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Waters · 05-05-2022, 01:04 PM

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2488 words. double media week poggers

SHL. You silly little league. You want me to write an article to make money so I can max earn for my player? Ok. I will do that. Here is my epic special exclusive Ben Waters Jr draft review. Only the most epic will understand the big words I use in this one.

#1 Rage

- Pass Forfeit - D - esilverm

This is idiotic. Why would you pass on the first pick of the draft? Also, how can you pass if you're already forfeiting the pick? The Rage are a shambolic organization if they think this is the right way to start the draft. Rage fans turned out to Nash's Backyard in droves, millions of them, to see the pick not even be used. This is despicable. Someone please god tell the Rage GMs to get it together. Ben Waters Jr. was available by the way. He's crying in the green room right now.

Pick Grade: A+

#2 Forge

- Ricky Koivu - RW - Gwdjohnson

Ok. This is insane. WHat am I witnessing. The dragons, somehow blessed with the opportunity to pick 1st overall after the previous pick debacle, decide to TRADE the pick away to the Philadelphia Forge???? Am I being punked? Where is ashton kutcher??? Where are you you scoundrel? And then they go ahead and pick a guy who scored 20 points this season on 22 minutes a game. Ben Waters Jr. was a significantly better pick. buddy. Acsolap. You need to work on your drafting. This is despicable. This is not ok. The Forge fans are rioting in the streets as I write this article.

Pick Grade: A+

#3

- Leon Lokitonov - RW - ml002

Finally. A team not throwing their pick away for no reason. Luke watched the last 2 GMs make huge mistakes and he said: "watch how it's done." And then they watched. And then he did!!! WOW! what a pick bringing ml to the new england wolfpack organization. This is gonna be a big big big acquisition for the future. Unfortunately, I can't go to A+ for this pick because it was not the best player on the board. Ben Waters Jr is breaking things in the green room, he is not happy.

Pick Grade: B-

#4

- Dan Baltisberger - LW - Segi

Folks. The draft is officially back on track. I asked the Minnesota Monarchs GM about this pick, and he said "I see quality, I get quality." This is words from a genius. Dan Baltisberger was the 1st overall pick in the SMJHL draft, and suddenly we're passing on him for the likes of Ricky Koivu. This is sickening. I also asked Segi about this pick and he said "hey Waters what's up man. I think they should have picked Ben Waters Jr. here but I'm happy to go to the Minnesota Monarchs instead." Wise words from a wise member of this site.

Pick Grade: A++

#5 Stars

- Faust Faker - LW - Patty

Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, the best league of legends player of all time, Faker, from South Korea Telecom 1, has arrived here to be drafted. And unbelievably, the stars see this, and they picked him up on the spot! Wow. This is crazy. I don't think anyone expected a guy like Faker to join the shl, but if his PT writing skills are anything as good as his zed, we'll all be asking "WHAT WAS THAT?!" lol. good stuff from the north stars, but it is weird that they're picking a league of legends player over an established member like Waters and his player, Ben Waters Jr..

Pick Grade: definitely one of the better ones so far

#6

- Luke Laraque - RW - blix900

ok dude. Is this player invisible? He's not in shl analytics, he's not in the patriotes prospect section, I don't think I've ever had to do this much work to find a player in my life. This guy is like james bond. He is untraceable, so you know he's not already tracer! That's an overwatch tiktok reference for all of my fans out there. Anyways. Luke Laraque here, that's a good pick. You can always trust an organization from Montreal to make a good move. Again, not picking Ben Waters Jr, Montreal native, is pretty weird, but I guess some people just wouldn't be able to handle a big personality like him.

Sorry guys I've received news that the Blizzard actually made this pick. That's my bad, sorry. Big mistake on my part.

Pick grade: Huge add to the Patriotes organization. The patriotes have done it again. Well done. A-.

#7

- Miroslav Ketil - D - ArmTheSharks

And we're back to the idiocy. The Hamilton Steelhawks have been cheating for years, and now they're doing a funny prank by picking bad players really high in the draft. This is just fucked up. Please guys, play the game fair like the rest of us non-hamilton people. No one is laughing. Anyways, this ketil guy is pretty cool, but not as cool as Ben Waters Jr.. Weird that he's a leafs fan. Actually I've changed my mind, thus guy sucks. Horrible pick.

