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Kalakar · 02-16-2019, 04:54 PM

The S46 SHL Draft is fast approaching this Sunday and this year the event is hosted by the latest SHL winners, the Edmonton Blizzard in Rogers Place, Edmonton, Alberta. The GM’s and scouts are already familiar with the numerous amount of rookies this year, the event is primed for a record year. Rumors are spreading that more than eighty rookies are battling for the top of the rankings. Most eyes will be turned toward the recreates this year that will once again try to stand out to the GM’s they henceforth know more than their first time in the league. In the SHL’s representatives sights this year, we can count a good amount of Halifax Raiders players. The team now famous for its joyful and extremely active locker room will be represented by more than eight rookies this weekend at the Draft. One of those rookie is the infamous Matt Kholin, the young rookie with a high 32 points in his first SMJHL season unfortunately had a few troubles with the tabloids this year when murder allegations on his behalf skyrocketed to every newspapers’ front pages across the nation. Since then, various articles have tried to reveal the facts, however we have learned from trusted sources that those articles where nothing more than fake news. And yet, we have received compromising photographs of Mr. Kholin that contradict those very same sources. Where is the truth? We have tried to contact the accused, but he had already left the country to join his fellow Team Canada Juniors members for the upcoming WJC tournament in Russia. We have to believe that the border agents let the man in the country without any issues. Were they paid off to look elsewhere? We have sent our very own Jim Jones to investigate further.

While the world will be looking toward Russia for the WJC tournament starting shortly, some GM’s don’t seem apprehensive about possibly having an alleged murderer among their organization by the end of the weekend. Indeed, while a few SHL’s representatives were seen coming off private planes late last night in Edmonton, we managed to get a hold of one of them who wished to stay under cover of anonymity: "I wouldn't be worried about Matt, there's really not many Russian or Eastern European hookers at SHL games these days. SHL teams have strict policies regarding off the ice value. I get the sense from interviewing him that if the allegations are true, they're a thing of the past.” A thing of the past, are they? The SHL Head Office did not reply to our demand for comments. We strongly hope that the Team Canada Junior’s management team will know how to surround their young players and be able to mentor them to become great people on and off the ice. Particularly Matt Kholin. On russian soil, miles away from his responsibilities, we can’t imagine what the young canadian can do. Many world renowned nightclubs are situated in Moscow, the young Kholin will then have ample opportunities to visit the establishments following the WJC games in the capital in order to meet the beautiful young russian women. He doesn’t speak the language, but that hasn’t stopped him before. We have learned that the authorities have been notified concerning the murder allegations and we wish for them to keep an eye on Mr. Kholin so that he can represent his country and come back home in Halifax safe and sound without causing any trouble. Spending time in a gulag in Siberia is probably not among his post career ideas.

Rumor has it that none other than Nikolai Evans will be once again picked first overall in the S46 SHL Draft this weekend as he went first overall last year in the SMJHL Draft. A great number of young rookies stood out last year during their first SMJHL season, notably Jimmy Slothface, Monkey D. Luffy, Peter Larson, Raino Kyllönen, Guy Zheng and many more. Our sources have confirmed that there is a minimal chance that Troy Reynolds will be picked third overall in this Draft. Indeed, the speedy forward played most of the season on a line with Michael Choybuk and Mr. Faceoffs. Hopefully they have taught him a few tips concerning his behavior. His Halifax Raiders teammates have also noted that Reynolds would go so far as to eat a Gatorade bottle if he were to be drafted third overall by Tampa Bay, behind the two Hamilton picks. However, it is not the only bet the Raiders players have made this season. None other than the face of the franchise Mr. Slothface has been seen saying he would eat a hat if alleged murderer Matt Kholin were to be drafted in the 12th round this year. Yes indeed, Jimmy Slothface thinks the allegations toward Mr. Kholin would hinder his draft stock so much as to be a very late pick this year. While some GM’s have not been worried about the fact that Mr. Kholin has yet to be cleared of all charges, some SHL management groups have categorically refused any interactions with the young center, including Hamilton. We suspect the reason behind that decision to be based on the fact that the Co-GM is russian. We have tried to reach the man himself and his answer was rather precise: “We haven’t reached out to Kholin and we probably never will; what he has done is concerning and we believe in a welcoming and friendly locker room. Besides, any father wouldn’t want him near their daughter.” The honest response took us by surprise, we weren’t expecting a frank answer of the sort, while the Halifax rookie was at the top of the rookie class in terms of points last season. Turns out there is more than on-ice performance that matter to SHL teams. Will Matt Kholin get a second chance?

