Simulation Hockey League
The Wolfpack Games - Printable Version

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+---- Thread: The Wolfpack Games (/showthread.php?tid=53952)

- Ballerstorm - 08-01-2015

Many of you may remember this post, and now it has finally come to light.

Here is a little history of The Wolfpack
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6




Now that all the dust has settled from the monster SMJHL playoffs, and the SHL playoffs. In a penthouse over looking Hamilton, Ontario cigar smoke billows through the air. Sitting in a chase lounge is Randy Randleman sipping on some 40 year old scotch he surely purchased with his first overall money. The front door opens and Brandon Girard comes in holding a case of Coors and a log of Copenhagen Snuff.

Girard: “Randleman what the fuck? I told you not to smoke my Cubans and my fucking 40 year old scotch!”

Randleman: “Relax Brando! We’re stars now we can afford the finer things in this life. Where’s Brumm I thought you guys were coming straight from practice? Tonight is a big night Brumm better not fuck it up again!”

Girard: “You’re telling me to relax? Brumm said he had to grab a couple things, he may be late, he may be drunk, but I know he’ll be here”

Randleman: “Fuckin’ Brumm!”

The two settle down and begin to pound some beers chatting about their new teams, and the transition of living in a new city. Randleman glimpses at his Breitling and notices there is only seven hours until the event. Reaching for his phone he dials Brumm’s number as a picture of Brumm passed out with “PLUG” written on his forehead pops out Randy lets out a light chuckle. Randleman sets the phone on the table as he turns on speaker phone he hears “I’m in love with the CoCo”.

Randleman: “Brumm has a ring backtone? Real mature.”

(Girard secretly dancing to the song before it clicks over to the voicemail and you hear Brumm’s voice crackle through. “Hey guy’s I cannot get to my drink right now, leave a shot and I’ll drink you back”)

Girard: “Haha! Fuckin Brumm I love that guy.”

Randleman: “This is no time for FUCKIN GAMES! We have this charity auc……”

(Randleman is interrupted by the relatively close sound of “Jingle bells! Jingle Bells!”. Girard and Randleman run to the door and spill into the hallway to find Brumm dressed as Santa Claus.)

Girard: “Brumm it isn’t even Christmas time; why are Prince and the rest of those scrubs dressed as elves?”

Brumm whispers: “Genius right? I’m fucking hazing them they think they are going to join the Wolfpack!”

(Randleman grabs Brumm by his Santa Beard pulling him in the penthouse leaving Girard to watch the Elves.)

Randleman: “Brumm you have done some dumb shit but this takes the cake!”

Brumm: “Sorry Mr. First Overall we can’t have fun anymore? Plus we do need to replace D’amour!”

Randleman: “Replace him with 10 fuckin elves?”

Brumm: “Are you dense they are going to compete for the final spot?”

(Randleman pauses pondering…)

Randleman: “That’s a great fucking idea!”

(Randleman opens the door to address the elves...)

(Geoffrey Allen nervously raises his hand…)

“Um, we we’re told there would be juice boxes”

(Randleman cuts him off…)

“Shut the fuck up, the rest of you, Welcome you have all been chosen to compete for the recently vacated spot in the Wolfpack. You will be faced with several obstacles that will test your testicular fortitude, or lack thereof. This will not be for the faint of heart so if you have any objections fuck right off.”

(Geoffrey Allen and Zack Hoover throw their elf hats on the ground and stomp towards the elevator muttering something about juice boxes and blood sugar…)

Girard: Well now that the ladies are gone we can get on with the games!

(Brumm reaches into his Santa bag and starts pulling out black bags and throws them to the elves)

Brumm: “Each of you put these over your heads. You don’t get to see where were going next.”

(The elves look at each other wearily before Kyle Prince leads the way and puts his on first)

Prince: “Might as well accept it, it’s going to happen whether I like it or not.”

