a thousand percent big time wrestling fans. You know what some of the most hype music of all time is? Wrestling theme songs. So because of that, we have a wrestling themed pregame playlist that legitimately gets the blood pumping and makes you want to explode through people.

Our first song is to get ya in the right mood, "I Fell" by Wicca Phase Springs Eternal. It's the theme song of Darby Allin in AEW, and it's got a low beat but consistent and can get you starting to feel it a bit.

Then we switch to the AEW World Champion's theme song, Battle Cry. Kenny Omega's theme has a great beat to it, hype lyrics and can make you feel like running through a wall.

This is where things get difficult, as there are definitely many incredible theme songs that can be included in the playlist, and are, but for the key five we swap to the WWE and grab Baron Corbin's theme song I Bring the Darkness. It has that grittiness that makes you feel powerful, makes you want to tear through people.

With that feeling of destruction on tap, we move to Tommaso Ciampa's theme song "No One Will Survive." Again, we have this hardcore, hype song that we've been building up to and really giving us this aggression and power building within.

Finally, our fifth song is "The Rising Sun" which is the theme for one Shinsuke Nakamura. The violin, the guitar riffs, everything is on point for this and is the perfect end to get you moving, heart pumping, ready to lay it all out there.

Bonus is the inclusion of songs like Glorious, sometimes we get songs like "Tarzan Boy," or "Ghost Town Triumph." However the key five and their order is this group right here.

The key to a good locker room playlist is that it has to hit all the emotions.  Just being a 100 percent energy pump-up jam is just not good enough anymore to truly get your team in the right frame of mind.  So keeping that in mind, I'll begin:

Track 1: (sorrow)  In order for a player/team to truly get to the level of exuberance/anger/fired upness, they first have to think back to all the friends/family they've "lost along the way". This makes the team remember that they are blessed to be where they are and they should take no moment for granted:

"One Sweet Day" - Mariah Carrey and Boyz 2 Men

Track 2: (sexiness) The players have to have the confidence that they are not only the best players on the ice on that day, but they are also the best looking they can possibly be. If they have even a shred of doubt that they aren't the baddest bitch in the room, they might not hit the levels they are required to hit in order to win.

"Fergalicious"- Fergie

Track 3: (not being able to touch this) This one is self-explanatory.

"Can't Touch This"- MC Hammer

Track 4: (determination) We're moving into the more common emotions tied to a good pump-up tracklist. This one is all about making sure that you don't quit when the chips are stacked against you.  While this song is about having the "music" in you, we'll have the audio editing team substitute the word "music" with the word "hockey".

"You get what you give"- New Radicals

Track 5: (Kill everything) Yeah I mean at this point you just want everyone punching each other and bashing their heads on lockers and stuff.  150 mph in their mind. So heres a 30 minute death metal compilation song.  You can cut it off at any point if it seems like the players are going to injure each other too severely.

"30 min death metal mix"- Various Scary Artists

The Timber locker room pregame playlist, in order:

Timber - Pitbull ft. Ke$ha

I mean, it's the obvious one, right? Like the Orlando Magic playing Magic by B.O.B. after a win, its kinda corny, but the Timber have to go with the banger that has the team name in the chorus. Mr Worldwide raises the energy levels in any given room, and this song works to do exactly that here.

X Gon' Give it to Ya - DMX

The up-tempo mood starts to shift towards aggression with this DMX classic. Timber brawler Randy Marsh starts to look visibly agitated, swaying back and forth.

Never Scared - Bone Crusher

The switch to out and out aggression is complete. A song guaranteed to start a brawl in the club back in the day, this has the desired effect on the team, with Randy Marsh jumping around the locker room, veins bulging from his forehead.

Let it Go - Idina Menzel

Originally added to the playlist as a troll by jokester and former player Puddles O'Duck, this raises the levels of hate and aggression above and beyond what rap music can achieve. Randy Marsh is now throwing equipment, while most of the other players try to avoid catching his eye.

State Anthem of the Soviet Union - Moscow Philharmonic Orchestra

Randy has tired himself out at this point, so the slower tempo means he can regain his focus. This was added entirely because Viktor Krunk will not take the ice without it.

I feel like it's mandatory to have this on the pre-game playlist of any team I'm on. That just feels obvious.





This is an absolute banger that gets you pumped to play some hockey, start some fights and check some people hard into the boards. I also contend that Kill 'Em All is by far the best Metallica album. I'd also say Seek And Destroy is in their top five songs ever. I don't think it's best but it's certainly up there.


Freddie Gibbs -Thuggin


As much as I would love to fill the entire playlist with iconic nineteen eighties Thrash metal, I have to accept that more modern music taste exist so I put Freddie Gibbs here with his most iconic song.



If this can hype up a Doughboy in the trenches of Belleau Wood  then it can probably hype up  professional hockey players. Who doesn't want to take  a Springfield 1903 and blow the head off of a German solider when they hear this song? Honestly, If I could fill this entire playlist with WW1 bangers I would but I don't think  the team would appreciate that.



London Calling By The Clash and Warsaw By Joy Division were considered for this spot but in the  end I went with Where Eagles Dare. IT's just a fast, violent, rough punk song that gets you hype. What more do you need then that? It's also one of the most enjoyable Karaoke songs ever.

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We would listen to Ben Jammin's list, but the guy never takes his headphones off so we have no idea what he is actually listening to so we are just going to go ahead and take a random ass guess.

