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+---- Thread: Detroit Falcons go to Vegas (/showthread.php?tid=55488)
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- Eggy216 - 08-23-2015
It had been a long preseason. The wins just weren't coming. No matter how hard the team tried, things just weren't falling into place. Spirits were low in the Jet Blue Airways Arena, with the fans disappointed, and the players devastated. They were giving it their all every night, but no matter what they did it just wasn't enough. However many times they scored, their opponents were always putting away more.
Nobody had any answers. Captain Jasper Clayton was running out of steam - his pre-game speeches were beginning to lack life and energy. Alternate captain Michael Burch was leaving immediately after every game, not saying a word to anyone before walking out of the room. The other alternate captain, Austin Lemieux, was showing up to games drunk - and some thought his bottle might not have been filled with water as he claimed.
To top it all off, head GM Colin Schmidt was out of the country on a scouting trip, off to watch some of the young players who were going to be coming into the SMJHL in the S26 SMJHL entry draft. Without a veteran presence in the room, the rookies had nobody to turn to for advice. They didn't know what to do.
Then one man decided he would have to do something about this. He knew his team was battered and bruised, and he decided there was only one way to fix it. He made a few calls, sent a few emails, and finally he had everything all set. He slammed open the door to his office in the Detroit Falcons' locker room, stepped out with his bottle of Russian vodka and shouted "Fuck, guys, don't look so sorry for yourselves. Is this a hockey team or a knitting club?"
Vsevolod Nikitin stepped into the center of the locker room, spilling vodka onto the logo in the center of the floor. "You guys need help. Serious help. You're playing well individually, but you look like you've never even met each other before. You need to get to know each other better, both as players and as people."
Ross Burke looked up from where he was sitting. "Are you fucking kidding?" he asked. "You want us to go to some fucking team building retreat, don't you?"
Nikitin grinned. "Oh it's better than that. Team building retreats are for weak Americans. You need to bond like a Russian." He took a gulp of vodka before shouting, "We're going to Vegas, bitches!" He laughed hysterically as he walked back to his office. When he got to the door, he turned and added, "Pack your bags, we leave at 9 AM tomorrow."
The players looked around at each other. Nikitin had done some weird stuff before, but this had to be the strangest. None of them could remember another time when he had decided to take the team on a random trip across the country. Then again, none of them were going to complain, either.
"Well," said Jasper Clayton, "guess we'll all be seeing each other in the morning. You heard what he said, meet back here at 9 AM tomorrow and we'll get on our way."
The players slowly gathered up their equipment, and packed it away so it would be ready for their next game. Then they got in their respective cars, and headed on home to get ready for the next day.
Each player prepared for the trip a little differently than the rest. Clayton made sure to pack away a couple of boxes of English Breakfast tea, just in case the stuff they had in Las Vegas was a little too American for his palette. Lemieux packed away a bottle and a pair of shot glasses - he and Nikitin were planning to get hammered while the plane was still in the air. Tim Buckner was sure to bring along his boxing gloves so that he could partake in a few a fights, not just attend them. And Maverick Mitchell threw a few wads of cash into the bottom of his suitcase - between the slots and the strip clubs, he knew he'd be having to throw around quite a bit of money while out on the town.
Finally the morning arrived. The players arrived in their respective cars and walked into the locker room to wait for Nikitin to tell them how exactly they were getting to Vegas. Eventually all the players were there, but there was still no sign of Nikitin. After about half an hour, they heard the telltale screech of his car's tires as he pulled into the parking lot.
"Hey guys!" Nikitin shouted from the other side of the door. "Let's get going, the plane's waiting for us at the airport!"
Aleksander Strömberg looked at the other players for a moment. "Alright," he said, "since nobody else is going to say it I guess I will. Why the hell didn't he just tell us to go to the airport in the first place?"
Michael Burch shrugged. "It's just how Nikitin operates. You kind of get used to it after a while."
The players filed back out into their cars, and after another fifteen minutes of driving they arrived at the airport. Everyone got out of their cars and filed inside.
The players stood and looked at the various check-in counters, each marked with the name of one of the airlines. "Does anybody even know which one we're flying?" asked JÄnis Mazmiesis.
