Hey guys.. whats up its Darwin Koff here and i need to talk about something.

So yeah, we did some training in Kelowna the other day and after the training some guys from the team went for dinner at a local place and hade some beers.  Anyway so both Vancouver and Kelowna players meet at this restaurant and some guys brought along some family members to the restaurant. Wives, sisters and so on. We had a really good time together and had some laughs before the seasons starts. So i meet with this girl from Kelowna, think she is a sister to someone from their team or similar. Whatever.. she smells like fresh fruit and cinnamon so i get really interested about her. We talked for a bit and had some really interesting conversations. To be very clear about this, she didnt say anything about her relationship status at this stage so i tought it was fair game and all.

Yeah so we get to her place, and some old guy there like 6'3 was yelling at me to get the fuck back to Vancouver and i was very confused about the whole thing. I was just having some fun chill out dude. And she was in on it so whatever man she told me she was 21 and all so its all cool right? Anyway what the hell just trying to do the right thing over there dont blame it all on me cmon im just a fourth line winger trying to make some progress.

So yeah, the conclusion of this,stay the heck away from Kelowna, they got crazy old dads or whatever yelling at you whenever you try to score something. Looking forward to the other roadtrips this season. But Kelowna is from now and onward a No-Go zone.

Darwin Koff

(307 words)

Some say if you go to Kelowna you become a shell of yourself. The only words you can utter are "accepted"

Aleister Cain - S42-S57
HOF GOALIE- CLASS OF S60- SECOND BALLOT
S54 CHALLENGE CUP
S54 RAZOV

Ville Kurri - S57-S70
BEST SMJHL DEFENSIVE FORWARD S60
That's pretty much it

|  |

yes very good i agree dont go there

"Bring back Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba esq. And I mean bring him all the way back. I want every thread on this forum that involves even a modicum of salt to get razed to the ground by our most notorious shitposting penguin. I want every thunderdome to drown in ABAGABA spam and a signature that doesn't end. I want the userbase of this fine league to cower in terror, slinking about the forums and making as little noise as possible for fear of attracting the Shitpost Slenderman. When some poor immigrant from the NFL sim blunders into the forum and makes an angry post about how his player slipped to the early second round despite having done ALL the rookie tasks(!), let the veteran survivalists stare in horror and pity while the newbie rages. They will know it is only a matter of time before @Pingy Pingu descends upon his post like a ravening wolf and obliterates his tread, reducing it to a radioactive waste-dump of unintelligible spam. They will not interfere, for Pingy is our immune system. Because he can take it. Our Dark Knight of Shitposting"

Sig credit to @WannabeFinn @JSS @Mordaciious @Mayuu @TommySalami
                                              Falcons banner credit to @karey

Is the joke that she was as minor?

[S69] Tiberius Kane | Left Wing | GFG | 473 TPE
S67: WJC Silver
S68: Drafted 3rd Overall to GFG
S68: Drafted 14th Overall to TEX
S69: WJC Bronze


[S67] Nichael Fitted + [S64] Backup Goaltender


[S50] Tom Fiddler | Two-Way Center | Peak 2006 TPE | RETIRED

Drafted 4th round, 34th overall in S49 SMJHL Entry Draft
Drafted 2nd round, 24th overall in S50 SHL Entry Draft
Traded to Tampa Bay for a ham sandwich in S52

* = First Place

 Career Stats    |  GP |  G  |  A  | P    | +/-  |  Hit  |  SB  |    Sh  |  GA |  TK
 SHL  Regular    | 657 | 144 | 284 | 428 | -213 | 777 | 1013 | 1520 | 292 | 393
 SHL Playoffs    |  39    | 5   |  14 |  19  | -16  | 63  |    52  |          |        |       
 IIHF Regular    | 168 | 19  |  45  |  64 |  7   | 153 |    90  |          |        |       