First up, Little Simz - Point And Kill ft. Obongjayar, because we are all a little quirky or something and the video has some excellent hair. Followed up by number two, 宮野真守「Dream on] - Because we are dreamers going for the cup and no idea what is actually being sung...

For third in the list, it's Sub Urban - Cirque, because we are high-rollers betting on ourselves!! Pulling up duty at fourth is Peter Gabriel - Games Without Frontiers, nice feel good we all play together song and close it off at fifth with My - Offseason Mode for when we miss the upcoming playoffs and need the comfort of a weeb.

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All these music/party PT's are really making me happy as a world-famous DJ. The team in Kelowna has relied on me to pump up our team before games and it is a shame I can only list 5 songs that we use because I could easily list 20 songs that we listen to get ourselves hyped up before a game.

The first song would have to be one of my most favourite hype up songs and that would be Your Betrayal - Bullet for my Valentine I remember hearing this song way back in NHL 10 and it always got me hyped when I was a kid playing the game and it still does to this very day. An absolute banger that our team loves.

Next would be Brock Lesnar - Next Big Thing This song signifies that a big boss is about to enter the arena as it is the theme song for WWE's Brock Lesnar. This song makes us all feel like the "Next Big Thing" in Kelowna.

Third would be another classic with Motorhead - The Game I have heard this many times growing up and it is a badass theme to get everyone on our team amped up before the puck drops.

Fourth on the list I would have to put Roman Reigns - Head of the Table this theme song really gives me a "final boss" level sort of energy and that is the type of fear we want to put onto our opponents, so that is why this song is on the list.

Finally the last song for our pre-game playlist would be CKY - Hellions on Parade another banger of a song when I grew up playing NHL. A must on my pre-game playlist.

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When Fiske gets the aux it's anyone's guess, usually just his favorite songs at the time. Here's the current mix:

1. Corrine - Les Trois Accords
Fiske is still exploring Quebec, and his Québécois is terrible, but music is a universal language. Corrine is a nice song to start off with, and to appease the French Canadians.

2. STAY - The Kid LAROI, Justin Bieber
It's a good song. The dance is fun. Perfect locker room bop.

3. Galibri & Mavik - Федерико Феллини
So good. You can't hear this song and NOT dance to it. There's no Russian Citadelle (yet) but Fiske has a bunch of songs. Just in case.

4. Revolver - bülow
What an absolute killer song. Kjellsson shared some of bülow's older stuff, but this is Fiske's favorite so far.

5. Break Her Heart - Maia Wright
Many have tried to stop Fiske from singing when this has comes on, all have failed. It's The Perfect Song.

Next week the mix will be completely different. Also quick shoutout to Din'desque for suffering through a team of pop fans.


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The key to a good locker room playlist is hype. Music to get the blood pumping so you're ready to kick some butt. 

Hard in da Paint - Waka Flocka Flame
This is one of the hypest songs out there, Waka goes hard and heavy on this track, enough for anyone listening to get going. Even though the song is about basketball, just replace paint with crease and you're all good.

HUMBLE - Kendrick Lamar 
Kendrick goes pretty hard on this track, not one of the most hype of the list but still up there. It's hard to stay humble when your banner is hanging from the rafters so this song will keep the Zerks in check.

Power - Kanye West
The message is a little contradictory to the last some but still a crazy hype song that'll get us ready to get that w. 

F*ck up some Commas - Future
Probably the least hype of the group but it tells us to always try and get that money and put up those numbers to get there. You'll never lose of you're always playing like it's a contract year

SUMO - Denzel Curry
This is the hypest song on the list, who cares about the message on this one, this song goes nuts and will help us go wild.

The key to a strong locker room is easily the kind of music you play in the locker room and how fired up, it gets the boys going.

So to start off we are going to go with Kickstart my Heart by Motley Crue, which is an absolute banger of a song. This is going to get everyone ready to go and fired up for the game and ready to smash bodies and just play their hearts out!

Second song would be Hells Bells which would complement the first song in this playlist and just get everyone locked in and ready to score some goals.

Next we swap up genres to another song and play the classic Nuketown by Ski Mask de Slump God and Juice Wrld, two lyrical geniuses who developed this banger of a song that is sure to get the blood pumping through everyones bodies.

Next we play some Dior by Pop Smoke which again keeps you in the mood and just ready to rip some heads off and just dialed into the game.

Finally we end it off with Gatti by Jackboys which is a great song to just enter the ice with this playing behind you, at this point your body is ready to exit its skeleton and you are willing to lay everything on the line for the team

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While I, Spack Jarrow, greatly respects his teammate Cup Noodle I don't think I can allow him to control the music in the locker room. This is a ship and as such it is a dictatorship and the Captain gets final decision.

The true power of music doesn't come from rappers who aren't to be touched. It is the rhythmic sea shanty that provides the greatest teamwork. For this reason I will be introducing some traditional Tortuga shanties and folk songs to the locker room.


The Flying Dutchman · The Jolly Rogers
This gets the troops in a fighting mood.


ALESTORM - Tortuga (feat. Captain Yarrface)
This is a cover of a traditional folk Tortuga song and has deep meaning to the people of my nation.



Nathan Evans - Wellerman
If I could understand half the words I would be singing right along. This'll getcha' goin'



Drunken Sailer - Irish Rovers
No sailor worth his salt would dare pass over this classic. Top 3 greatest song and frankly should be our teams goal song.



J-Cut & Kolt Siewerts - The Flute Tune (Soulpride Remix)
I dare any of you to find me another song that gets you amped up like this beauty.


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