Hello, this is MrRuihu, here to blab on and on about the WJC tournament upcoming. I'm sure there's quite a few excited people to compete, myself included, who would like to win some good old cash money for yourselves and your nation. I also know my formatting will be terrible and I won't receive many views due to that, but that's okay in my books, pay me my money and let me be done with it. Without further ado, let's get into this article.

There are eight (8) Count em, eight teams in this tournament of international players, in which they compete to see who is the best in the current year. Obviously this is the SHL, / SMJHL, So we won't be knowing about the whole "Year" we'll be going off about a month and a half of player progressions.
In my personal opinion it would be a little nuts to go off a full year, that would take forever and wouldn't really be fun anyways. So with this current iteration of the WJC, in the end of this current season, number 56, we'll have a tournament. Now obviously in tournaments on the world stage there is three medals to be awarded.
Those medals being GOLD. SILVER. BRONZE. Everyone else gets to go home with a handful of nothing and some good memories, unless you get roughed up on the ice then you go home with an ice pack and regret that you also lost, but there's always next year.

Now being in the business of super serious, super hard hitting journalism that is known and loved year round on these forums, I will be grading every teams roster, based off their names. I will use player names, or usernames, whatever I can run with, maybe both if I like you. (If I skip you, I really blanked and that's completely your fault) So now, in no particular order, here's my rankings!

Unlucky team number 1! You've been chosen, in no particular order, to be the target of my harassment. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favour, or whatever they say in pokemon.


That's right, team number 1 is team British Isles. Let's take a look here shall we? Keep in mind these players in order are listed as written by the General Managers of the corresponding teams, don't ask me why you're last on the list, ask someone who knows! (Kidding)

Leo Bloomfield @BloomeyGB

Right at number 1) Leo Bloomfield. Leo Bloomfield is a nice name, it sounds like something you'd find on an indie page of spotify that just tickles you right where you needed to be tickled, giving off good vibes and just a nice overall feel. Now that could also be a tea flavour, someone want to make that happen?
Number Rating: 7

Peter Ramsay @Hoovuh

Peter Ramsay, He's as angry as his name sounds, if they lose he may insult your mother and slap you upside the head for good measure. Although, he can't be that good, his name is Hoovuh, sounds like hoover to me doesn't it? and you know what hoovers do! (Suck)
Joking aside he's got a great hockey name, he's a teammate from whenever I was on Kelowna and I'm expecting a good turnout for him, wish you the best buddy.

Number Rating: 8

Defensemen:

Chad Alfa @mbhockey5

Chad Alfa, that names pretty .. well, alpha. this guy snorts coke off your girls titties and laughs when you get mad, since he know's you're a little twerp anyways and won't do shit. Although his screen name IS mbhockey5, and if it means what I think it means (Probably doesn't, Manitoba Hockey?) then I think he should
make like dustin byfuglien and get the fuck outta there before he gets stabbed walking down one of Winnipegs very dark and creepy streets. All in all, the name is very ALPHA, and I wish you luck in the tournament, just stay away from my city, we have enough competition here!

Number Rating: 69

Bane  @Winter is Coming

Bane. That's it, that's the name. Pretty damn cool if you ask me, but no one asked me, yet here we are. We all know a bane in our lives, be it from batman, or batman, or not being able to open a god damn jar. This man is what I'd call a bane in the sense that sometimes he can be scary,
but most of the time we can't get him to open up, much like that jar, maybe pickles if we're being specific. His screen name is also Winter Is Coming, Which was probably cool until season 8 of Game of Thrones came out, and now it's just kind of embarassing. Kidding aside, I'm excited to see what he can do in the tournament.
Good Luck!

Number Rating: 6

Adam Friedland @Bongo

Adam Friedland, or should we say A Damn Fried Land? 'cause I wanna go to a land where everything is deep fried, hell I'll be dead before 40 but is that not a life worth living? Adam Friedland should open up a restaurant and just have everything deep fried, anything you want, show up, give them some food, boom, deep fried.
Obviously, we don't want bats, rats, cats, gnats, just normal stuff, or as normal as it can get in a place where you literally bring whatever you want to be deep fried.

Number Rating: 7

Grandmaster Funk @funk

Grandmaster Funk, That's probably the coolest name on this list so far, I'm proud to have even read it. Just being in its presence makes life chill and groovy, I want to jump on a smooth boatride and listen to funky fresh music, maybe smoke a little something and much on some candybars.
I know he'd be there bringing that smooth music to my ears like silky smooth fabrics when you get in bed after a long day. Guiding me to a land of rest and relaxation, like the best captain you could ever ask for.

