The Green Wedding (First round promo) - Printable Version +- Simulation Hockey League (https://simulationhockey.com) +-- Forum: League Media (https://simulationhockey.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=610) +--- Forum: SMJHL Media (https://simulationhockey.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=48) +---- Forum: Graded Articles (https://simulationhockey.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=403) +---- Thread: The Green Wedding (First round promo) (/showthread.php?tid=56315) Pages:
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- Massive Coiler - 09-20-2015 sludge’s wedding had to be the most lavish in the land. The guest list, the most illustrious; the food the most exotic; the entertainment, the most talented. The guests ranged from countrymen, such as Anze Kopitar, Gaspar Kopitar, and Ziga Jeglic to teammates, such as best man Tony Flow, and groomsmen Randy Randleman and Nicholas Hall. To foreign dignitaries such as MC and Band conductor Kim Jong-Un and Barack Obama. He had even gotten Anze Kopitar to agree to officiate the wedding. The Firebirds, of Prince George, had even been gracious enough to agree to host it. Although sludge had his doubts about having a wedding in Prince George, as a rookie he was not about to look a gift horse in the mouth and decline, he needed to save as much money as he could due to the incredible debt he would be in already. Aphrodite’s dress alone cost more than his signing bonus. Why Aphrodite, the ageless Greek goddess of love had chosen a 6’9” minor league hockey player as a husband was a topic of interest amongst the guests.Teams throughout the league were invited to the occasion, all except the Whalers, who have been at an open war with the Knights for longer than any current player can remember. The most hated and bitter enemies of The Knights, who had taken in sludge, when no one else would (except Halifax). Although his time as a free agent was far in the past, his gratitude to his team was still felt. His hunger on the streets of Jesenice still subconsciously on his mind. Anze Kopitar, in his blue and white robes, with a mountain on the front and the number eleven on the back, called everyone to be quiet as the bride approached the front of the church. Once she reached the front, he began the ceremony “Today we are gathered here for the wedding of sludge and Aphrodite, If anyone wishes to object to this wedding, do it now, or forever hold your peace.” Then Adolf Hitler came suddenly into the church, proclaiming his love for Aphrodite. President Obama, one of the groomsmen, turned to sludge and said, “Not on your special day, I’ve got this.” He took off his tie and ripped open his suit jacket, revealing his glistening abs to the humbled guests. Hitler, realizing how much of a mistake he made, began to flee, but president Obama pursued him out of the church. The ceremony continued on, and the two were wed. Such a joyous occasion, that was almost ruined by Hitler. At least, they thought that Hitler’s intrusion was the only thing that would go wrong. Kim Jong-Un, conductor of the band, changed from the gleeful, pre-selected song, to The Rains of Castamere. No one thought anything of it at the time. While the majority of the wedding goers continued on, laughing and talking, the Prince George Firebirds representatives made their move. The doors were barred, and screaming began to be heard from outside. sludge looked around, as Firebirds players and staff swarmed the guests. The massacre had begun, and before sludge could do anything, his new bride was stabbed and slashed with pitchforks and hockey sticks. He threw the murderers from her body, but it was too late. Nicholas Hall, the backup goalie, tried to make a run towards a group of women and children who were being murdered by Firebird supporters, but he pulled a muscle, as he was out of shape from not playing enough games. sludge was trying to fight off three assassins at once on his own, already having four arrows in his back. He called for help, but Tony Flow, who had been across the hall, chatting up the bridesmaids, was nowhere to be seen. Perched at the edge of a balcony, captain Randleman, in all his glory, was ripping clap bombs into crowds of Firebird traitors. Tony Flow, realizing