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nubbedindaribs · 04-16-2019, 04:23 PM

2x draft media pls. 549 words

The Unathletic Draft Profile: Bobby Bobcalf
By: Cory Prawnman

Right Wing Left-handed Bobby Bobcalf (Ireland) is, at this point, an extremely one dimensional player. He can't pass well, he couldn't check a Peewee player off the puck, and he sure as hell can't play defense. Some say he doesn't even know how to skate backwards. What does he bring to the table? Goals. Lots of goals.

It's self proclaimed that Bobby came out of the womb with a twig in his right hand and an ear of corn in his left, although many sources have denied this claim. Bobby is a deadly force from anywhere in the offensive zone. If he has the puck, he's going to put it on net. No passing, no skating, no stickhandling, no dumping and chasing. Just shooting. And a lot of the time it's going to go in. Take a look at this heatmap of offensive zone shot attempts:

Unblocked Shot Rate

As you can see from the map, Bobby isn't afraid of shooting from anywhere. Yes, that includes from the back of the net. Literally anywhere in the offensive zone. If Bobby has the puck he's going to rip it on net.

Let's talk about his shot.
Bobby's shot is the best in the draft class. He can pick any corner from anywhere in the zone and laser it right in. He has the tools in his shot toolbox to be an elite goal scorer: a devastating slapshot, a deceiving release on his snapshot, and a demonstrably accurate wrist shot. If given the opportunity and right linemates Bobby is going to score a lot of goals. His shots are almost never blocked because defending players fear that their brittle bones and soft squishy bodies might be damaged by a screaming clapper.

In Bobby's recent performance in the SMJHL Showcase he came away with 11g+10a=21pts. Now, you might be thinking "for someone who only shoots it on net why does Bobby have 10 assists?". That's a great question. It's Bobby's shots are so powerful and well placed that they create a heaping of rebounds for his linemates to cash in on. That's right: Bobby's shot not only scores goals, it creates assists.

But he has considerably weak areas that might make him GM averse. He has no concept of the "defensive zone", checking only gives a small speed boost to the puck carrier, and he's so weak that his dad has to come and tie his skates for him.

In an interview with Bobby asking about what he's looking for in a draft team he stated "I'm hoping to find a team that will help make me into a more complete player. Also do you know how to skate backwards? I'm uhhhhhh asking for a friend ya know?"

Prawnmans draft prediction: try to snag this 1-dimensional sniper in the late first round or early second round.