"Not a clue," replied McLaren Nasher. "I kind of figured Nikitin would have beaten us here, and that he would have told us where to go."
"In the future can we agree that Nikitin shouldn't be trusted to make plans for us?" asked Crysta L. Chandelier. The rest of the players murmured their agreement.
Suddenly they heard a shout from across the concourse. "Hey guys! Get over here!" The team looked and saw Nikitin standing over by the Jet Blue counter.
They walked up to him. "So I made some calls last night to our sponsors, and I was able to get Jet Blue to provide us with a private flight. We just have to appear in a couple of commercials for them that will air in the Detroit area, and we have to broadcast them in the arena between periods. It's not bad at all. We'll end up saving a ton of money with free flights to and from Las Vegas, and all we have to do is sell our souls to corporate America!"
The group was lead through a separate back room area, where they were able to get private security checks. Everyone was able to go through just fine, until the TSA agents got to Clive Stonehands. "Uh, sir? You've been randomly selected for a further examination. You're going to have to come with us."
"Are you kidding me?" Stonehands replied. "I never had a problem like this until I grew my beard, and now every time I have to go through security anywhere I'm "randomly selected" to receive some "additional screening." How transparent can you guys be?"
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down or I'm going to have to arrest you," responded the TSA agent tersely.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" replied Stonehands. The TSA agent led him behind a closed door into a room with no windows. The rest of the group was filed out, and led to the gate where they would be boarding their plane in about fifteen minutes.
After about ten minutes of sitting at the gate, Stonehands came around the corner looking like an absolute mess. "What happened in there?" asked JÄnis Mazmiesis.
"You don't want to know," replied Stonehands. "You don't want to know."
"Excuse me? Mr. Nikitin?" said the woman at the gate. "Your plane is ready now, your group can board whenever you are ready." Everyone gathered up their belongings, and got on board, ready to begin their trip. As they got on board, the stewardess greeted each one and welcomed them to the flight. The entire plane was theirs, she informed them, and if they needed anything they could press the button above their seat and she would be over to help them. She added that she would come around with drinks as soon as the plane reached its cruising altitude, and added that alcohol was being served compliments of the airline.
The players settled into the seats, and began to prepare for the flight. Clayton pulled out his Microsoft Surface tablet and began to re-read some of his favorite Sherlock Holmes stories. He already knew every detail of them, but it never bored him to hear about how this hero of the British culture. Tim Tebow turned on his in-seat television, and began to watch highlights of the week's football games on ESPN. And Tim Buckner played NHL 15 against Aleksander Strömberg on a small screen he'd brought with him so that they could play on the plane.
Finally, the plane reached the height of its ascent and the stewardess came around to provide drinks for everyone. Most, like Lemieux and Nikitin, ordered some kind of alcohol - might as well pre-game for their arrival in Vegas, after all. Then there was Clayton, who asked for only a cup of hot water so that he could steep his own tea bag rather than drinking the disgusting in-flight tea. Then there was BJ Cobbledick, who, rather than taking one of the options available, asked for something else from the stewardess, who smiled and nodded, and the two went to the back of the plane.
The rest of the flight was relatively uneventful, until the pilot announced the plane would be making its descent. A few moments later, Cobbledick and the stewardess emerged from the back of the plane both looking a little disheveled. Cobbledick turned to the stewardess and said "Thanks, BJ Cobbledick" before returning to his seat for the plane's arrival in Vegas.
Finally the plane touched down. "Have a great time in Vegas," said the stewardess. "We'll be the ones taking you home as well, and we look forward to serving you once again." She smiled at Cobbledick. "I especially look forward to seeing you again."
The team walked out of the airport onto the streets of Vegas, and took in the sights of the city for the first time.
"Well," said Clayton, "this isn't England, that's for sure."
The place was crazy. Between the flashing lights on the side of every single building and the thick smog making it hard to breathe (both of which made it harder to see as well), it was definitely not what many of the players had been expecting. There were homeless guys on the street corners, and there were cars that looked like they'd been abandoned for years, with just pieces of their frames left behind.