that the musicians were part of the plot, took out his stick and charged at them, screaming at the top of his lungs “YOU FUCKIN’ GOOFS”. He easily dispatched the first North Korean musician with a slash to the back of the head, breaking his stick. He looked at his stick, shocked that it broke. “Fuckin’ cheap Chinese shit. When they were made in Canada, Ol’ Gordo killed 25 Koreans then played a full game with one stick before it broke.” He picked up the clarinet the musician was playing not twelve seconds before and smashed it over the head of the percussionist, not satisfied with the flimsy, reeded instrument, he took a symbol, flung it, decapitating three North Koreans. “You guys should have quit before you were a head” he quipped. “NOOOO, My men” Kim Jong-Un cried. “YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS” Kim gasped. “Bring it, puss-boy” Tony shouted. Tony Flow and the Supreme Leader of North Korea charged at one another. Once colliding, Tony Flow latched onto his opponent like a parasite waiting in the toilet, and proceeded to throw them both through a window, to plummet to their fates. The last thing that sludge saw was Tony’s Flow, waving in the wind as he put his opponent through a shattering window. Back on the ground, sludge, nudging children towards any exits he could find, turned to see a Firebird archer poised and ready for the kill. sludge was ready for death, but before the arrow could hit him, Nicholas Hall dove in front of him. It was the only thing he would save that year. Death was around sludge, he realized that the barbaric Firebirds had slaughtered almost everyone at the wedding; his wife, his friends, his family. Everything was a haze, but he noticed that there had been a hole blown through the wall, and Captain Randleman was carrying three children on his back to safety. sludge wanted to keep fighting, but he had been completely demoralized by the death of his new wife. Just as things seemed to nearing the end, an unknown Firebird assailant had snuck up behind him, with the very knife used to cut the cake. “The Whalers send their regards.” was all that he heard before he was stabbed through the chest. The next thing he knew, he was being carried outside. sludge was gently placed on the grass, and the only thing he could see was the glorious face of his savior, Anze Kopitar, who proceeded to run back into the burning building, looking for more people to save. The next day, the league decided not to review the case, as there wasn’t any video evidence to indicate anything illegal had been done. The Prince George Firebirds weren’t held accountable, and the Whalers, working them like a puppet, would never be proven. The Kelowna Knights’ only way to fight back is the only way they know how: IN A GRIPPING, 7 GAME SERIES! BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW AT WWW.KELOWNAKNIGHTS.COM!!! SEASON TICKET HOLDERS WILL BE GIVEN A CHANCE TO PURCHASE TWO DAYS BEFORE ANYONE ELSE. SEE YOU AT THE GAMES, KNIGHTS FANS! (word count 1176, co-written by MassiveCoiler and sludge) - sludge - 09-20-2015 At least I'm alive... I AGREE WITH THE CREDIT - Ballerstorm - 09-20-2015 Best ticket sales pitch ever... - enigmatic - 09-21-2015 Quote:Originally posted by Ballerstorm@Sep 20 2015, 11:28 PMI'll take 50. - Atlas - 09-21-2015 I like to think that I was that last guy who says the message. - Ohtaay - 09-21-2015 - enigmatic - 09-21-2015 I told you guys he was worth the draft pick - .bojo - 09-21-2015 Quote:Originally posted by enigmatic@Sep 21 2015, 11:31 AM 10/10 would draft super kelowna combo again - Massive Coiler - 09-21-2015 Quote:Originally posted by Bojo@Sep 21 2015, 11:34 AM Draft sludge next - sludge - 09-22-2015 Quote:Originally posted by Massive Coiler@Sep 21 2015, 02:29 PM Best 69th round pick of all time. - SparkyOG - 09-22-2015 My ex girlfriend name was Aphodite - Kevin Juice Bieksa - 09-22-2015 Quote:Originally posted by SparkyOG@Sep 22 2015, 11:58 AMSure buddy sure - SparkyOG - 09-22-2015 Im dead serious - Kevin Juice Bieksa - 09-22-2015 Quote:Originally posted by SparkyOG@Sep 22 2015, 12:06 PMI DEMAND PICTURES - SparkyOG - 09-22-2015 Dont have pics anymore, but i can tell u a describtion, full name is Aphodite Takos. she is half greek, half white, my gf in 10th grade, loves Italin food. |