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***goldenglutes*** · 09-01-2020, 11:53 AM

Welcome to the goldenglutes money grab media piece! I'm here because I need to be able to afford equipment at the start of the next season in order to hit the highest peak TPE possible to get maximum clout for my money's worth. This media article is probably going to be a jumble of stuff, and I might even end up posting some statistics because those really soak up the word count but I'm not sure because I can probably post that in a separate article for a more legitimate research bonus claim or something. In this post I'm going to be talking about expansion I guess or maybe some other stuff who knows really I'm just going off the cuff and I noticed that fitted gets paid for his posts so I'm gonna try to do the same to be honest and hope it works I really hope it works. Now, let's get onto the first topic of the day: expansion. What do I think of the expansion teams? Well, as we talked about briefly in the Big Dick Guys Hour Podcast Episode 12 with @5ympathies, he's not a big fan of either brandings but he is especially not a fan of the Argonauts. For me, I definitely don't feel as strongly as him on either of the brandings -- I think the secondary Argonauts logo is kinda lit but the banner for the primary logo doesn't really fit in with the overall look of the site if you scroll down on the main page and see all the team banners at the bottom where you see players' rosters and update threads and so on and so forth. For the Inferno, I believe their banner is much more suited to the look of the site in both size of the primary element of the logo (the phoenix/bird thing I don't really know what it is), and also the fact that the words "Inferno" aren't in the shot of the banner. As for the actual logo itself, I think it's pretty cool, but what I'm the biggest fan of is the third jerseys for the team, or the ones that sort of look like a copy cat of the New Zealand All Blacks jersey. That's not a bad thing though, because I think those jerseys are pretty great so @hotdog is definitely drawing from some great inspirational pieces there.

Now, onto what I think about another part of the site -- how about what I think of the number of thunderdomes that have been happening lately? I feel like thunderdome activity has gone way down in the last few months and I'm very sad about it. We're mostly all bored during quarantine, stuck at home and not having anything to do, why hasn't this led to continued heightened activity in the thunderdome? Surely people would be so bored that they want to stir some shit up or something. I don't know, just feels a little sus to me that people are in general so well behaved when they're so bored. I guess you have some people churning out some garbage media pieces in their boredom just like I'm doing right now, but that's pretty boring if I do say so myself to be honest.

Now, onto another topic while I still have no one's attention because let's be honest no one is actually reading this dumpster fire of an article that I'm just shitting out for personal coaching money when this eventually gets graded because I want to be the very best player I can possible be and actually buy equipment at the start of the season, something that I haven't done in probably 6 seasons ever since I was a keen young un trying to make it in the world of the Simulation Hockey League. Ok I kind of forgot what topic I was going to move onto, no that's a lie because there was no plan before I jumped into this paragraph, so I didn't have a topic that I wanted to jump into. Haha get baited idiots. Just kidding let's start talking about @Gwdjohnson. Remember that time when he became the co general manager of the Vancouver Whalers, even though he has never played for that franchise and his allegiance should have been to the Anchorage Armada, for only a few days before he jumped ship like the rat he is and became the co general manager (or should I say "cro" general manager) of the Hamilton Steelhawks? What a bizarre sequence of events if I am going to be honest like really Gabe you did that? Haha what a trip down memory lane that's a good memory for sure one for the ages and one that we should memorialize in the Simulation Hockey League history books or something.

Ok, let's move on. No one wants to hear about Gabe any more than they need to. Has anyone else been doing the Simulation Major Junior Hockey League point tasks as a Simulation Hockey League player just to mess with Gabe? No, just me? Ah sorry, I didn't mean to just turn the conversation back to Gabe. Let's talk about @5ympathies instead. Just an inside scoop here, buried deep in this shitty article that no one wants to read, but that's where you generally find the best hidden gems. Here's the inside scoop -- rumours are that he is working on the second coming of the infamous "dick sizes" article that was almost as polarizing as Gabe's existence the first time he posted it as media on the site. That's it for my scoop, I hope someone caught this and is either hype about it or is annoyed that another media piece of that calibre is going to be posted on the site as media when it's clearly a work of art instead of a media piece.

Alright everyone time to go I hope you've all had a great time reading my ramblings for money on this fake hockey website that we all take part in. Until next time and keep your eye out for another article from me that might not just be complete bullshit and might include some statistics and printouts of spreadsheets because they really eat up the word count without looking like a wall of text!

Code:
Word count: 1101 poggers let's gooooo time to get paid woohoo

Signatures by Vulfzilla, Jepox, Jess, rum_ham, Ragnar, and myself
[Image: 9vAsr7c.png]

***bluesfan55*** · 09-01-2020, 11:58 AM

GETTING PAIIID

ty to @High Stick King @EvilAllBran and @Ragnar for the sigs

**Lime** · 09-01-2020, 12:00 PM

I read the whole thing and have exceeded my daily gabe quota fuck you

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