Randleman: “Prince is right, put them on or get the fuck out of here”

(The rest of the elves follow Prince’s lead and all put the bags over their heads)

Girard: “I’m impressed, I thought for sure that Kuddles would have left by now”

(Travis Kudleychuk pipes up from beneath the bag over his head)

Kudleychuk: “Fuck no!”

Randleman: “Fuck no… what?”

Kudleychuk: “Fuck no SIR!”

Brumm: “Now he’s getting it”

The elves are loaded onto a school bus waiting outside and taken on a drive for what seems like hours. Any talking on the trip is quickly punished by means of Brumm slapping them around with the biggest floppiest black dildo Randleman and Girard had ever seen. Finally the bus comes to a stop and the elves, still blinded by the bags on their heads, are loaded up onto trailers attached to ATV’s on the outskirts of a forest.

Brumm: “Elves, hang on tight because this is going to be a bumpy ride. Anyone who falls off can take off their bags and head home, you’re done”

(Randleman, Girard, and Brumm look at eachother and share wicked smiles)

Brumm: “We’re heading to the spot we took Dambach that crazy night with the bear”

(Igor Ogorodnikov rips the bag off of his head)

Igor: Did you say bear?! Nope, that’s it for me I’m done!” he says with a terrified expression on his face as he runs back onto the bus

Randleman: “That’s one less elf to deal with, alright boys let’s go, wanna race?”

Girard: “It’s on buddy”

The three of them tear off into the forest with the elves hanging onto the trailers for dear life. The ATV’s fly off of jumps and bounce off tree roots at 60km/h while the elves are bounced and launched from the trailers as Randleman, Girard, and Brumm race to be the first to their destination. When they finally arrive they look back to find their trailers much less populated than when they had left.

Brumm: “Kuddles is the only one left for me” he says laughing “I lost Cynthia off mine”

Randleman: “Prince hung on, but it smells like he shit himself”

Prince: “I did n-“

(Brumm cuts him off with a smack to the face with the big black dildo)
Randleman: “As I was saying, looks like Flacko fell off of mine, and I won by the way you fucking cheat, Girard”

Girard: “Bullshit you won. No rules said I couldn’t run you into that bush”

Randleman: “Fuck off you know that was shit!”

(Brumm interrupts the bickering couple)

Brumm: “Figure it out in marriage counselling boys. Who do you have left, Girard?”

Girard: “Looks like Wert fell off of mine. I still got Fleming and Killington”

Brumm: “Alright, elves you can take off your bags now”

(The elves all remove the bags from their heads and look around seeing nothing but forest around them)

Randleman: “Welcome to the first ever Wolfpack Games” he says extending his arms to the surroundings

(Luke Fleming slowly raises his hand with a confused look on his face)

Girard: “What is it Fleming?”

Fleming: “What do you mean Wolfpack? Are you guys on the team?”

Brumm: “Well, no I’m on the Steelhawks with Girard and Randleman here is a Dragon”

Kuddles: “So you don’t play for the Wolfpack? Im confused”

Killington: “No don’t you guys get it they must be affiliated somehow”

Kuddles: “Oh okay so like i-“

(Randleman cuts him off)

“No, Jesus Christ it’s just what we call our group we have nothing to do with the team”

Prince: “So you want to be on the team then?”

Girard: “This shouldn’t be this confusing”

Randleman: “Girard, Brumm, bring it in”

(The three of them gather with their backs facing the elves)

Randleman: “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and this proves it. We need a name change, I don’t want to keep getting confused with the New England Wolfpack”

Brumm: “That’s a good idea, and I like some of those guys in New England I don’t want to keep pissing those beauts off”

Randleman: “Alright, so we need a new name then what should we call ourselves?”
(The three of them throw ideas around in hushed whispers for a few minutes before breaking from their huddle and approaching the elves once again)

Girard: “OK elves, to avoid any further confusion we have decided to change our group name. Welcome to the first ever Wolfgang Games!

