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kylecorbett42 · 05-01-2020, 12:25 AM

Alessandrini, The Italian Stallion, Picks His Favorite Uniform

Last we saw of Domenic Alessandrini, he was on flight Air Canada Flight 981 non-stop from Rome to Toronto-Pearson, even though his mentor Kyle Corbett highly recommended he fly into Billy Bishop for some reason.

"The airlines may be worse, but trust me, you can avoid Pearson!"

"I've flown into Charles de Gaulle. It can get worse than this."

Following their arrival into Corbett's homeland, Corbett took Alessandrini down to the local SMJHL fan store down on Queen Street. The store clerk welcomed Alessandrini and Corbett. Corbett had pre-arranged this visit for Dom, as he had the store make copies of all 10 of the SMJHL uniforms with Dom's last name and number on the back of it.

"Alright Dom, let's see which one you think looks best on you."

"Give me whichever one you think is worst first", said Dom.

The clerk then exclaimed: "First up, the Anchorage Armada":

Armada

"What is this...print?" inquired Dom.

"It's blue camo, but yeah it looks awful" said Kyle.

"It looks like their navy vomited all over a hockey jersey"

"Well, they do love their military over in the States."

Dom shrugged and asked for the next uniform. He then tried on the Carolina Kraken jersey:

Kraken

"The black base is nice but...uh...what is this Orange?" asked Dom.

"It's like Halloween, except the scary part is actually that they wear this for most of the season" said Kyle.

"What is Halloween?"

"Yeah uh let's not right now" says the Clerk.

Before Kyle can start introducing Dom to massively overcapitalized North American holidays, he passes Dom the next uniform, possessed by the Newfoundland Berserkers.

"Well...it's black...that's uh...nice?"

Kyle jumped up in response: "Hey, don't make fun of black! I wore black for eons in Halifax!"

"Yeah but like...there's nothing else on the number or name."

"Sometimes that's in around here."

"Do you have to always wear what's in?"

"Listen, Canadians are weird okay! This is why I told you we should've flown into Billy Bishop. Because then you're dealing with 80% less weird people."

Dom simply shakes his head and picks up the next uniform, this one from the St. Louis Scarecrows.

"Well, this yellow is kinda underwhelming. Not as scary as I was expecting."

"Trust me, it scares the opponent's fans eyes."

"Valid point. May have to consider wearing this in my junior career then! Wouldn't be a bad advantage at all to scare opposing fans away."

"True point! You don't have parents to do that at this level anymore."

"Hey! My mom wasn't that bad of a hockey mom... okay yeah she kinda was but NOT the point!"

Kyle opts to hold his tongue and simply hands Dom the next uniform, which Dom is pleasantly surprised by! It's the Maine Timber.

Timber

Before Dom can give his reaction, Kyle inserts himself, saying "You know, I gotta say, when the Raiders moved south to Maine to become the Timber, I genuinely thought the whole franchise was gonna come crashing down...haha...get it? Crashing...because...like"

"Quit making bad jokes or get out of my store," said the clerk. "I've already taken two Aleve pills because of you, don't make me waste the whole bottle."

"I actually kinda like it. Having seen your Raiders jersey before, I kinda think"

"DON'T SAY IT"

"But I actually really think that"

"DON'T YOU DARE"

"Ugh...fine!"

Dom reluctantly stands down, even though he really likes Maine's base color. The clerk passes him the next jersey, owned by the Detroit Falcons!

Falcons

"I like it! Reminds me of something I would wear in midgets!" said Dom.

"Did HC Bari Stallone wear similar uniforms?"

"Yes we did! We wore red with white numbers on Andrea Vs.! Fun times."

While Dom has a series of mental flashbacks to his time on obscure Italian reality television, Kyle hands him the next jersey, which belongs to the Kelowna Knights!

Knights

"Why do I feel like I look better in green than red?"

"I don't know," said Kyle. "Maybe that's your calling! To go Green! Support the environment! Give back to the community! Reduce your carbon footprint!"

"Kyle!" screamed the clerk. "You're beside yourself. This kid's from Europe, he's been protecting the environment since he was like -1 years old!"

"Yeah wait, do people not universally support the prevention of Climate Change here in Nor..."

The Clerk quickly shoves a jersey in Dom's mouth, attempting to avoid a discussion on North American politics. Dom removes the threads from his saliva-filled mouth and finds a nice looking Colorado Raptors jersey!

Raptors

"I was hoping for maybe a bit more yellow," said Dom, "but this is pretty sick! I'd really have to consider starting my career in Colorado!"

"I considered it too, but I had to stay away," said Kyle. "There's no way I'd have self-control out in Mile-High City."

"Why do they call it Mile High City?" asked Dom.

"Because everyone and their aunt, mother, father, and kitchen sink smokes the devil's lettuce every day out there," explained the Clerk.

"I mean, do people not smoke it everywhere though? What's stopping people from smo"

The clerk stops him once more before saying "We seriously need to educate this kid on some North American culture. Next jersey, please."

Kyle shakes his head before passing Dom the next jersey, belonging to the Anaheim Outlaws!

Outlaws

"Ooh! I love it! The black and white blend in nicely, I love the italics! And I really like that red shadow!"

"Why would you like red shadow?" asked Kyle.

"Uhhh...(Dom breaks out of character into the meta-verse by looking downward at his signature, and then looking back up and checking back into character)...no reason. None at all!"

"Well Dom, you got one more jersey. Let's let ya try it on quickly here before I shove some of this Aleve down Kyle's throat too!"

Dom, in fear that this man might drug his friend, quickly snags the Vancouver Whalers jersey and slips it on.

Whalers

"Wow! So clean! Nice block font, cool green and blue color! I really like it!"

"Yeah, but who'd wanna live in Vancouver?" asked Kyle. "You'd have to be within a few miles of the Seattle Mariners! Sounds horrible to me!"

"I read an article in the paper when I was three saying they were really good. Is that not the case anymore?"

"Yeah you've got a lot to learn kid", said the Clerk. "Why don't you too get on your merry way, and Kyle, start introducing him to...y'know...like...everything."

Domenic and Kyle leave the store and go for a walk down Queen Street.

"Well Dom," inquired Kyle, "which one did you like the best?"

"I think the best jersey will be the jersey of the team that drafts me."

"Good answer! Now come on Dom. Let's talk about how Marijuana works down in the United States."

Well folks, the Italian Stallion keeps giving us reasons to watch him as the SMJHL draft draws near, and it looks like any team that drafts him is drafting a man with exquisite taste!

Word Count: 1359

DeletedAtUserRequest · 05-01-2020, 11:32 AM

Good uni
Good career.

+1

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