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+---- Thread: A Satirical Look at the SMJHL - Part #2 (/showthread.php?tid=76777)
- Inf1d3l - 06-20-2017
A Satirical Look at the SMJHL – Cloud McCarthy
Part #2 – The St Louis Scarecrows
Ok, I’ll say the obvious. Scarecrows aren’t scary or intimidating in any way. Good job picking a mascot that just stands there doing nothing. This is hockey, not the middle of an Iowa cornfield. Put a scarecrow on the ice and all its going do is fall over and look stupid.
Scarecrows are good for something though I suppose, Halloween decorations. One day a year they are useful, that’s not a good track record, which sounds just like the way this season will go for them.
Crossfit Jesus. Are you serious? I assume it’s pronounced with the Latin American flair more like Hay-Sus. The real Jesus walked around, ate bread and fish, and had disciples. I’m pretty sure the guy didn’t have P90X to help him along the way, sorry.
Tigole Bitties. You’re parents either must have hated you as a child or found some new synthetic drug right around the time your birth certificate came out. Wow, what a name. It’s the only shocking thing about you on the ice honestly, the rest is pretty bland.
Joseph Lombardi, you wanted it, you got it. I’m guessing your parents own a car dealership with a name like that. They couldn’t sell you an empty net goal to save their lives though. Keep on trucking though, if you try to score now, chances have never been lower!
Connor O’Connor, did your Scottish parents have a stutter? It’s ok, just please don’t go wearing a kilt on the ice. If you do, you might be shorthanded the entire game how cold it is out there.
Chuck Goody Jr, all I really have for you is that your name sounds like a rejected candy bar.
Finally, Louis Garrett. You’re name is one part bald comedian, one part bad comedian. Luckily for you, you are hilarious to watch on the ice. Flounder usually swim, but you manage to do so on ice pretty spectacularly. It really is a sight to behold, before you’re put in the seafood aisle at the local supermarket.
So far the Scarecrows have had an ok season, winning a few, losing a few, and looking like a bunch of straw stuffed freaks the entire time. I see them being eaten by the very crows they are meant to scare, their fields fallow they will fail to reach the championship.
(All of the stats, opinions, and thoughts about teams and their players are completely fake, and are meant as satire and nothing more.)
(403 words before the ending disclaimer)
- Evok - 06-20-2017
After a great win againts them nothing better than an amazing roast >
> 
- Loco - 06-21-2017
Doesn't even talk abut their worst feature, those ugly jerseys.
- sash - 06-21-2017
lool
- Chewbacca - 06-21-2017
What is this, some kind of Raiders invasion?
Fucking infidels
Don't u dare make this about MOETOWN
- Pope [Leo] - 06-21-2017
This hurts a little.
:-x