(Brumm reaches into his bag and pulls out a Texas mickey of whiskey and 3 cans of Kokanee)

Brumm: “First order of business“

(Brumm hands the Texas mickey to Kudleychuk and the Kokanees to Randy and Girard)

Brumm: “You guys ever play waterfall?”
(Kudleychuk and Fleming get confused looks on their faces while Killington and Prince look like they’re about to cry)

Brumm: “I guess Prince and Buzz know what’s about to happen. Randy, Girard, and I are going to chug our beers and as soon as we start drinking you have to start pounding back that mickey. When I finish my beer Randy starts and you pass the whiskey to the next little elf. When Randy finishes then Girard starts, you pass to the next elf, and then I will drink another beer while the last little elf pounds theirs back. Ready?”

(Kuddles looks at the other 3 elves with a worried glance)

Brumm: “GO”
(Brumm starts chugging his beer clearly going slow on purpose while Kudleychuk holds the whiskey bottle up and struggles through)

Girard: “Kuddles is going to puke, no doubt. I think I see tears in his eyes”

Randy: “Nah, I think Buzz will puke first. He isn’t used to how we do it in the west”

(Brumm throws his empty beer can on the ground and Kuddles passes the mickey to Fleming before collapsing onto the ground in the fetal position fighting to keep from throwing up)

Girard: “Get that drink up to your lips Fleming! Brumm, I called it Kuddles is definitely going to puke”

(Randy casually starts drinking his beer and drinks it even slower than Brumm as Fleming looks stone faced sucking back the whiskey eyes locked on Randy)

Brumm: “Holy shit, Fleming is intense”

(Kuddles finally stands up, hands on his knees breathing heavily)

Girard: “Classic puke pose, here it comes!”

(Randy finishes his beer and Fleming hands the whiskey off to Killington without hesitation)

Randy: “Nice job, Fleming. That was impressive”

(Girard starts drinking and Killington throws back the whiskey. A second later Killington curls over and shoves the bottle into Kyle Princes stomach as he turns to the bushes behind them and pukes all over himself before making it to the bush)

Randy: “I FUCKING KNEW IT! Called it Girard!”

Girard: “I hate it when Randy is right… Killington, what the fuck man?”

(Killington just makes some awkward groaning noise as he pukes again)

Brumm: “Alright, Prince you’re up”

Prince: “Uh, c’mon guys, do I have to? I just got out of rehab at the start of the season?”

Brumm: “Prince! Stop being such a pussy! You want in this is it, or we can leave you here in the forest where we both know you will likely die”

Prince: “But-“

Brumm: “No buts! GO!”

(Brumm pounds back his beer as Prince reluctantly lets the bottle touch his lips. Once it starts going down Prince’s expression changes from resistance to joy)

Girard: “That’s the Prince we know and love”

Randy: “Man he’s drinking that like it’s water! There had to be at least 40% of that bottle left and he’s crushing it”

(Brumm sees Prince and pours back his beer faster looking to chug it as fast as he can now)

Girard: “Holy shit, he’s going to finish the whiskey before Brumm finishes his beer!”

(Kyle Prince throws the empty bottle down and wipes his mouth with a huge smile on his face and winks at Brumm as Brumm finishes his beer)

Brumm: “Ok, I admit that was impressive, but you guys are going to have to do more than impress us”

Randy: “That’s right. The Wolfgang is more than a group of friends. We’re a team, and that team is built off of trust. So you guys need to learn to trust us with a trust exercise”

(Girard turns towards an opening in the forest and points)

Girard: “See that cliff edge? You four are gonna sprint there right now and jump off of it. If you live you get to stick around”

Fleming: “What’s down the cliff?”

Girard: “If you knew that wouldn’t be fair. I’m not even sure if it’s safe, we lost our map half way here so I think we’re in the right spot but who knows”

(The elves look reluctant until Brumm grabs the black dildo again and smacks Prince across the face)

Brumm: “You guys can do this or this dildo can do a lot worse things to you and we will still leave you to die in the forest, now fucking run!”