Number Rating: 420

Ruggs McOooh @Ruggsy

This guy, with a name like Ruggs McOooh, I'm imagining this guy pulling up on me sitting outside a mcdonalds parking lot, minding my own business eating my 2nd big mac (Don't judge, you'd do it too.) and this guy pulls up with some felt rugs, (Otherwise known as carpets if you're not in the know.)
And it's not just you he goes up to, this guys trying to sell rugs to everyone outside the mcdonalds, hell he might even make a sale or two before the manager comes out to kick him off the property, but he's just a good salesman like that.

Number Rating: Two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.

Matthew Sawful @SAwful

This ones easy, this rating is so easy, I don't even want to write it. He practically wrote it himself, but Fuck it, we'll do it live.
Matthews Awful, Yes that's the joke. Why would you want someone with that name on your team? I mean, yes you could argue that he doesn't get to pick his name in life, but .. well he does. The fact that any General Manager in their right mind would go out on such a small limb
and try to make him perform well is beyond me, but hey, that's your choice.

Number Rating: bzzzzzzz (That's a saw.) now THATS awful.

Forwards:

Adrian Ayers @gordieboom

I thought about this one for a while, and it's not going to be great, Adrian Ayers - AA? Sounds like you hate planes my guy, welcome to the 21st century, we use those things all the time. boom, Like the planes when you shoot them down. also your username is gordieboom, and I do like that.
All around decent hockey name Adrian Ayers is, Sorry it wasn't funnier, I wanted to say something about Alcoholics Anonymous but I don't know anything about you and I'd rather not make it too serious, but I do wish you good luck in the tournament!

Josh Dolphin @d0lph1nb0y

Josh Dolphin? You know how he got that name? 'cause he fuckin dives, every single game. this guy loves his call of duty black ops, you know why? 'cause he fuckin dives, all game. Throw this boy in the ocean and you know what he does? he just wades around in mid level water, he's not a fan of sharks or anything else that might be in the ocean, but if he wasn't, you know what he'd do? fuckin dive.

Number Rating: 6

Matthew Forrester @Matty7478

This is a guy everyone should be scared of, Matthew Forrester, he's gonna come into your plot of land and just fuckin cut it, all of it, and he'll cut you down as well if you don't step off. Take his lane on the ice? you know your twigs getting snapped, and I don't mean your hockey stick either.
Although he could do whatever he wanted on the ice, this guys a hulking mad man and he doesn't let you forget it. sometimes I have nightmares, hoping to forget what he's done on the ice, he's an absolute unit and I don't want to see him out there, no thankyou.

Number Rating: 1 million. (Please dont hurt me)

Cian McFelter @Titan

Cian McFelter, more like seen and felt her, am I right? But of course he had consent, this guy drops panties at a moments notice, he's got the looks and charm and razzamataz (Yes that's a real word, no you should not look it up) to basically have most any woman he wants, or even any dude, that's his call.
He's always the life of the party and everyone knows it, this guy just has a way to get into everyones hearts and minds at first glance, he's got the IT factor.

Number Rating: 9

Bryce McMahon @MN_Moosey

This man, This Bryce McMahon, he's a big boi, he's a thick boi, he's got rock solid abs and he's also probably the friendliest guy you'll meet on the ice, to make him fight in a game would take more than insulting his mothers home cooking don't cha know?
he's a big cuddly teddybear and loves his guns and his job and his pickup truck like they say in all the country songs.

Number Rating: 6

Patrik Money @Mooney

Patrik Money, this guys got loads of it, money that is. So what if he might buy his way into the finer places in life, if you have cash you should use it, after all, isn't that what makes most everything go around? money. Patrik knows all about that and isn't afraid to flaunt his wealth, even on the ice with his mouthguard that actually is translucent and has diamonds embedded in it. Or stepping off the ice and immediately jumping into his expensive stretch limo with his entourage already waiting for him to party well into the night (Knight?) This guys got life figured out, and we should all strive to be a little bit more like him.

Number Rating: 8 (Send me a bit of cash and we can talk about bumping this number up)

Stan Q. Next @iamslm22

I really can't think of anything for you, my brain is drawing a gap, I will try to revisit if you want, if not that's fine too. It's not like this is groundbreaking media, I wish you the best of luck in the tournament.

