04-09-2019, 11:59 AM(This post was last modified: 04-09-2019, 12:48 PM by SecondSucks22.)
SHL draft locations: A not so serious view into the upcoming draft.
The Buffalo Stampede:
When Urinatingtree called Buffalo the “Walking mediocrity” he had no idea just how right he would be. Buffalo has finished the season as the #1 team in the league once while only 7 of their almost 25 seasons having an above .500 ending. The mediocrity doesn't just end at their on ice and year end performances, the Stampede are also one of 4 other sports teams in the city to just use a buffalo as a mascot including the Sabers, Bills, Bisons, and Beauts. I understand the “our city is an animal” mentality but come on guys, to quote the great Toronto Punk band PUP “how about some goddamn subtlety for a change”. Well, it doesn't matter anyway, to those of you that go to this group, may god have mercy on you in free agency.
The Chicago Syndicate:
I really can't badmouth Chicago’s history, mainly because they don't have one. The team that is, I could sit here and make millions badmouthing the history of the city but in the event I visit one of these days, my chances of being killed are high enough, i don't need to increase those odds. One thing i will take issue with is the team name. Either you named your team after the various mob groups that helped turn your city into the murder capital of the States for a while, which is slowly starting to spread to other parts of Illinois, or you named your team after an English Minecraft youtuber, which is equally embarrassing. Figger it out boys.
The Hamilton Steelhawks:
Ahh Hamilton. Hamilton will always have a special place in my heart, as they are the closest team to my home town… that isnt Toronto. That may be all that Hamilton has going for them, that they are the best Ontario team that isn't Toronto. They have made the playoffs for the last 7 seasons, but have yet to make the cup championship since season 29 due to an apparent rebuild. I say apparent because i don't care enough to ask, but what would you call being in the challenge cup 4 out of 6 years to not qualifying for another 8?
The Manhattan Rage:
The Manhattan Rage are a weird team, they go from not qualifying for the playoffs for seasons, to winning the championship, to not qualifying for another 5 years, and they have done that for all 3 of their championships. I really wish I could make fun of their city choice, but playing as Manhattan instead of just New York is smart, and the mascot/logo even makes sense if you have any idea of Wall Street. I almost wish they were still using the bear so i could make fun of that, i mean bears in manhattan? Ok, I want some of what your smoking.
New England Wolfpack:
The best way I can sum up New England is this. My first experience talking to anyone about the puppy pack was “If i get drafted to NEW im retiring”. This same sentiment has been echoed throughout the S47 rookie class group chat. Some issues also stem with their Manager Ace, some players have personal problems, and some are just dumb, “He didn't follow up with me on discord when he said he would” is one issue that was raised. That same person also said NEW is better than falling in the draft. The only positive statement came from Gunnar Soderberg who, when asked about his thoughts on New England said, “I like dogs”. All in all I don't quite understand the hate for New England, other than the fact their in New England, That said Ace contacted me, and I also have yet to hear back about it, so fuck NEW.
Tampa Bay Barracuda:
The San Jose Sharks of the east (based solely on team colours and imagery), the Barracuda has a more defined moving history than that of a winning history. The Barracuda have gone through 6 name changes since season 1, averaging a team name once every around 8 years. So look for them to be a completely different team by the end of the S47 draft.
Toronto North Stars:
Ahhhh Toronto. Toronto may be the most impressive team in this draft. When I say the Maple leafs, the Raptors, the Jay what do you think? Strong regular seasons and piss poor playoffs. If Buffalo is the walking mediocrity, Toronto is the narcoleptic mediocrity, awake all season then they pass out come playoffs and wake up after asking what happened. They are so asleep at the wheel even their team history only goes to season 12. Plus they drafted Troy Reynolds, so it's not like their HO knows what their doing.
West Kendall Platoon:
Who?
The Calgary Dragons:
The Dragons have done some things right, they have a decent regular season record, their name is cool, their logo is cool. The one thing Calgary can really improve on, and this is the big thing, is not being in Alberta anymore. Alberta sucks dude, they have god damn militias and shit, leave Alberta and the Dragons would have a shot at being the best team in the league.
Edmonton Blizzard:
Again with Alberta, listen, i might have some Vancouver bias, but alberta sucks, the one redeeming factor of the Blizzard is that West Edmonton Mall is pretty sweet, or it was like 18 years ago when I was last there. Since then its been avoid alberta at all costs.
The Los Angeles Panthers:
I would love to talk about LA’s last 10 seasons,but seeing as how they haven't updated their team history since season 39, thats gonna be a little more work than im willing to put into this post. I can say they picked up Borromini Cannellini in last years first round draft, and if he keeps putting up the numbers he did in his second year of the J, LA is going to be a force. They also have some pretty sick colours.
Minnesota Chiefs:
I love Minnesota based hockey, it just feels right, but the chiefs? Really? We didn't learn from cleveland and chicago? Honestly there must have been tons of potential names that we could have gone with that didn't run the risk of potentially pissing off a large group of people. Hell you could have even stolen a name from Colorado and gone with the Minnesota Mammoths or something like that.
New Orleans Specters:
I actually genuinely love this team concept, with its more than likely roots in creole voodoo. My one issue is that the purple is maybe a little bright. The Fleur de lis is also a very nice touch. I can't do much else to pull apart this team, they are only a season old. Maybe i'll come back to finish the Specters off in a few years.
San Francisco Pride:
The Pride have a great name, especially for religion, I think my main issue is my long standing belief that there isn't a single flat piece of land in San Fran, and that i would imagine that would make playing hockey fairly difficult and or dangerous. That said if i were to say anything bad about this team my girlfriend may very well kill me, so for now i'll say that the Giants are the best San Francisco based team and you will never be able to convince me otherwise.
The Texas Renegades:
Leave it to a renegade to refuse to update team history and steal their entire look from an awful NFL franchise.
Winnipeg Jets:
Well I simply can't give Texas shit for kinda ripping off a football team when Winnipeg did literally nothing different. Except they stole a team that plays the exact same sport AND is currently active in the rival league. What? Did you not want increased jersey sales? At Least they changed the logo, and i guess that's a start. They apparently have Hot Tub Technology though, so all judgments will be reserved for now.