+- Simulation Hockey League (https://simulationhockey.com)
+-- Forum: League Media (https://simulationhockey.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=610)
+--- Forum: SHL Media (https://simulationhockey.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=46)
+---- Forum: Graded Articles (https://simulationhockey.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=545)
+---- Thread: Sunset, No Regret (/showthread.php?tid=73218)
Pages:
1
2
- InciteHysteria - 02-25-2017
<div align="center">
![[Image: logo-black.png]](http://www.theplayerstribune.com/wp-content/themes/tpt1/img/logo-black.png){kind=logo}
![[Image: 5a9a1290-8ae8-11e4-beeb-85fa00f8ce82_Kev...Press-.jpg]](https://s.yimg.com/os/publish-images/sports/2014-12-23/5a9a1290-8ae8-11e4-beeb-85fa00f8ce82_Kevin-Reich-of-the-USHL-s-Green-Bay-Gamblers-is-in-competition-to-be-Germany-s-No-1-goalie-Associated-Press-.jpg)
</div><div align="center">Sunset, No Regret
Timo Haas / Contributor
(1637 Words /Ready for Grading)</div>
<div align="center">When you're a child everyone tells you that you can be anything you want. Live your life the way you want. Do the things you want to do. Everything will work out and you'll blaze your own trail. They make it seem like all you have to do is put your foot down on the conveyor belt they call life and you'll be carried to your dreams. You'll never be stopped and you will achieve everything you've ever wanted without even trying. I'm here to tell you that these people are fucking liars. They don't tell you about the dangers one is fraught to face. I learned this very early.
Since joining the SHL three season ago. I have experienced more ups and down than any time in my life. While the highs have been publicly displayed, plastered across the television and headlining newspapers, the lows remain hidden. I feel like it's my responsibilty, as a public figure and advocate of mental health and drug rehabilitiation, to share my experiences and help others out there struggling. So let's start from the beginning.
I must admit. As a child I always thought something was wrong with me. And I mean something was really wrong with me. While all the other children played outside. Laughing and having fun. I would sit in my room polishing my skates or drawing pictures. Seeing others having fun and smiling just made things worse. I didn't think I was normal. Little did I know that my greatest asset was also my mortal enemy. At the age of thirteen I was diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder; also known as Dysthmia. My condition made it so that I would feel sadness and hopelessness even the in the happiest of moments. Despite my obvious suffering my parents were afraid to put me on medication. Thinking that drugs would give me a negative stigma among my peers, my parents decided that they'd try to assist me without meds. Looking back on this decision; they made the wrong one.
Searching for a refuge from my depressive states. The early teenage years became a bit destructive for young Timo Haas. Ditching practice became the reg for me. I would sneak out with one of my teammates, we'll call him Jakob for secrecy's sake, and hit the Botanischer Garten Krefeld. This place became our hangout and marijuana became our best friend. Lighting up and getting blazed was our way of escaping. I never thought I'd amount to anything as a hockey player. I didn't think I'd amount to anything at all in my future. The day I met my monster was when I realized I needed to do something to fix my trajectory. But only after nearly losing myself first.
The day sticks out so vividly in my memory. Jakob and I had just gotten to practice. We tossed our bags of gear inside our lockers. He tucked a small baggy into his pocket and we took off. Sneaking out of the building unnoticed like every time before. We walked down the road to our usual spot. Sitting next to a tree Jakob pulled out the baggy. Today was different. Unlike our normal sack of pre-rolled marijuana cigarettes. Jakob brought out a small baggy of white powder.
"I got this from one of my older brothers friends. He said it'll get us hyped for practice." Jakob pulled out a small pocket mirror and carefully lined up some of the powder. Putting his nose to the mirror he took a deep sniff. He looked at me with a grin and lined up one for me. "Try it Timo! It's fantastic!"
I'm not going to tell you that I was a good little man. That I looked at Jakob and told him, "No." I'm also not going to tell you that I hated what I did. What I will tell you was that this was the moment I stepped onto the real rollercoaster. Cocaine became what propelled me through practice. I got good at hiding it. When most people pray, listen to a certain song, or some other silly ritual to get them into the game ahead; my ritual became doing a line off the facility bathroom toilet. You have no idea how easy it is for a hockey player to sneak in a small baggy of cocaine to any stadium in the country. But you know you can't get away with it forever.
My wakeup call came at the hearty age of 17. I was about ready to play in my first U18 tournament. Representing my home country. My coach saw me as "Rising Star Goaltender Timo Haas". My parents saw "Our Boy". All I saw was a fucking mess. I had increased my usage twofold since the previous year. Getting it was starting to become a problem. A very expensive and dangerous problem. But needing something that bad made me do stupid things. One week before our first U18 game; I ditched practice. I don't mean a throwaway practice where people work on footwork and skate up and down going through the motions. I skipped a full scrimmage. Having your starting goaltender absent for such a meaningful practice set off some alarms for my coaches. I was also starting to get careless.
