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Your Mothers Favorite Goalie · 12-21-2020, 12:40 AM

Now this is a great PT, one I wanna try and go in depth on. I dont wanna get too morbid, because us BAP bois would never turn on each other. But I can definitely imagine us setting up a charity fight card for the WWE, or better yet just getting way too drunk at the pub and deciding to knock each other around a bit. I wanna look at the challengers and look at how good everyone could be.

Lets start with the players who have no chance. First, its the two team goalies. Luca Del Vechio just doesnt have that fighting spirit it seems, and I think he would get knocked out very quickly. Marques Brownlee on the other hand is just too scrawny at 160 pounds and 6'3", he would too easily get beat up and taken out of the fight. Next, I have to say that old man McClure would go down quick. He's borderline geriatric and simply doesnt have the athleticism to keep up with us young BAPpers. Daniil Nikiforov is another one who will probably not last very long. He is a skinny boyo and has the lowest bravery of all BAP bois, so he would probably tap out quickly.

So then we go to the players who are good enough to hang, but probably wont make a lasting impact. First we have Bryce McMahon and Ethan Duncan. Both are solid players, but at below 6" and below 200 pounds, I just dont think they could hang in the end. For similar but somewhat inverted reasons we have Simon Tashak. at 5 foot and 300 pounds, Im not sure if he would be active enough to really take anyone out, and after you punch through the fat enough, I think you would be able to KO him. Sabo Tage is next on my list. While he is very athletic, his 10 strength is lowest on the team, and you have to imagine that he wouldnt be able to get much done in the ring. Henrik Lundqvist Jr. is another player probably not fit for the ring. his strength is just ok, and like his father he is more of a lover, not a fighter. Daniel Kuster is a brave and fearless man, and could go far with his tenacity. But likely with his small frame and famous Swiss neutrality, he would get knocked out around the midway point I believe.

Now we have 9 heavyweights remaining. This is the 8 who I think will go out:

First there is Lord Raiden. He is a very solid player, but still a young guy with a lot to learn. He would probably get taken out by wily old vet McZehrl

Speaking of McZehrl, he would probably be the next one to go. After defeating the young blood, the old man would probably get winded and have to tap out of the ring to take his heart meds and go watch his stories.

Adam Friedland would be the first of a big three trio including Kalashnikov and LPLL. At a hulking 6'11", he is a force to be reckoned with. But while he is big, he is not very athletic, and that would be his ultimate downfall against the savvy duo mentioned above. After Friedland falls, Kalashnikov and LPLL will start going at it.

Next to go down is Patrick Shepherd. Similar to Lord Raiden, he is solid but just not quite experienced enough. Nat Emerson fakes him out with the uppercut and then destroys him with a haymaker

Brock Nuck finished fifth here. He is a solid specimen who is well rounded, but in a battle of elites he just cant keep it up. Karl Krashwagen destroys him with a 360 fakey yy ladder stall chair to the face

Now, lets settle this once and for all, who wins the fight between Kalashnikov and LPLL? well thats easy, its LPLL! Kalashnikov thinks hes all that, does he??? well thats because hes never been on the receiving end of an LPLL windup baybee. Kalashnikov is talented and fierce, a good fighter and athlete. But LPLL is faster, way more agressive, and most importantly is the strongest player on the team. So after a tough fight, LPLL dazes Valentin with a blow, goes top rope, and delivers a devastating elbow to the face

After that though, I do think LPLL would go down. I already went through his plusses, but his minuses are that he isnt quite fast enough to keep up with the two guys left. He is tripped up by Krashwagen after an errant punch thrown and is pinned to the ground. A sad way to go for the Turd Ferguson holder

Now we have the final title showdown: Karl Krashwagen vs. Nat Emerson. This would be a killer 1 on 1, but in the end I think that Nat's veteran experience and slight physical advantage gives him the win here. The crowd would go wild as Emerson pins Krashwagen with an armbar. Nat Emerson is left holding the BAP championship belt!