One of our readers recently contacted us about Matt Kholin in order to reveal to us crucial details about his behavior. If some GM’s read our newspaper issues, we wish for them to take a closer look at this interview led by none other than Lorem Ipsum, henceforth renown to have penned the famous article "Wild Night In Halifax: Multiple Raiders plus Mika Mayfield Brawl with Smebs". Our reader has asked us not to include his real name, as he wishes to stay under cover of anonymity in the hopes to flee Matt Kholin’s relatives that have been watching him. Barry [Editor’s note: fake name] has known Matt since childhood, they grew up together in a small community neighboring Lake Superior in Ontario. Ipsum met the young man in a public cafe along the village’s main street. The man, visibly nervous, was white when she introduced herself. “Someone’s been on my tail since two days ago, when you called me to schedule this interview.” said anxiously the man. He looked around. “Hey, you’re safe here. We’re in public, nothing can happen to you.” said Ipsum to calm him. Barry pushed his glasses up his nose. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”

“How was Matt growing up?” asked Lorem Ipsum. Barry shrugged. “He was a normal kid, he didn’t really ask for attention. Most of the time he would play hockey with the other kids on Lake Superior.” said Barry. “When have you first seen his behavior change?” inquired Ipsum. Barry looked away. “It was shortly before his 17th birthday.” Ipsum sat forward. “We were in Toronto for an international tournament that he was a part of, we would do everything together up until that point. He went out with his teammates to Pravda one night, a nightclub downtown. A russian nightclub. I joined them later that night and that was when I first saw it with my own two eyes.” Barry inched forward and started whispering. “Sasha Zubovova wasn’t his first. He left that night with a beautiful young blonde woman hooked to his arms. She seemed of eastern european descent. Russian girl, maybe. He’s always liked those girls.” Lorem Ipsum looked stunned. She remembered a young woman that went missing around that time frame, two years ago. Almost six feet tall, long blond hair and a distinct tattoo on her right shoulder. Had Matt Kholin left with Anastasia Petrova? It had been on the news for weeks across the country as people rallied to try to find her. “Why come forward now, and not two years ago when it happened?” wondered Ipsum, now back to a normal voice level. “Nobody would have had believed me. Matt was a young prospect that had his sights on the SHL and everyone was on his side. People would have had made sure to silence me.” replied Barry.

The interview concluded shortly there after and Barry scurried out of the cafe’s outdoors terrace. Ipsum observed him leave, his head turning left to right looking at the passersby that could identify him. Once their talks ended, Barry had mentioned a very important last detail. Matt Kholin had just received his new financial gains from his contract signing with Halifax Raiders while he had been the prime suspect in the Sasha Zubovova’s death. Barry believes Kholin had then paid off some members of the jury in order to quiet his part in the high profile case.

We would like to thank Barry [Editor’s note: fake name] for his time and his relevant information. We hope the said information will be useful to the authorities to apprehend the real suspect. However, we believe some of that information might not have been factually correct, we will then have to verify with our own sources in the SHL and among the government and hopefully bring the truth to our readers in the coming months. Until then, we will watch Matt Kholin very closely and hope the SHL teams know what to expect for those that have the center man on their radar.

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*slothfacekilla* · 02-16-2019, 11:28 PM

It’s a good thing we got you that contract money when we did....

Kalakar · 02-16-2019, 11:36 PM

It ended up being really useful!

*slothfacekilla* · 02-16-2019, 11:44 PM

Allegedly

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