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+---- Thread: A Satirical Look at the SMJHL - Part #3 (/showthread.php?tid=76924)
- Inf1d3l - 06-29-2017
A Satirical Look at the SMJHL – Cloud McCarthy
Part #3 – The Prince George Firebirds
So, what the hell is a firebird? I mean, they must be some video game shit they think works as a hockey mascot, right? You know that your digital World of Everquest crap isn’t real? This is ice hockey, not some subscription based massively multiplayer game for your teenager to hide in his (or her, fucking politically correct world) bedroom and play all summer instead of get a job or study or go outside. Get a real mascot people. And even if they were real, all it would do is melt the ice then drown itself. That’s real useful…
Jay Beagle Jr, I sure hope you aren’t a chip off the old block, because if you are, your grandparents must be very disappointed in both of you. You’ve got a better chance of winning the lottery than you do a championship. You might actually get past the second round of the playoffs someday though, which is all that we can say about your father.
Arthur Dayne, aren’t you dead? I thought I saw something that said you were killed in combat? Good thing there isn’t a team called the Starks or Baratheons because they would keep killing you on the ice too.
Smirnov Light Jr, you’re named way too close to Smirnov Ice, which I assume is the idea. But why in God’s name would your parents name you after such a shitty drink? Did they want you to become a masochist? Or maybe the welfare checks wouldn’t pay for any other forms of alcohol that weren’t fruit flavored. The world may never know, both why you are named that, and who you are, a blip on the hockey radar at best.
Lucas VanDenBroek, cousin of James VanDerBeek. Both known for your over acting and relative obscurity in the long run. The difference is that VanDerBeek can skate and knows how to play defense. I think the Firechickens drafted the wrong guy.
There’s also way two players here with tilde’s, acutes, graves, etc above their name. You are not special because you have a squiggly line above a letter, or a couple of dots. And I refuse to strain a muscle in my throat trying to pronounce your stupid name, which is why you end up with dumb nicknames that you hate. Because people don’t care enough to try.
The Firepidgeons this year have snuck their way into the 6th spot, but will most likely encounter hunting season and be served with a nice orange glaze. They will fall well short of reaching a championship, the closest will be if they are stuffed and mounted themselves.
(All of the stats, opinions, and thoughts about teams and their players are completely fake, and are meant as satire and nothing more.)
(450 words before ending disclaimer)
- artermis - 06-29-2017
(I don't understand why we're branded the Firebirds, send help)
- Loco - 06-29-2017
Quote:Originally posted by artermis@Jun 29 2017, 07:11 AMSomebody doesn't have good taste somewhere
(I don't understand why we're branded the Firebirds, send help)
- DeletedAtUserRequest - 06-29-2017
Quote:Originally posted by Inf1d3l@Jun 29 2017, 05:44 AM
Lucas VanDenBroek, cousin of James VanDerBeek. Both known for your over acting and relative obscurity in the long run. The difference is that VanDerBeek can skate and knows how to play defense.
JVB's resume also includes:
- Varsity Blues
- Tremendous flowing hair...
you were on fire until VanDerBeek.
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