SHL Regular Season Stats
Szn  |Team| GP | G |  A  | P    |  +/-  |  TOI | Hit | SB | Sh | PIM
S53 | TBB |  50 | 5  | 15 | 20| -24| 17:16  |  46 | 77 | 56 | 10
S54 | TBB |  45 | 1  | 10 | 11 | -80 | 18:35 |  60 | 171  | 55 | 17
S55 | TBB |  50 | 1  | 19 | 20 | -56 | 18:37 |  31 | 86    | 82 | 14
S56 | TBB |  50 | 5  | 15 | 20 | -35 | 19:22 |  34 | 112 | 101| 20
S57 | TBB |  66 | 14 | 32 | 46 | -26 | 24:48 | 64 |100  |152 | 20
S58 | TBB |  66 | 29 | 40 | 69 | -2  | 25:59  |100| 74 |180 | 20
S59 | TBB |  66 | 19 | 39 | 58 | -3  | 25:33  |105| 95 |188 | 14
S60 | TBB |  66 | 23 | 23 | 46 | 4  | 22:33  | 66  | 50  |159 | 26
S61 | TBB |  66 | 10 | 35 | 45 | 12 | 22:17  | 98  | 72  |182 | 20
S62 | TBB |  66 | 16 | 23 | 39 | -2  | 20:23  |104 | 57  |183 | 4
S63 | TOR | 66 | 21 | 33 | 54 | -1  |  20:29  | 69  |119  |182 | 39



SHL Playoff Stats
Szn  |Team| GP | G |  A  | P  |  +/- |  TOI  | Hit | SB | Sh | PIM
S59 | TBB |  5    | 1 |  1 |  2  |  -6  | 22:11  | 10  |  5  | 12  |  0 
S60 | TBB |  4    | 0 |  0 |  0  |  -6  | 22:49  |  8  |  1 |  7   | 0 
S61 | TBB |  13  | 1 |  9 | 10  |  0  | 21:06  | 17  | 13 | 29  | 0 
S62 | TBB |  12  | 1 |  3 |  4  |  -4 | 20:01  | 20  | 18 | 24  | 2
S63 | TOR |  5    | 2 |  1 |  3  |  0  | 21:16  |  8  | 15 | 15  |0 


SMJHL Career | GP: 200| G: 36 | A: 102 | P: 138 | +/-: 42
SMJHL Playoff Career | GP: 52| G: 9 | A: 23 | P: 32 | +/-: 5

SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S49 | MTL | GP: 50 | G: 3 | A: 16 | P: 19 | +/-: 2 | FO%: 42.43% | FOT: 898
S50 | CAR | GP: 50 | G: 6 | A: 15 | P: 21 | +/-: -6 | FO%: 50.93% | FOT: 1237
S51*| CAR | GP: 50 | G: 11 | A: 38 | P: 49 | +/-: 24 | FO%: 53.08% | FOT: 1313
S52 | CAR | GP: 50 | G: 16 | A: 33 | P: 49 | +/-: 22 | FO%: 53.33% | FOT: 1202

SMJHL Playoff Stats
S49*| MTL | GP: 17 | G: 2 | A: 7 | P: 9 | +/-: 5 | FO%: 51.96% | FOT: 433
S50*| CAR | GP: 18 | G: 4 | A: 5 | P: 9 | +/-: 5 | FO%: 50.28% | FOT: 356
S51  | CAR | GP:  6 | G: 2 | A: 2 | P: 4 | +/-: -1| FO%: 47.68% | FOT: 151
S52  | CAR | GP:  11 | G: 1 | A: 9| P: 10 | +/-: -4| FO%: 51.34% | FOT: 261

Awards
S49 Four Star Cup
S50 Four Star Cup
S51 Laurifer Trophy
S51 Petr Klimek Award for the Best Two-Way Player with Joseph Weston
S52 Honorary 3-way Laurifer Paricipation Trophy
S52 Alternate Captain of Carolina
S52 Petr Klimek Award for the Best Two-Way Player with Joseph Weston
S52 Kurtis Hunter Award for Team's Choice MVP
S52 IIHF Gold Medal
S53 IIHF Bronze Medal
S54 The Winless Season
S54 IIHF Silver Medal
S55 IIHF Gold Medal
S56 IIHF Silver Medal
S57 IIHF Silver Medal
S58 IIHF Silver Medal
S60 IIHF Silver Medal
S61 IIHF GoldMedal


IIHF Federation Head - Great Britain
S56: Silver
S57: Silver
S58: Silver
S59: DNQ
S60: Silver
S61: Gold
S62: DNQ
S68: Lost 1st Round
S69: Bronze


Fuck the penaltys
ARGARGARHARG

Is the joke that she was as minor?

no she was from kelowna

I see a future with @Fitted2106 media company here...

