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MuNk22 · Yesterday, 09:53 AM

Dear Readers,

I would like to apologize for my actions yesterday. I was drunk and somehow thought it would be a good idea to jump on a plane to Los Angeles. I did not intend to sign with the Los Angeles Panthers. I dont even think it was the Panthers I was with while in Los Angeles. My memory is hazy but instead of Whitecap, I could have been talking to a can of White Claw.

It was a mistake. A gag. A prank. I made a fool of you all including the reporters I confided in. The standard of trust has been broken between myself and members of the media. I fear they will never seek my input on their work again. I’m sorry, I will never lie to, mislead, or exaggerate to the press again.

To the city of Philadelphia, I am so sorry I mislead you on my departure. I would never willingly leave Philly. I'd have to be literally dragged out of the city to leave you all. My sober self would never have any inclination to sign somewhere else. The fans, staff, and fellow teammates in Philadelphia are the best in the world. They represent the pinnacle of what a professional hockey organization should be.

To the city of Los Angeles, I tampered with your hearts with my flirtation of playing for your city's prestigious hockey team. No, a super team is not forming in Los Angeles but you will continue to win all the same. My visit to your city was wonderful. I plan to come back but as a player on the visiting bench. Besides, I don’t think my fair skin could survive a full season out in the California sun.

And to the great city of Baltimore, a Culver's is literally all you are missing. Otherwise, your city is perfect. Baltimore is a bustling city full of culture, life and beauty. Its a perfect place to live, work and play. I'm sorry if my words or actions insulted any of its residents. Believe me when I say, you deserve a Culver’s fast food restaurant more than any city in this entire country.

It was wrong of me as a professional hockey player, a father, and honorable role model to the community to get so liquored up and behave recklessly on my behalf. In the future, I will be patient and understanding when it comes to all contractual mishaps with the Philadelphia front office.

My goal is to put this behind me and get back to my main goal of focusing on doing what I do best, play hockey. I look forward to getting back to work on chasing the ultimate dream of winning a Challenge Cup.

Once again, I’d like to reiterate that I am in fact NOT signing with the Los Angeles Panthers. It was all a misunderstanding. I will try to have a few less Lenie’s next time.

Thank you.

Leonard Wood

Note: I will be signing autographs at Four Seasons Total Landscaping in Philadelphia this Saturday at 1 PM. Autographs start at $50, photographs $150. Proceeds benefit local charities.

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