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***Jexter*** · 05-25-2024, 10:36 AM

With the draft looming, many young prospects find themselves obsessed with the number at which they were drafted. However, today we will be looking at Pohler Beargeron, a young cub on the Kelowna Knights who has shown as a top contender on many people’s mock drafts. But I am here to day to tell you why this player should not be considered for the top 10, 20 or even in the first five rounds.

What is there to not like? Plenty. Many are saying that the young cub has a terrible time getting along with management and has even bad mouthed his new General Manager after the other one quit. (Sources may indicate that the former Kelowna GM quit due to Pohler Beargeron’s attitude.) Speaking of Kelowna, Pohler Beargeron was the 5th highest scoring player on the struggling team with only 8 goals and 32 assists and a 7.5% shooting percentage and plus minus of -44. So, what gives? This polar bear cannot find the back of the net consistently at all. Now apparently, he is working on his game with the same coaches that helped Lord Farquaads, but Lord Farquaads and Pohler Beargeron are completely different players in terms of physique. Lord Farquaads is five foot six and 165 pounds versus Pohler Beargeron who is six foot seven and 254 pounds. A polar bear on the ice poses a significant safety hazard. Despite any claims of taming or training, Pohler Beargeron remains a wild animal with unpredictable behavior. The potential for injury to other players, referees, and even the audience is alarmingly high.

Feeding, housing, and transporting a polar bear come with their own set of challenges. The team would need specialized facilities to accommodate the bear’s needs, including a diet that consists largely of seal meat and an environment cold enough to keep the bear comfortable. These requirements are impractical and unsustainable for any hockey organization. While the idea of a polar bear on a hockey team might sound amusing in theory, the reality is far from feasible. Pohler Beargeron lacks the skills, compatibility, and even common hockey sense necessary to participate in the sport. Furthermore, the logistical, ethical, and safety issues make it clear that drafting Pohler Beargeron would be a catastrophic mistake. Hockey teams should focus on scouting real talent that can truly contribute to the game, rather than getting caught up in gimmicks that are doomed to fail.

Now you might be thinking “What about the Aurora? They have a polar bear in their logo.” The Aurora should stay far away from Pohler Beargeron as he does not fit their current strategy of taking sure things in the draft. Pohler Beargeron could easily get distracted by a fish or a penguin and not focus on the game or get waylaid by walrus pyramid schemes. In all I could see Pohler Beargeron maybe being a free agent signing from a very desperate team, but whoever is unlucky enough to take him will probably be in for a bad time.

WC: 503

***Ace*** · 05-25-2024, 11:17 AM

Good breakdown and analysis. We will keep this in mind.

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