Quote:If the Philadelphia Eagles win Superbowl 53, Tor Tuck will hit the open market in free agency and will not return to Edmonton.

01-07-2019, 04:29 PMErM Wrote: First, I know many of you are not fans of the National Football League, so I will lay down a few facts. The Philadelphia Eagles are the worst team in professional sports. Their fan base consists of the worst fans in the entire universe. The fact that Thanos killed half of them makes him a hero in my book. If you have your doubts, their transgressions are well documented and you can do some very quick research to verify. I know there are some kids on the site, and there actions are so terrible I worry that posting them here might get me banned.

Anyways, we have established the Philadelphia Eagles and their fans are the worst. So imagine my surprise when I am happily making my way around the Edmonton facilities and hear some of my own teammates tell me they are rooting for the Philadelphia Eagles. First, I had the natural reaction of throwing up in my mouth. Then I responded as anyone with a heart would respond and cried for my Blizzard brethren and their terrible choices.

Unfortunately, after further investigation I found that the sickness in the locker room was deeper than I had feared and some of my teammates could not be saved. In order to fight the spread of such a gruesome disease throughout the Edmonton organization I, Tor Tuck, have decided to go with the nuclear option.  

If any others in the Edmonton organization begin to feel the need to cheer for the wretched Eagles, they get a fetish for an allegedly large penis, a desire to grease a large phallic street light and do things I do not want to imagine with it, or distaste for dear old Saint Nicholas, I hope this leads you back to the light.

If the Philadelphia Eagles win Superbowl 53, Tor Tuck will hit the open market in free agency and will not return to Edmonton. This decision was not an easy one. But sometimes you have to make some sacrifices for the greater good and trust me; this is for your own good. I have loved my time in Edmonton and leaving the team is not something I desire or would enjoy, but I cannot let the franchise I have dedicated my career to fall to the darkest evil in professional sports.

01-07-2019, 07:28 PMEvok Wrote:

01-07-2019, 04:29 PMErM Wrote: First, I know many of you are not fans of the National Football League, so I will lay down a few facts. The Philadelphia Eagles are the worst team in professional sports. Their fan base consists of the worst fans in the entire universe. The fact that Thanos killed half of them makes him a hero in my book. If you have your doubts, their transgressions are well documented and you can do some very quick research to verify. I know there are some kids on the site, and there actions are so terrible I worry that posting them here might get me banned.

Anyways, we have established the Philadelphia Eagles and their fans are the worst. So imagine my surprise when I am happily making my way around the Edmonton facilities and hear some of my own teammates tell me they are rooting for the Philadelphia Eagles. First, I had the natural reaction of throwing up in my mouth. Then I responded as anyone with a heart would respond and cried for my Blizzard brethren and their terrible choices.

Unfortunately, after further investigation I found that the sickness in the locker room was deeper than I had feared and some of my teammates could not be saved. In order to fight the spread of such a gruesome disease throughout the Edmonton organization I, Tor Tuck, have decided to go with the nuclear option.  

If any others in the Edmonton organization begin to feel the need to cheer for the wretched Eagles, they get a fetish for an allegedly large penis, a desire to grease a large phallic street light and do things I do not want to imagine with it, or distaste for dear old Saint Nicholas, I hope this leads you back to the light.

If the Philadelphia Eagles win Superbowl 53, Tor Tuck will hit the open market in free agency and will not return to Edmonton. This decision was not an easy one. But sometimes you have to make some sacrifices for the greater good and trust me; this is for your own good. I have loved my time in Edmonton and leaving the team is not something I desire or would enjoy, but I cannot let the franchise I have dedicated my career to fall to the darkest evil in professional sports.

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