Pick Grade: This is good stuff. The Steelhawks are geniuses.

#8

- Sophie Bordeleau - C - boom

Ok. Why are none of the blizzard prospects on the shl analytics sheet. They made like 7 picks. This is gonna be a serious problem for me. Ok, I have found Sophie Bordeleau. Yep, another banger from the blizzard. This is great. Now, as a french speaker, I can tell you guys that Bordeleau actually translates to edge of the water. Well, I'm on the edge of something else: my seat, waiting for Ben Waters Jr's name to be called. And I can tell that I'm not going to be waiting much longer. We're already drafting Quebecois players. That's huge for the Waters draft stock.

#9 Steelhawks

- Tommy Westbrook (but this time I upd - C - Gooney

Ok, so I've had a lot of callers tell me they hate this pick. They tell me, the Westbrooks never update. #9 overall invested for a guy who has one good player? And to them I say, um guys, this time he upd? What are you not getting? He is upd this time. You fucking idiots. Do you guys suddenly not want a player who upd? Oh sorry, I didn't realize this was a draft for the players that do not upd. Wow. Draft jss first overall then, I guess? Come on guys. Get it together. This is the second best pick in the draft. The best is next pick, when Ben Waters Jr finally goes off the board.

Pick Grade: Forgot to do this for last pick. My bad.

#10 Blizzard

- Patches the III - D - Big Newff

I'm just gonna go off memory cause I don't want to look past shl analytics for what position he is. This is a great pick, we're talking about a top 5 tpe guy here. This is unbelievably strong stuff. HFFO gets hired and is immediately doing a great job. Picking some great personalities and building up quick. This is how you know he's a habs fan from Ontario, because he knows how a team should be run, as all habs fans do. You know who else is a habs fan? Ben Waters Jr.! Thankfully, HFFO has promised to pick a jewish player named Ben with his next pick, so I think we can all be patient.

#11

- Reed Kobo - LW - Toivo

Wow. Very surprised by the Dragons decision to trade down again here with Toivo on the board. Another top 5 earner going in the mid first? That's wild. Maybe the panthers were one of only a few teams that they wanted to play for? That's the only scenario i can see for why he fell so hard. This is a great user, who builds consistently great players. You gotta love that. If you don't love that, you don't love hockey.

Pick Grade: This guy is from Carolina I think. Pretty cool.

#12

- Ben - YES! LETS F UCking GO!! YES!! - me - Waters

Congratulations Ben Waters Jr.. You have finally done it. You waited for a long time, but you will now be a part of the Edmonton Blizzard. All your life, you watched great players play for the blizzard, and now, finally, on this great day, the 1st of may, haha that rhymes, say hey! you have been drafted to your favorite team. Congratulations. You deserve this.

I'm getting news that there was another jewish player named Ben in this draft. This is not good news for me. I'm gonna have to sit down.

Pick Grade: troll despair emote

#13

- Tommy Thompson - C - Allegiant

Wow. Tommy Thompson. This is an awesome pick from the Buffalo Stampede. They always make the best picks. I'd like to congratulate them on making this pick. Allegiant? That's a good member right there. Who doesn't like that guy? Always makes the best players. Always puts a smile on my face, that's for sure.

Sorry guys, I don't think I'm fully recovered yet from the shock of that last pick. Not my best review so far. I acknowledge that. Let's move on.

#14 Dragons

- Jolmi Koivu - RW - Good_Ole_Kimmy

The dragons traded down twice for Jolmi Koivu? Guys. Get real. His production is a mirage. It only gets worse from here. His name is fucking jolmi. That's not even a real name. Also, not a single Koivu family member has been successful. Maybe get that one through your heads, draft guys. Please. That being said, you can't fault the dragons for making this move. They needed a guy like Jolmi Koivu on their roster. He's young, he's hungry, and he's got a huge one on him, if you know what i mean. You know who also matched all those traits? Ben Waters Jr.. You know who has more tpe between the two? Ben Waters Jr.. Sorry guys, I'm lashing out. Sorry.