"Well," said Nikitin, "let's get to our hotel. Might as well check into the room so everyone can get on with all the exciting things here in Vegas!" He checked his emails on his phone. "Looks like we're staying just a few blocks away from here at The Mirage. It's got an in-house casino, a dolphin tank, a bar - it's going to be a great place for us to stay!"
The team followed behind Nikitin as he led them to the hotel. Mitchell saw something in an alley and ducked off for a moment, coming back with a bag of white powder. "For later," he told them.
Pretty soon they were inside the hotel, and separated into their respective rooms. Nikitin had been able to secure discounted rooms for the team thanks to funding from a couple of sponsors, and the rest of the money was being supplied by the Detroit Falcons organization since the whole thing was meant to be a team-building exercise.
Everyone was sharing a room with one other person. For the most part, the players were split up so that there was one Falcon's veteran in a room with a new Falcon so that everyone would have the chance to get to know someone they might not know as well. But the players weren't planning to spend too much time in these rooms - everyone had something they wanted to do, or something they wanted to see while they were in Vegas. Almost immediately after getting to their rooms, everyone took off.
The first person to leave the hotel was Jasper Clayton. He'd talked to Michael Burch on the plane, and the two knew exactly what they were going to be doing. While Clayton almost never listened to non-British artists, there was one woman who had captured his heart - Canada's own Celine Dion. And Burch, the Canadian turned Brit, was more than happy to go the concert with him. He met Clayton in the line for tickets, and the two were lucky enough to grab front row seats to see the Canadian Pop icon in person that night. They went off to a nearby casino to pass the time, where Clayton managed to blow ten times the value of his contract from the Wolfpack on failed bets. Burch was a little luckier, managing to double his money early on, and deciding to walk away to play the slots. On the slots he wasn't as lucky, however, but was able to get out of there still making a profit on the night. The pair ventured on to the concert, and were amazed to find that she sounded as good, if not better, in person.
Back at the hotel, it was Aleksander Stromberg who left next, with Tim Buckner at his side. The two had an exciting night ahead of them planned. First, the two of them swung by a casino. They made a beeline to the roulette table, and managed to double their money by making a couple of lucky bets along the way. They thought about trying to continue their streak of luck, but decided to try and get lucky elsewhere. They left the casino for the night, and moved on to a better location to spend the rest of their night - the strip club. When they got there, they were surprised to find Maverick Mitchell already there getting a lap dance from one of the strippers. They joined him at the table, ordered a couple of drinks, and proceeded to spend the rest of their night surrounded by women who looked much, much better than Celine Dion.
Austin Lemieux and Vesevolod Nikitin spent the first part of their night at the hotel bar. They didn't see any reason to go to a casino, when all they wanted to do was get as drunk as possible, and they planned to do that by sampling every bar in a 3 block radius from the hotel. Nikitin had managed to pick up a pair of Segways so that the two of them could get from bar to bar without having to walk. "Too much effort," said Nikitin. "That's time that we could be spending drinking." Upon leaving the hotel, they found the Segways a little harder to operate than they had expected, crashing into multiple walls and running over a few homeless people. But they were usually able to eventually find the next bar. As the night drew to a close, however, the two ended up getting separated. Somewhere between the last bar and the hotel, Lemieux passed out drunk in an alleyway and Nikitin left him behind. He turned in to what he thought to be the hotel, but turned out to be a strip club. He decided to stay for a while - after all, it would be a fun way to end the night. He got talking to one of the women who was at his table - she told him she was trying to make it in the movie business, and this was just something on the side so that she could support herself along the way. Nikitin thought she was absolutely gorgeous, and decided there he'd never seen a girl so beautiful - nor would he ever see her again if he let her go right now. He proposed to her on the spot, and the owner of the strip club married them in a back room of the building. Nikitin excitedly brought her back to the hotel room, where he told his wife all about his successful career in the SHL.
The next morning, Nikitin woke up with a horrible hangover. He'd never had such a bad one before. He got up and splashed water on his face, when a woman walked in behind him. She looked to be about fifty-five years old, and had probably been through her fair share of rodeos. Nikitin tried to remember why she was there, when he saw the cheap ring on her finger. "Oh my god," he thought. "Did I marry that?"