Rotticus Scott||LW||4x Challenge Cup, 4-Star Cup, WJC and IIHF Gold||S54||2k+ TPE
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Stats
SMJHL Career Regular Season G: 35, A: 81, P: 116 PPG: .59
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Stats
SMJHL Career Post-Season GP: 61 G: 17, A: 24, P: 38 PPG: .62

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Achievements
3x Conference Champion.
2x President's Trophy Winner
WJC 2x Gold, Silver medal
4-Star Cup Champion
S56 Ronan O'Keefe award winner (Top Playoff Scorer)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Statistics
S57: G: 25 A: 34 P: 59
S58: G: 9 A: 26 P: 35
S59: G: 24 A: 40 P: 64
S60: G: 28 A: 41 P: *69*
S61: G: 24 A: 40 P: 64
S62: G: 34 A: 49 P: 83
S63: G: 21 A: 42 P: 62
S64: G: 40 A: 26 P: 66
Totals: G:205 A: 297 P: 502 (.95 PPG)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Achievements
Ryan Jesster Rookie of the Year S57
President's Trophy S57. S60
Challenge Cup Winner S56, S58, S61, S63
IIHF Gold Medal S57 (as GM), S58 as player
Quad Gold Club

 
Tommi Koivu || LD || S66 || 3x IIHF Gold|| 1900+ TPE

Hey guys.. whats up its Darwin Koff here and i need to talk about something.

So yeah, we did some training in Kelowna the other day and after the training some guys from the team went for dinner at a local place and hade some beers.  Anyway so both Vancouver and Kelowna players meet at this restaurant and some guys brought along some family members to the restaurant. Wives, sisters and so on. We had a really good time together and had some laughs before the seasons starts. So i meet with this girl from Kelowna, think she is a sister to someone from their team or similar. Whatever.. she smells like fresh fruit and cinnamon so i get really interested about her. We talked for a bit and had some really interesting conversations. To be very clear about this, she didnt say anything about her relationship status at this stage so i tought it was fair game and all.

Yeah so we get to her place, and some old guy there like 6'3  was yelling at me to get the fuck back to Vancouver and i was very confused about the whole thing. I was just having some fun chill out dude. And she was in on it so whatever man she told me she was 21 and all so its all cool right? Anyway what the hell just trying to do the right thing over there dont blame it all on me cmon im just a fourth line winger trying to make some progress.

So yeah, the conclusion of this,stay the heck away from Kelowna, they got crazy old dads or whatever yelling at you whenever you try to score something. Looking forward to the other roadtrips this season. But Kelowna is from now and onward a No-Go zone.

Darwin Koff

(307 words)

We have an open spot over at FHN would u be interested in a spot? Only thing we ask for is more spelling errors

2x 4Star Cup Champ s49 s50

1x commissioners excellence award s 50

Hey guys.. whats up its Darwin Koff here and i need to talk about something.

So yeah, we did some training in Kelowna the other day and after the training some guys from the team went for dinner at a local place and hade some beers.  Anyway so both Vancouver and Kelowna players meet at this restaurant and some guys brought along some family members to the restaurant. Wives, sisters and so on. We had a really good time together and had some laughs before the seasons starts. So i meet with this girl from Kelowna, think she is a sister to someone from their team or similar. Whatever.. she smells like fresh fruit and cinnamon so i get really interested about her. We talked for a bit and had some really interesting conversations. To be very clear about this, she didnt say anything about her relationship status at this stage so i tought it was fair game and all.