(Prince is the first to start sprinting and is quickly followed by the other three)

Girard: “You think they’ll all jump?”

Brumm: “Yeah, they will all jump as long as the first one does”

Randy: “No way. One of them will definitely puss out”

(Without hesitation Kyle Prince leads the elves off of the cliff, flying through the air as he leaps off the edge followed by Fleming, Killington, and Kudleychuk)

Randy: “I hate it when Brumm is right…”

*SPLASH*

(The four land in the water below and look up at the cliff edge to see The Wolfgang there on the ATVs)

Randy: “We’re heading back to town. We will be at the penthouse. If you make it back then you’re on to the last stage of the Wolfgang Games. Good luck!”

(Randy, Brumm, and Girard tear off on the ATVs and head back to town laughing)

Five hours pass and countless games of SHL 2015 pass before there is a knock on the door.

(Girard gets up and opens the door revealing Luke Fleming and Buzz Killington)

Brumm: “Welcome back elves, what happened to the other two?”

Killington: “I… I don’t know anymore. We lost Prince in the forest. Something chased us. I think it was a cougar. Kuddles decided if he took out Prince the rest of us could escape so he tripped him and we ran without looking back. Then when we got to the city we had to walk through some shady area and some gangsters grabbed Kuddles and said he looked like a guy who owed them money. They pulled out guns and we ran, so now it’s just us”

Randy: “You guys should be happy. Just one task left in the Wolfgang games. Whoever wins is the newest member.”

(Brumm walks over to a desk and removes a box that was covering something revealing a mound of a white substance)

Girard: “Are you guys fucking kidding me. I said no coke!”

Randy: “Oh shut the fuck up Girard, 2 against one. OK elves, dive in”

Killington: “No, fuck no. Listen to Girard, I am not going to do that”

Fleming: “Me too, there is no way you can make me do-“

(Fleming is interrupted by the doors flying open and a man storming in with a black hood covering his head and face. Blood is all over his hands and clothes)

Brumm: “What the fuck is going on here?”

(The figure throws his hood back revealing his face to be Kyle Prince. He has deep cuts on his face and is covered in bruises)

Killington: “Prince?! I thought you died!”

Prince: “I almost did because of you assholes! I killed that fucking cougar with my bare hands and a rock! Now, what do I h-“

(Prince stops talking when he sees the mound of powder, gaze focused on it)

Prince: “Today of all days, I need that big rush”

(Prince sticks his face into the mound Scarface style before coming up coughing and licking his lips with a confused look on his face)

Prince: “This isn’t coke?! What the fuck is it”

Randy: “Fuck no, you guys actually think I would share my coke with you? That’s just powdered sugar”

Girard: “Welcome to the Wolfgang Prince, you’re in.

Brumm: “Killington, Fleming, we told you guys you had to learn to trust us. Now get the fuck out”

(Killington and Fleming leave hanging their heads in shame)

Randy: “Let’s do some shots and then get Prince to the hospital. Those scratches are deep buddy”

(Randy pours 4 glasses of Glengoolie blue and the 4 cheers to their newest member)


2854 words

- Copenhagen - 08-01-2015

Back in business baby!

- BeanSnoodie - 08-01-2015

I'm sorry I tried to feed you to the mountain lion, Prince.

- Ballerstorm - 08-01-2015

Quote:Originally posted by BeanSobie@Aug 1 2015, 01:37 PM
I'm sorry I tried to feed you to the mountain lion, Prince.
:lol:

- Nereus - 08-01-2015

I've lapped up worse if you know what I mean.

- Ballerstorm - 08-01-2015

Quote:Originally posted by Nereus@Aug 1 2015, 02:12 PM
I've lapped up worse if you know what I mean.


Youre still not in.

- LTH - 08-02-2015

Needs a sparks wrap,
lol but great read
10/10