Jonatan Beitel was the head coach for the U18 German team. He is one the most important people in my life and someone who might have set me off the path to avoid assured destruction. But on that day I thought he was the biggest piece of shit on the planet. I had just come from getting my weekly doses. Our practice facility was in Berlin and far away from my home. Living in dormatories for the duration of the tournament was a new and freeing experience for me. Sitting in my dorm room and setting out my lines to take. I get a loud knock on my door. Jon Beitel was at my door. Screaming my name and asking why the hell I wasn't at practice. He refused to go away. Banging on my door harder as I tried to hide my lines. I didn't want to waste any though. Scooping it into the bag might get some on the floor and covering them with a towel or clothing would just waste even more. So I just left the lines on the table and tried to hide them the best I could. Jon wasn't going to be there long. He'd make me come to practice and they'd be right where I left them when I came back.
I answered the door and to my surprise Jon pushed right passed me. I had thought he'd stay at the door and tell me to get my lazy ass to practice. But instead he pushed right inside and started searching my dorm. Well, it didn't take long until he found the small piles on the table. I can't tell you how irate he was after seeing these. He threatened to get me banned from international hockey and to let everyone know. Essentially destroying my chances at playing in the SHL someday. We yelled and screamed. I called him every name in the book. We nearly came to blows. But after a small cool-off period, Jon sat down with me and told me the most important things anyone has ever said to me in my entire life.
"Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action."
Later I came to realize this was a quote from a former Prime Minister of England; Benjamin Disraeli. But when Jon said it to me, he meant that the only way to fix myself was to take action despite how unhappy it would make me. I was only going to be happy if I overcame my addictions and focused on what really made me happy. My hockey career. His words and support helped me overcome one of the most difficult time of my life. I was very addicted. His help is what allowed me to start fixing my problems.
I'm sure sharing my experiences will make it easier for you to comprehend this truth, but Timo Haas is a recovering drug addict. I still feel the pull nearly every day of the week. I will also not sit back and say that I have conquered them completely. From Vancouver to Los Angeles I have caved at times. Especially now living in Los Angeles and having the options of a multitude of drugs at my disposal and the stresses of being a starting goaltender in the SHL. But I will stand before you and say I am doing my best and that someday I will fully overcome these demons. With the support of my family, my friends, my teammates and hopefully a special someone (someday) I will become the man they all think I can be. Things are starting to look up. I just signed a 3 year contract with the Los Angeles Panthers, I'm coming off winning the Rookie of the Year Trophy in the SHL and taking a goal medal with Germany in the IIHF. My teammates are superb people. Drug addiction and mental disorders make it hard to be yourself. But with enough work and support you can do anything.
So, despite all my difficulties in my young life, I stand before you as an advocate. I am here to tell you that mental illness and drug abuse are no walk in the park. They are a knockdown drag out fight that will leave you bloodied and beaten. But with those around you and self control. You too can begin conquering them. Stay strong, stay open, and realize that life is not a conveyor belt. You're moving yourself along. Taking that next step is always the most important thing. </div>
<div align="center">
![[Image: Overcoming-fear-of-change.jpg]](http://www.tanveernaseer.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Overcoming-fear-of-change.jpg)
</div><div align="center">The remaining part of this article will contain a presser. Feel free to express comments or shoot me some questions. </div>
- InciteHysteria - 02-25-2017
Great article! Nice read!
- formx - 02-25-2017
Quote:Originally posted by InciteHysteria@Feb 25 2017, 06:32 PM
Great article! Nice read!
ye
- Bishop - 02-26-2017
Stay strong my friend!
- InciteHysteria - 02-26-2017
Quote:Originally posted by formx@Feb 25 2017, 08:48 PM
ye
<object width="460" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/T7WS8u8TsDA"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/T7WS8u8TsDA" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="460" height="315"></embed></object>
- dnL - 02-26-2017
Great article, buddy. I support Timo Haas and anyone that has or has had issues with drugs. These are things we can beat, and you're a prime example of doing so.
- InciteHysteria - 02-26-2017
Quote:Originally posted by dnL@Feb 26 2017, 01:39 AM
Great article, buddy. I support Timo Haas and anyone that has or has had issues with drugs. These are things we can beat, and you're a prime example of doing so.
Definitely feel people need to give their players more flaws. The Dysthymia/Anxiety part hits me very hard. As it's something I've experienced myself throughout my life. So those things I know quite well. I've never personally experienced drug abuse and addiction but I have been surrounded by it quite a lot. So it's something I wanted to write about. People write about their players like they are some squeaky clean Mary Sue. I want Timo to be relatable. Like he's a real person with real issues.
Thank you for the support! I had a good time writing this article. Sadly it hasn't gotten many comments. But it's been a good outlet for me to channel some things.
Cheers dnL, you're a cool guy.
- ToeDragon84 - 02-26-2017
Quote:Originally posted by InciteHysteria@Feb 25 2017, 11:50 PMDoes Timo ever want to try DMT?
Definitely feel people need to give their players more flaws. The Dysthymia/Anxiety part hits me very hard. As it's something I've experienced myself throughout my life. So those things I know quite well. I've never personally experienced drug abuse and addiction but I have been surrounded by it quite a lot. So it's something I wanted to write about. People write about their players like they are some squeaky clean Mary Sue. I want Timo to be relatable. Like he's a real person with real issues.