Yeah so we get to her place, and some old guy there like 6'3  was yelling at me to get the fuck back to Vancouver and i was very confused about the whole thing. I was just having some fun chill out dude. And she was in on it so whatever man she told me she was 21 and all so its all cool right? Anyway what the hell just trying to do the right thing over there dont blame it all on me cmon im just a fourth line winger trying to make some progress.

So yeah, the conclusion of this,stay the heck away from Kelowna, they got crazy old dads or whatever yelling at you whenever you try to score something. Looking forward to the other roadtrips this season. But Kelowna is from now and onward a No-Go zone.

Darwin Koff

(307 words)

We have an open spot over at FHN would u be interested in a spot? Only thing we ask for is more spelling errors

Tbh i was expecting more from you. Its like you are the cheap china guy they send whenever they want something done.

We have an open spot over at FHN would u be interested in a spot? Only thing we ask for is more spelling errors

Tbh i was expecting more from you. Its like you are the cheap china guy they send whenever they want something done.

First off fuck ur bitch and the clique u claim and on behalf of FHN WELCOME TO THE FAMILY

2x 4Star Cup Champ s49 s50

1x commissioners excellence award s 50

Fitted the greatest to eva do it no question

Thanks to @karey and @JSS for the sigs!

Teddy Cuddles  |  RW  | Edmonton Blizzard | Hall of Fame
Player Type : Two Way Forward
Height: 6'5" | Weight: 220 lbs | Age: 19
Number: 79
Birthplace: Providence, Rhode Island, USA
--------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats :
S35 | STL | GP:28 | G:2 | A:1 | P:3 | PIMs:5 | HIT:7 | Shots:25 | +/-:-4
S36 | STL | GP:50 | G:10 | A:10 | P:20 | PIMs:5 | HIT:97 | Shots:88 | +/-:-1
S37 | STL | GP:50 | G:13 | A:27 | P:40 | PIMs:56 | HIT:120| Shots:146 | +/-:+10
S38 | EDM | GP:50 | G:6 | A:7 | P:13 | PIMs:62 | HIT:114 | Shots:83 | +/-:-18
S39 | EDM | GP:50 | G:7 | A:15 | P:22 | PIMs:36 | HIT:161 | Shots:78 | +/-:-10
S40 | EDM | GP:50 | G:13 | A:29 | P:42 | PIMs:46 | HIT:197 | Shots:109 | +/-:+7
S41 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:17 | P:34 | PIMs:49 | HIT:143 | Shots:121 | +/-:-4
S42 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:24 | P:41 | PIMs:52 | HIT:135 | Shots:132 | +/-:+9
S43 | EDM | GP:50 | G:14 | A:23 | P:37 | PIMs:24 | HIT:121 | Shots:121 | +/-:-2
S44 | EDM | GP:50 | G:21 | A:32 | P:53 | PIMs:28 | HIT:131 | Shots:214 | +/-:+19
S45 | EDM | GP:50 | G:13 | A:24 | P:37 | PIMs:51 | HIT:170 | Shots:185 | +/-:+9
S46 | EDM | GP:50 | G:29 | A:31 | P:60 | PIMs:53 | HIT:152 | Shots:195 | +/-:+9
S47 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:33 | P:50 | PIMs:46 | HIT:182 | Shots:199 | +/-:+8
S48 | EDM | GP:50 | G:22 | A:23 | P:45 | PIMs:26 | HIT:182 | Shots:210 | +/-:+7
S49 | EDM | GP:50 | G:20 | A:25 | P:45 | PIMs:36 | HIT:149 | Shots:208 | +/-:+1
--------------------------------------------------------------
Post Season Stats :
S35 | STL | GP:7 | G:0 | A:0 | P:0 | PIMs:0 | HIT:2 | Shots:4 | +/-:+1
S36 | STL | GP:6 | G:1 | A:1 | P:2 | PIMs:7 | HIT:14 | Shots:12 | +/-:+3
S37 | STL | GP:13 | G:4 | A:5 | P:9 | PIMs:26 | HIT:26 | Shots:30 | +/-:+7
S38 | EDM | Did not qualify
S39 | EDM | GP:7 | G:3 | A:3 | P:6 | PIMs:4 | HIT:18 | Shots:10 | +/-:+1
S40 | EDM | GP:7 | G:1 | A:6 | P:7 | PIMs:4 | HIT:33 | Shots:15 | +/-:+2
S41 | EDM | GP:7 | G:2 | A:3 | P:5 | PIMs:12 | HIT:15 | Shots:15 | +/-:+1
S42 | EDM | GP:11 | G:5 | A:8 | P:13 | PIMs:10 | HIT:25 | Shots:38 | +/-:+1
S43 | EDM | Did not Qualify
S44 | EDM | GP:11 | G:4 | A:7 | P:11 | PIMs:12 | HIT:31 | Shots:42 | +/-:+3
S45 | EDM | GP:18 | G:7 | A:11 | P:18 | PIMs:24 | HIT:56 | Shots:68 | +/-:+8
S46 | EDM | GP:4 | G:0 | A:0 | P:0 | PIMs:2 | HIT:9 | Shots:11 | +/-:-5
S47 | EDM | GP:6 | G:3 | A:2 | P:5 | PIMs:6 | HIT:24 | Shots:25 | +/-:+2
S48 | EDM | GP:5 | G:2 | A:2 | P:4 | PIMs:0 | HIT:11 | Shots:19 | +/-:0
S49 | EDM | GP:23 | G:7 | A:17 | P:24 | PIMs:18 | HIT:76 | Shots:89 | +/-:-2
--------------------------------------------------------------
Awards and Achievements:
S37 | STL Kanye Summers Award for Regular Season Team MVP
S37 | STL Bradley Wingels Award for Best Forward
S40 | Gold Medal Winner
S40 | Aidan Richan Trophy Winner
S44 | Became 4th player in Edmonton Blizzard History to reach 1000 Hits
S45 | Challenge Cup Champion
S45 | Anton Razov Trophy for Playoff MVP
S45 | Silver Medal Winner
S46 | 1st Team All Star
S46 | Sarmad Kahn Nominee
S46 | Jef Darr Nominee
S47 | Jef Darr Nominee
S49 | Challenge Cup Champion
S49 | Anton Razov Nominee
--------------------------------------------------------------
Draft/Signing/Trade History:
S35 | Signed to STL
S36 | Drafted to Calgary 26th overall
S36 | Traded to Edmonton


