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Steelhead77 · 02-19-2019, 03:43 PM

Esa Parmborg - A Cybernetic Borg constructed of Cheese? -Rumors swirl before the SMJHL Entry Draft...

Esa Parmborg enters the SMJHL draft after season playing in the BCHL for the Terrace Steelheads. Parmborg was a top scorer, flashing his elite skill by posting a league leading 71 points. Parmborg buried 28 goals and as a primary playmaker racked up 48 assists.

Parmborg won BCHL MVP last season and rumors began to circulate that he was not human. His play was out of this world and he also wreaked of cheese. Opponents began to speculate he was in fact a cybernetic borg constructed of various types of cheese. Some said his hands were so silky smooth they had to be made of mozzarella sticks. Others declared when hitting him he was harder than a block of cheddar. His skating was so delicious some believe his blades were made of sharp provolone and yet others speculated he stunk so bad his armpits had to contain aged parmesan. Experts cannot either confirm nor deny any of this as Esa Parmborg has refused to take a physical. At 7' and 350 pounds nobody can make him do anything he doesn't want to do. So the rumors remain. Only time will tell...

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Esa Parmborg was born in Hella Iceland, a small fishing village on the banks of the famed West Ranga River, renowned for it's Atlantic Salmon fishing and beauty. A young Esa Parmborg could be found fishing all day and eating all night. One of his favorite meals was fresh salmon parm. A delicious blend of salmon filet, lightly breaded and smothered in mozzarella, provolone and tomato sauce. As a young boy Esa Parmborg was not small and had a very large appetite. He was catching so many fish and eating them that the Icelandic authorities had to impose special fishing regulations allowing only 1 salmon a day to be kept. Parmborg was unhappy at first but respected the laws realizing that conservation of resources was very important. So he had to find something else to eat. he tried eating vegetables... they were not for him. He tried eating fruit... wasn't really his thing. He tried eating beans... they made him fart. He tried eating bread... it was okay but he felt adding something to it could make it better. He remembered following the hockey career of his father's distant cousin Esa Anrikkanen and he was known as the Chicken Parm King, so a young Esa Parmborg decided he would start raising chickens and eating them. He put them on bread with sauce and cheese. The Parm Prince was born! He became well know for his enormous size, 6'4" and 220 as a 12 year old and he would travel around the island playing pond hockey and spreading the word of this new dish called chicken parm. A former SHL player who had retired to his native Iceland took notice of a young Esa's hockey skill, his name Was Vidrik Onoprienko. Soon he convinced Parmborg to put the chickens down and start focusing on organized hockey.

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Parmborg started playing orgnized hockey in Reykjavic at 13 years old for the Reykjavic Raiders, he was 6'6" and weighed 240. He had amazing hair and absolutely destroyed everyone on the ice, the league told him he had to tone it down or he wouldn't be allowed to continue playing. So he decided to lay off the physical game and focus on setting up other players for goals. He soon became an elite passer with incredible vision and on ice awareness. After lighting up the Icelandic junior league for 390 points over 3 seasons he was recruited to the British Columbia Hockey League to play for the Terrace Steelheads. It was in the BCHL that he took his game to another level. Over 2 seasons Esa Parmborg posted 140 points in 100 games, becoming league MVP this past season.

He declared for the SMJHL draft in hopes of becoming a league superstar one day like his distant cousin Esa Anrikkanen.

[Image: Aleksander-Barkov-Florida-Panthers-skating-featured.jpg]

[Image: Aleksander-Barkov-Florida-Panthers-skating-featured.jpg]

Soon he was entered into a prospect showcase playing with all the other talented prospects for the upcoming draft. Parmborg was placed on a team called the Blazers. He showcased his skill from the 3rd line center position, posting 8 goals and 16 assists for 24 points in 20 games. He also led the Blazers in powerplay points with 7. He finished 8th in scoring for the entire competition. A great showing from the young Icelandic superstar. Parmborg is currently playing in the finals against the Vipers and has posted 6 points through 5 games in the playoffs, including 3 in the first 2 games of the finals. With any luck he'll help the Blazers with the tournament.

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Leading into the draft, Parmborg has been contacted by a few teams, but he's not sure exactly where he will go. He's heard some rumors about possibly going in the top 3 picks. He had good talks with Halifax as well as Anaheim, Montreal and Kelowna. It's nice that teams are interested and he's enjoyed the experience so far. He vows to work hard for whatever team drafts him as his goal is to be a positive teammate and help his team win championship.

Parmborg's elite size should give him an edge over the competition, at 7'0" and 350 pounds he's going to be tough to play against out there. Word is only one person actually knocked him off the puck in the prospect showcase and that was Wibbly McButternutz who is another top prospect for the upcoming draft. He has good skill and a big appetite so right out of the gate Wibbly is someone to keep an eye on as well.

It will be interesting to see where Esa Parmborg ends up on draft night. No question he will bring a lot of skill and experience to whatever team drafts him and we'll enjoy watching his career and storyline develop in the coming seasons.

Cheers

Code:
1000 Words - Double Media

---> ParmBorg Highlights <---

#1 All-Time SHL Goal & Point Scorer
- First 2,000 TPE Player in SHL History -
- First 400 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- Only 500 Goal Scorer in SHL History -
- First GM to Win 5 & 6 Challenge Cups -
Esa Anrikkanen Award - SMJHL ROY - Est. S34
Vidrik Onoprienko Award Winner - S45

Dragonite

ArGarBarGar · 02-19-2019, 03:51 PM

Alonzo Garbanzo Final Tallies (Among Defensemen):
2nd in Goals (208), All-Time Assists Leader (765)*, All-Time Points Leader (973), 3rd in Hits (2587), All-Time Blocked Shots Leader (1882)*
*All-Time Leader Among All Skaters
Player Profile | Update Thread
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*Carpy48* · 02-19-2019, 03:51 PM

Well written!

My favorite part:

Quote:He tried eating beans... they made him fart.

Wibbly McButternutz · 02-19-2019, 03:54 PM

How can we compete?

***SDCore*** · 02-19-2019, 03:56 PM

The man, the myth, the soon to be legend??

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