Draft pick grade: This is one of those picks.

#15 Dragons

- Din Djarin - LW - jsteele14

Damn. Is kez drake this whole time? Has he been making platinum records this entire time while he was drafting calgary dragons players? Has he become the first ever member to both be a famous musical artist while also being on the SHL? Cause he mf went baaaaaaaack to baaaaaaack with these picks! Well done once again kez. Jsteele is a steele!!!! at 15th overall. A guy who can do a lot with the puck, and without it. His name also sounds like he's a genie, so I wish him good luck! haha! You know who else would've been a steal here? I'll let you figure that one out, but his name rhymes with Wen Baters Jr..

Draft pick grade: one of the greatest picks the draft has ever seen. This is the mike trout pick, and kimmy is randal grichuk.

#16 Renegades

- David-Arturri Donskoi - LW - LarrytheMVP

Renegade! Renegade! go ooh! go yeah! go ooh! tiktok dance for all of my tiktokers out there. Listen. I don't know much about LarrytheMVP, but I know one thing. He has MVP in his name! that makes him an easy pick here at 16th overall. He is already the MVP? are you guys fucking serious ? is this a funny joke? We're gonna pass 15 times on the literal MVP of the league. Another thing I can say about LarrytheMVP is he clearly consented to being drafted by Texas. That's huge. We love to see that. I would say Ben Waters Jr should've gone here, but this guy is clearly an MVP and is higher calibre.

Draft pick grade: this is a great pick. Really shows the direction the Texas Renegades are going with their picks nowadays.

#17 Steelhawks

- Aleksandr Iskandrov - C - dmuda11

no. No you cannot be serious. I am SICK of this. WHERE IS BEN WATERS JR!!!! WHERE IS HE!!! I WANT HIM DRAFTED NOW!!!!!! THIS SECOND!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

iskandrov is one of those guys that you can count on to do whatever you need. I've been hearing rumours that he will be traded to the Vancouver Whalers, presumably linked to the attitude issues which led him to drop all the way here despite his great earning of tpe. You can't go wrong with a pick like this. Once again, Hallsy and Rotti have done exactly what you want your GMs to do: a great job. Well done guys.

#18 pride

- Ben Waters Jr. - LW - Waters

I've seen better picks

#19 Aurora

- Sebastien Dubois - RW - JR95

Unfortunately, I can't type his name right because I have english keyboard on my Chromebook and I'm too lazy to change it. Very tough situation. That being said, the aurora have made out like bandits with this pick. Trading up with Atlanta as soon as the opportunity arose was a great play. Really strong stuff. Dubois has not been earning like the top of the class, but he is someone who you don't need to worry about. He will earn. Just wait. That's why you love to see a great pick such as this one. Well done to Ace. You've done it again.

#20 Rage

- Tom Taylor - D - TomTaylor

The Rage have done a good job recovering from that horrible mistake at the beginning of the draft with this pick. Well done to Tom Taylor, he has been earning like a monster out there and good earning goes rewarded in this league, as the Rage have shown. Unfortunately, only the one prospect for the rage this time around, but it's a good one. They may have redeemed themselves in my eyes.

Pick Grade: God, the rage make me rage with how good they draft!!! lol. Good stuff guys.

Uh oh!!! Ben Waters bonus pick!

#25

- B Jobin - G - nour

After years of experimentation, the steelhawks have finally found a way to generate a new goalie in their goalie generator. This is an unbelievable scientific breakthrough. B Jobin is just one of those guys that has the last name Jobin and has their name start with a letter. He reminds me of A Jobin, C Jobin, and the upcoming D Jobin in that sense. All of those guys are Jobins, and you can tell from their name. B Jobin may not be a good goalie yet(horrible player in juniors) but, give him a bit of time, and he can be a stable backstop just like A Jobin was. What a great guy.

That will conclude my Ben Waters Jr draft pick review. There were a lot of good draft picks, a lot of bad draft picks, and a lot of draft picks that were in between those two qualifications of draft picks. However, if I had to say one draft pick was the best, I'd have to go for #7, #24, #29 and #52. Those were great picks. Congratulations to those who went to those picks, you did a great job. Thanks for reading guys.