Ambacas “Femboy Hooters” Cuddles | D | Tampa Bay Barracuda

Former USA Fed Head, Carolina Kraken Co-GM, Tampa Bay Barracuda GM

Some say if you go to Kelowna you become a shell of yourself. The only words you can utter are "accepted"

BRUH

Vlastislav Malik || LW || NOLA
Name: Vlastislav Malik
Birthplace: Brno, Czech Republic
Transferred to: Ireland
Height: 6'5"
Weight: 227 lbs
Number: 9

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHL - NOLA:
We're just getting started!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL - KEL:

Four Star Cups: S59

Reg Szn Stats:

S56 | 50GP | 4G | 8A | 12P | -17 | 0PPP | 6.7% | 90H | 54GR

S57 | 66GP | 14G | 19A | 33P | +8 | 7PPP | 11.1% | 87H | 61GR

S58 | 66GP | 24G | 27A | 51P | +25 | 9PPP | 15.1% | 109H | 64GR

S59 | 66GP | 20G | 34A | 54P | +32 | 17PPP | 11.2% | 119H | 65GR

Playoffs Stats:

S56 | 11GP | 1G | 1A | 2P | -10 | 0PPP | 7.1% | 12H | 57GR
S57 | 7GP | 0G | 2A | 2P | -1 | 0PPP | 0.0% | 9H | 61GR
S58 | 12GP | 3G | 3A | 6P | -2 | 0PPP | 11.5% | 18H | 62GR
S59 | 17GP | 8G | 10A | 18P | +15 | 2PPP | 14.3% | 32H | 67GR