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+---- Thread: In Showing of Mercy to Beleaguered World, God Deletes Alaska (/showthread.php?tid=105149)
In Showing of Mercy to Beleaguered World, God Deletes Alaska - Skeleton Party - 04-03-2020
(414 stupid words according to bill gates)
In Showing of Mercy to Beleaguered World, God Deletes Alaska
By Mel Interviewman, Theology Desk
In a temporary showing of mercy and solidarity with His creation, God deleted the wretched hellscape known as Alaska from the planet a handful of times Thursday evening.
Onlookers at the Anchorage Armada hockey game claim that they were suffering through a normal home game when their vision went completely black. The visiting Carolina Kraken were unfortunately caught in the display of holy wrath as the event repeated itself several times throughout the night, forcing the game to be restarted each time.
“It’s bad enough to be stuck in Anchorage long enough to watch a normal game,” said Aaron Porksmear, a fan of the Kraken who was following his team on their road trip. “To have to watch additional periods of this is a punishment that would make the most demented demons in hell recoil in disgust. My favorite part of the night was going blind.”
Not wanting the Kraken to feel the full brunt of a wrath intended for the Northern waste of Anchorage, God did allow for Carolina to prevail in the eventually-completed contest. A three point showing from Stein Nilsen (2g, 1a) backstopped by a 21 save night from Frans Eller allowed the Kraken to secure a much-needed 2 points.
What seemed like a horrifying holy judgement in Alaska was felt by the rest of the world as a soothing presence of a merciful God. According to Bible stories, God kicked the first two humans out of Eden and into Alaska to really make them really ponder on their life choices. The temporary destruction of that relative hell was felt throughout the world as a balm on a collectively wounded psyche. In a world currently in crisis, this was a much-needed boost.
“It is the miracle we have been praying for,” said Cardinal Horsegrommet. “These days have been so tough, and we have not strayed from Him, and He has shown His love for us by destroying Alaska, even if only for a few short, beautiful minutes. Also, I have Adam Friedland on my SMJHL fantasy team so it was a pretty rad night overall to be honest.”
Such overt showings from God have been rare in the last forever. Might this be the start of a new era of divine intervention? We will have to continue watching this SMJHL season to find out, but if Vancouver’s record is any indication, it very well could be.
RE: In Showing of Mercy to Beleaguered World, God Deletes Alaska - SAwful - 04-03-2020
![[Image: source.gif]](https://media3.giphy.com/media/UAGf8gRpwHUm4/source.gif)
RE: In Showing of Mercy to Beleaguered World, God Deletes Alaska - sve7en - 04-03-2020
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RE: In Showing of Mercy to Beleaguered World, God Deletes Alaska - bluesfan55 - 04-03-2020
hahahahahahaha very funny
RE: In Showing of Mercy to Beleaguered World, God Deletes Alaska - LordBirdman - 04-03-2020
Quote:My favorite part of the night was going blind
I only wish I was graced with this fortune last night.
RE: In Showing of Mercy to Beleaguered World, God Deletes Alaska - Snoopdogg - 04-03-2020
Lol funny one