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Good evening, everyone, and welcome to the Season 35 SHL Awards Show! I’m ztevans, and I will be your host tonight. Sometimes, I'm a shitty GM. Sometimes, I'm a shitty member of SMJHL Head Office. Sometimes, I record a shitty podcast. Tonight, I am moonlighting as a shitty awards show host.
Eggy would typically handle this, but he is pretty busy this week and
apparently lots of people want to know if they won awards or won TPE by predicting awards or whatever. I get to pretend to be Eggy tonight, which is the surest sign my life has gone to shit. So be sure, when this is over, to thank Eggy for ALLLLL the awards shows he hosted before me.
The nice thing about this SHL Awards Show is that it isn't getting overshadowed by an expansion draft. Instead, it's getting overshadowed by people yelling at each other across the auditorium. It's great.
Without any further ado, let’s present some of these goshdang awards.
First, we present the Challenge Cup, our holy grail in the Simulation Hockey League. A moment 35 seasons in the making, this year marked the year the impossible happened. Tonight, we congratulate the
Toronto North Stars on winning the
Challenge Cup! Job well done!
We also have the opportunity tonight to present the conference championship trophies. Naturally, in the East, the
Toronto North Stars won the
Mathias Chouinard Trophy! Congratulations again to Toronto on their incredible season!
Toronto’s foes in the Challenge Cup finals, the :admirals:
Portland Admirals win their second consecutive
Cole Reinhart Trophy! Congratulations, Portland!
With our last team award, it’s time to acknowledge the best team during the S35 regular season. One year removed from missing the playoffs, the
Calgary Dragons were back with a vengeance to claim this season’s
Presidents’ Trophy with a 36-12-2 record! Congratulations, Calgary!
Now, we move on to numbers-based awards, rewarding the top statistical performers from Season 35. First, let’s present the
Mike Honcho Trophy, which goes to the goaltender with the best Goals Against Average.
The Honcho Trophy for Season 35 goes to
Olli O'Koivu of the :admirals:
Portland Admirals, with a 2.21 GAA! Congratulations, <a href='index.php?showuser=2236' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-13'>Wally</a>!
Oh, shit, people are starting to show up in the "Viewing this thread" block. I was not prepared for this tonight. Okay. Stay calm. I've got this.
AHEM.
Next is the
Turd Ferguson Trophy, which goes to the top goon in the SHL. With nearly 200 penalty minutes in Season 35, earning the Turd for the third time in four seasons, let’s give a round of applause to (and keep a safe distance from)
Danny Foster of the
Los Angeles Panthers! Congratulations, <a href='index.php?showuser=1583' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>GCool</a>!
Now, we present the
Jay McDonald Trophy, which goes to the leading goal-scorer in the SHL each season. This season, with 36 goals, the McDonald goes to
Ace Redding of the
Manhattan Rage! Congratulations, <a href='index.php?showuser=31' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-66'>grimreaper</a>!
Don’t walk too far away, Ace. At this time we are also presenting the
Sergei Karpotsov Trophy. This goes to the leading points scorer each year. This season, two players tied with 67 points were
Ace Redding and
Lord Pretty Flacko of the
Minnesota Chiefs! Congratulations <a href='index.php?showuser=31' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-66'>grimreaper</a> and <a href='index.php?showuser=1773' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-13'>Baelor Swift</a>!
Quote:Originally posted by ztevans@Aug 9 2017, 07:09 PM
Oh, shit, people are starting to show up in the "Viewing this thread" block. I was not prepared for this tonight. Okay. Stay calm. I've got this.
AHEM.
Next is the [b]Turd Ferguson Trophy, which goes to the top goon in the SHL. With nearly 200 penalty minutes in Season 35, earning the Turd for the third time in four seasons, let’s give a round of applause to (and keep a safe distance from) Danny Foster of the Los Angeles Panthers! Congratulations, <a href='index.php?showuser=1583' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-3'>GCool</a>![/b]
Thank you for this honor once again. Only three more until I can justifiably route the petition to change the awards name for real.
So that was fun! Hooray, numbers! Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s present the awards determined by our esteemed awards committee, which consisted of people. People with ballots, and votes, and freshly sharpened pencils. Okay, that’s not true, nobody uses pencils anymore. Also, the committee's really not that esteemed.