"Good morning honey," she said. She smiled, revealing teeth that were crooked and yellowed by decades of smoking - well, the teeth she had left were yellowed. Most were just missing. "My kids are excited to meet their new father." Nikitin's eyes widened. What had he done?
"Hey," he said, "how about you hop in the shower? Then we can head out to look around the town for a bit."
"Sounds good, hun!" she replied. As he walked out of the bathroom, Nikitin could hear her coughing repeatedly behind him. He shuddered as he shut the door behind him.
As soon as he heard the water begin to run, he grabbed all his stuff and ran out the door. He ran down the hallway banging on the doors of all the rooms that were occupied by Falcons. "Get out of here!" he shouted. "Plane leaves in half an hour, with or without you on it!" The players scrambled to gather up their stuff and run to the airport. Nobody wanted to risk being left behind.
As they got on the plane, the players talked about how the trip had gone. Everyone was sorry to be leaving because of all the fun they'd had. All, that is, except Nikitin. He seemed to be quite relieved that he was out of Vegas. Cobbledick as well seemed excited to be back on the plane, but that didn't come as much of a surprise to anyone. All in all it had been a great trip (though the players didn't feel like it had been much of a team building exercise as compared to just a fun night out), and the team was ready to get back at it to finish the preseason strong with a home-and-home series against the Montreal Impact.
Code:
3,107 Words- fgh - 08-23-2015
Yup, me the responsible father figure of the SHL lol
- Magenta - 08-23-2015
ahahah this is amazing :lol:
- TML99 - 08-24-2015
:lol:
Another Classic by Eggy!
- BeanSnoodie - 08-24-2015
What a unique and original idea
- fgh - 08-24-2015
Quote:Originally posted by BeanSobie@Aug 24 2015, 10:40 AM
What a unique and original idea
So since he wrote about it, no one else can?
- GCool - 08-24-2015
Essentially, yes.
Coming soon: Admirals trip to Atlantic City
- fgh - 08-24-2015
Quote:Originally posted by GCool@Aug 24 2015, 10:46 AM
Essentially, yes.
Coming soon: Admirals trip to Atlantic City
Fuck it, Falcons are going to Billings next... *sigh*
- Eggy216 - 08-24-2015
Quote:Originally posted by BeanSobie@Aug 24 2015, 11:40 AM
What a unique and original idea
Never read that tbh.
- BeanSnoodie - 08-24-2015
Quote:Originally posted by Eggy216@Aug 24 2015, 12:48 PMYou graded it last week.
Never read that tbh.
To c, I never said he couldn't write it. I am just pointing out that someone else made an article with the exact same premise 10 days ago. Knowing Clayton I'm sure this is an incredibly out Robinson and quality piece (haven't read it yet, just saw it as I was getting ready for work). But it's sort of fishy to me that someone else wrote a similar piece then days later their grader did something incredibly similar.
- Eggy216 - 08-24-2015
Quote:Originally posted by BeanSobie@Aug 24 2015, 12:14 PM
You graded it last week.
Didn't read anything I graded last week. I was asked to step in last minute because the scheduled grader couldn't make it.
- Allen - 08-24-2015
Quote:Originally posted by Eggy216@Aug 24 2015, 12:48 PM:unsure:
Never read that tbh.
- Allen - 08-24-2015
Quote:Originally posted by Eggy216@Aug 24 2015, 01:16 PMSo, how are we supposed to expect bonuses for creativity and originality if our graders aren't even reading what we're writing?
Didn't read anything I graded last week. I was asked to step in last minute because the scheduled grader couldn't make it.
- tweedlebrumm - 08-24-2015
Quote:Originally posted by Allen@Aug 24 2015, 09:54 AM
So, how are we supposed to expect bonuses for creativity and originality if our graders aren't even reading what we're writing?
We aren't.
- ByrdeMan - 08-24-2015
Quote:Originally posted by Allen@Aug 24 2015, 02:24 PMcopy and paste to word counter, get word total, move along. It sucks that it happens but it does. IMO those people shouldn't be Media graders.
So, how are we supposed to expect bonuses for creativity and originality if our graders aren't even reading what we're writing?