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CementHands · 01-07-2020, 02:49 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen!!!!
Welcome to the first ever edition of the Halifax Raidees awards!
This might be the single most important night of everyone's young life, so without further ado, please join me in welcoming your S51 Halifax Raiders
raiders

@Braedon.crowe @HyperboleJoe @adamantium @Lemonade @leanboidilly @KeepingItChill @NKren257 @FOXDIE17 @treant @KC15 @charlieconway @satf @prettyburn @GrilledTwinkiez @sailingdrumstick @Thejaff @Someguy9500 @mxman991 @Carbine @CementHands @PartarioScarangella @Darkened_Rose_16 @Flareon @Citizen of Adraa

It's been a fun season, hasn't it? Lots of ups and downs, adversity, crippling anxiety, drugs. You name it, everything needed for that HBO special.
Well, it's time to grab a seat, get a drink in both hands and let's make some noise for the first ever (as far as we know) Raidies awards!!!
**These awards are made up in jest, and are not real awards. However with that said, I won't be mad if you wish to display this wonderful accomplishment on your player page for the world to see.**

First up is the Ricky Bobby award.
No, this isn't named after the SHL player, that's all merely a coincidence. This illustrious award goes to the player with 2 first names! I'm happy to present the first ever Ricky Bobby Raidee to no other than Bjornoson Bjornosonson @HyperboleJoe
What could be better than 2 first names you ask? The same name twice! I'm looking forward to meeting his child, Bjornsonson Bjornsonsonson

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Isn't this exciting? It's a 1 drink minimum per presentation, so flag down your waiter and we will get on with the show!

Everyone's favorite singer around the globe is the inspiration for this one, the Justin Bieber Raidee!
This one doesn't have a criteria as much as it is a statement. That statement is:
"Dear Julian, I'm saaawry. That you had to spend the year sand-witched between Cheezy and Karl. Please accept this Raidee as an apology for the lengthy bench discussions about who is the most DTF bunny in the stands, or the physical impracticality of time travel. We love you" @adamantium

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Alright, I'm being told by the venue that we are running out of time, so let's skip over a few of the players who aren't really all there. In the mean time, the Groot Raidee. All this says is "I am Groot". I have no idea what you have to do to win this guy, but congrats @treant

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Oh ho ho. This one is probably the most sought after Raidee I've ever seen. The Stud Muffin: Dedicated to the Studliest Muffin on the team.
This guy was an anchor for the defense ever since he was drafted 1oa 2 seasons ago. The stud of the Raiders, you love him, @KC15

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Alright. I'm digging through this bag for the next one. While we wait, how about a joke?
A raider walks into a bar. The bartender says "Thicc for the last time, get the fuck out or I'm calling the cops"

Okaaayyyy. The HoF Inbound Raidee. This is dedicated to the player who is all but guaranteed that spicy HoF banner for their player when they finally decide to hang up the skates.
He is the Crown Jewel of the team, with the best Play by Play's around, ITS MEEEEE.
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Calm down folks, ADAM BARRON COME ON DOWN. @charlieconway

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Can I just take a brief moment to say this beautiful creature is a wonderful person and my best friend? We came here together back in 49 with nothing but differences and somehow we formed a bond over that. Somehow we grabbed hold of this group and turned them into a team, and although we will be going our separate ways shortly we have a bond that will not break, and will always be Raiders.

IT'S VERY HOT IN HERE, I'M SWEATING. THESE AREN'T TEARS. SHUT UP.

Oh this is one of my favorites, the Alex Ovechkin Raidee. This is to the Raider who is most likely to be selected to go to the all star game, then find a way to not attend.
You know her, you love her, Miss Haley Knight! @satf

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This award mixes dazzling blue eyes and a whole lot of French Canadian sass. I have no idea if this person is french or not, the Patrick Roy Raidee!
Female Austrailian Announcer: "The Patrick Roy is for the player who is playing second no longer. They have broken through their chains and they are ready to shoulder the load of top line duties.
This is PB's first nomination and first award. Please put your hands together for Olli Saarinen, Jr. @prettyburn

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HA!. funny how this is the next award out of the old bag. Joe, The Rent-A-Goalie
He's there when you don't have anyone else, but it costs $20, and you get what you pay for…
Give it up for Biz Nasty, come get some hardware @GrilledTwinkiez

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Ok, now then we have a special award. He's been developing into one of my favorite personalities. Love hanging out with the bar with him after games, and no idea what he gets up to after I go home at 7am. I'm happy to announce, the winner of the Charlie Sheen award is my booooiiiii BIG THICC CHEEEZZZYYY @sailingdrumstick
Female Austrailian Announcer: "The Charlie Sheen Raidee is for the most likely to be caught ingesting questionable substances in a public place"

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Who the hell am I kidding? These are all special awards. And they are for special people.
Ok, we have 2 back to back awards, they were attached by some kind of velcro or something, so I assume they need to be presented together or something?
Alright, this first one is the "Ninja" and the description is "Silent, but Deadly"
Oh I see, the other one is the "Silent, AND Deadly" and that one is for the most points scored per word spoken. Well that's fun, isn't it?
Congrats to Suzuki @Thejaff and Ravyn @Darkened_Rose_16 respectively on the Raidees!

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Ok. Let's take a brief pause. Cheezy stop doing that, eyes forward. Before I present the next Raidee, I've got a hankerin for some Wormwood Absynthe! @Rublic you have any in the back?
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And we're back, and this is some potent stuff.
The Ernest Hemmingway is for the player with the name that reminds me most of The Old Man and the Sea
Jeffrey Santiago @Someguy9500 row on up here.

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Everyone loves mob movies. Usually the police get a snitch that they put in witness protection in turn for testimony.
Well anyways the Salvatore Vitale Raidee for the player who is absolutely not in Wit-pro is Rand- I mean Al Kayhall! @mxman991

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Ahh. The Busy Beaver for the player with the busiest beaver!
What do you mean that isn't what this is for? Fine I'll read the text
"For Not making much noise, humming along and getting updates in"
Well pardon my french, but that is fucking lame. I'm keeping it to the busiest beaver
Indigo @Carbine this one's for you!

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And down to the final one from the bag, what do we have here? The Kevin Hart Raidee is for Hosting. Please don't publicly shame me too much. Or do! Send TD's to GA please, thank you.
Awwww.. Thanks to whoever slipped this in the bag Smile

I know it is poor mannered to give yourself an award, but if I don't, who the hell will?
You guys know he got fired and didn't actually host, right? Well I guess it's fitting

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And that concludes this...
wait, who the hell are you?

Oh it's TDZ and his multi!
@TheDangaZone @BadWolf

Not going to say anything? No, ok, ciao then.
Well we apparently have 2 more to go, so LETS GOOD!

The Sacha Baron Cohen for the funny foreigner who we love and adore!
@Citizen of Adraa OwO

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And I think I can guess who this last one is for.
The Bill Cosby Raidee. Wow.. Yikes ok let's assume these weren't made up yesterday
For everyone's favorite TV dad. Queue Celiene Dion Song We love you, we are going to miss you! Don't be a stranger.
@Flareon

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--1550 words, and countless hours in MS Paint--

charlieconway · 01-07-2020, 03:21 PM

All these thor statues killed my browser

but

Quote:Can I just take a brief moment to say this beautiful creature is a wonderful person and my best friend? We came here together back in 49 with nothing but differences and somehow we formed a bond over that. Somehow we grabbed hold of this group and turned them into a team, and although we will be going our separate ways shortly we have a bond that will not break, and will always be Raiders.