Number Rating: 100

Bas O’Bigbers @Sopath

This name, An interesting one, Bas O'Bigbers, I dunno what the hell that means. I'm gonna pretend, he was about to catch some Bass (bas) then he saw something, and it scared him. (Oh, Big Bears) so he ran, and left the fish, 'cause who wants to try to keep a fish from a damn big bear? not me. But maybe he would? I can't speak fully to the type of person that he is.

Number Rating: 10

Kynwyl Pearce @Shmurph

Another former teammate, Although very brief before whatever happened, Kynwyl Pearce. When I see the name pearce I think of the name Pierce Hawthorne, yeah, you guessed it, the worst person to ever walk the (television) earth. Ok maybe not the worst, but he's pretty bad. I'm sorry your name is dragged into that nonsense, and for everyones sake I hope you're not an asshole as big as him. (Just kidding, Love you knighty boi) Best of luck in the tournament.

Pablo Salvatici @Jepox

This is the man with an unnatural artistic talent, you see his father was from latin america, But he was adopted by an italian painter at a very young age. He grew up being molded and sculpted by this man, Salvatici, or Sal as he called him, and he learned of the finer things in life one day at a time, which is when he discovered the beauty and passion that is in hockey. Naturally he turned his game into a flowing work of art, making sure everything he did was intentional, and with purpose. He's a great motivation to his team because of this and deserves all the recognition he has, the same as his adopted father.

Number Rating: whatever a marble statue costs, a good one, like David.

Patrick Shepherd @Cobbenstein

This is the guy we've all been waiting for, He will shepard us into greater pastures. He will bring us to a future with great promise and we should follow him, completely blindly and never doubt in his abilities. He is also a very good cobbler, and can fix any pair of shoes you have, no matter how messed up they may be.
(Yes, that's like the adam sandler movie based on a book, which actually wasn't terrible,  but most people missed it I'm sure.)

Number Rating: Shined Shoes / 10

Liam Slate @Tylar

This name works pretty well, last but not least (At least according to me, although he should have a word with his GM's!) Liam Slate, the clean slate we needed to see in this game, a breath of fresh air we didn't know we needed until we saw him hit the ice, he's fast, he's fun, he's got a great smile, he's slated to be one of the greats, Liam Slate. I'm very happy to see him compete in this tournament, and I wish him great things from here and beyond.

Number Rating: 8




There you have it folks, all the players on team British Isles roster for the WJC tournament upcoming within the next week.
Will you agree with my ratings?               Probably not.
Should you?                                            Probably not.

With all that said and done, my overall rating for this team? team British Isles?

I don't know like an 8? Let's pretend I did some complex mathematical formula and it came out as 8.

So yeah, I rank this team an 8, and as I've said like 60 million times in here; good luck in the tournament!

(3046 Words)

Hella funny, good work!

Vlastislav Malik || LW || NOLA
Name: Vlastislav Malik
Birthplace: Brno, Czech Republic
Transferred to: Ireland
Height: 6'5"
Weight: 227 lbs
Number: 9

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SHL - NOLA:
We're just getting started!
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SMJHL - KEL:

Four Star Cups: S59

Reg Szn Stats:

S56 | 50GP | 4G | 8A | 12P | -17 | 0PPP | 6.7% | 90H | 54GR

S57 | 66GP | 14G | 19A | 33P | +8 | 7PPP | 11.1% | 87H | 61GR

S58 | 66GP | 24G | 27A | 51P | +25 | 9PPP | 15.1% | 109H | 64GR

S59 | 66GP | 20G | 34A | 54P | +32 | 17PPP | 11.2% | 119H | 65GR

Playoffs Stats:

S56 | 11GP | 1G | 1A | 2P | -10 | 0PPP | 7.1% | 12H | 57GR
S57 | 7GP | 0G | 2A | 2P | -1 | 0PPP | 0.0% | 9H | 61GR
S58 | 12GP | 3G | 3A | 6P | -2 | 0PPP | 11.5% | 18H | 62GR
S59 | 17GP | 8G | 10A | 18P | +15 | 2PPP | 14.3% | 32H | 67GR

  

This is amazing! Thanks for the laugh!

Cian McFelter || C || Kelowna Knights
Name: Cian McFelter
Birthplace: Dublin, Ireland
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 206 lbs
Number: 27


Thnx @Carpy48 for the sig!