Thank you for the support! I had a good time writing this article. Sadly it hasn't gotten many comments. But it's been a good outlet for me to channel some things.
Cheers dnL, you're a cool guy.
- dnL - 02-26-2017
Quote:Originally posted by InciteHysteria@Feb 26 2017, 01:50 AM
Definitely feel people need to give their players more flaws. The Dysthymia/Anxiety part hits me very hard. As it's something I've experienced myself throughout my life. So those things I know quite well. I've never personally experienced drug abuse and addiction but I have been surrounded by it quite a lot. So it's something I wanted to write about. People write about their players like they are some squeaky clean Mary Sue. I want Timo to be relatable. Like he's a real person with real issues.
Thank you for the support! I had a good time writing this article. Sadly it hasn't gotten many comments. But it's been a good outlet for me to channel some things.
Cheers dnL, you're a cool guy.
I'm not going to lie or sugar-coat anything - this is only my second season here at SHL; I don't disagree at all, with you, though. There are a ton of squeaky-clean players in this league, which I think is a reflection of what people want to believe or feel.
Articles like this are a true testament to what a lot of young kids go through - hell, I knew several myself that went through similar issues. A few were able to get over this hurdle and advance on in their careers, but most of them weren't and couldn't continue.
At such a young age, when our hormones are most out of whack, the introduction of drugs - especially powerful ones, combined with peer-pressure - can have a devastating impact on our lives.
I 100% agree that this is something that we need to be aware of - even those of us limited to a career on an online RPG hockey league - because eventually we will all know some young kid playing a sport at the age in which these issues can become a reality. It's how we deal with it that truly makes the difference.
Edit: I also hope you understand that the anxiety, depression, and other hormonal characteristics are included in what I said. Again, especially at the age in which a lot of hockey players really start to develop is the same age in which they are suffering from anxiety, depression, insomnia (a personal one with which I suffer), drugs and peer-pressure.
It's terribly easy to be the adult and say these are things a young kid needs to learn to grow through, but at the end of the day it isn't easy, and each individual suffers from those (and other issues) in varying degrees.
As adults, we need to offer the best support and help we can, because we know it isn't an easy time. And if it were an easy time for us, we all know friends that didn't have as easy a time as we did. Empathy trumps all.
- InciteHysteria - 02-26-2017
Quote:Originally posted by ToeDragon84@Feb 26 2017, 01:58 AM
Does Timo ever want to try DMT?
Timo probably wouldn't. But Kyle would. Haha. I have tried LSD once in the past and it wasn't terrible. Not a huge drug user though.
- InciteHysteria - 02-26-2017
Quote:Originally posted by dnL@Feb 26 2017, 02:08 AM
I'm not going to lie or sugar-coat anything - this is only my second season here at SHL; I don't disagree at all, with you, though. There are a ton of squeaky-clean players in this league, which I think is a reflection of what people want to believe or feel.
Articles like this are a true testament to what a lot of young kids go through - hell, I knew several myself that went through similar issues. A few were able to get over this hurdle and advance on in their careers, but most of them weren't and couldn't continue.
At such a young age, when our hormones are most out of whack, the introduction of drugs - especially powerful ones, combined with peer-pressure - can have a devastating impact on our lives.
I 100% agree that this is something that we need to be aware of - even those of us limited to a career on an online RPG hockey league - because eventually we will all know some young kid playing a sport at the age in which these issues can become a reality. It's how we deal with it that truly makes the difference.
Edit: I also hope you understand that the anxiety, depression, and other hormonal characteristics are included in what I said. Again, especially at the age in which a lot of hockey players really start to develop is the same age in which they are suffering from anxiety, depression, insomnia (a personal one with which I suffer), drugs and peer-pressure.
It's terribly easy to be the adult and say these are things a young kid needs to learn to grow through, but at the end of the day it isn't easy, and each individual suffers from those (and other issues) in varying degrees.
As adults, we need to offer the best support and help we can, because we know it isn't an easy time. And if it were an easy time for us, we all know friends that didn't have as easy a time as we did. Empathy trumps all.
Very powerful comment. Agree with you completely. Thank you for sharing your insight. I was very much trying to put the struggles I've seen others deal with in their life into my character. Timo isn't a perfect angel. He's not a monster either. He's a normal athlete living going through the struggles of being a young star.
- dankoa - 03-06-2017
Funny you now have such a sincere and pious attitude about drugs after you once tried ripping me about them before
![[Image: But-Thats-None-Of-My-Business.jpg]](https://imgflip.com/s/meme/But-Thats-None-Of-My-Business.jpg)
- Merica - 03-06-2017
Quote:Originally posted by dankoa@Mar 6 2017, 12:46 PM
Funny you now have such a sincere and pious attitude about drugs after you once tried ripping me about them before
Drugs are bad.
- Merica - 03-06-2017
What the SHL needs is more Kenny Powers type players. That makes things fun.
- dankoa - 03-06-2017
Quote:Originally posted by Mr. Deplorable@Mar 6 2017, 01:50 PMThey can be. If used responsibly, not really.
Drugs are bad.