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+---- Thread: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard (/showthread.php?tid=107904)
USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - Frick_Nasty - 07-11-2020
Quote:WJC Double Media ready to be graded.With the World Junior Championship classic coming up Bork Lazer was going through his daily interviews for team USA. Well, rival Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard decided he wanted to talk some shit so Bork Lazer being the Chad that he is decided to take his whole interview in a challenge of Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard on the ice when the two teams play. Bork Lazer went on to state how he is so much better than Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard in every way.
"Listen the stats don't lie go look at them. You will see with proof how I was better than Sondergard in every sense of the word" stated the very confident Bork Lazer.
Lets look in depth and see if Bork Lazer is exaggerating or was he truly better than Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard in every stats.
First stat up is goals. Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard recorded 2 goals this season. Bork Lazer recorded 3 goals. First round goes to Bork Lazer on that one. Next up is assists. Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard was able to assist in goals 12 times. Bork Lazer as well was able to assist 12 time to his fellow Armada teammates. This one is a push between the two fierce defeneders. Adding these two stats together equals 15 points for Bork Lazer and 14 points for Mikkel Asmus Sondergard. Winner goes to Mr. Lazer. Looking at the positive and negative statistic Bork Lazer ends up with a lackluster negative two, however Mikkel Asmus Sondergard comes out with an abysmal negative twelve. Winner once again in the statistic battle is big daddy Bork Lazer. Next up we look at the power point statistics. Oh look here Mikkel Asmus Sondergard comes out the victor as he recorded 3 power point assists while Bork Lazer only tallied two power play assists.
Bork chimes in, "Go lol ok at our average time on I've for power plays, that bum was on the ice averaging out 1 minute and 20 seconds while I averaged only 19 seconds for power plays. This weak ass can only record 3 assists with an average of a whole minute on the ice more than me. Get out of here ya boy is averaging +1 assist per 10 seconds roughly." Ok I guess we will move onto next statistic. Oh Bork looks like you lose out on this one as well. Mikkel Asmus Sondergard only accounted for 45 penalty minutes while you Bork accounted for 58 penalty minutes. "Man you reporters really are fucking dumb. Go look and see I was in 6 fights this season and Mikkels simp ass was in zero. You know what that means Einstein? Minus 30 minutes off my 58 penalty minutes and then you can compare our penalty minutes with one another. 45 versus 28 ain't that close dummy. Oh and furthermore your dumbass didn't even bring up the fact Bork Lazer also recorded a short hand assist as well. Now carry on with your digging and trying to undermine my greatness."
Oh ok Mr. Lazer, what is next stat we can look at. Shooting percentage winner here is Bork Lazer as he had a shooting percentage of 3.70% while Mikkel Asmus Sondergard comes out with a 2.86%. might as well have Bork Lazer change his nickname to Bork "sniper" Lazer. Now let's get down to the real stats that the two WJC teams are looking for out of these two skaters, the defensive stats. Mikkel Asmus Sondergard was able to hit 46 opponents while Bork Lazer was able to bring the pain to 94 poor unfortunate souls on the ice. Next up is the giveaway takeaway ratio. You have Mikkel Asmus Sondergard coming out with a negative ratio as he gave away the puck 35 times and was only able to take it away 32 times. 32 takeaways is pretty dang good but giving away 35 times does you no good. Bork Lazer comes in with a positive giveaway takeaway ratio as he gave the puck away ten less than Mikkel Asmus Sondergard totaling 25 times while also taking the puck away 33 times, all in all Bork Lazer makes out as the winner in this category in each part.
Next up is shots blocked. The ongoing joke from the Anchorage Armada is that Bork Lazer is the 3rd goalie of the Armada as he totaled 120 blocked shots. Mikkel Asmus Sondergard was able to total an also impressive 76 blocked shots as well. Winner winner chicken dinner for the Chad Bork Lazer for shits blocked. So as you can see in the stats that matter Bork Lazer is in every sense of the way better on paper this season than Mikkel Asmus Sondergard.
Bork Lazer grabs the microphone one last time, " I'm telling you pansies that are the the world team general managers no I demand that you line up Mikkel Asmus Sondergard against me so I can put that fucker in his place once and for all. Hell if he isn't being to much of wuss he can drop the fucking gloves and we can go so I can really whoop his ass for real. I don't think his ass will because he didn't drop once this whole season. So I cannot wait for this heavy hitting defensive team of TEAM USA to come in and beat down on every single one of you sorry ass teams. Gold medal predictions for team USA. Laser out."
Bork drops the microphone and leaves the podium. Well there you have it folks strong words from a strong and intimidating man. This is definitely a story to keep our eye on as the World Junior Championship unfolds. It will be interesting to see how Mikkel Asmus Sondergard responds to the words of Bork Lazer. We know he said that Bork Lazer will be just a blip on the radar and not a long storied career but after seeing the passion we saw here today I think it is safe to say Bork Lazer is not going anywhere, anytime soon. More to report when the international scene rages on here in the coming weeks.
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - CementHands - 07-11-2020
Imagine calling out MAS and not tagging him @Rabidsponge21
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - honkerrs - 07-11-2020
rip NOLA's RSS rankings for arbitrary "bork degrader"
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - DeletedAtUserRequest - 07-11-2020
Wow
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - hockeyiscool - 07-11-2020
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - Rabidsponge21 - 07-11-2020
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJMNnxrvGqs - @Frick_Nasty
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - ACapitalChicago - 07-11-2020
07-11-2020, 01:52 PMhockeyiscool Wrote:
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - Frick_Nasty - 07-11-2020
07-11-2020, 11:04 AMCementHands Wrote: Imagine calling out MAS and not tagging him @Rabidsponge21No need to tag when you send it in the DMs ?
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - Frick_Nasty - 07-11-2020
07-11-2020, 02:24 PMRabidsponge21 Wrote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJMNnxrvGqs - @Frick_NastyYeah being on the bottom you wouldn't know me with me being on the top all year ?
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - bluesfan55 - 07-11-2020
07-11-2020, 03:09 PMFrick_Nasty Wrote:07-11-2020, 02:24 PMRabidsponge21 Wrote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJMNnxrvGqs - @Frick_NastyYeah being on the bottom you wouldn't know me with me being on the top all year ?
no simp messes with chad bork lazer
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - dankoa - 07-11-2020
bork lazer definitely got some repressed feelings about sondergard
RE: USA's Bork Lazer calls out World's Mikkel ASSmus Sondergard - Rotti - 07-11-2020
Bork Lazer stinky