Login

ManitobaMakeoutKing · 01-02-2019, 04:30 AM

The expansion Lethbridge Lions haven't gotten off to the most pleasurable of starts in this S45 SMJHL season.

The valley city residing band of skaters currently sit at 1-3-0 with a league low goal differential of Minus 8, and although the young season has yet to blossom her wings and transition into womanhood, some fans are already expressing concern and disdain with the current on ice product.

"I haven't been to a game yet, but I listen on the radio." 82 year old supporter Allan Walkamamy tells, "They just can't seem to find any rhythm just yet."

The elder has one troublesome thought above all others however.

"My biggest concern is our best rookie is apparently a Monkey? I'm just not sure how sustainable this is."

Although Center Monkey D Luffy has not played to potential in this small sample size currently on display, he's come off a massive pre-season that showed just what the young forward is capable of. Regardless, Walkamamy has issue.

"I'm just curious how they get the skates on him." says Walkamamy "And more importantly where did they find a monkey who knows how to skate."

"I saw a dog who could play a ton of different sports in a series of documentaries on the television once, but I never knew they could do that with a monkey."

However perhaps this comparison is a good omen. Statistically speaking one of the worst financial decisions one can make is bet against the team Air Bud plays for.

Management isn't concerned with performance just yet.

"The season is still young. Lots of time left. We knew being an expansion team that this was not going to be easy." Marketing represent Darryl Lambastment says. "I'm confident our rookies will continue to develop and line combinations will begin to find effectiveness as our team grows."

"We have the best fans in the league. The barn has been electric these first couple nights" he adds. "Our next home stand is a sell out, and it's Ball Pit Bonanza."

He advises fans that they should arrive 5-10 minutes earlier than usual, as the concourse will be filled with hundreds of thousands of balls making movement through the arena slower than usual.

"A couple parents complained when they heard about the idea. Four and a half feet of small plastic balls is for sure a safety issue now that I think about trying to keep track of a small child in these circumstances."

But Lambastment has a plan.

"We'll be handing out snorkels and masks so the children can walk on their own through paradise."

Players have a similar take to the office.

"The energy is there. The fans are there. We're just trying to figure out to play with each other and adapt to the pace of the SMJHL, being a team with lots of rookies" says rookie Dickens Makeout-King.

"Putting that jersey on is like nothing else. It's surreal" he adds, "I've never worn something with so many sleeves, and that needed a tailor with a step ladder to help me into it before every game. Truly something special."

Makeout-King is coming off a sub par start to the season. Playing on the top line with skilled players Roger Bastion and Arsene Arsenich, Makeout-King has yet to match the pace and skill of his line mates.

"I take it as a learning experience. I'm getting better every day, and every week I'm seeing massive improvement in my game. Let's not forget I could barely skate when I showed up at training camp a couple weeks ago."

His honesty is comforting, and correct. In fact when Makeout-King joined the team for his first practice a couple weeks ago, he could not even tie his own skates. What a fucking idiot.

"If I get shuffled around and play on another line I'm not upset, I'm understanding. I'm just trying to be the best team mate I can be and fit into the role that's asked of me."

Dickens currently only has one point on the year, while his current line mates have reached four and five points respectively.

"Honestly it's probably for the best. I don't think out performing the guys who helped me put on my skates a couple nights ago is a good look."

The Lions have yet to roar this season, but no one seems overly concerned just yet.

"Early." Lambastment says "It's early."