Tayjay · 12-21-2020, 12:42 AM

PBE affiliate

*fishy* · 12-21-2020, 12:44 AM

I, Aron Hernadivicof the Buffalo Stampede, will be discussing who would win in a battle royale fight to the death tournament involving the users, not the players, of the Buffalo Stampede.

To begin, some of those who have no chance of competing will be introduced. This includes Steve Harrington, aka @Lime, who is just too focused on being a pretty boy that he would take a massive L. @TnlAstatine and @Zombiewolf are also too pretty, and so they would also lose.

The top five or so competitors in my opinion would be @Ferda, @Mayuu, @Renomitsu, @Grum, and myself. Me and Grum would both be really good at a battle royale format because we're used to being left stranded, specifically when @Lime can't hit the ball in RL. Mayuu and Ferda would prob come second and third since they're super big pc nerds that play tarkov and other shooters and would prob shid on everyone else. However, @Renomitsu would easily win for a number of reasons. The first is that Reno is a doctor, and so would never die since they can just heal themself. Also, Reno is super big and scary and spooky and would intimidate everybody else.

TLDR: Reno god tier

LarksTongue · 12-21-2020, 12:44 AM

It is only fitting to have the battle royale of the SHL to be between all teams. The battle royale would be complex only because they all have to fight to the death onice in full equipment as a traditional hockey fight would occur so no stick swinging. There would be a sort of tournament style competition eventually leading to one man left standing. With 273 players currently in the SHL that would lead to a massive tournament of 16 battle royales to start of 14-16 players each battle royale on an actual ice hockey rink. Each teams players would be split up so as to one player for each Initial battle royale. After the first round their would be the final of the winners of the 16. There would even be a battle royale of just goalies for fun. This would really make it a truly random endeavor and the victor would then win it for him/herself and their respective teams. So if in the last round, the battle might have multiple players from one team they might work together but in the end only one can win. I’d put my money on DeMaricus Smyth or even Adam Friedland.

Thanks to @FlappyGiraffe and @ToeDragon84 for the making these sick sigs!

Quote: First Goal (3rd Game): Commander Shepard 1 (Nick Brain 1, Noah Gallagher 2) at 8:48

storm · 12-21-2020, 12:45 AM

The Quebec City Citadelles have a pretty balanced team on the ice when it comes to skill, speed, and strength. However if you were to take them off the ice and put them into a cage for a one versus one tournament, the discrepancy between those stronger players and those who can’t throw a fist would be paramount. For one, players like Mikael Koskinen and Jari Heikkinen probably wouldn’t last long… Their game on the ice does not suit them well in this fight to the top. I think a couple of surprise picks could be goaltenders Mat Smith and Tyler Ward, as both are goalies and goalies have a tendency to be completely nuts. I could see them bullying some of the forwards like rookie Mew Two. Some of the defenders like Teylora Petrov and Yuuto Kira Cloudera Jr. might be able to hold their own, since their position on the ice requires them to be strong and precise when playing defense. Realistically though, Borris Petrov would tear through the competition and it wouldn’t be close.

*Grum* · 12-21-2020, 12:46 AM

I'm going to do a battle royal for my team, the Buffalo Stampede (real life people), because it would be a lot easier and so I can trash on a few of my teammates in the process. So first off, lets just get something quickly out of the way. The FIRST person to die in a battle royal if this was between our entire team would be WITHOUT a doubt our esteemed general manager, creator of KEKW Kekkonen, the legendary.... Wannabefinn himself. I think almost everyone on the sight will have seen all the #LeeOut propaganda we have all posted so I don't think this is much of a surprise. As for who would at last all of us? Definitely have to go with Ragnar. I have no idea if he has survival skills at all but he is without a doubt the strongest of us all and wouldn't be surprised if the most fit. As for how I would do? Probably in the top 5 in first deaths to be completely honest .-. Unless I hide I guess

