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SHL-TMZ NEWS - WEEK 2 - YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE IT!
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NH4JPRegistered Member Here's what you missed in last week's news: First overall draft pick Jax Aittokallio still wets he bed!
Note: If you want to get featured here for a week, please let me know in the replies! And this week on; SHL-TMZ NEWS (absolutely NOT fake news) 2. LESHAUN KING TOOK OFF HIS SKATE TO HIT A FAN IN THE FACE! Second overall draft pick center man Leshaun King ( @King )took off his skate to hit a fan in the face while serving a 2 minutes minor penalty for tripping near the end of the 3rd period in a devastating and humiliating 5-2 loss while visiting the Montreal Militia. The fan was reportedly taunting the Halifax Raider's young star about his mediocre debut to the regular season. While admitting that his performance is not really up to par to what we got used to in the pre season, the 6'-5" 240 lbs rookie claims that the whole thing was an accident. ''I won't deny that i was angry but I didn't mean to hurt him. I took my skate off because i had some kind of sand under my foot and it was bothering me. I thought that maybe that is why I'm playing like shit since the beginning of the season so I shook up the skate to get the sand out and it accidentally slipped from my hand. Next thing i know the skate accidentally went 3 feet up the air and accidentally landed on his face. It was all a coincidence. I didn't even know he was taunting me. I don't even know what he looks like" said the Halifax Raider's newly appointed captain. Why did King have some kind of sand in his skates? We're in Montreal. The only thing that is there is snow, igloos, bacon and maple syrup. "It's the god damn Kovacs brothers man! They played a prank on me i tell you! I suspect that they are trying to steal some of them 1st line minutes from me by sabotaging my point production. I'll get them next time!" (@KillTheArchitect , @I Am a Coupon ) ![[Image: 21e57d44090c1f28b9a24a06b946fc9b_400x400.jpeg]](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/378800000139146157/21e57d44090c1f28b9a24a06b946fc9b_400x400.jpeg) An accident? Really? The SHL Juniors games are obviously not broadcasted so we could not find any real footage showing the evidence that Leshaun King deliberately assaulted the fan in question. We spoke to many of the witnesses that were seated right beside him. None of these witnesses have any video, any proof, anything to say really. None of them actually recall the incident. One of them told us something in french but we could not understand so we said fuck it. Needless to say, it was one of those many 2-for-1 beer night in the Militia's arena that night. Most of the spectators we're drunk as fuck. It's hard to blame the Montreal's fans because when your team blows that bad and you're winning one game, you're definitlely happy and you definitely drink more beer. The only thing we know is what the the fan and the rest of the crowd we're chanting at the time of the incident. "King, Je nique ta mère! Tu n'es pas bon! King, Je nique ta mère! Tu n'es pas bon! King, Je nique ta mère! Tu n'es pas bon!..." Leshaun King must of taken french lessons when he was a kid. The poor victim (who accepted to have his name and picture shown in our article), Pierre-Jean-Jacques PetiteBite is a 42 years old husband and father of two, a Montreal citizen and a Montreal Militia season ticket holder. He just got the green light from the doctors to leave the hospital two days ago. He spent a whole week tied up to his hospital bed with a feeding tube up his mouth getting fed vegetables. We caught him at the hospital's exit. "Oui, oui, of course it was an assault. Take a look at my face for fuck sake! As i recall King looked at me, pointed a finger at me, removed his skate, jumped up the board, landed, climbed the steps, reached me and hit me in the face with his skate." "My wife got turned on with the incident. She didn't visit me at the hospital but after sending her a selfie she texted me that she's like really into my new face and she promised to go down on me like it's 1998 as soon as i get home tonight. I believe her so King might have saved my struggling marriage. Now if you'll please excuse me, je dois retourner a la maison." "Also, vegetables are fucking disgusting. Je ne mange jamais de légumes! What kind of hospital force-serve veggies?" Mr. PetiteBite confirmed to us that he won't press charge for now. We suspect that he will wait until King get's drafted in the SHL and becomes a multi-millionaire. We spoke to both of the Montreal Militia's and the Halifax Raiders' management teams and they had no comment for us. Was it an accident or was it an assault? You be the judge. Yours truly, Mr. Faceoffs, SHL-TMZ NEWS note 1: This is pure fiction. Nothing i real in what is written in this article. note 2: I am frenchie from Montreal and I live in Montreal. I'm just writing funny stuff. I mean no offense to my french brothers! UPCOMMING ARTICLES ON SHL-TMZ NEWS (in no particular order) 3. :Whalers: Max Mauldin ( @Wasty ) Takes showers in his underwear! 4. :Raiders: Crush Cile Shat ( @Wally ) shit his pants during the national anthem! 5. :Scarecrows: Goku Muerto ( @Muerto ) wore a jock strap under his suit to make his crotch look bigger during the draft! 6. :Armada: Eero Niemi ( @spooked ) had an affair with a goat! 7. :Falcons: Tobias Viklund ( @Mordaciious ) To be determined 8. :Whalers: Torek Takshak ( @GeckoeyGecko ) To be determined 9. :Raptors: Alex Winters ( @39alaska39 ) To be determined 10. :Falcons: Cedric Robinson ( @grok ) To be determined PM me if you have some funny ideas on subject to write about. I don't lack imagination but your ideas might be funny as hell! Code: 1015 words![[Image: Faceoffs-sig1.gif]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/467151789825720340/482591145600483329/Faceoffs-sig1.gif)
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