StamkosFan · 12-21-2020, 12:46 AM

There are a lot of lean, mean, scrappy guys and gals on the Manhattan Rage, but there is no doubt in my mind that Luke Thomason, weathered by the brutal forces that work within the powerful organization known as HO. Warding off constant threats like thunderdomes and angry discord meme spamming, Thomason has to be prepared to handle anything. But Ola Wagstrom can not quite be written off either, he is a cunning and shrewd individual who can make calculated plays. The strategist, the general, he might be able to help his unit have the synergy. You could say the same about Barret McCarthy or any of the coaches; McCarthy works hand in hand with the GM Jax Aittokalio to organize lines and plan things out for the Rage on the ice. An absolute mastermind who knows how to play defense, he is the best defenseman on the Rage so he could sure counter any offensive measures by the opposing squad. These are just a few of the names to watch out for in a battle royale, and of course the goalie Peter Larson is a nimble, attentive fellow who is quite well equipped to match up with the quick, agile, bulky skaters.

ViN · 12-21-2020, 12:49 AM

MCP_ · 12-21-2020, 12:50 AM

If the Anaheim Outlaws were to host a battle royale, the only thing that anyone needs to know is that Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk will win. Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk is the Textbook/dictionary/encyclopedic definition of a bonafide stallion: tall, tough, fast; basically any other positive adjective to describe a person, Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk is that.

Once the match starts, all the rooks are the first to go: Max Muller and Jack Lewis are immediately crushed by Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk's meaty hands. Meanwhile, everyone else on the team is trying to gather as many weapons as possible. After completely crushing the rookies, Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk then focuses on Long John Donair, as he has a deep rooted hatred for him for having taking his rightful captaincy spot (this is a joke ily GCool), taking his weapon and annihilating him. Afterwards, he continually whittles down everyone one by one, before finally taking his leave after taking down Kolja Kekkonen (no reason in particular: he was just the last one alive). He then starts a wheat farm, dying peacefully at 77.

RedCapeDiver · 12-21-2020, 12:54 AM

The Texas Battle Royal was an interesting affair
When the horn sounded most people quickly went off on their own to find supplies
players like Alexander Wachter, Kaarlo Kekkonen,Josef Kubinec, Andreas Kvalheim, and Adam Scianna did well at the start by having a good getting open score
the rest of the player either fought at the start or had to compete with other near them for supplies
Burlok Sulfurgold was the most aggressive of the younger players by having the best offensive read and checking

The two goalies stay alive for a while, but Cillian Kavanagh outlasted White Goodman as goodman has a case of his White Okayman and gave up an easy kill
But in the end the captain of Andreas Kvalheim won the game by having the best all around character and also none of his teammates wanting hurt their fearless leader and have him not able to play in the playoffs

jtam · 12-21-2020, 12:59 AM

In a Hamilton Battle Royale, it is very easy to figure out what would happen. With the chemistry that each line has built up and the defense pairings, the Hamilton Battle Royale will be a competition of duos. Michael Scarn would pair up with Theo Morgan, Aaron Wilson will pair up with Dick Clapper, Dale Miller will pair up with Hugh Jazz, and Rikard Hammarberg will pair up with Rotticus Scott. The defensive pairings will be paired up, with Gabriel Johnson with Ray Bork, Tig Murphy with Bork Lazer, and Guy O’Shea with Samuel Michaud. The goalies round up the last pairing, with A Jobin pairing up with Junior Guarda. Sadly, experience wins out in battle royales, and the pairings of Hammarberg and Scott, as well as Jobin and Guarda were first eliminated.

With their chemistry they exhibit in winning their own respective scoring titles, the Scarn and Morgan pairing, the Wilson and Clapper pairings would end up alongside the surprising pairing of Lazer and Murphy (through the fierce brutality of Brock Lesnar, I mean Bork Lazer, utilizing Tig Murphy as a dead corpse). In a brutal finish, Scarn and Morgan would win out in the Battle Royale, before Scarn shoots Morgan in the head, the international spy of the internationally acclaimed film Threat Level Midnight.

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